Our Family is Stronger (We're Here to Help 3)
by Shadow of Ketterdam
Summary: Latest installment of the 'We're Here to Help' Series. John Bender and Claire Standish have been through a lot, from abuse, to foster care, near death experiences... but now, comes the scariest part of all; marriage. Join the newlyweds as they learn to navigate this new chapter in life. From the last first-kiss, to the birth of children and everything in between.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

John smiled as he took his new wife's hand in his, watching her as the Italian breeze caused her fiery red hair to dance. He tried to count her freckles, but as soon as he got close to her eyes, he lost count. He let his eyes trace the curve of her ember-colored lashes in the sun, the gentle slope of her nose, the full rose shape of her lips.

"You're staring." She turned to look at her husband, taking his rough, calloused hands in her own and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "What has you so distracted today?" She asked, letting her eyes trace over the scars on his cheek and eyebrow.

He smirked, tucking her hair behind her ear and rolling his tongue piercing across his teeth. "I just can't believe you're really mine."

* * *

"What would you like to drink, Sir?" The waitress asked, her Italian accent thick as the violins played in the background. "We have a lovely assortment of wines from local vineyards, several imported beers, and we even carry-"

"I'll just take a virgin Bloody-Mary." He smiled politely, nodding to his wife. "And the Mrs. Will take a glass of your finest white wine." He met Claire's eyes, placing a hand on her arm when he saw the fear. "I'll be fine, Babe."

She nodded, twisting her wedding ring as the waitress poured a glass for her and placed John's cocktail before him. "You're sure you won't relapse?" She asked, her hand shaking as she lifted the glass.

"I promise." He lifted his cocktail. "To our future together."

She took a sip of her wine, surprised at how much better this was than her mother's American stuff. "Wow…" She whispered.

John nodded, slowly moving his glass away from him and taking a drink of water. "Good, huh?"

She set her glass down, biting her lip as she looked at his tan skin in the low light of the restaurant. "I can tell that you're half Greek here."

He chuckled, kissing her hand as the waitress came back around for their orders. "We'll take a fettuccini alfredo please."

She nodded, scribbling down their order before she left to give it to the cook. "Of course, Sir."

John turned back to his wife, lifting his napkin off of his lap and folding it nicely on the table. "I'll be back in a second, Sweets. I've just gotta take a-" He stopped himself before he said it. "I need to go to the men's room."

She took a sip of her wine, enjoying the sight of him in a suit. "Okay."

* * *

Claire applied some chap stick, biting the inside of her cheek when she noticed that a guy was making eyes at her from across the pavilion. She swallowed as she turned her gaze to where John had disappeared to the bathroom, praying that he would show soon.

"Ciao amore…" The man greeted, slipping into John's seat. "What is a delicate flame like yourself doing all alone?"

She ducked her head, avoiding his predatory gaze. "I'm not alone. My husband just had to use the restroom." She gasped as he moved toward her, slipping a hand into her bag and gripping the small pressure stick that John had bought her.

He pulled her to her feet, making her lose her grip on the weapon and sweeping her into a dance. "I believe I saw him with another woman in the hall." He smiled, moving a half-step closer to her and grinding himself against her.

She tried to push him away, turning her face to the side as he tried to kiss her. "Get off of me." She hissed, not wanting to cause a scene.

"Hey!" John's voice boomed over the pavilion, and he shoved the man off of her. "Leave my wife alone." He ordered, his voice low and dangerous as he spoke.

The man turned and ran, leaving John and Claire alone to finish their meal.

John held Claire's shoulders as she shook against him, looking into her eyes to see the same fear he'd felt after he'd been assaulted. "What did he do to you?" He asked, wrapping her in his blazer. "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, forcing her tears back as she looked at him. "At the wedding… when I was in the dressing room… Timothy try-tried to make me give him oral… and he just-"

John shushed her, waving the waitress over. "Cancel our order please." He gave her a few Euros, pulling his wife close. "This should cover our bill, and anything left you can keep." He took in the confusion on her face. "In America we call it a tip. But if you don't want it then, please, give it to a charity."

She nodded, watching as the young couple left the restaurant. "Thank you…" She whispered, tightening her ponytail and smoothing a hand over her apron.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

John listened as Claire told him of what had happened, staying silent as she spoke. He knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better, nothing he could do to fix it, but still every cell in his body wanted to do something. He turned his head slightly as the soft echo of footsteps reached his ears. "God, Claire, I wish I'd been there to help."

She reached for his hand, noticing for the first time that he'd stopped touching her. "I heard that Jessica was trying the same thing on you."

He gave her fingers a firm squeezing, letting her know that he hadn't been avoiding her. "Nothing she hasn't tried before." He steered her toward the side of the street, kissing her lips and letting his tongue slip into her mouth when she invited him. He gasped as she sucked at his tongue stud, a moan of pleasure escaping him when she started to play with the steel.

She placed her hand on his chest, smirking as she looked up at his face. "You were right, I do like it."

He chuckled, leaning toward her ear. "Someone's following us. Run for the police station but act like you're just going to the restroom."

She nodded, swallowing her fear as she started to walk away. "Be safe."

He nodded, tensing as a man with a thick Italian accent spoke behind him.

"Pretty little redhead you've got there." He chuckled, taking in John's limp from the bad knee and the way he seemed to favor his left hand where a golden wedding ring was placed around his finger. "But I've been known to fancy the Greek blood to." His eyes landed on John's recognizing the trait of long, thick lashes and hooded lids as Greek. "After all, most of the gods enjoyed both sexes in their beds."

John growled, meeting the man's eyes as several shadows moved into a circle around him. "Are you the one who groped my wife?" He snapped, dropping his shoulders and squaring his jaw. If this ended in a fight, his tongue ring would be a target, and he had to protect not only it, but his teeth as well. He'd lost teeth to fights before, but luckily, they'd all been toward the back and Clarissa had let him get implants to fill the gaps.

"Yeah." He smirked, rolling his sleeve up to show a black tattoo on the inside of his arm. "What you gonna do about it?"

John's eyes shifted as someone appeared from the shadows, already able to tell that he was surrounded. "Listen, Dipshit, I'm not here to fight. I'm in this damn country to enjoy my honeymoon. Not try to deal with fuckheads like you."

The man moved closer to John, catching a dull gleam of light as it bounced off of a scar around his neck. "What's a skinny little shit like you gonna do about it?" He sneered, ducking as John threw a hard left-hook over his head and into his right-hand man's jaw.

John popped his knuckles, sweeping his leg along the ground as he attempted to not wince with the strain to his bad leg.

The gang hesitated, before they attacked with fists flying and teeth bared.

The fight passed in a blur as John went into that corner of his mind where he was safe. The corner where he didn't feel pain, didn't make himself move and let his instincts take over.

The next thing he knew, Claire was holding his face as he sat on a bench with flashing police lights flashing red and blue against the walls of the ancient buildings around them. "You're okay?" He gasped, hardly feeling the split in the skin at the corner of his lip.

She nodded, a broken laugh escaping her as she placed a butterfly bandage on the break below his eye socket. She pressed a cold pack to his black eye, taking in how beaten up he was. "I'm fine." She kissed his head. "Let's get you back to the hotel." She pulled him to his feet, stopping when he jerked to a stop.

"American clown!" The leader of the gang shouted from a car, holding up his middle finger.

John laughed, wrapping his hand around Claire's hips. "You're just sore because you got your ass handed to you by a newlywed eighteen-year-old kid!" He barked, letting Claire lead him around the corner before he let himself show that the adrenaline had left his bloodstream.

* * *

Claire unlocked their hotel room, leading her husband inside and soaking a washcloth with cold water. "Here." She handed it to him, smiling as he coughed a thank you to her.

He watched her change from her sexy red dinner dress into her PJs, smirking as he watched her take her bra off in front of him. "Babe." He smiled as she turned to look at him. "From now on, everything we do, in the bedroom and out, is your choice. If I touch you without permission, kick my ass."

She chuckled, taking a small bag into the bathroom. "Okay. But I'm not gonna kick your ass. I think you got enough of that tonight." She appeared a moment later wearing a white silk nighty that was lace over her middle with barely enough silk to cover her nipples.

He made a purring sound, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth as she crawled on top of him. "I must've died and gone to heaven." He smirked, his breath changing as she took the top button of his shirt in her teeth and popped it off. "Oh, come here hot stuff." He wrapped his arms around her waist, flipping her onto the bed and slipping his hands under her nighty as she undid the button on his slacks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

John rolled off of Claire onto the mattress, his chest heaving with breath as he tried to recover. "Holy shit…" He gasped, turning his head as Claire's palm pressed to his cheek. "I fucking love you." He kissed her head, holding her close to his body as he let his body relax.

She chuckled, curling into his chest and stomach as she thought about the fact that she and John had finally done it. "I love you too." She kissed the ridge of his collarbones, ran her hands over his back where scratch marks were starting to rise on his skin. "Was this me?"

He shrugged, burying his nose into her hair and letting his own hand rest on her side. "I don't know." He yawned, closing his dark eyes as he listened to her breath and felt the beating of her heart against his chest.

Finally, finally, she was his and he was hers. He could never ask for anything else.

* * *

Claire brushed John's hair back from his face, running her finger under his blackeye and over his cheekbones. She could see the finer points in his features now, the sharp bone structure in his face showed that he had native American in his blood, the thick facial hair came from the Greek, his jawline was from the Norse Viking, his lips seemed to be Jewish; each piece was perfectly fit together to make him who he was and she couldn't see him in any other way.

He moaned as he began to wake, a tired smirk crossing his lips as he looked at her. "Morning, Sweets…" He yawned, flicking his tongue ring out before he gave her a kiss.

"You're a dork." She giggled, tracing her fingers over the tattoo on his side. She could feel the bender burns under it, but the standish tattoo was still bumpy with healing.

He nodded, smoothing his thumb under the curve of her breast as he stared into her eyes. "I'm your dork."

She placed a hand underneath his head, letting her eyes wander over the little cuts and bruises on his face and the bruise blossoming on his right pec. "Do you realize, that we actually lost our virginity to each other last night?"

He nodded, dropping his gaze only to realize that he'd forgotten the condom. "Fuck!" He tossed the covers off of them, revealing the mess that they'd left from their first time. "We might want to get some pregnancy tests at the drug store." He rushed to put his boxers and pants on, pulling an old sweater over his head before Claire grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Sugar, it'll take a week before the test would tell us anything, and besides, I'm due for my period in three days, if I miss it, I'll take a test." She kissed his cheek, able to see that he was panicking with the possibility of getting pregnant so soon. "John, don't worry about it. You are not Jacob. You are Johnathan Bender-Standish. You are the compete opposite of him."

He swallowed, nodding and pushing a small bit of hair out of his face. "Yeah, yeah, you're right…"

She smiled, combing her fingers through the shorter sections of his hair around the sides and back of his head. "I like the long hair better." She kissed his throat, biting at the skin over his Adams apple and pulling at it with her teeth. "It was more you."

He chuckled, lifting his chin higher to let her close to his most vulnerable part and show his trust for her. "I'll remember that."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

John held Claire's hand as they stepped toward the Spanish steps, smiling as he watched wonder take over while she looked around at the fountains and gelato shops. "You're so beautiful…" He breathed, stepping toward one of the fountains with the virgin Mary looking down at them. He pulled a coin from his pocket, pressing it between their palms and whispering something in Spanish under his breath before he tossed it into the fountain.

"What was that?" She asked, amused by the odd little behaviors he displayed from time to time.

He smirked, nodding to the statue. "It's an old catholic myth. Supposedly, if you say a prayer and offer a coin to the virgin Mary, she will watch over your life and help you along."

She raised a brow, surprised at how he spoke. "Are you catholic now?" She teased, knowing damn well that John didn't consider himself to be any one religion —though he was spiritual in some ways.

He shrugged, stepping toward a little espresso shop. "You know me, Sweets. You can't fit me into a box." He looked up at the menu, pulling a small translation booklet from his backpack before he ordered to make sure he said the right things. He wasn't horrible at Italian, in fact, it was a lot like Spanish, but he only knew enough to barely get by. "Due caffè, per favore." He smiled, happy that he already knew most of those words in Spanish and could simply change the pronunciation slightly to fit.

The barista nodded and replied before she started on the coffees he'd ordered. "Of course, Sir." She smiled in perfect English. "I'm actually just here for the summer. Originally from great Britton myself." She supplied at the shocked look on his face.

Claire laughed, biting her lips as her husband turned bright red with embarrassment. "You'll have to excuse him. He's not well traveled." She chuckled, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Are you two newlyweds?" She asked, taking in how grumpy the man's expression had become as he pouted.

Claire nodded, kicking John's but with the heel of her shoe to get him to stop pouting like a two-year-old. "We just got married two days ago."

The barista grinned, placing the two lattes on the counter with little hearts drawn in the froth. "Well, this one's one me then."

Claire beamed, kissing John's cheek as he picked up their drinks. "Thank you so much!"

* * *

John tipped his drink to his lips, twisting his ring around his finger as he watched Claire's eyes fill with wonder. He pulled out a notebook from his bag, quickly sketching an outline of his wife.

"What're you doing?" She asked, looking down at the sketch.

"Drawing the most beautiful thing here." He smirked, going off of memory now that she'd moved.

She watched as his pencil glided over the paper, revealing the outline of her face. "That's me, you dork." She giggled, noticing how his brows drew together while he drew and how intently he worked.

His hands were those of a working man, rough callouses covering the palms and fingertips, but they were also those of an artist, precise and soft. She could see where the tendons under his skin tightened and relaxed, the way the scars on his knuckles rippled with the strength hidden under his thin body.

He wasn't too skinny anymore, in fact, he'd filled out amazingly since the last time he'd dropped weight. She couldn't see his ribs anymore, and there were only a few small spots where his bones stuck out in his hips —but that was just malnourishment from his childhood— he was still thin, but not sickly.

He nodded, turning the picture so that she could see it. "This is what I see when I look at you." He smiled as she looked at it, able to see that her confidence had grown just from seeing herself from his eyes. "Even when we were kids."

She leaned over the table toward him, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I love you."

"I love you more."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

John dropped his sunglasses over his eyes, taking a bite of pizza and turning to see that Claire was dancing with children in the cobblestone street. He chuckled as he watched her, swaying to the music of the street band and letting the song form on his own lips.

Claire grinned at him, waving him forward and beckoning him into the dance.

He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the wall at his back. He'd never been much of a dancer, in fact, he'd never been much for being in the lime light. Despite being the lead in his band, he hated being the center of attention. To tell the truth, he'd been struggling with cravings ever since the band had first started to take off, and they'd only be getting worse. After Florida, he'd been struggling with the ache of a high, and he'd come within an inch of failing when he'd been helping the Cooks with their shop a couple weeks ago.

It'd happened when he was walking by the gang house, the smell of pot was so strong he knew that there had to be better stuff in there too. He'd taken one step off of his usual path, and found himself at the door, a hand raised to knock when a vase had broken through the window and he'd come to his senses. If he had made himself knock on that door… he might not be married now.

Claire pouted at him, wrinkling her nose as a young boy pulled her into another dance.

* * *

Claire stopped as she and her husband walked beside a concert venue that seemed to be having trouble as a crowd gathered in the park. "Babe, let's see what's happening."

John stepped after her, pulling his sunglasses from his pocket and placing them over his eyes. The sun was setting, but the lights around the set were still bright and random enough to cause discomfort and possibly trigger a seizure. They were few and far between now, but they'd figured out that if there was too much happening around him, his nerves would go into a panic and his body would seize up.

Claire listened intently to the conversations around them, able to pick up more words than John could. "Excuse me, do you need a stand in singer?" She spoke in broken Italian, hoping that John and the band would understand her.

The tour manager nodded, able to see that the couple were American and probably were better at English. "Yes, Antony has the stomach flu and can't go on." He took in the sharp line of the young man's jaw, the dark skin tone, and the tell-tale scar that ran through his right eyebrow. "You're not John Bender from Wrong Side of the Tracks in America, are you?"

John turned his head toward the man, giving a short nod. "Yes, Sir." He stated. "But it's John Bender-Standish now."

He motioned John forward, introducing him to the band members and their various partners. "May we ask a favor of you?" He asked, as if begging for an organ.

"You need a singer." John smiled, picking up the set list and reading over a few lyrics that the other members had on hand. "I'll do it, but no booze on stage. I'm in recovery from some nasty shit and it messes with me."

Claire bit her lower lip as he spoke of his addictions, it was the one thing he hadn't let into the eye of the public, but even so it was a known fact. She slipped her hand into her purse, clutching a prescription bottle of seizure medication as he and the band went over what the plan for the show was. "Please don't let him have an attack…" She whispered as he stepped onto the stage.

A young woman stepped toward her, a hand resting on her child's shoulder. "Your husband is very handsome." She smiled, nodding toward the blond drummer. "Milo is my husband."

Claire nodded, fighting back her worry for John as he began to sing. "How long have you been together?"

She chuckled, ruffling her son's hair as he began to sing along. "Almost ten years."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Claire bit her lip as she watched John sing. She could see that he was tense, probably still worrying about if he'd gotten her pregnant the night before.

She smiled as they finished the concert, greeting him backstage with a warm hug and a strong kiss. "Good job." She whispered, her brow furrowing when he started to lean on her more. "John?"

He collapsed against her, groaning as she pushed him into a chair. "Don't… feel good…"

Claire nodded, pulling a pack of fruit snacks from her purse and pressing it into his hands. "Here, your sugar's low." She placed her hands on either side of his neck, waiting for the light of energy to come back into his eyes.

He chewed a few of the gummies and swallowed, smiling as Claire watched to make sure he was alright. "Better." He whispered, pulling her closer with a kiss to her lips. "Thank you, Sweets…"

* * *

Thomas stood at the terminal as he waited for his daughter and son-in-law to appear in the crowd of people.

"Dad." Thomas jumped as John's deep voice called to him from another terminal. "We're over here." The young man smiled, slapping his father-in-law on the back.

"Good to see you back." Thomas smiled, looking around for his daughter. "Where's Claire Bear?" He asked, picking up one of the bags that the newlyweds had with them.

John nodded toward the bathrooms, rubbing a hand over his two-day growth of facial hair. "Apparently my wife can't tinkle on plane rides." He shook his head, blinking in an attempt to hide the bags under his eyes left from a too long plane ride. "Something about the pressure change."

Thomas chuckled, noticing that John was still pretty out of it. "You took those meds again, didn't you?"

He nodded taking Claire under his arm as she stepped over to them. "To tell the truth, I'm pretty doped up right now…"

Claire smiled, taking her father's hand as they left the airport. "He is _not_ a good flyer." She giggled, wedging her shoulder into her husband's ribs as he started to sway.

* * *

Dominic laughed as John, Claire, and Thomas stepped over to the car with the luggage. "Welcome back!" He gave Claire a kiss on the cheek, smiling as he noticed something different about her. "You've got a tan." He grinned, twirling her around as he looked her over. "And a new dress too!"

She laughed, showing off the soft, flowy fabric as she spun around. "John bought it for me. He said it looked like something I would enjoy." She leaned closer to his ear as John and Thomas loaded the trunk. "He has the worst taste in dresses I have ever seen."

Dominic nodded, opening the door for her and letting her into the car beside her husband. "Believe me, I've seen the shit he picks out. He does have bad taste. But not in wives."

John leaned back on the seat, closing his eyes and letting himself sleep off the rest of his tranquilizers from the flight. "Is everyone moved out yet?"

"The guys are getting the last of our things from the house in town, and moving it out to the farm today." Thomas smiled, glancing back only to see that John and Claire were already both asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Nearly a week had passed since John and Claire had gotten back to the States, and everything was moving along well.

Claire opened the kitchen cabinet and pulled out a mixing bowl. "Alli, can you get the milk please?"

Allison nodded, opening the fridge only to see that it was low on almost everything. "You're out." She turned back to her friend, taking her seat at the island counter.

Claire shook her head, sighing as she pulled a few more ingredients from the pantry. "John!" She shouted, stepping toward the entryway between the kitchen and the hallway that lead to the living room and the stairwell. "John!" She huffed as she heard the floorboards creak under her husband's weight, cocking a brow as his half-naked form appeared from the stairwell. "Can you go to town and get some milk for your sister's birthday cake?"

He yawned, and gave a tired nod before he disappeared into the laundry room and pulled on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and his leather chaps and jacket before he grabbed his helmet and motorcycle keys. "I'll be back in a little bit." He smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his wife's cheek and giving Allison a brotherly hug. "Stay out of trouble, Pickpocket." He laughed, patting her shoulder and stepping out the garage door.

* * *

John smiled as he twisted the throttle on his Harley, closing his eyes for just a split second to enjoy the feeling of the wind ripping at his leathers and the key around his neck as it tapped at his shoulder. "FUCK!" He turned the handlebars to a sharp left, leaning toward the pavement as he slammed the breaks.

The truck sped on down the county road, ignoring the wrecked motorcycle and the bleeding rider on the road behind them.

* * *

Claire answered the phone and held it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Sweets?" John's voice was slurred and slightly slower than usual, almost like he was drunk on something. "I'm gonna need you to come get me from town… I'm at the ER."

"WHAT?" Claire shouted, the worst thoughts shooting through her head as the words left his lips. "Oh my God… John, if you're joking, I swear I will kill you in your sleep."

"Just come get me. I'll tell you more when you get here." And with that, the receiver clicked as he hung up the line.

* * *

Claire stormed into the ER room where her husband was sitting on an exam table with bandages covering one arm and a black brace on his wrist. "What the hell happened?" She snapped, lifting her husband's bandaged arm to see that he was covered in bruises and had several scrapes and cuts lacing over his side. "Johnathan…"

He bit his lip, letting the doctor go back to patching up the road-rash on his back. "A truck pulled out in front of me." He winced as bits of leather and gravel were picked out of his skin, lifting his dark eyes to his wife's. "I had to lay the bike down to avoid hitting it. But it's just a scratch!"

Claire lifted his wrist up, already able to tell that it was more than a scratch. "A scratch, bruised ribs, road-rash on half of your body, and a busted wrist." She flipped her hair out of her eyes. "You can't keep doing this!" She screamed in frustration.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm pregnant!" She shouted. "We're pregnant…"

John's eyes widened and he dropped his gaze to her stomach. "We… we're gonna have a baby?" He asked, reaching forward only to yelp when a particularly large bit of rock was picked out of his back. "I'm gonna be a dad?"

She nodded, kissing his lips as she tried to calm herself down. "I'm gonna be a mom…" She pushed her tears back as she ran her fingertips over his cheeks, watching as the truth started to sink in. "We're going to be parents."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Claire watched as the nurses and doctor dropped bits of rock and leather into tin pans as they dug them out of her husband's body, holding his hands as they started to dig deeper into his back to be sure they'd gotten it all. She tried to ignore the pain from the grip he had on her fingers and the groans coming from deep in his throat. She could see the pain on his face, hear his tongue ring clicking against his teeth as he bit down. "Stop it." She ordered, raising her brow at him. "Stop biting on your tongue ring. You'll break a tooth."

He stuck his tongue out and unscrewed the top ball, before he pulled the rest of the jewelry out. "There." He handed her the barbell, a squeak of pain escaping him as another bit of gravel was pulled from his body. "Fuck!"

Claire wrapped the stud in a napkin and tucked it into her purse. "How badly is his wrist broken?" She asked the doctor, taking his good hand in hers as the nurses continued to poke and prod at him. She motioned for one of the nurses to give John a small dose of painkillers, more for herself than for him.

Dr. Stiller shook his head, placing an X-ray on the light screen where the shattered bones could be seen. "It's bad." He pointed to the bones that connected to his thumb. "His Scaphoid bone is the one I'm most worried about. It's almost completely shattered and it'll take surgery to correct." He turned back to she and John, nodding to the freshly drugged man on the exam table. "But he doesn't want to do that."

She shook her head. "He's going to have the surgery." She stated, catching her husband as he started to tip forward.

Dr. Stiller nodded, taking John's broken wrist in his hands and undoing the brace. "Now you see, this big black spot, is where the bones shattered. What I'm guessing, is that his thumb must've gotten caught under the handlebar, and when he hit pavement, it jammed into his forearm and the suddenness and force broke it."

Claire brushed her fingers through John's hair, swallowing back a wave of nausea as she looked at the black and blue of his hand. "How soon can we do it?"

"We can get him in tomorrow afternoon at about three PM."

"Perfect." Claire smiled, stepping back slightly as the nurses began to wrap John's torso in bandage. "We'll be in then." She pulled John off of the table, and tapped his cheek until he pulled sharply away from the touch. "Come on, Fruit Loop, let's get your doped-up ass home."

* * *

Justin took John's wobbly body from Claire as she stepped into the house. "I'll take him. You shouldn't be lifting more than twenty-five pounds." He smirked, looping his arm around John's thin body and hoisting him up. "Little Momma."

"How did you know?" She asked, taking her shoes off and taking a pair of John's ratty old sweatpants out of the dryer before she put them on.

"You're showing a little bit." He stated as he walked John upstairs. "Plus, Alli told me while you were gone." He tucked John into the bed, and placed a glass of water beside him. "I'm happy for you." He placed a hand over her stomach, his smile warm and gentle as he thought of his niece or nephew growing inside of his sister-in-law. "You be good in there." He chuckled, handing her an old t-shirt. "Here, it's a pretty big one so it should fit comfortably when you get bigger."

She took the shirt from him, smiling when she saw the size. "Five X?" She giggled, taking a seat beside John's sleeping body on the bed. "What am I having? Sextuplets?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine **

Claire set a small box in front of Phoebe, smiling as John limped into the kitchen. "Good morning, Roadkill." She laughed, noticing that he had a smaller gift for his sister.

He grunted a response, still mostly drugged up. "Happy birthday, Mouse." He scratched at his bandages, smirking as she opened the gifts to show the small fish tank, and the Betta fish in a small cup.

"A FISH!" She squealed, placing the fish down and rushing over to hug her brother and sister-in-law. "Thank you!"

John winced as she squeezed him. The road-rash on his side and back was already burning, but the added pressure on it caused it to feel like a wild-fire. "You're welcome."

Thomas and Clarissa placed a signed adoption paper on the counter, pointing to the last name on the document. "Happy birthday. Phoebe Tiana Bender-Standish."

She grinned hugging her new parents as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Thanks Mom and Dad!"

* * *

Claire smiled as John's stomach curved to match her back. His fingers fanned over her stomach, searching to feel his child. "Babe, I'm hardly showing. You can't feel her yet."

He hummed a reply, tucking his nose into the crook of her neck. "I know…" He breathed. "But I want to be there for them. I want her to know that I've loved her from the start."

She turned her head to see him, kissing his jaw. "I love you…" She whispered, closing her eyes as they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Claire pinned John's hair back before Dr. Stiller placed a surgical cap on his head. "Don't be dumb." She smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his head before he was given the meds to knock him out.

She watched as his breath evened out and his pulse dropped slightly. She let her fingers drag across his as he was wheeled into the OR, placing a hand over her stomach as she watched her husband disappear from her sight.

* * *

Jessica pushed the recovery room door open, smiling when she saw that John was still asleep from the drugs they'd given him. Apparently, Timothy had pulled off his part of the job perfectly. John wasn't so hurt that he couldn't perform how she wanted, but not so well that he could fight back.

She slipped her hands under the covers, pulling at the hospital gown he had on and expertly pulled the catheter out so that she could get what she wanted. She fit her lips around his length, pleased at the moan of pleasure that escaped him.

Quickly, she sucked off her pants and panties, straddling his hips and easing him into herself.

This time, she'd gotten what she wanted. And if she was lucky, she might get more.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

John's head rolled to the side, a groan escaping his throat as his manhood burned and water seeped onto his mattress. "Claire…" He called weakly, reaching to the side of the bed where his fingers fumbled against the bedrails. "Claire…" He tried again; this time more desperate for a reply. He felt along the plastic rails, dragging his hand along the covers to where a strange-smelling liquid was soaking his blankets. "Claire…" He tried a third time to get her attention, still so drugged up, that he didn't realize she wasn't with him.

He flinched as an unknown touch caressed his cheek, cracking his eyes open to see a blonde woman beside him in the bed. _What is this? _He thought, still struggling to comprehend anything but the beeping in the back of his mind. _It's not Claire… but she's naked… and in my bed…_

Jessica smiled, and kissed him climbing out of the bed when she was confident that she'd gotten what she came for. "Good night, Sweet Cheeks." She whispered, rubbing a towel over her leg where some urine had gotten onto her.

* * *

Claire stepped into her husband's hospital room, a scream tearing from her throat as she laid eyes on him. "John!" She rushed over to him, and pulled his blankets and soiled hospital gown away from his body. She stripped him naked, a broken sob escaping her when she saw that his catheter had been removed and that he'd bled when he'd last gone to the bathroom. She rolled him slightly, and pulled the seepage pads out from under his hips. She froze when she saw what else was on his body though… not just blood and piss… but sperm and other fluids soaked the bed. "No…" She gasped, resting her hand on his broken wrist to ground herself.

* * *

Clarissa paced around the surgeon's office, hugging herself tight as she thought of the possible consequences. "Dr. Stiller… how, how could this happen?" She asked. "Aren't the dosages monitored according to the patent?"

He nodded, looking closely at John's files and medical records. "It's only on rare occasions that this happens. We are going to ween him off of the morphine, but he may still have withdrawals. With his past, it can be hard to tell."

Clarissa opened her mouth to speak, jumping when her youngest burst into the room. "What's wrong, Squeaker?" She asked, kneeling down to look Phoebe in the eye.

She gasped for breath, pointing toward the halls. "John… r-rape…"

Clarissa bolted for John's room, throwing the door open to see her daughter in tears beside her husband's bed. "Is he awake?" She asked, pushing his hair back to see if he would respond at all. "Is he still drugged up?"

Claire nodded, crying out as her stomach cramped up. "Momma…" She gulped down air like a fish, placing her hands over her belly.

Clarissa shushed her, sitting her in a chair and pressing a cold cloth to her head. "Shhh… don't worry too much… I don't want you to miscarry." She looked up as Thomas stepped into the room, quickly covering John's private area to protect what was left of his dignity. "Take Claire home." She ordered, pressing her hand over her daughter's abdomen as fear gripped her chest. "Make sure she doesn't get out of bed."

Thomas nodded, and took their daughter from the room, casting one last glance over his shoulder as Clarissa began trying to piece together what had happened. "Stay safe." He whispered, afraid of the flashback that was bound to hit after this.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Dominic sighed as the scars on John's back expanded and contracted with his breath. He hadn't spoken in nearly three days, and had barely eaten enough to keep himself comfortable. "El Jefe-"

"Shut up." He hissed, curling farther in on himself as his bladder began to burn with the tear in his urethra and the need to pee worsened.

Dominic huffed and grabbed John by the tie on the back of his neck. "Come one, Piss-pants." He snarled, hauling his cousin to the bathroom and locking the door behind them. "I know you've gotta go."

"Fuck off."

"Take a piss." He ordered, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door. "Or so help me, I will put that damn catheter in you myself."

John shot him a glare, and pulled his hospital gown to the side. He bit his lip as the stream started, closing his eyes against the burn and the inevitable tint of blood. "I don't need a fucking nursemaid." He growled, letting the gown fall back into place.

Dominic scoffed, noticing the green tint in his eyes. "Stop suckling on that shame bottle. And start acting like a man." He gave John a shove into the rest of the room. "Is it your dick, or your pride that's sore?" He pushed John into the recliner, done with compassion. "Because if you're going to be a dad, you need to quit acting like a kid. You're married, with a kid on the way, you can't be shutting down like this anymore."

John moved to get up. "Fuck off." He grunted as Dominic delivered another shove to him. "Coño de mierda!" He screamed, balling his fists. "Leave me alone!"

Dominic slapped his cheek, not afraid to show John that he could be like their fathers when he wanted to be. "Stop it." He hissed. "Just because I'm not my old man, doesn't mean I won't pull that card on you." He wrapped a hand around his cousin's arm, giving him a rough shake. "I've been your protector and your guard dog since you were born. And I am _done_ dealing with your temper tantrums and moods." He straightened his back, glaring at the man before him. "And until that changes, we are not cousins." He turned on his heel, and marched out of the room. "I'll have my family off of the property by the end of the week."

John was silent for a second, before he rushed through the door to catch Dominic stepping into the elevator. "Who gives a shit! You were never a real cousin anyway!" He heaved for breath, fighting back tears as he stood in the hall in his gown that let his ass hangout for the world to see and bare feet on the tile. His legs shook with emotion, and each breath felt like cement in his lungs. "You only hung around because I knew where the drugs were."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Asher put his truck in park and let John bolt for the house. He knew that he needed to see Claire, that in John's mind, it was his fault and he needed to make it right. "God help us all…" He sighed as the door slammed shut.

* * *

John paused in the doorway to he and Claire's bedroom, gasping for breath as he saw that she was asleep with a hand over her growing bump. "Sweets…" He whispered, stepping forward slightly and brushing the fingers of his good hand through her hair.

She moaned as she turned her face to see him, a sleepy smile gracing her lips as she looked at him. "Sugar…" She yawned, reaching her hand behind his neck and pulling him down to kiss her. "You're home…"

He nodded, laying his body down beside her and pressing his abdomen to hers. "I'm so sorry." He kissed her neck, and pushed his palm onto the bump where his baby was living inside of his wife. "For everything."

She raked her fingers into his hair, pulling his head back slightly to look into his dark eyes. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to." She traced her fingers along his jaw, and gently touched his lips. "Move over. You're squishing the baby." She pushed him back, putting pressure on her stomach as it clenched up.

He placed his hands over hers, fear gripping his chest as he realized why she hadn't visited him. "Are you miscarrying?" He asked, his eyes turning to pure gold.

She shook her head, sighing as the pain stopped. "No. But I'm on bedrest until farther notice…"

"God… if we lose it… I'll have to do twenty times the therapy I'm doing now."

She held his hand to her stomach, smiling when she felt the baby move. "It's okay." She whispered, her heart filling with joy as wonder and amazement filled his eyes. "We won't lose them."

He propped himself up on his elbow, leaning his head down until his lips were only inches from her belly. "Hey there, Sweetie-pie… I'm your daddy… and I'll love you forever."

* * *

Jessica grinned as she read the positive pregnancy test. "Yes!" She cheered. She'd finally gotten what she wanted, a baby of her own from none other than John Bender.

* * *

Dominic lifted his son out of the play area they were in, before he returned to the kitchen where he'd left his beer. "I really shouldn't be teaching you this." He sighed, tipping the bottle to his lips. "I'll keep it under control though." He jumped as Flynn spit up on his shirt, a groan escaping his throat as he set his drink down and started to clean himself and his kid up. "I might need another beer." He set his son down in his crib, jumping as the door to the tiny house they'd built in the Clubhouse backyard flew open.

"Dom…" Jade picked up the brown bottle on the counter, carrying it out to the living room where her husband was watching over the quads. "Were you drinking?" She asked, coughing at the scent of cigarettes reached her nose. "And smoking?"

He waved her off, rubbing his head as the cigarettes started to give him a headache. "Back off. I'm just taking the edge off."

"Dominic! You have four children! You can't be doing this."

He smoothed his hair back and popped his neck. "I've got it under control this time. I've only had half of that thing and three smokes. A year ago, I would have downed six of those beers, and two packs by now."

Jade huffed, fighting back tears before she gathered the quads up and put them in the stroller. "I'm not sticking around if you're going to do this. If you want to drink and smoke, then you'll do it alone." She walked out the door, casting one last glance at her husband. "It's either booze and drugs, or your family. But you can't have both." And with that, she shut the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen **

Claire tossed the covers off of herself and sat up on the edge of the bed. She pushed herself to her feet, gasping as John's calloused hand gripped at her wrist.

"Where you're goin'?" He slurred, still mostly asleep with only one eye half-way open and a line of drool on the corner of his mouth.

"I have to pee." She chuckled, combing his ratted hair back from his eyes. "Go back to sleep."

His hand tightened around her wrist. "What 'bout… rest bed?" He rasped, obviously not understanding what he was saying.

"I'm fine." She soothed, smiling when he finally relaxed and fell face-first into the pillows. "Sleep well, Papa Johnny."

* * *

Dominic tied a strip of rubber around his bicep, holding it taught with his teeth as he filled a syringe and injected the drug into his bloodstream. A sigh of relief escaped his lips and collapsed back onto the soiled pillows as the drug took effect. "Finally… been too long my friend…" He closed his eyes as the buzz in his mind grew to it's peak, before everything fell silent.

* * *

Asher stepped toward Jade as she rocked her children in their cribs, able to see that she was still pissed at her husband. "Have you heard anything?" He asked, worry gripping his heart when she shook her head. "Jade, he needs-"

"He doesn't need anything." She snapped, brushing her fingers over Sage's cheek.

Asher rolled his eyes, turning on his heel and marching out the door to his home. No one had heard anything from Dominic in days, and they should have at least seen a couple signs of him long before this. He slammed his car door shut, and rushed toward the Clubhouse.

* * *

"Holy-" Asher coughed as he stepped into the house, the stench of vomit and smoke so thick he had to pull his shirt collar over his nose. "Dominic?" He called, stepping over a pile of broken glass that still had fresh blood on it. "Dominic?" He called again, following the red stains up to the bedroom where Dominic's near lifeless body was crumpled in a heap beside the bed which was covered in piss, vomit and even feces. "Fucking…" He gathered his nephew into his arms, gasping when he realized that he'd lost weight already. He pressed his fingers into the arteries in Dominic's throat, searching for a pulse. "Let's get you to the hospital…"

* * *

John burst through the door to the ICU, sprinting to his cousin's room before he stumbled to a stop. "Dom…" He gasped for breath as he laid eyes on Dominic's too still body. "No…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

John rested his head on Dominic's bed, his good hand resting on top of his cousin's as he slept. He could hear the heart monitor in the background, along with the oxygen they'd put him on, and his fight for breath.

Dominic's fingers twitched from time to time, but he never moved more than that.

Four days. _Four days_, had passed and Dominic hadn't improved. The doctors didn't think he would pull through… but John knew better. They were cousins. More than cousins. They were brothers. Raised in the same hell, and made to keep each other alive. Through thick and thin, they would fight for each other tooth and nail until they could no longer draw breath.

Andy paused at the door, and leaned against the frame. He sighed when he saw John hunched over in his chair, fast asleep beside his cousin. He knew that neither of them had been doing well lately. With Claire being pregnant, and Dominic still in critical condition, John hadn't slept in days. "John…" He poked his friend's back, pulling his shoulders back until he was sitting up straight. "Come on, visiting hours are over." He placed a jacket over John's arms.

John nodded, mumbling something that Andy couldn't understand through the haze in John's own mind.

* * *

Claire sipped on her homemade mint tea and listened as Jade tried to sooth Violet's pain while she teethed. "When John was drugged with meth, he had seizures for a while, but he survived."

Jade bounced her daughter on her hip, and gave her a cold teething ring out of the freezer. "Dominic isn't as strong as John is. He's never been a fighter like John. He isn't as stubborn." She sighed and set Violet in the playpen with Johanna who was staying for the weekend.

Claire placed her hand on her growing baby-bump. "If I know those two, John will pull Dominic out of it. They may have their disagreements, but they can never stay angry for long." She poured herself another cup of tea and dunked a shortbread cookie into it.

Jade shook her head, remembering how horrible of shape the house had been in when she'd gone inside. "I don't think anyone could pull him out… Dr. Jones doesn't think he'll live through the week."

"He will." Claire smiled, pulling her legs up onto the sofa so that she could take pressure off of her hips. "If there's one thing I know about the Bender Boys, it's that they don't go down easy."

* * *

Andy walked with John to the bedroom, smiling when he saw Claire was sleeping with a pillow tucked under her side along her stomach. "Get some sleep." He patted John's shoulder. "You're gonna need it when that baby gets here."

John nodded and shucked his jeans off before he climbed into the bed with his wife. "Good night…" He whispered, combing his fingers into her hair as he heard the bedroom door shut behind Andy. He leaned down to her belly, pressing a soft kiss to her skin. "Daddy loves you." He whispered, resting his head on her bump to hear his child's heartbeat. "More than you'll ever know.""


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Thomas placed a coffee on the table beside John, patting his shoulder as the teen wrote in his notebook. "A song?" He asked, knowing better than to read it without permission.

John shrugged, closing the cover to show that it was actually his architecture book. "No. I'm working on some ideas for a play house for the kiddos." He flipped it back open, continuing in his sketch. "I can't write right now." He groaned and rubbed his head, taking a drink of coffee which Thomas had loaded with sugar. "I can't do much of anything right now."

Thomas took a seat in the other chair, watching the lines on the monitor screen spike and drop with Dominic's heart. "Clarissa and I spent hours watching your heart on these things." He motioned to the monitor. "Just waiting for it to flatline, or for you to wake up." He met John's eyes, smiling at his son-in-law. "Bender's are tough to kill."

John nodded, his head snapping up as the room was filled with a loud solid beeping. "No…" He looked at the flat line on the screen. "No!" He grabbed Dominic's arm, giving him a hard shake, which popped a few stitches in his still healing wrist. "Wake up!" He beat his hands against his cousin's chest, screaming for him to wake up even though he couldn't hear his own words through the buzz of panic in his head. "Dominic!" He sobbed, giving him another shake. "Please! I'd rather give up my voice and guitar than lose you… just come back…"

* * *

Dominic lifted his eyes to the pearl gates before him, looking over to the man to his left. "Where am I?" He asked.

The man smiled, giving Dominic a pat on his shoulder. "Heaven."

Dominic dropped his gaze to the man's hands and feet, gasping when he saw the scars. "Jesus?"

The man nodded, waving his hand to show the image of John sobbing over Dominic's lifeless body. "Your cousin needs you." He watched the young man at his side.

Dominic shook his head, turning away when he saw John being torn away from his body by doctors and nurses. "He doesn't need me. He's the heart of the family."

Jesus chuckled, placing his hand over Dominic's heart. "Even the heart of a family needs a pacemaker sometimes." He waved his hand again, and John's screams filled Dominic's ears. "You keep each other alive. That's why my Father created you both to be so close in age."

"DOMINIC!" John wailed, fighting as the doctors clipped restraining cuffs to his arms. "WAKE UP!"

Dominic watched, his heart breaking with every sob. "I… I can't go back… can I?"

Jesus smiled. "Do you want to go back?"

Dominic nodded, eager to see his family again. "Yes." He gasped as Jesus waved his hand and pain filled his chest. His vision went black, but the next thing he knew, John's voice filled his ears. He gasped for breath, and let his eyes flutter open to see his cousin in a heap on the floor. "Jo-hn…" He rasped, coughing as his chest spasmed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

John launched himself onto Dominic's chest, not caring that his arms were still cuffed behind his back. Tears streamed down his face as he desperately clawed at his wrists to hug his cousin. "You're alive!" He sobbed, closing his eyes as Dominic's hands cradled his head and neck. "You're alive…"

Thomas chuckled, picking up the notebook and pencil that John had dropped. "I'll call the house." He smiled, watching as the doctors unlocked John's restraining cuffs and he latched onto his cousin like a baby to his mother.

Dominic winced as John's hands clutched at his back. "You big baby. Get off." His voice was little more than a whisper, but the spark of humor had already ignited in his eyes.

John shook his head, burying himself deeper into his cousin's shoulder. "No. I'm never leaving you again."

Dominic rasped a laugh, patting John's back. "Would you like me to breastfeed you?" He smirked.

"Say whatever you want… I'll happily be a baby to have you back." He took a shaky breath, and curled up on his side next to him. "Don't leave me again…" He hiccupped, letting Dominic brush a tear from his eye.

Dominic shushed him, and rubbed his hand against John's shoulder. "Don't worry. I won't leave you." He held his cousin close. "Get some sleep. You're exhausted."

* * *

Brian and Andy stepped into the room where John and Dominic were staying, fully aware that getting John to go home would be a battle. "How are we gonna get him to the car?" Brian asked, motioning to John as he clutched to Dominic's gown.

"A prayer… and maybe some rope." Andy shrugged, shaking John awake. "Come on, time to go home." He pulled John to a seated position, jumping back when his long nails sunk into his wrist. "Shit!" He pulled back and held his arm close to him body, able to see John's eyes were pitch black and his lip was curled to show one sharp canine tooth. "John, let's go home."

Brian pulled Andy back, noticing that John didn't really see who or what was in front of him. "Andy, he's not listening." He whispered, shrinking back as John's eyes followed their movement. "It's a flashback…"

"So what? He's never hurt us when he's had one before." He reached for John's arms, jumping back when an animal snarl escaped John's throat.

Dominic shifted beside his cousin, tapping his back and snapping him out of it. "Go home." He mumbled, rolling onto his side. "Take care of your wife and baby."

John shook his head, checking on Dominic's morphine drip that they were using to ween him back to sobriety. "What about you?" He asked, adjusting his cousin's pillow and blanket.

"I'll be fine. Go look after the family." He whispered, smacking John's ribs to get him to leave. "Or I'll get out of this bed and kick your ass."

John smirked, climbing out of the bed to leave with his friends. "Fine, but don't die on me again."

"Deal." Dominic chuckled, closing his eyes as Andy and Brian shut his door.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

John stepped with Claire through the grocery store, his dark eyes searching for any sign of pain or discomfort in her. "You're okay, right?" He asked, placing a gallon of milk into the shopping cart and a few yogurt containers. "Not hurting, no discomfort?"

"John. For the thousandth time, I am fine!" She pushed the cart forward, pulling his hand to rest on her belly and try to ease his nerves. "See, it's doing just fine. They're sleeping right now."

He rubbed his hand in a slow circle, swallowing as he thought of how big she'd gotten in only a few weeks. "It feels weird calling it 'it'…" He stated, smiling when he felt what he guessed was an elbow or knee against his palm.

Claire giggled when the baby moved, still getting used to the odd feeling. "Okay, what do you want to call them?" She asked, placing a jar of maraschino cherries in the cart along with a container of peanut butter.

He shrugged, smirking at the odd items in their cart. "I guess the craving today is cherries and peanut butter?" He asked, grabbing a box of soda and a bag of coffee off of the shelf. "I don't know what we should call it… maybe Sidney?" He watched as the baby moved again. "Depending on how we spell it, it can be a boy or a girl name."

"You miss him… don't you?" She knew that he'd chosen that name because Sid had been his best friend as a kid, and he still blamed himself for Sid's death.

He nodded. "Everyday."

Claire jumped as the baby moved again. "I swear, she moves every time you talk." She grabbed a belly band off of the rack, tossing it into the cart.

"John! Claire!" Jessica called from just down the aisle, stepping toward them with a hand over her own baby bump. "Imagine running into you here!"

John's lip curled, the image from the girl in the hospital flashing behind his eyes. He stumbled backwards, falling into the shelving at his back. "You…" He gasped, his eyes flashing yellow before going black. "You're the demon who took advantage of me…" He dropped his gaze to her swollen belly, realization dawning on him. "That… that baby… it's mine… isn't it?"

Jessica brushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, fluttering her lashes at him. "So, you do remember." She grinned like a cat. "Do you remember how you begged for me to make you cum? How you called out my name?"

John's chest tightened, and he had to pull his shirt away from his neck to let himself breathe. He clamped his hands over his ears, crumpling onto the tile as the flashback took hold.

Claire tried to kneel down to comfort him, but couldn't manage to get that low. "Look what you caused." She turned to Jessica, too tired with the pregnancy to shout. "You know that he's going to want custody after you go to prison. So, why? Why did you do this?"

Jessica smiled, turning away from the pair. "Because you took what was mine, so I took what was yours." She purred.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

Dominic coughed as he laid back on John and Claire's sofa, popping his knuckles to distract himself from the pounding in his skull. Jade let Flynn take a few steps toward his father, smiling when Dominic picked his son up and set him on his stomach. "What's up, Hulk?" He asked, a sort of half-smirk crossing his lips until he turned a sickly shade of green and grabbed the bucket by his side. "Take him!" He gagged, rolling onto his side as Jade swept their son off of him and emptying his gut into the bucket.

Jade held Flynn close to her chest as Dominic retched. She knew that the withdrawals were horrible, but the nausea should have passed by now… at least, she thought it should have. She set Flynn on the floor when Dominic stopped heaving, and pulled a few tissues out of the box to wipe his chin from the slobber and vomit that hadn't quite made it into the bucket. "I'm sorry for what I said…" She sighed, tipping his head back with a hand tangled in his hair.

He breathed a laugh, letting her place a cold washcloth on his head. "I honestly don't remember most of it." He smiled as Violet climbed onto his stomach. "I drank myself silly after you left, and don't remember anything after that."

She took the bucket from beside the sofa, kissing his cheek before she went outside to empty it. "Don't throw up until I get back." She smirked.

* * *

Claire looked up at their OB/GYN's office, smoothing her hand over her belly as John parked the truck. "Are we gonna see if it's a boy or a girl?" She asked, as he opened her door and helped her out of his truck.

He kissed her cheek, helping her step toward the entrance. "I'll be happy either way." He smiled, letting her sit in the waiting room while he checked in with the receptionist. "Clarity and Johnathan Bender-Standish. We're here to see Dr. Amy for our twelve-week sonogram."

The woman nodded. "How're you two doing?" She asked, smiling at Claire as she wiggled around to try and find a comfortable spot.

John chuckled, pulling Claire to her feet for a second before he placed a pillow behind her back and took a seat on the ottoman. "We're doing alright." He took Claire's feet in his hands, and rubbed her ankles.

Dr. Amy smiled when she saw the young couple in the waiting room. "Bender-Standish?"

John stood and helped Claire to her feet, walking back with her to the office. "You ready, Sweets?" He asked as she sat on the exam bed, and started to pull her t-shirt over her belly.

She nodded, holding his hand as Amy squeezed some jelly onto her stomach and prepared the ultrasound. "We don't want to know the sex." She stated, her hand tightening around John's as the image of their child came onto the screen. "What's that?" She asked, pointing to another odd shape beside their baby.

Amy met each of the parent's eyes, a huge smile on her face. "Congratulations! You're having twins!"

John swallowed, before he slammed his lips against Claire's. "I love you…" He whispered. "More than you could ever know…"


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Thomas placed a paper on the counter as he sat down for breakfast. "I heard you're wanting to resign from singing?"

John nodded, flipping a half-done pancake over before he moved over to the sausages. "Yeah. I figured that with Claire and I having twins, and my kid that Medusa is having… I should probably stay close to home."

Thomas nodded, pouring himself a mug of coffee before he started to fix himself a plate. "What're you going to do for a career?" He took a bite of the pancake, gagging when the flavor of cherries and peanut butter hit him. "Oh God!" He spit the food out onto a napkin.

John turned slightly, biting his lip when he saw what stack he'd gotten the pancake out of. "Yeah, should've warned you; those are Claire's." He groaned as the sound of someone puking in the upstairs bathroom reached his ears. "Claire's been craving cherries and peanut butter lately."

Thomas coughed and took a big swig of coffee. "I'll never understand those cravings." He shook his head jumping when Dominic appeared in the doorway and almost collapsed onto him. "Whoa there." He grabbed Dominic's weakened body and set him in a chair. "You alright there, Bud?"

Dominic held his head in his hands, groaning in pain at the pounding in his skull. "Sick…"

John nodded, placing a Tylenol on the counter with a glass of water. "Here. It'll help without setting you back." He poured Dominic a bowl of chicken broth and crackers on the counter. "Put something in your gut."

Thomas chuckled, and picked up Sage as she crawled toward him. "Can't you walk now?" He asked, taking the plate of craving-cakes from the counter and a glass of milk up to his daughter. "Is she still liking syrup?" He asked.

"Fuck no!" John turned and pointed the spatula at Thomas. "You give her syrup, and you're gonna be cleaning the whole bedroom." He cocked a brow, a small grimace on his lips. "In fact, don't give her anything sticky."

Dominic laughed, before it turned into a cough. "Sounds like Jade." He smiled, sipping on the broth as he looked at the paper on the counter. "Hey, Dad, is this a scholarship to UCLA?"

Thomas nodded, pausing at the doorway. "I managed to get one for both of you boys. A four-year course in a major of your choice." He continued up the stairs. "Just think about it."

Dominic glanced toward his cousin. "Weren't you thinking about being a lawyer?" He asked, patting Chance's head as she rested her head in his lap.

John bit his lip, and thought about what he really wanted. "I… was actually thinking about being… a cop…"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Dominic raised his brows, shock clear on his face. "You? A cop?" He shook his head, fully aware that with John's PTSD, bad leg, and past with drugs, he'd have his work cut out for him. "John, aren't you always complaining about the crooked cops, and how they just want you behind bars?"

"There are more crooked lawyers." John snapped, picking up Flynn and handing him a bit of pancake. "Besides, you know me, I can't sit still for very long. If I'm a cop, I'll be on the front line, moving around-"

"And risking death!" Dominic barked, turning green before he rushed to the sink and vomited.

John sighed, placing a rag beside his cousin before he went back to his cooking. "Dom, I'll be out there keeping creeps like Jacob from beating kids like us. I can help with drug cases, I know how people hide their stashes I know the signs of a criminal. I can do this."

Dominic coughed, spitting the last bits of vomit into the sink before he washed it down the drain and flipped the garbage disposal on. "Bad luck follows us; you'll get shot in a week."

"Dom." John met his cousin's gaze, his eyes tinted with blue. "I want this. I know I can do it." He wiped Flynn's chin with the bracelet on his wrist. "Let me do this."

* * *

Claire laid back against John's chest, taking slow controlled breaths as she pictured her cervix stretching to let their babies out of her body. She could hear John practicing with her, feel his calloused hands on hers, his pulse under her back as his blood flowed through his legs.

Their Lamaze teacher smiled at the pair already able to tell that John would be a wonderful birth coach. She could see how excited John was to be a father, but there was also fear in him. Every time that his wife practiced pushing his muscles tensed. "Johnathan, Clarity? May I speak with you after class?" She asked.

* * *

Mrs. Porter smiled at the young parents, sitting with them on the floor as John let Claire lean back on his chest. "I hear that you're having twins?" She looked between them as they nodded. "And Johnathan… you have a history with addiction, am I correct?"

John looked away, huffing a breath and counting to ten in his mind. "Yes, ma'am…"

Claire reached up and touched his cheek, kissing his lips when he bent down to meet her. "He's been sober for a long time though."

She nodded. "Even so, your babies, will most likely be born early. And it's possible… that one or both could be breach." She smiled at John as he smoothed his hands over his wife's belly. "A C-section is highly recommended, but you can try a natural birth as well."

Claire took a breath. "We're doing a natural birth… at home, if we can…"

John shook his head. "Not at home. I don't want to risk you dying because one of them is in a spot they shouldn't be."

She looked up at him, already aware that he didn't want her to do a vaginal birth either. "Okay. We'll be in a hospital. But I don't want any drugs."

Mrs. Porter smiled at the pair, standing and helping John get Claire to her feet. "I'm going to recommend a special class for couples having multiples. And I'll see you next week."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

John adjusted his backpack on his shoulder, double checking the beeper on his hip for a message from Claire to tell him that she'd gone into labor. She was only five months along, but that didn't stop him from worrying. He swallowed as he stepped into his first class, twisting his ring around his finger. He rubbed his hand over his eyes, exhausted from the Braxton Hicks Contractions that had controlled most of his sleep the night before. He'd been on puke duty for the better part of the last two months, and Claire had pretty much turned him into a body pillow to help with the pressure on her internal organs by using his arm to support her belly.

He slipped into a desk in his lecture hall, yawning just before the class started. He read over his text book on the laws and how they were to be upheld by the police officer. But every time he got halfway through a page; he would nod off until the kid beside him nudged him awake. "Huh?" He mumbled, shaking his head only to see that the class was over. "Oh God… how long was I asleep?" He asked, turning to the guy beside him.

"About forty-five minutes. And I think that beeper on your hip went off once." He pointed to the device on John's hip.

"Fuck!" John fumbled with the beeper, sighing in relief when he saw that it was only Claire asking him to pick up some hemorrhoid cream and a few cold packs for Dominic's head. "Oh, thank God…"

The guy next to John furrowed his brow, wondering what had this kid so wound up. "You okay, man?" He asked, passing him a bottle of water.

John nodded, taking a sip before he gathered his stuff together. "Yeah… my wife's pregnant with twins so when the beeper goes off, I get a little freaked out."

"Oh, well, if you fall asleep and it goes off again, ol' Bobby here'll wake you up." He grinned, holding a hand out to John. "What's your name?"

John gave a tired smirk, taking the kid's hand. "John."

* * *

Claire groaned as another practice contraction hit her, screaming in frustration when it stopped. "GET OUT!" She scratched at her stomach, the stretchmarks feeling like a million bugs on her skin. The only thing that was worse than the itching and the contractions was the hemorrhoids and the constipation mixed with having to pee every five seconds.

Clarissa stepped into her daughter's room, smiling at the irritation on her face. "Blame John." She chuckled, winking at her as she set a bowl of ice cream with pickles on her nightstand. "It's funny when they feel guilty for it."

Claire let her mother pull the covers over her belly and breasts to cover her up and still let her stay comfortable. "I am so sick of being pregnant."

Clarissa shook her head. "Oh baby, you have a long way to go before you can be not pregnant again."

Claire turned her head toward her bedroom door as the house door closed. "John?" She called, smiling when he appeared at the top of the stairs. "I need to pee again."

He sighed, pulling her out of the bed. "Alright, let's go." He pulled something from the shopping bag and helped her into the bathroom. "Holy crap… your boobs are huge!"

Clarissa flinched with his words, laughing when there was a loud smack sound from behind the bathroom door. "Shouldn't have said that…"


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

John rested on the sofa with Claire using his legs to support her belly, he had one arm behind his head, his eyes closed in a peaceful sleep as his wife glared at him.

Claire raised her hand and slammed her palm down on his groin, causing him to launch onto the ceiling. "How can you sleep?" She growled, shoving his leg away as she struggled to get up. "I'm miserable, and all you do is sit there all thin and happy… do you even care about what you did to me?" She started to cry and blew her nose on John's old jacket sleeve. "I'm a fat, gassy, mess… and, and, and you don't even care…" She sobbed, letting John wrap his arms around her and kiss her head with soft lips. She traced her fingers over his bare chest, feeling the scars on his skin, the sweat that was just barely there, even the hard nubs of his nipples.

John shushed her as she cried, smoothing his hand over her stomach. "Just a few more weeks, Sweets." He tried to choke the laugh in his throat as his wife ripped one into the sofa.

"SHUT UP!" She screamed, beating her hands into his chest. "It's not funny!"

John shook his head, walking with his upstairs to the bedroom. "To be fair, those kids are my sperm so it's my fault that you're farting like a hippo who ate a bad piece of grass." He helped her take her sweatpants off, and wrapped his arms around her legs to keep her from kicking him. "Claire, only a few more weeks and it'll be their due date. I think we can survive until then."

Claire pulled him toward her, pushing him onto the bed before she moved to a position where she was spread eagle. "Take your pants off." She ordered, clawing at his underwear until he flinched away. "I need you to have sex with me right now."

John huffed, looking down into his boxers to check what damage she'd done to his fun bits. "Isn't that how we got into the whole mess to start with?"

"It's supposed to help induce labor. Now take the boxers off, and get in there." She grabbed his wrist and guided his hand to her breast. "Hurry up."

"Claire, it's a little hard to get an erection when I've just been circumcised for the second time."

Claire sat up a little and jerked his underwear off, before she started to tease him. "Come on! You started this mess, now you end it!"

John moaned as she touched him, finally giving in and lining himself up with her. "Fine, but just know, that I'm only doing this because I love you."

"Just hurry up." She snapped, crying out when he eased into her. "Stop! Stop!" She gasped, closing her legs when he was clear of her knees. "I forgot how big you are…"

He raised a brow, slowly moving his hand over her belly and inching lower. "You're just tiny." He smiled, poking the steel ball of his tongue ring though his lips with a troublemaker smirk. "I have an idea though…"

She sighed at him, fully aware that he had all sorts of different studs for that thing. "Fine. But just this once."

He grinned and rushed to their jewelry case and pulled out a large barbell with an odd end at the top. "This should work." He stuck his tongue out and poked the bar through the hole in his tongue.

"Is that the vibrating one?" Claire asked, already able to hear a buzzing in his mouth.

"You'll find out." He smirked, lifting her legs slightly before he set to work.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

John bolted awake as Bobby nudged him. "I'm up!" He looked around wildly as a few snickers reached his ears.

"Have you slept at all this week?" Bobby asked, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and his unkept hair.

John yawned and turned back to the professor. "No. Claire's due in three days… and she's been trying everything to induce labor."

"Like what?"

John turned the page in his textbook. "Walking, driving on bumpy roads, eating spicy food… sex."

Bobby chuckled, shaking his head. "Sex? How is that supposed to help?"

John shrugged. "Don't know, but I do know that I'll be lucky if I have an ounce of testosterone in me by the time my kids get here." He jumped as the beeper went off, grabbing it from his belt to see that this was it. "Shit!" He exclaimed, gathering his stuff as fast as he could. "I'm gonna be a dad!" He cheered as he bolted from the room.

* * *

Claire practiced her breathing as a contraction seized her, clawing at the covers until John took her hands. "It hurts…" She groaned, fighting back tears as he kissed her.

He nodded, looking at his watch to see that it had been nearly twelve hours since Claire had gone into labor. "Dr. Amy should be coming to check you soon."

She screamed as her body caused her so much pain, squeezing his hands with white knuckles. "Get them out!"

John looked up as Dr. Amy stepped into the room, freeing his hands from Claire's to help her lift her legs into the stirrups. "Well?" He asked, dabbing a cool cloth over Claire's brow.

Dr. Amy sighed, pulling her glove off and helping Claire lower her legs. "Four centimeters." She stated, brushing Claire's hair back from her eyes. "It'll be a while still."

Claire nodded, looking up at her husband as he tried to make her comfortable. "You should sleep…" She whispered, able to see that he was exhausted.

He shook his head, kissing her brow before he rewet the cloth. "I'll be fine." He helped her roll onto her side, and started to massage soothing circles on the back of her pelvis.

* * *

Claire sobbed into John's chest as she dug her nails into his shoulders. "John… it hurts!"

He nodded, gently rocking her back and forth, from foot to foot, as he tried to help her through it. "You're so strong, Sweets." He smiled, sinking to his knees on the floor when she pulled him down. "I'm so proud." He kissed her nose as she screamed.

"I want Mom!" She wailed, letting John help her sit on the exercise ball and rock herself around. "I want them out!"

He bit his lip, looking up as Dr. Amy opened the door. "Her water still hasn't broken." He stated, standing Claire up and sitting her on top of his lap so that he could spread her legs to allow Dr. Amy to do her hourly check. "It's been twenty hours… can't we do a-" He was cut off by a gush of water hitting his feet, and Dr. Amy's smile.

"Ten centimeters! Time to push."

Claire cried tears of happiness, as John and Dr. Amy lead her into the delivery room. "They're almost here…" She choked, leaning her head against John's shoulder as he brushed his fingers through her sweat-soaked hair.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

"Okay! One more big push Claire!" Dr. Amy coached, gently cradling the child's head in her hands.

Claire screamed and gripped John's hand. "FUCK!" She sobbed as the body of their first child slipped from her body. "What is it?" She gasped, watching as her husband lifted their baby into his arms.

He smiled, smoothing his thumb over his son's cheek. "A boy…" He whispered, kissing his son's head despite the blood and various other fluids on him. "Welcome to the world little Sid…"

"You'll be a great father John…" Sid Silverman's voice echoed in his ears, and he could have sworn that his best friend's face was before him. "I believe in you."

Claire screamed again, and John was at her side in an instant. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" She gave a hard push, and the sound of their second child's cries of life filled their ears. "Boy?" She asked, collapsing back on the pillows as John handed Sid over to the nurses to check his health.

John shook his head, cradling their child in his arms. "Baby Girl…" He smiled, taking a cloth from the nurses and carefully cleaning off his daughter's face.

Claire reached for their daughter, gently brushing her hand through the headful of dark hair. "Maya…" She breathed, kissing her head as John pulled his shirt off and took Sid back from the nurses. "They're perfect…"

John nodded, sitting on the bed beside his wife and holding Sid tight against his chest. "Just like their mother." He smiled, combing her hair back from her brow and brushing his lips against her skin.

* * *

John watched as his wife started to breastfeed their daughter, gently bouncing their son in his arms before he felt a little mouth fit over his own nipple. "Hey!" He jumped, carefully nudging his head away. "Daddies don't make milk." He chuckled, setting him on the changing table as he felt that someone needed a new diaper.

Claire breathed a laugh, wiping Maya's chin before she set her in the co-sleeper crib. "Amy said we can go home in the morning." She sighed, looking up as the door opened to show a tall Native American man.

"Bobby!" John grinned, clasping their hands together and pulling him into a bro hug. "What's up?"

Bobby smiled, placing a few balloons on the counter and a vase of flowers. "I won't stay long, just wanted to see how the new parents are doing." He placed a small bundle in John's arms, before he turned to Claire. "I'm Ahuli, but everyone calls my Bobby."

"Claire." She sighed, wincing as she moved to sit up slightly. "John, Baby, can you get me another cold pack?"

John nodded, kissing her head before he left the room. "I'll be right back."

Bobby smiled at the children in the crib, meeting the mother's eyes. "John has Cherokee in him, doesn't he?"

She nodded, closing her eyes as she nestled back into the bed. "On his father's side. He's half Greek, and a quarter Cherokee."

He chuckled and offered her a small box. "Here, my grandmother made them."

She opened the box. "Dreamcatchers?" She asked, placing them in her ear piercings.

"To protect you in your sleep." He smiled, looking up as John entered the room again and handed the cold pack to his wife.

John chuckled and opened the little bundles that Bobby had brought. "Blankets!" He smiled, tracing his hand over the stitching. "Thanks man!"

"Shh…" Bobby motioned to John's wife, smiling as John covered his mouth. "She's pretty worn out. I'll come visit another time." He patted John's shoulder, before he left them. "When they're seven days old, it's tradition to hold a blessing ceremony over the newborns… my grandfather is a shaman, and he's offered to perform the ritual if you would like."

John nodded, wrapping Sid in one of the blankets. "We'll let you know when we've actually had a little sleep." He took a seat in the recliner with his son, and covering them both with the blanket. "Thanks man."

Bobby nodded, hanging a small dreamcatcher above the bed on some of the medical equipment before he left. "Sleep well."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

John walked with Claire through the doorway to their home, his mind still running a million miles an hour. "You can wear my boxers if you want." He smiled, remembering that Dr. Amy had needed to make a tiny cut in Claire's lady parts to let Sid's big head out. "And I'll handle everything around here until you feel better."

Claire nodded, touching the feathers on the dreamcatcher that Bobby had given them. "One of the nurses told me that filling a condom with water and freezing it might help with the swelling." She hissed in pain as she eased onto their bed, watching as John set up the co-sleeper cribs on either side of the mattress.

John laid Maya down in her crib, and fitted Sid into the sling attached to his chest. "You're not allowed to put anything in the tunnel for six weeks."

"No! As an ice pack to lay inside of my panties." She rolled her eyes, and reached for Maya as she started to fuss. She shrugged out of her top, and guided Maya's head to her breast. "And they said that if we have rubbing alcohol inside of it it'll still be flexible."

He nodded, bouncing Sid on his chest as he moved around the room and laid their baby blankets out along with all the other things that they needed. "Alright, I'll start working on those in just a second." He gave her a pair of his boxers and sweatpants, happily helping her put them on with gentle movements. "Just sleep." He kissed her brow, and rubbed his hand over Maya's head of hair. "I guess we know who was giving you heartburn." He chuckled, nodding to Sid's bald head. "Little q-ball was probably the one giving you gas."

Claire sighed and leaned back on the pillows, still exhausted from the labor. "Can you make me some hot-chocolate?" She mumbled, happy to be in her own bed again.

He smiled, and pushed her hair behind her ear. "Anything, my love."

* * *

Dominic stumbled down the hallway to the kitchen, popping his neck as he took a seat at the counter. "Where's my little cousin?" He asked, having caught sight of the blue sling that John had on his back.

John smirked and turned to show off his son. "This is Sidney Thomas." He chuckled as Dominic picked up Flynn. "Hulk, this is your little cousin."

Flynn pointed at Sid, a question shining in his green eyes. "Bab?" He asked, still trying to figure out the whole word thing.

Dominic nodded, kissing his son's head. "Yeah, Sid's a baby." He smiled, turning toward the doorway as Jade walked inside from hosing off the girls —who'd managed to get themselves into a mud pit. "Look who's home, Beautiful."

She shot her husband a glare nodding to the window that overlooked the yard. "Look what I figured out." She lifted her chin proudly, before she stepped over to John and his newborn. "Awe… aren't you too cute." She cooed.

"What… the hell did you do to those poor girls?" Dominic laughed, waving John over to see that Jade had stuck them into baby swings and hung them up on the clothes line with Chance chewing on a bone to watch over them.

Jade crossed her arms and gave them a smug smile. "I improvised."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Claire groaned as she rolled over to calm her crying daughter. "Maya… what's wrong, baby?" She kissed her nose and pushed herself to sit up and feed her. She turned her head slightly, to see that John was still half-awake to watch over the children. "John." She smacked his hip, causing him to jump. "Go to sleep."

He shook his head, getting out of bed when he noticed that she was starting to show signs of pain. "Need another ice-dick?" He asked, quickly pulling a pair of sweatpants on just in case one of the quads were running around.

"And some water, please." She yawned, grabbing a couple diapers from the shelf by the bed and laying Maya down on a blanket to change her.

* * *

John rubbed his hands over his face, coughing as he pulled a condom turned ice pack out of the freezer and poured Claire a glass of water. He blinked some crud from his eyes, his jaw popping as he yawned.

"Enjoy it while you can." A voice growled from the laundry room.

The glass of water slipped from John's hand, shattering against the hardwood flooring. "Who's there?" He snapped, hardly feeling the glass cutting into the soles of his feet. He flipped the light on, searching the rooms for any sign of who'd spoken. "Show yourself." He opened the door to the garage, looking through every nook and cranny and even under the seats of his truck. "I know you're in here."

Jade gasped when she saw the bloody foot prints on the floor, following them into the garage where an extremely sleep deprived John was stalking around with a frozen condom. "John?" She called, raising a brow when the ice pack went flying into the wall to her left. "Come one. You need sleep." She wrapped her arm around his middle, and lead him inside.

"Someone… in garage…" He mumbled, letting her sit him on the sofa and start to pick bits of glass out of his feet.

She shook her head, tightening her grip on him when he tried to pull away. "You're delusional." She rubbed some cream into the soles of his feet, before she wrapped them up in gauze. "You need to sleep."

He tipped to the side on the couch, his eyes closing as she covered him up with a blanket. "Babies… Claire… need me…"

"They'll be fine." She smiled, pressing a hand against his head. "Collage man."

John snored, already fast asleep.

She chuckled, and wrapped her robe closer around herself, taking a fresh ice pack from the freezer and a glass of water up to Claire. "Has he slept at all since you had those little monsters?" She smirked, handing Claire the water and ice condom.

She shook her head, yawning as Jade took Sid from her and sang a soft lullaby to him. "Why are you up so early?" She asked, watching as the first rays of sunlight peaked over the horizon.

Jade shrugged, laughing as Dominic cursed from the other bedroom. "I have quadruplets and a husband who needs to sleep with a cup on or else that happens."

Claire gave a tired smile, pulling at her t-shirt to let some cold air against her skin. "After you had the quads, did you have hot flashes?"

"Hot flashes, constipation, gas, swollen feet, PMS to the roof, and I still have to pee every twenty minutes." She chuckled, pressing a hand to her friend's knee. "It's just part of being a mom."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

John kissed his wife's lips and buckled Maya and Sid into their car carriers. "We'll be back after school." He smiled, tucking blankets around the twins and making sure he had their diaper bags and everything that went inside.

"You're sure you'll be okay?" She asked, smiling as Sid opened his dark eyes to look at his father. "They can be a handful…"

John nodded, brushing Maya's hair back from her sleeping face. "Just like their mom."

"Ha!" Claire laughed, poking his stomach. "More like their dad." She smirked, tucking a lock of shaggy brown hair behind his ear. "Go ace your final."

He chuckled and climbed into his truck. "Rest up. I don't want you getting sick." He shut the door and turned the key in the ignition. "I'll come and get you after school for the ceremony that Bobby wanted us to do."

* * *

Bobby grinned as John stepped into the class with two baby carriers in his hands and a diaper bag held in his teeth. "Holy shit!" He laughed, taking one of the carriers from him and smiling down at the little boy. "Do you have enough stuff there?" He asked, setting the sleeping baby down between he and John's desks.

John breathed a laugh, smoothing Maya's hair back before he tucked a hat onto her head. "Can never be too prepared." He smirked, lifting his daughter out of her carrier and rocking her against his chest. "Sid's a little warm… you don't think he could be sick, do you?" He popped a bottle into Maya's mouth, gently wiping her chin with his thumb.

Bobby pressed the back of his hand to Sid's head, before he moved his hand down to press on his tummy. "He I think he's just got a little stomachache." He picked the baby up, and rubbed his back carefully patting his chest from time to time.

"Hey, um-"

"Shit!" Bobby pulled Sid back from his shoulder, wrinkling his nose as the scent of spit up hit him.

John nodded, handing him a baby wipe. "Claire just fed them before we left the house." He laid Maya over his knee and patted her back. He covered his hand with a rag and swept it under Maya's mouth to catch the spit up.

Bobby tipped his chin towards a girl in front of the class, smirking at his buddy. "You know, this is probably a great way to pick up chicks."

John rolled his eyes, yawning as he fumbled with his textbook. "Or be mistaken for a couple of gay guys." He gave Maya a binky and kissed her head.

* * *

Claire climbed out of the truck and took Maya and tucked her into the sling on her chest. "So, what exactly is all of this?" She asked, tipping her head as she looked at the huge teepee in the back yard of the little house.

John secured Sid in his own sling, and covered his head with a hand. "Fuck —fudge! I meant fudge…" He corrected, sighing as Claire smirked at him. "Fudge if I know."

She nodded, happy that he was at least making an effort to stop cussing. "Nice try." She chuckled, kissing his spot right under the point of his jaw.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Bobby smiled as he greeted the young parents, raising his arms in a sign of affection as the fire light bounced off of his coppery skin. "Welcome!" He touched the twin's heads, chuckling when Sid yawned and Maya wrinkled her nose. He looked over to Claire, and gave her a brotherly smile. "How's mom doing?" He asked, noticing that she was still acting as though she were tender between the legs.

"Sore." She smiled, touching Maya's nose with her fingertip as she opened her eyes. "But happy."

"Glad to hear it." Bobby turned and lead them into the teepee. "May I?" He asked, holding his arms out to take Sid from his father.

John nodded and pulled his son out of the sling and gently laid him in Bobby's arms. He watched as his friend rocked the child against his body and placed him on an otter skin before doing the same with Maya. He took a seat only a few steps from his children, still hesitant about the whole thing.

Bobby's grandfather appeared in the doorway a few second's later, with a rattle and a young man with a drum. "You must be John and Claire." He smiled. His face was wrinkled with age, his hair streaked through with gray, and eyes as soft as a rabbit's fur. "My name is Gawonii —He is Speaking." He touched the young father's shoulder, placing a bowl of blue paint in his hand. "If you would allow me to, I would like to paint your face in the traditional way of a Cherokee father."

John nodded, swallowing as he pulled his shirt off so that it wouldn't get stained. He knew that they would see the scars, but was shocked when the didn't make any comment on them. He let Gawonii trace over his features, able to feel the watery texture and smell the scent of… Lavender? Is that what this was made of?

Gawonii took a step back, and drew a few small lines of red paint on Claire's cheeks and nose. He picked up the rattle and gently shook it over John and Claire's heads, before he moved over to the babies, and started to chant.

John couldn't understand a word of it, but something inside of him shifted, like something in his chest was trying to escape. He raised a hand to his heart, coughing as that something inside of him seemed to be clawing at his lungs.

Gawonii smiled slightly, watching as the smoke from the fire changed as the evil spirit was being pulled from John's body through his children. He raised his voice, chanting louder as John coughed more, until finally John was silent and the children began to cry as the smoke of the fire returned to a full tower and not a tiny thread.

John gasped for breath, and looked at his hands. "What did you just do?" He asked, his eyes like pennies in the firelight.

Gawonii blinked slowly, and painted a few lines over Sid and Maya's tummies before he wrapped them in the otter skins and gave them to the parents. "You have a troubling spirit following you, I simply made it easier to keep it from chasing your children."

John brushed his finger's over Maya's cheek, listening as her cries became slower. "Like a vaccination."

Bobby laughed, and John could see that he too, was covered in paint. "Of sorts." He smirked, placing a cup of steaming tea before the couple and dropping some mint leaves into it. "Welcome to the tribe, little brother."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Bobby opened a door in his home, smiling as Claire and John carried their twins inside. "They should sleep well in here." He adjusted one of the furs in the cribs from when his siblings were small, watching as John and Claire laid their children in the beds.

Claire gently kissed their heads, and wrapped her arm around John's hips. "You've lost weight again." She whispered, digging her fingers into the ridge of his hipbone.

He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "No, I'm just getting in shape again."

Bobby walked with them out of the bedroom, handing them a couple cups of tea as they all settled down in the living room. "Grandfather told me something interesting tonight." He started, pulling on a hoodie as he took a seat in his easy chair. "John, you're more than just a quarter Cherokee… you're almost half. And also, there's something in your past that causes your eyes to change so much. It's not a DNA trait…"

John's brow furrowed, and he leaned forward slightly. "What do you mean?"

Claire bit her lip, remembering how she'd over heard her father and Asher had been speaking about how Jacob had been known to try anything if it meant getting a little money out of it. "John, was there ever a time when Jacob was nice to you?"

John met her gaze, thinking back and unlocking a few of the door he'd closed long ago. "When I was three… he kept giving me grape juice… but it tasted weird… he'd ask me questions too. Like, how I felt, or what I was thinking… he took my bedroom door off, but I never thought anything of it."

Bobby thought for a moment, and set his mug down. "Sounds like a drug trial…"

John shook his head. "He wouldn't have… of course he would." He growled and let Claire place a blanket over his shoulders. "He would've sold me into slavery if it meant making a couple bucks."

Bobby looked over John's torso, taking in the scars on his chest. "He wasn't exactly a good guy, was he?"

Claire watched as John stood and left the room, listening as he closed the front door to the home and stepped into the rain. "His father was abusive… he's the one who gave him those scars." She swallowed as a muffled scream escaped her husband. "He forced John into a lot of stuff he didn't want to do."

Bobby nodded. "That explains a lot." He sighed and stepped toward the front door, peering through the window in the door to see that John was sitting on the steps to the porch and shivering against the cold of the rain. "You guys can stay the night if you'd like. John shouldn't drive like that, and knowing him, he won't let you drive."

She smiled and pulled her blanket tighter around her shoulders. "Thank you." She sighed as John started to rock to keep himself warm. "We'll need it."

* * *

John coughed as he laid down in the bed with Claire, his skin like ice against her. His chest ached as he hacked, goosebumps rising on his flesh when Claire pulled an elk hide over his shoulders. "Cold…" He stuttered, still shivering.

"Don't you dare touch me with those ice cycle hands." Claire mumbled, snuggling farther into the bed as he tried to get closer to her. "I'm still hormonal and you do not want to piss me off."

John curled his lip at her, before he rolled over and tried to fall asleep.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

John tossed and turned in his sleep, his muscles tightening as he grunted. His brows furrowed as he whimpered, a cold sweat breaking out on his skin.

Claire nudged his shoulder, quickly putting pressure on his arms to hold them down. "Hey…" She whispered, slowly releasing him when he started to relax. "Bad dream?"

He gasped for breath as he tried to gather his wits. "Yeah…" He grimaced still able to feel the whip biting into his back, the dry heat of the Mexican desert drying his throat out, the moist heat of Jacob's breath and his tongue as he'd licked the blood from his back. "Real bad…"

She moved to touch his chest, shrinking back when he got out of the bed to check on the babies. "Jacob?"

He nodded, leaning over the crib to brush his fingers over Maya and Sid's cheeks. "Mexico." He placed his hands on the side of the crib, the muscles in his back tightening around his shoulder blades to show a few small ridges along his spine and making the valley in the center of his back even deeper.

She gathered the blankets around her hips, and pulled at her earrings —a nervous habit of hers. Her eyes traced over his flesh, the puckered lines and scars on his back a constant reminder of his past. She wasn't sure about how much had happened while he'd been in Mexico, but she knew that he would tell her when he was ready. He'd been whipped when Phoebe had tried to run for help, forced to fight in a kill or be killed arena, starved, and shot… but she knew there'd been more that he wasn't telling her. "I wish Jacob hadn't done that to you." She whispered, noticing how the moonlight from the window bounced off of his skin and showed the contours of his bone structure and his muscle tone.

He smiled down at his children, gently adjusting the blankets that covered them. "They'll never know that pain. Not from me."

* * *

Dominic laughed as he watched his toddlers tumble around on the lawn, slowly drawing out a new idea for his tattoo wall in the shop. He jumped as Chance started barking, settling back when he saw that it was John's truck. "John!" He called, quieting down when he saw that his cousin was on edge. "Fuck…"

Claire let John take the twins inside, stepping toward Dominic and taking a seat on the porch beside him. "He had a nightmare last night… about Mexico."

Dominic nodded, handing her an envelope to try and change the conversation. "John's semester finals came in today."

She turned it over and ripped it open. "He passed." She smiled, the straight A's on the papers like stepping stones toward their future together. "And they're offering him accelerated classes… he can graduate in one year if he takes them…"

Dominic blinked, watching Claire as she read the letters. "And three years closer to being a cop in the field."

She swallowed, remembering what she'd seen on the news the day before while John was at school with the twins. "Risking his life to save people he doesn't even know…" She could still see the body bags on the TV, the ones she knew held police officers who had died in on the front line.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

Clarissa stepped into the house and set a cake on the counter, a huge smile on her face when John was dragged into the kitchen by his wife. "Happy birthday!" She shouted, hardly able to believe that John was already nineteen-years-old and well on his way to the police academy and after that an officer. Only four months after his enrolment into UCLA he'd flown through his classes, and was already in classes that most only took in their third year.

John chuckled, taking a seat at the counter as Claire lit the candles on the cake. "What am I supposed to wish for?" He asked, smirking when Jade pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek and took a seat beside her husband. "I've already got everything I want."

Dominic lifted Violet into his lap, grabbing her hands as she tried to reach for the cake. "Then wish for something you need."

John stuck his tongue out, and showed the tongue ring that happened to have words that read 'fuck you' on it.

"Classy…" Clarissa rolled her eyes, picking Maya off of the ground as she practiced her frog crawling. "Put your tongue back in your mouth and blow the candles out before they burn the cake."

John blew the flames out, and screeched as Claire shoved his head down and into the cake. "Sweets…" He sighed, wiping the frosting from his eyes to see that the cake had been a dud made from sponge.

Claire jumped, bolting from the kitchen as John rose from his chair and started to chase her. "NO!" She screamed, tripping over Chance who was laying beside the play mat where Sid was chewing on a teething ring. "JOHN!"

"Come on, I just want my birthday kiss." He gripped her wrists in his hands, and shoved her into the wall at her back.

Claire closed her eyes as his lips traced over her face, trying to keep the frosting out of her nose as he scrubbed his scruffy cheek over her lips. "Okay, okay! I give!"

* * *

Bobby tossed John a bulletproof vest, smirking when he saw the confusion on his face. "We're starting range training today." He pulled his own vest on, securing it snuggly to his body with the straps.

John nodded, and pulled it on, along with a pair of safety glasses. He lifted the 9mm from the table, swallowing at the weight in his hand. He could feel the bullet that had torn through his side, hear the boom that shook his skull. He focused on his breath, pulling an image of his children up in his mind and changing it to look like Jacob had gotten ahold of them, and raised his gun. He popped off a whole clip in less than a minute.

He heaved a breath as their instructor pulled the leaver that told them he was down range, stepping after him as he checked the targets.

"How long have you been shooting?" Officer Tucker asked, shocked to see a fire in the boy's eyes that had never been there before.

"About five minutes." John stated, forcing the image of his children back into the file folder of nightmares.

Officer Tucker gaped at him, taking the targets down and laying them on top of each other to show that the bullet holes lined up perfectly. "You're a crack shot then." He set up the new targets. "Johnny, you're going to be a legend."

"Just as long as I can keep my kids safe, I don't care what I become." He turned on his heel and marched back to the table, still fighting that image of his beaten children.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

John marched through the women's prison halls; his head held high with the pride that a cop should have. He didn't have his rookie badge yet, but he already knew how to shoot, how to defend himself in hand-to-hand combat, the laws of both the US as a country and the individual laws of California as a state, he could run a mile in less than three minutes, and the last part of his training was a mock takedown. He needed to show these women —these prisoners— that he was not to be messed with.

He stepped into the pregnancy and newborn ward, his lip curling to bare one sharp canine tooth as his eyes landed on Jessica. She'd lost some baby weight, but he could see that she was still breastfeeding the daughter she'd conceived from raping him while he'd been drugged. "Johnathan Bender-Standish. I'm here to pick up Jessica Jenkin's baby girl."

The guard looked John over, taking in the LAPD Training t-shirt, and the combat boots on his feet. "You must be the father?" She asked, buzzing John into the nursery.

"Non-consensual father." He stated, pausing at his daughter's crib as he looked down at the little blonde wrapped in white blankets. "Woah…" He breathed, gently gathering her into his arms and holding her to his chest. He smiled as she opened her sea-green eyes to look at him. "Hi, Samantha… I'm your daddy…" He gently kissed her hand, happy that he could finally take her home after four months in the NICU after she'd been born prematurely. "Let's get you home."

He stepped out into the main hall, holding his daughter tight to his chest when a big brute of a woman stormed up to him. "What's a rookie like you doing in here?" She asked, snapping her gum as she looked at him.

"I'm collecting my child." He growled, curling around Samantha like a alpha wolf around his pup. "Now. Back. Off."

"Why did you run out on Jessi when you found out she was pregnant?" The woman asked, reaching a hand toward Samantha's head.

"I didn't." He snapped, pulling his daughter away. "She got pregnant because I was drugged up in the hospital and she raped me." He shoved past her, casting one last withering glare at Jessica. "I hope you said your goodbyes, because you will never see this child again."

* * *

Claire looked up as John's truck rolled into the driveway, smiling as he got out of the vehicle with a little bundle in his arms. "He's got her."

John walked right past Claire on his way to the baby's bedroom, very carefully laying his child in her crib before he pulled his boots off to show that there were blood spots on his socks.

Claire paused at the door, already able to see that her husband was sore and exhausted from his training. "Do you want an ice pack?" She asked, kneeling beside him as he laid on the floor.

"I want to forget Jessica…" He croaked, his voice cracking with suppressed tears. "My daughter was born in a prison, because of something she didn't do."

Claire nodded, brushing her fingers over his short-cropped hair and rubbing her thumb over the line between his brows. "You're exhausted." She pulled him to his feet, and lead him to their bedroom where he collapsed onto the mattress. She pulled his jeans off of him, tracing her fingertips over a long, jagged scar on the inside of his thigh which led all the way down to his ankle. She could smell his sweat in his clothes, the musk of him had changed in the last few months. From the scent of metal and oil from the shop, to the smell of sweat, and a hint of mace from his training. Even though he hadn't been inside of the prison very much, she could still smell jail on him.

He caught her wrist as she turned to put his clothes in the hamper, pulling her down to meet his lips. "Stay…" He whispered, his breath like a soft feather's brush on her skin. "Please…" He barely opened his eyes, showing that they were the color of hot chocolate. His dark lashes highlighted the whites of his eyes, which only made the brown more beautiful.

She kissed just below his eye, pushing away from him when Samantha started to cry. "Maybe we should try to skin on skin bond with Sammy." She stated, disappearing for a moment before she reappeared with the little blonde in her arms. "Here." She handed John his youngest daughter, smiling when he took the little onesie off of her and laid her little body against his own.

"She's so small…" He bit his lip, tracing his fingers over his daughter's tiny back. "Too small…" He let Claire cover them with a blanket, his worry growing when Samantha coughed into his chest and started to scream and cry.

Claire took her t-shirt off and curled up beside her husband. "She'll be okay." She kissed his throat, gently touching Samantha's hands as she sobbed onto her father's chest. "She's part Bender."


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

Claire and the family cheered as they watched John walk to the stage and accept his college diploma. "GREAT JOB, BABE!" Claire shouted, biting her lip when Samantha started to cry. "It's alright… Daddy will be here soon." She brushed Samantha's hair back, looking up as Bobby was called to the stage.

John grinned as the class tossed their caps into the air, popping his fingers into his mouth and blowing an ear-splitting whistle. "1986!" He shouted, taking Sid from his wife and giving all three of the kids a kiss followed by a long passionate kiss on his wife's lips. "Just a few more weeks at the academy and I'll be an officer."

Claire nodded, rubbing Sid's back and hoisting Maya up on her hip as Samantha fussed in the carrier strapped to her chest. "You're sure you want to do this?" She asked.

He cupped her cheek in his palm, a small smile playing on his lips and understanding shining bright in his eyes. "I want to do this. And I will _always _be there for you all." He kissed her again, tucking a lock of fine brown hair behind Maya's ear. "I promise."

* * *

"GO, GO, GO!" Barked the instructor of John and Bobby's academy class. A smirk on his face as he watched John hurdle over the wall and land ass-first in the mud. "Standish!" He shouted, hoping to humiliate John by calling him by his wife's last name. "Get over here!"

John pulled himself out of the puddle, wiping his hands on his jeans before he tried to get the rain out of his eyes. "Yes, Sir?" He asked, exhausted from three runs through the course and running on only four hours of sleep thanks to the stomach flu that was currently running through his house.

Officer McNeil smiled, patting John on the shoulder. "Try bending your knees and softening your ankles when you land, and when you feel the ground on your toes start crouching —less likely to break your legs that way." He winked, handing John a towel to let him dry his face off.

John nodded, taking a drink from his water bottle. "Thank you, Sir."

"Call me Gus." He smiled, slapping John's back as he turned back to the course. "You'll get it soon enough."

Gus was hard on John for one reason, and one reason only. He believed in him, that kid would do great things someday and he was proud to be his instructor.

John slid onto his belly, and army crawled under a rope net, spitting mud out of his mouth.

Gus chuckled as he watched the kid, shaking his head when a fire ignited in John's expression and he saw that the kid was strong enough to face anything. "That damn kid, is going to break records." He smiled as his Captain strolled out to see how the class was doing.

"We'll see…" The Captain watched as John didn't stop to catch his breath, already able to see that he wasn't feeling his best and was pushing himself too far. "He doesn't know his limits. Nineteen-years-old, he thinks he bulletproof. Keep him in check." He looked at Gus out of the corner of his eye. "Pull on the reigns if you need to."

Gus nodded, jumping slightly when the sound of someone throwing up reached his ears. "Shit… Johnny…" He stepped toward the teen, touching his back as he crouched down to help. "You alright?" He asked.

John shook his head, letting his head fall back when Gus pressed a hand to his brow. "Stomach hurts."

Gus sighed, pulling John to his feet. "You're done for today. You're sicker than a dog." He took John inside, pushing him into a chair and giving him a bucket to hold under his head if he puked again. "I'll call your wife."

"No." John gagged, choking as he tried to draw a breath. "She's sick too." He heaved again, coughing when the muscles in his tongue cramped around the stud. "I'll wait for Bobby…"

Gus patted John's shoulder, draping a coat over his back before he went back to the course. "Alright then. Just stay warm."


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

Claire sighed as she listened to John puke his guts out into the toilet, sipping on some ginger tea to help settle her own stomach. "Babe…" She called, wincing as another loud retch reached her ears. "Can I come in?"

"No." John gasped, leaning his arms on the toilet seat. "Take care of the kids…" He coughed, letting his body go limp and slide onto the tile flooring.

His entire body ached, and each time he breathed his bones felt like they were shattering. He closed his eyes and pressed his head into the cold floor.

"Da…" He opened his eyes to see that Sid was laying beside him.

He smiled gently touching his son's hand as he pressed it on his cheek. "Hey squirt…" He chuckled, jumping when Claire's voice reached his ears.

"Sid, come on baby, leave dada alone." She moved to pick him up, pausing when John pulled their son closer to himself.

"Let him stay…" He smiled, gathering himself off of the floor and dragging himself to the bed. "Dad can't always be superman."

Claire sat on the bed beside them, tickling Maya's belly as Samantha slept in a pile of pillows. "No, but he is always stubborn as a mule." She smirked, looking to the TV as John flipped it on. "News?"

He nodded, settling back into the bed as he watched what was happening on the screen. "Yeah…"

* * *

Bobby raised his hands over his face as John charged, coughing when he got a fist to the stomach instead. "Where the hell did you learn to fight?" He gasped, slowly picking himself up from the mat as John unclipped the padded helmet on his ears.

"I'm a hood. Remember?" He took his hand wraps off, scratching his jaw before he stepped over to the water fountain for a drink. "Been fighting since birth."

Bobby watched as John's steps faltered, able to see that he was favoring his side. "Did you hurt yourself?" He asked, lifting his arm to look at the dark bruise.

He shrugged, wiping his chin on the back of his hand. "Just a little bruise. I honestly don't remember getting it."

* * *

Claire smiled as John accepted his badge from the mayor, watching as it was pinned to his chest and he was given a bulletproof vest and his utility belt of weapons. Her eyes trained on the gun as he buckled the belt around his hips. A gulp sounding from her throat when she saw that it rested only a few inches under the scar from when he'd been shot. "God protect him…" She whispered, taking in the smirk on his lips and the pride in his eyes.

John lifted his chin high as the rest of the class received their badges, resting a hand on his pistol before the ceremony was over. "Hey munchkins." He smiled, lifting Samantha onto his hip and pushing a stray hair behind her ear. He kissed Claire's lips, laughing when Sid clung onto his neck. "Come on, let's get some food."


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

John pulled his vest tight around his torso, and bolted for the cars. They'd been called out on a supposed drug deal, and after nearly six months of being in the force, he'd become one of the best drug busters. Not many on the team knew about his past, and he didn't want them to know.

* * *

"Get down and put your hands behind your heads!" Leo shouted, coughing as the smoke of meth got into his lungs. "You're all under arrest for dealing illegal substances." He glanced over his shoulder, and noticed that John had disappeared. "Where's Standish?" He asked, cuffing the guy under his knee as he spoke.

Bobby shrugged, knowing that John disappeared from time to time but always reappeared with more evidence and ended up helping cases. "He's probably finding little things." He loaded one of the dealers into his squad car, jumping in shock when he heard a scuffle in the alley. "Shit…"

Joey and Levi took off after the noise, nearly toppling over with laughter when they saw that John was sitting cross legged on the back of one of the men who'd tried to escape the raid.

"How the hell did you manage that?" Joey asked, pulling John off of the perp and gathering his unconscious body into his arms.

John swayed for a moment, smirking as they finished gathering evidence and loading the criminals into squad cars. "When I was a kid there were a lot of warehouses in my neighborhood, most of them have secret exits. Figured with you assholes making all that noise, someone would try to slip the noose." He winced as Bobby nudged him, stumbling to the ground with a groan.

"John?" Bobby knelt beside his friend, his eyes going wide as the blue lights of the cars revealed a dark stain growing over his pantleg. "Medic!" He shouted, cutting the pantleg away from the wound and using some of the fabric to put pressure on it. "We need a medic!" He cupped his hand around the back of John's head, holding him steady as he tried to stabilize him. "Stay with us John. You're gonna be alright."

John's vision faded in and out as he looked up at Bobby's dark silhouette in the alternating red and blue lights. His mind was fuzzy, and he knew that he'd felt this way before, but he couldn't remember what from.

* * *

"John!" Claire rushed through the hospital with Dominic and Jade right behind her. "John!" She cried, freezing when she saw that her husband was laying on a cot with a thick line of black stitches on his thigh. "Bobby, what happened?"

Bobby checked John's IV, swallowing before he spoke. "Meth house raid, John took a guy down, but he had some glass that was laced… he cut John pretty deep, and the meth on it got into his blood stream."

Claire squeaked a sob, kissing her husbands face as he slept. "You'll be okay." She whispered, wiping the sweat from his brow. "We'll get through this."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-six**

Claire gently dabbed a moist cloth over the stitches on John's thigh, biting her lip as he hissed in pain. "Sorry…" She carefully wrapped his leg again and draped their covers back over his body. "Do you need anything?"

John shook his head, reaching for his mug of peppermint tea on the nightstand. "Thanks for being such a good wife." He smiled, propping himself up a little when she bent down to kiss him.

She climbed into the bed beside him, snuggling into his side and tracing her fingers over his bare chest. "Thank you for being a wonderful husband."

"Mama!" Sid laughed as he toddled into the bedroom. "Dada!" He reached for John as he stopped at the edge of the bed, cuddling against his father's chest in contentment before his sisters tumbled into the room together.

John chuckled and scooped the girls up onto the bed, his joy becoming short lived when Samantha's toes jabbed into his wound. "Fu-dge!" He tried to catch himself and stop the curse, happy that the kids hadn't started repeating his language.

Claire combed Maya's hair back from her brown eyes, pinning it back with a barrette as John, Sid, and Samantha wrestled. "You're going to get hurt." She mumbled, smiling when John was pushed off of the bed. "I told you."

* * *

Bobby scooped Maya into his arms as she rushed for him, laughing as she pulled at the bison pendant on his necklace. "Hey there, Leotie." He smiled, tickling her tummy as he stepped into the dining room. "You've got a little flower running around out here." He took a seat at the table, handing Maya a sippy-cup as he got comfortable. "How's the leg?"

John scooped a forkful of eggs into his mouth. "Better." He smiled, letting Samantha climb into his lap and start drinking his coffee. "I had a couple days of withdrawals, but I'm doing good now." He shook his head as Samantha tipped the coffee mug too far and spilled it all over herself and John. He caught the mug as she dropped it, placing it on the table and adjusting her on his lap as she screamed and cried from the shock. "Shh... you're alright." He bounced her against his chest, wincing when her foot rubbed against the bandage on his thigh.

Claire took the coffee cup from the table and placed a plate in front of Bobby. "I told you not to give her coffee." She sighed, adjusting Sid on her hip. "She'll be shorter than Jessica."

The men laughed and continued with their meal as Claire took a seat across from them. "Please. She's a Bender baby, she'll be just as tall as the other two." John pinched Samantha's nose and had her blow into a napkin, tenderly kissing her head before he wiped her tears.

Bobby gave Maya a piece of pancake, bouncing her on his knee as he looked from the twins and Samantha to their parents. "You know, Sam's going to ask why she's so different, right?" He asked, nodding to her blonde hair and the twins dark brown. "What're you gonna tell her?"

John swallowed, tucking Samantha's hair behind her ear with soft hands. "I… guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." He met Claire's eyes. "After all, she won't be the only rape baby in the house."


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

"Wolf!" Phoebe called as she bounded into the house, her hands clasped in front of her and her overalls caked in mud and grass. "Wolf! Come see what I caught!"

John leaned on a cane as he stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips. "Oh God…" He limped into the mud room with his sister in toe. "If you get mud on my wife's floor, she will murder us both." He placed a mop bucket on the floor in front of her, laughing when she placed a little frog in the tub. "What the…" He bent forward, peering at the amphibian in the container. "Where did you find him?" He laughed, adjusting his towel so that it wouldn't fall down.

"In the pond behind the barn." She grinned, tucking Amelia's braid behind her shoulder as she came to show her find.

"I got a salamander!" She beamed, showing off her missing tooth. "His name's Mustard."

John cocked a brow at the girls, trying not to smile as he took in the pride on their faces. "And the frog's name is…"

"Pickle." Phoebe giggled, covering her eyes when she almost caught a glimpse of John as the towel moved. "Go put pants on!" She squealed, running into the main part of the house and tracking mud over John's carpet.

* * *

Claire groaned as she chased the girls around their bedroom, straightening her back when Samantha took a pullup from the boxes and pulled it over her head. "Johnathan!" She called, using her husband's full name to be sure to get his attention. "Johnathan! Come dress your children!" She sighed as Sid took his pants off for the sixth time in a row.

John hobbled into the nursery, chuckling when Claire glared at him and he saw the chaos in the room. "Alright, I'll take them." He took a seat on the rocking chair, placing the cane on the bookshelf and grabbing Maya's arm as she tried to make another pass around him. "Come on, Leotie. Let's get this dress on you so we can get to church." He wrestled his toddler into the blue dress and handed her off to Claire before he started on Samantha. "There's number two." He reached for Sid, his eyes narrowing when Sid scooted himself away.

"He's definitely yours." She smiled, taking the girls downstairs to give them breakfast. "Phoebe! Amelia! Church clothes, now!" She ordered in her best mom voice.

John pushed himself out of the chair, grunting as he put pressure on his cut up leg. "Come on Sid, put your pants on."

"No." Sid smiled, pushing himself up before he ran away from his father.

John sighed, reaching for Sid again. "Sid. Pants. Now."

"No."

"Sidney Thomas, put your pants on!"

"No!" Sid laughed, twisting away from his father to run into the closet.

"Sid! Put your fucking pants on!" John bit his lips as he realized what he'd said, his heart dropping when Sid was silent for a moment. "Sid?"

"Fuck!" Sid grinned, letting John open the closet door and pulling his pant's over his head. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He giggled as John picked him up, too amused with the new word to fight him as he dressed him.

John swallowed as he set Sid on he and Claire's bed to finish dressing himself. "Don't you dare tell your mother I taught you that." He pulled his tie out of his dresser, tying it around his neck before he turned around to see that Sid had once again, wiggled out of his pants. "God damnit, Sidney." He grabbed his son again, and stuffed him into his trousers.

Claire raised a brow as John limped his way down the stairs, picking up a comb and brushing his hair back into place. "He's tough, huh?"

John nodded, setting Sid in his highchair and tying a bib around his neck. "I'm starting to understand why Jacob hit me so much." He kissed Claire's lips and placed a few cheerios on the tray before his son. "Not that I would ever do that. I'm just saying, that I can almost understand it."

"Fuck!" Sid shouted, stuffing his fingers into his mouth.

Claire pushed John back; shock clear on her face. "What did you teach him?"

"I may have slipped up a little." John smiled, popping a couple of Eggo Waffles into the toaster as Phoebe and Amelia poured two cups of milk and took their seats at the counter. "And apparently that is his new favorite word…"


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

Claire smiled as John sang along to the hymns, watching as he held Samantha to his shoulder and let her hug his neck. He only let a few people touch his throat, and the fact that he would let her touch him there showed that he trusted her. She touched his hand and bounced Maya on her hip as Sid climbed around on the pews and finally settled on Clarissa as his tree. She thought for a moment as the song ended, suddenly realizing that John hadn't suffered a flashback in almost a year.

John settled into his seat, sighing when he caught people looking at Samantha's blonde hair and fare completion. He jumped as Sid started wiggling in his seat on his grandmother's lap, eyes going wide at the one loud word that echoed through the entire church.

"Fuck!" Sid laughed, crawling over to John who was far to obviously his father.

John gave a sheepish smile when the two older women in the front row turned to glare at him. He pulled Samantha's thumb out of her mouth, and helped Sid climb into his lap. "Don't say that." He whispered, letting Sid play with his tie as Maya seemed to find his cane interesting and Samantha discovered the buttons on his blazer.

* * *

John sighed as he waited for Claire to finish socializing in the lobby, checking his watch for the umpteenth time to see if he could still get to the precinct and get some paperwork done on a few cases. He was still banned from going out in the field, so he'd taken the liberty to start investigating a few of the cold cases on file and finish paperwork laying around the office. He rolled his shoulders and popped his neck, leaning heavily on his cane as his leg started to ache.

"Excuse me?" A young teenage girl asked, holding a piece of paper and a pen to her chest. "Are you John Bender from Wrong Side of the Tracks?"

He smiled and reached for Sid as he tried to make a break for it. "I am." He pulled his son to his side, sat him down on the bench to his left. "What's your name?" He asked, blocking Sid as he tried to weasel his way around John's hip.

"Layla." She smiled, noticing that John was starting to get irritated. "I was just wondering if I could have an autograph…"

He nodded, hissing a curse under his lips as Sid pushed on the cut on his leg. "Of course." He took the paper from her, and scribbled a JB on it, before he grabbed his son again. "Darn it Sid! Sit still!" He turned to the teen before him, smiling as she shrank away. "Sorry about that, I'm new to this whole dad thing."

She bit her lip and grabbed Maya as she tried to run. "It's okay, I've just never met a celebrity before."

John chuckled, and let Samantha start playing with his keys. "I'm not a celebrity. I'm just another person." He growled as Sid bolted for the donut table, his dark eyes rolling as he watched his son tip the entire box over onto the floor. "And a man with a troublemaking son." He watched as Claire continued to speak to a woman he recognized as the leader of the choir. "Sweets, can you grab Sid? I've got the other two monsters."

Claire nodded, and reached for Sid, jumping when her hand closed around his chocolate glazed arm. "John!"

He lifted Samantha onto his hip, and tried to wrangle Maya before Layla happily held her. "Like you said, that one is definitely my son." He smirked, watching as his wife attempted to clean their son up.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

Claire dragged Sid into the restroom to wash him up, and left John to tend to the other two. "I am so sorry Melissa. I'll be right back." She held Sid's hands away from her dress, already scolding him before they were two steps down the hallway.

Melissa turned to John, gently taking Samantha from him as he started to show discomfort as he tried to take pressure off of his leg. "Aren't you cute!" She smiled, pulling a chair up for John to sit on that wasn't covered with coats and fliers. "John, right?"

He nodded, stretching his leg out to try and let the muscles and stitches rest. "Thank you for holding her." He sighed, wincing as he rubbed the cut under his pantleg.

She nodded to Layla to get another chair and helped John prop his leg up on it. "I hear you're a cop?"

He breathed a laugh, waving his sister and Amelia over. "Yeah. I just got a little cut up on a raid about a week ago." He growled as he noticed the mud on the girls' dresses, rolling his eyes when he saw something in Amelia's bag. "What's in the bag?" He asked, jumping when she opened it and a bird flew out. "What are you? Disney princesses?"

Layla and Melissa giggled, as John got the unmistakable look of a father who was done and needed to take a nap. "Reminds me of Layla when she was that age." Melissa smiled, biting her lip when she noticed a small stain on John's thigh. "Um, I think you might be bleeding…"

John looked down at his leg, muttering a curse before he rolled his pantleg up to show the bandage around his leg. "Phoebe, can you get the fresh bandages from Mom?"

She nodded and bounded over to Clarissa, taking the bandages from her before she returned to John who was working at taking the old ones off. "Here you go." She chirped, taking the soiled wraps from him and tossing them in a trashcan.

Melissa swallowed when she saw the wound, noticing that it was deeper than she'd first thought. "How are you still walking with that?" She asked, her eyes widening as he wrapped it up and tied it off.

Amelia grinned. "He used to be abused by his dad-"

Phoebe covered her friend's mouth, already able to see that John's eyes had darkened. "Shut up. John doesn't like people to know about that." She hissed, trying to protect her brother as he had done for her.

John looked up at Melissa and Layla, sighing as he prepared to explain. "My old man wasn't the best father, so I was in foster care for a year before Claire and I got married. Long story short, I've felt a lot of pain, so my tolerance is pretty high."

Layla's eyes landed on the scars around John's neck. "I… didn't know that people like that really existed…"

John smiled and took Maya from her when he saw that she was getting tired. "They do exist, but I'm glad you don't know what it's like." He fixed Maya's barrette and blew a raspberry on her cheek. "It's not fun." He chuckled as Maya placed her hands against his cheeks and made his lips look like a duckbill.

Melissa watched as John played with his daughter, able to see that he would never hurt his children. "I heard you singing in worship today, and I was wondering if you might like to sing in the choir?"

John kissed Maya's nose, burying his face in her belly before he answered. "I would, but most Sundays I'll be on call after I get healed up."

She bounced Samantha on her hip, noticing that she was such a calm baby compared to her brother and sister. "Thank you for protecting us." She smiled, looking up as Claire returned with a fussy Sid beside her. "I'll walk you to your car." She offered, able to see that both the parents were done.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty**

John groaned as he laid down on the sofa, and flipped on the TV. "Oh man!" He sighed, smiling as Bobby walked into the house and started goofing around with the kids. "Bobby, could you grab me a coke?" He called, laughing when a can flew into the back of the sofa. "How're the guys?" He asked, popping the top of the pop can, as Bobby took a seat in the easy chair.

"They're good, but we're stuck on little cases until we get our best officer back on his feet." He smirked, nodding to John's leg which currently had an icepack covering the unwrapped stitches. "Still giving you shit?" He asked, turning back to the TV as Gilligan's Island started to play.

"Imagine going to church, with three over active toddlers, and someone shooting you in the thigh before making you chase them while their mother talks to every single person there." He slowly peeled himself out of his blazer and tie, sipping on his coke before he fluffed up the pillow behind his back.

Bobby chuckled and kicked his shoes off. "Sounds rough." He boosted Samantha up onto his lap, brushing her hair out with one of the two hundred brushes laying around the house. "Sammy's easy though."

Samantha turned to look at Bobby, poking his chin. "Booby!" She grinned pointing to John. "Daddy… Booby!" She looked between the men, pride shining bright in her green eyes.

Bobby snorted a laugh, braiding a section of hair back from her face. "I guess someone's still learning how to say Bobby?"

John nodded, resting an arm over his eyes as Amelia and Phoebe started screaming in the kitchen. "Why does Claire have to be at the store right now?" He growled, pushing himself up before he limped into the kitchen. "WHAT THE FUCK?" he screamed, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head when he saw the flour, and sugar powdering his kitchen. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Making a cake…" Amelia mumbled, noticing that John was about five inches from the edge of his temper.

"Wolf, we'll clean it up." Phoebe smiled, placing a hand on her brother's arm to try and calm him down. "We promise."

Bobby smiled, and gave John a sidelong glance. "Go lay down, I'll watch the kids for a while."

John blew a breath through his lips, and held his hands up in defeat. "I'm done! I'm done adulting for today!" He limped back to the living room, grabbing a coloring book from the pile on the table. "If anyone needs me, I will be in a pillow fort with my color book and a glass of chocolate milk!"

Bobby grinned, grabbing Sid and Maya as they tried to eat the sugar off of the floor. "Well, John's lost it. So, now it's uncle Bobby's turn." He stepped over to the big girls, looking at the recipe they were trying to make. "Oh… chocolate cake." He smirked, liking his lips as he read over the ingredients. "My favorite."


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty-One**

Dominic knocked on John and Claire's bedroom door, chuckling when he heard them whispering and the sound of blankets being thrown off of the bed.

John opened the door, and leaned on the doorframe, a goofy smile on his face —which only highlighted his mussed hair and the reddening spot on his neck. "What?" He asked, attempting to hide the bulge in his pajama pants behind the door.

"Just letting you know that Jade and I are stealing the kids for a while." He winked, smirking when John's face flushed bright red. "Don't forget the condom this time, bud."

John rolled his eyes and shut the door, leaving Dominic in the hallway nearly dying of laughter. "Alright, let's try that again."

* * *

Clarissa smiled as Maya and Sid chased each other around the house, shaking her head at how Samantha hesitated. She could tell that Samantha knew she was different, even if she didn't understand why. "Sammy, come here baby." She lifted Samantha onto her lap, gently rocking her as she nestled into her chest. "Are you tired?" She asked, tucking a lock of wild hair behind her ear.

"Daddy…" Samantha mumbled, touching the locket around Clarissa's neck.

Clarissa nodded, and held her grandchild closer. "Mommy and Daddy need a little time together." She whispered, taking Samantha outside onto their porch to watch the sunset. "You're gonna stay the night with grammy and grampy" She pointed to the first star in the sky, smiling as Samantha became transfixed with it. "Let's make that star, your star. And no matter where you go, that star will be with you."

Samantha watched the star for a long moment, something inside of her fluttering as it came awake for the first time. "Star…"

* * *

John gasped for breath as he pushed off of Claire, his body slick with sweat and his legs weak with the end of his orgasm. "Holy… shit…" He smiled, letting Claire cuddle into his body and tipping his chin down to kiss her. "You are the best wife…"

She kissed him again, and nestled into his chest. "You're the best husband." She sighed, closing her eyes as she listened to his breath and heart. His lungs were still raspy from years of smoking, and his heart beat at odd intervals from time to time, but he was her John. Every inch of him was hers. Every hair, every twitchy muscle, every scar, belonged to her. Just as she belonged to him.

He sighed in contentment as Claire's fingers traced over his pecs, groaning in pleasure as she touched his nipple. He rubbed his hand over her arm, smiling at how smooth her skin was against his own. He could feel little bumps on her back where light freckles lived, feel the dip of her spine, and the stretch marks left from the twins on her belly. Her body wasn't the same as before the pregnancy, but to him, she was still the most gorgeous woman on the earth. He closed his eyes as her breath fanned over his body, tucking his nose into her hair as sleep claimed them.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty-Two**

John and Claire laughed as they celebrated their fifth anniversary, and John placed a gentle hand on Claire's swelling belly. Five years after the twins and Samantha had been conceived and born, they were expecting their fourth child. John tenderly kissed Claire's belly, allowing Maya to climb into his lap and eat the rest of his cake. "Boy, or girl?" He asked, praying that it would be another boy to counter the two girls they already had.

Claire picked at her cake, combing her fingers through Samantha's hair as Sid took off with Flynn toward the barn at the edge of the property. "I think it'll be a boy." She smiled, looking up as her parent's spoke to several of the guys on John's squad. She tilted her hear slightly when she saw the silver in their hair, noticing the crows-feet around their eyes and the fine lines around their faces.

John braided her hair back, gently tipping her face toward himself. "Mom and Dad have to get older too." He smiled, gently kissing her head. "We don't realize it, but it happens to them too."

She nodded, turning to Bobby and the gang as they started to play a game of Football. "Why don't you go play. You're great at that." She nodded to the guys, laughing as Levi grunted when his shoulder hit the ground. "Go kick Joey's butt."

John smirked, and kissed her on the lips before he rushed to join the game. "Bobby, Levi! My team!"

Samantha tugged on Claire's dress, poking her belly to feel her unborn sibling stir in the womb. "How long until the baby is here?" She asked, biting down on her lip when she heard her father shout in both joy and pain. "Daddy!" She cried, rushing to her father's side to see if he was hurt.

John coughed a laugh, and hugged Samantha close to his chest as she laid on him like she could protect him. "Hey, Salamander Sam, I'm alright." He chuckled, pushing himself to sit up as he let her look him over for injuries. He hissed as she found a scrape on his shoulder, hardly realizing that he'd had that until she started picking dirt out of it.

"You're bleeding." She whispered. "It needs a kiss." She bent forward and touched her lips to the raw flesh on his shoulder. "All better." She smiled, skipping back to join her sister as she bounced around the firepit with their cousins.

Bobby chuckled and pulled John to his feet, nodding to his blonde daughter as she danced with her sister. "She's an angel." He smiled, ruffling John's hair up and flicking the earring in his left earlobe. "How the hell did she come out of you?"

John shook his head, the image of a blonde demon laying beside him after he'd had surgery on his busted wrist surfacing for just a moment before he returned to the moment. "God only knows." He motioned to Sid and Maya, smirking when they started to roughhouse in the grass. "Those two, on the other hand, were definitely conceived when I wasn't doped up." He smiled at Claire as she fixed another piece of cake and put a big glob of butterscotch pudding on top of it. "And I get the feeling that one will be just as much of a monster."

Joey laughed and patted John on the back. "Well, like father like son." He grinned.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty-Three**

John dropped his sunglasses over his eyes as he sipped on his coffee and watched as people milled around the street that he and Bobby were parked on. "Sammy did the cutest thing last night." He smiled, rolling his sleeve up to show the drawing that she'd done on him. "She said it's a mermaid." He traced his fingers over the marks. "I'm thinking about having all of them doing one and getting them tattooed."

Bobby chuckled, and pointed to the tattoos on John's forearms. "Those aren't enough?" He smirked, reading over the names of John's children and their birthdates. "You're gonna have another name and date on there."

John nodded, tapping his torso before he spoke. "I've still got my body and my legs to cover." He watched as a young man stepped out of a shop, noticing that he seemed like he was guilty. John had seen that look before, many times it had been on his own face and in his own body language. "Let's keep an eye on him. He looks like he's hiding something."

Bobby put the car in drive and slowly tracked the kid down the street, stopping when John opened his door. "Where are you going?" He snapped, noticing that John had once again, gotten a stern-parent look in his eyes. "Standish, so help me if you get cut up again."

"That was one time." He stated, closing the door and resting his hand on his nightstick. "I'm just gonna talk to him."

John stepped toward the guy, cursing when he took off down the alley to their right. "HEY!" His bad leg ignited in pain with every step he took, but after years of abuse he'd learned to block it out. He skidded around the corner, sliding to a stop when he realized that he was surrounded by a gang of twelve men. "Fuck…"

* * *

"JOHN! JOHN COME IN!" Bobby shouted into his radio, listening as static was all that returned. "BENDER!" He tried again, huffing as he tried to find him on his GPS that was attached to the radios they wore. "It says he's right here…"

Joey nodded and started digging around in the various piles of trash in the alley, pulling out a busted radio from one of the bags. "Found it." He called, bringing the radio back to the squad along with John's taser, gun, nightstick, and his ticket pad. "He was jumped." He swallowed, jumping when Lola the K-9 howled at John's scent. "Come on!"


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty-Four**

John pulled against his cuffs holding his arms behind his back, trying to find anything he could use to get free. He growled as someone stepped around the corner from him, baring his teeth as the one known as Cal came into view. "Let me go." He ordered, kicking out at the guy as he tried to touch him. "Unlock the damn bracelets."

The man chuckled, and traced his fingers over the buttons on John's uniform, and carefully undid them to show his bulletproof vest he always wore underneath. "Zane seems to remember you from somewhere, he remembered when he heard that voice on the radio. John Bender."

John snapped at him, shuddering when he started unstrapping the Kevlar vest and revealed the skin of his torso. "Get away from me." He ground out, biting down on his lip when Cal began to run his hands down John's front and touch him over his jeans. "I could arrest you for this."

Cal barked a laugh. "Not with those cuffs holding your hands behind you." He circled John for a moment, finally deciding what he would do when his leader got back. "Zane should be back soon, maybe you could give him a show and sing." He patted John's cheek, leaving him knelt on the concrete with his shirt and vest open and his body exposed to the chilling damp air of the sewers.

* * *

Zane stepped toward John, a huge grin on his face until he saw that Cal was standing over a blindfolded John with a knife in his hand. "What are you doing?" He asked, pausing only a few feet away.

"You've gone soft. I'm fixing the problem." Cal plunged the blade into John's right side. "One last distraction."

John screamed in pain and fell to the left, his world spinning with the wound. He was vaguely aware of something happening above him, and the release of pressure around his wrists as the cuffs fell away. "My… family…" He gasped, groaning as strong hands were pressed to his side over the wound.

Zane shushed him, swallowing when the bleeding didn't slow. "Cal! Call 911!" He ordered, wincing when his friend kicked his thigh.

"Let him die! One less cop to worry about." Cal scowled.

John coughed and reached for the gun at Zane's hip, quickly pulling it from the holster and getting off a grazing shot to Cal's arm which made him drop to the ground.

Zane flinched as the gun went off, letting off the pressure from the puncture in John's torso. "This was supposed to be an easy job! I didn't expect to meet you, you're my favorite singer! And Cal fucked you up and I'm going to jail! And please don't die!"

John closed a bloodied hand around Zane's wrist, confusion clear on his face when he saw the red that was covering them both. "Call… call… dispatch, tell them officer Bender-Standish… is down wounded… get me above ground… they'll find us there…" His breath came in short puffs of air, and his heart felt like it would beat out of his chest. "Don't panic. You're my only hope."

Zane swallowed and pulled John out of his uniform before he ripped it into long strips and secured it tightly around John's body, stuffing smaller bits of fabric into the wound itself to try and stop the blood. "Okay. I'll try to make this easy on you." He lifted John into his arms, surprised when he didn't cry out and only groaned with the pain. "I'm sorry John…"

John gripped his arm, his body already going weak with the loss of blood. "Don't let my body give up." He rasped, squinting his eyes as he tried to focus on one spot behind Zane's ear. "Keep me alive."


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty-Five**

Zane laid John on his coat, praying that he would still be conscious when he finished calling 911. "Hey, focus on breathing. Try to slow it down." He dialed the phone in, watching John as he groaned and tried to keep himself steady. He could see that even though John's skin had gone ghostly pale, he was fighting like hell to stay alive. He bit his lip after the dispatcher had people on the way, stepping toward John and pressing his hands so hard against John's side that the cop actually screamed in pain. "I'm just trying to stop the bleeding…" He whispered trying to stay calm. He reached for John's head as it rolled toward his shoulder. "Hey, stay with me!"

John's eyes glazed over and his mind fuzzed in and out. "I'll never… meet… my unborn… child…" He gasped, a harsh cough rattling his body and forcing even more blood out of the wound. "We… were going… to find out… the sex tomorrow…" He tangled a blood-stained hand in Zane's t-shirt. "I'll never know…"

Zane shook John's body, his fear rising when John turned a sickly green and started to gag. "Shit…" He rolled John onto his left side, slapping his back to help clear the vomit as it spilled from his body. "John! John, stop puking! You're making the bleeding worse!" He looked up as sirens wailed at the end of the street, gently gathering John in his arms and bolted for the ambulance. "OVER HERE!"

* * *

Claire sprinted through the hospital, stopping only long enough to push Samantha and the twins into Bobby's arms. "John!" She cried as she paused at the doorway to her husband's room. "John…" She looked at the blood bags on the IV stand, took in his pale skin, and tiptoed closer to him. She gently touched his jaw, lifting his hand to her belly in hopes that if their child moved it would help him pull through. She looked down at him and touched the bandage on his side, fighting back a cry when she saw the size. "Please wake up soon…"

* * *

Maya and Sid crawled into the hospital bed with their father, curling up beside him as they listened to the oxygen pumps help him breath. Samantha sat at the edge of the bed and played with her father's blankets praying that he would wake up soon.

John coughed as he started to come too, his whole body aching with fatigue and the wound in his side. "Cl-aire…" He rasped, reaching for his wife as she sat up in her chair.

Samantha smiled as her father's voice reached her ears, watching as her mother and father took comfort in each other's touch. "Daddy!"

Maya and Sid moved over slightly to allow Samantha closer to their father, placing gentle hands on his chest as each harsh and raspy breath escaped his lungs.

Sid let his father's fingers trace over the nape of his neck, something he rarely let happen even though he never understood why. "Dad…" He whispered, taking in how pale his father's skin was and how his eyes were out of focus and glazed over with the medicine they were giving him to stop the pain. "Please don't die…"

John turned his head slightly, blinking as he became dizzy with the movement. "Never." He smile looked more comical than reassuring with the oxygen hose that was living under his nose, but he still brought some comfort to his children with it. "Dad's don't die…"


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty-Six**

Bobby steadied John as he stumbled a few steps to the bathroom, gently placing his hands against John's torso as he helped him sit. "How're you feeling?" He asked, turning slightly as John adjusted himself and his bath robe moved a little too far.

"Hurts like hell." John grumbled, reaching to turn his shower on and trying to keep his manhood hidden at the same time. "Damnit…" He growled, pointing to the faucet. "Bobby, would you mind getting that for me?"

Bobby nodded and turned the shower on, watching as John tried to wiggle his way out of his robe without pulling at the stitches in his side and causing more pain. "Here, let me help." He pulled John's arms out of the robe, fixing his gaze on the scars lacing John's back as to avoid causing any shame to his friend. "Do you want to stand? Or should I get a chair?"

"Chair." John reached toward the water, letting it run over his palm to test the temperature. "Claire keeps one in the closet." He stated, listening as Bobby opened the door and pulled the chair out. He lifted one arm and checked his stitches, running a gentle finger over the black blood and thread. "God, that's gruesome…"

Bobby set the plastic lawn chair in the tub, and knelt down to see the wound better. "It's a lot better than when we rolled up and got you." He shuddered at the memory of John's limp body in Zane's arms, the blood that had stained their clothes and bodies, and John's pitiful whimpers for his family. "I thought for sure you were a goner." He looped an arm around John's chest and helped him into the shower, placing the soaps and shampoos close enough for him to reach before he closed the curtain and took a seat on the counter. "The guys are pretty worried about you… Captain Beckett was asking if you might like to be put on office duty for a while —at least until the baby gets here."

John cursed as he dropped the shampoo bottle, lifting his arms to his hair as he worked the soap into the oily locks. "By the time I get back into the office they'll be here already." He scrubbed his hand over the stitches, groaning with the pain. "It'll only be another five months."

Bobby looked up as Dominic stepped into the bathroom, able to see that he was still steaming with anger. "Jesus, you'd think we were a bunch of women!"

"Bobby! Shut up! I'm trying to wash my junk!" John snapped.

Dominic rolled his eyes, and leaned against the wall. "So, is anyone gonna tell me who the asswipe that stabbed my little cousin is?" He looked behind the gap in the curtain as John started to wash his back. "Or am I gonna have to hunt the fucker down myself?"

"Leave it alone Dom." John ordered, scrubbing his washcloth over his shoulders. "Let the guys at the precinct figure it out. If you get your ass busted, it'll go on my record too, since we're family and you live in my house."

"You're just gonna sit here and do nothing then?"

"We're working on it, Dom. But John can't be involved right now since he's still recovering." Bobby hopped down from the counter as John pulled the curtain back and handed him a towel. "Besides, it'll take a while since John's mind wasn't all there when it happened." He helped John out of the shower and into some comfortable clothes. "Zane's the only guy we have to go off of at the moment and he's in a cell for the next six months." He pulled the covers up on John's chest and smiled as his friend fell asleep. "We'll get it in time. But you can't be going crazy. With your dads' in jail and your mothers' in there with them, John's record is already shaky. He has to work twice as hard to get as much respect. Don't make it harder." He pulled Dominic from the bedroom, closing the door to let John recoup from the energy it took just to shower and clean himself.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty-Seven**

John and Claire slowly made their way into the doctor's office, and watched as he put a few images of John's internal organs and paperwork on the desk.

"Now, John, I understand that you have a history with hard drugs and alcohol, correct?" He took in the circles under John's eyes, and his overall exhausted behavior.

"Yes." John stated, wincing when Claire touched his side a little to sharply. "I haven't used in six years, other than hospital stays and doctor prescribed meds." He coughed slightly, tenderly adjusting himself in the chair.

Doctor Jeffreys nodded and showed John the scans they'd taken. "Well, John, I hate to tell you this… but we've found that your liver has been failing for a few years. Your blood work came back this week and it's pretty bad. In fact, you'll need a transplant within the next year."

John leaned forward slightly, not really surprised by the fact that his liver wasn't right. "What about the one from my absorbed twin?" He asked, praying that they could use it. "Even if it's only for a little while."

Dr. Jeffreys shook his head. "Your absorbed twin's liver has been cycling the same blood as your liver, and I'm afraid that they're both shot. The only reason you did survive this long without side-effects, is because of your anatomy. Having that extra liver saved your life but neither of them can hold out much longer."

"What about blood transfusions? We can't just cycle new blood through him?" Claire asked, able to see that her husband was starting to zone out into his own world.

"That could work, but with John's profession, he would be confined to a desk job."

John lifted his head then, a fire behind his eyes. "What do we need to do?" He asked, his fight returning like a tidal wave. He'd fought since birth, and he could fight some more.

* * *

Maya squealed in delight as her parent's pulled into the garage, bolting for her father only to stop when she saw how tired he was. "You still don't feel good, do you?"

He shook his head, leaning heavily on his cane as he stepped into the house. "It'll be a long time before I start to feel good again, Sweet Cakes." He rested a hand on her head, smiling as she tried to help him inside.

* * *

Clarissa and the rest of the adults in the family gathered on John and Claire's patio, listening in silent horror as they told them about John's condition. "There is hope for a transplant though?" She asked, noticing how John seemed to have shut himself off from them.

Claire swallowed and placed her hand on her husband's arm, chewing on her lip as he lifted his head to speak.

"The best chances for a match, would be biological family. But since my old man is in prison and Beverly fucked us both over when she was pregnant with me." He heaved a breath more tired than anything. "Until a match comes up, I'll be doing dialysis if we don't find one in a year."

Thomas sighed and set a glass of water beside his son-in-law. "We'll all get tested."

"Thank you, Dad." He slowly stood, and started to limp into the house. "I'm gonna go to bed."


	48. Chapter 48

**Hey guys! OMG... it's been forever since I posted. Sorry. Graduation was this month and I've been sending out thank you cards as well as getting ready for my first solo vacation. ANYWAY... i hope to be able to update like normal again. So please forgive me for the wait!**

* * *

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

Captain Beckett paused at John's cubical, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watched the young officer work through a stack of papers on his desk. The kid hadn't stopped working since he'd been released from the hospital, and Captain Beckett was starting to worry for his health outside of the wound.

He knew that John's liver was in the early stages of failure, and that his medical records would make it hard to find a replacement. But he also knew that John was his best officer, on paper and in the field. In less than five years, John had topped his record for most arrests, and was quickly making his way into FBI qualifications.

John growled as he flipped through page after page of filing, annoyed that so much had built up since he'd been gone. Bobby had taken care of as much as he could, but since John had a photographic memory, he couldn't keep up as well. "Fucking hell…" He reached for his coffee mug, tipping it to his lips before he turned around to see Beckett behind him. "You've been standing there for ten minutes. What the hell do you want?" He snipped, resting his mug on his thigh.

"I need you to go take care of a couple inmates for me." He raised a brow at the man, implying that it was an order. "They've been causing some trouble and you're our best officer for shutting that shit down."

John nodded, popping the knuckles on his hands as he stood. "Who're the dickwads?"

"Matthew Filkins, and… your old man."

John's lips pressed into a thin line, anger clear on his face. "Of course, it's those two…" He shrugged into his LAPD coat, pulling a stick of gum from the pocket before he started for his car. "Fucking psychos."

* * *

John swiped his security pass through the reader, his boots thudding on the tile flooring as he made his way to the cell block where Jacob and Filkins were kept. He dug his fingers into his pant pocket, holding the wolf's tooth in his fist as he stepped closer to the cell of his father. "Jacob!" He barked, eyes going pitch black as they landed on his father. "Explain what the hell's going on in here."

Jacob rasped a laugh, lifting his eyes to his son. "Look at that, little boy thinks that because he's got a damn badge now… that his daddy can't hurt him." He stood and limped toward his child, pausing at the bars to look at him. "You look like your mother." He sneered.

John's eyes darkened, the pupils completely disappearing in the iris. "Don't you talk about that bitch."

Jacob licked his lips, pointing to John's eyes. "You wanna know why those eyes change so much?" He asked, smiling as they flickered blue for a split second. "Ask Filkins what he gave you in Wisconsin." He motioned John closer, joy flickering in his chest as he actually leaned in. He reached a hand through the bars, wrapping it tight in John's LAPD coat and tie.

John's body slammed into the bars, panic gripping his chest as his hands found the taser at his hip. He lifted it to Jacob's throat, stunning him long enough to get away. "FUCK YOU!" John screamed, watching his old man twitch on the concrete.

Bobby rushed up to his friend, pulling him away from the cell. "John. John." He watched as John's mind seemed to shut off, noticing how he kept glancing toward Jacob's cell. "You're not him." He stated, trying to pull him out of the memory. "You're safe."


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

Bobby walked a few yards behind John to Filkin's cell, noticing the stiffness in his friend's muscles and the way his breath had changed. John was on edge, and dangerously agitated.

John stopped at Filkin's cell, tapping his nightstick on the bars to get his attention. "How do we know each other?" He asked, biting on the barbell in his tongue as he looked at the old man.

Filkins lifted his head to the younger man, confusion clear on his face. "Excuse me?"

"Johnathan Kurtis Bender, son of Jacob Bender. We met in Wisconsin when I was a little kid. And again, in the holding cells of the LAPD Precinct in 1986. How do we know each other?" John repeated, his temper rising.

"Oh… you're the little Demon Boy."

"Answer the question." John snapped.

"In Wisconsin, I ran a drug trial dealing in enhancing the ability to remember facts, and hopefully cure Alzheimer's." He stepped toward the young man. "Your old man enrolled you in the trial. Your genetics have an odd mutation located in your eyes it caused them to change color according to your mood." He looked at the cop, remembering the kid from all those years ago. "I see the effects are permanent."

"Go fuck yourself." John growled, storming back down the hall.

Bobby scrambled to catch his friend as he crumpled in pain, pressing a hand over his right side. "John!"

* * *

John groaned as the pains in his side worsened, holding Maya and Samantha close to his left side as Ryan drew blood and began running a few tests. "Fudge…" He hissed, a thin smile gracing his lips as Sid tried to help by putting a cold rag on his head. "Thank you, Sid."

Ryan ground his teeth as he looked at the results of the blood work, swallowing as reality hit him. "Claire… take the kids outside." He turned back to John his face grim as he spoke. "Your liver took a nosedive… you need a new one asap."

John nodded, remembering the conversation he'd had with the family a few days ago. "If we can't find one, I don't want to be put on Dialysis."

"John-"

"No Claire. I'm not going to be a slave to medicine and drugs." He stated, wincing as his body sent another twinge through him. "Not again."

* * *

Zane listened as a few of the guards spoke about what was happening with John. His heart clenching in fear as the words met his ears. He stepped toward the group; his voice hoarse as he spoke. "Can I please get tested as a donor for John's liver?"

The guards gawked at him for a moment, before a slow nod was given. "Every bit helps." Smiled one, shocked that a prisoner would willingly give a part of himself to a cop.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter Fifty**

Claire smiled as she rested her hands over her pregnant belly, able to feel the babe moving inside of her. "John." She called to her husband as he got ready for the day. She could see his reflection in the mirror of their bathroom as he shaved, chuckling as Sid tried to copy his father with a little plastic razor that John had gotten for him. "He's moving again."

John laughed and washed the left-over soap from his face. "He's like me. Never stops moving." He rested on the bed beside his wife, pressing his hand to the bump that held his child. "Don't make momma sick while I'm at work." He smirked, kissing her stomach and head before kissing each of the other three children. "Be good." He raised a brow at Sid adding emphasis to his words.

"I don't like it when you go to work." Maya pouted, watching as John pinned his badge to his chest and buttoned his shirt over the protective vest.

He nodded, and buckled his belt before he placed the nine-millimeter pistol in the holster. "I know. But I'm just on patrol duty today. So, I'll just be writing tickets and doing paperwork." He ruffled her hair, smiling at the streaks of red in the brown.

* * *

Bobby watched as John chowed down on his chili dog, shaking his head as the thin man seemed to have a never-ending appetite. "Five years ago, we would've had to force that down your throat."

John chuckled taking a drink of his Coke before he answered. "Five years ago, I was losing my mind because I had four million people in my house." He took another French fry from his plate, dipping it in ranch before he popped it into his mouth. "Not to mention going to college, and dealing with your dumbass."

"Still never thought you'd be this healthy." He remembered the photos of a near skeletal John, the way his bones jutted out at odd angles and the thin build of his friend. "After all you put up with as a kid…"

John sighed, and set his Coke down, looking up at his best friend with sadness clouding his eyes. "Sammy asked why she doesn't have 'tiger stripes' today… she was talking about my scars."

Bobby swallowed, his eyes dropping to John's arms where most of the worst scars were covered with tattoos. "What'd you tell her?"

"Nothing… I- I'm not sure how to tell her about my past." John pulled his bank card from his wallet and handed it to the waitress as she brought their tab over. "How to tell her about Jacob… and what he did to me."

Bobby nodded, trying to understand what John had lived through. Though he and John had known each other for years, and worked together every day, there was still a lot he didn't know about his friend. "I'm sure if anyone can come up with something it'd be you."

John smirked and signed the check. "Come on. I wanna get a few tickets in before the days done."

Bobby chuckled and watched John leave the booth, pointing to the new cell-phone on the table. "Hey, don't you need that?"

John groaned and picked the device up, checking to see if he had any messages. "Yeah, guess I should have it incase Claire goes into labor."


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty-One**

Claire jumped as Maya pulled back her shower curtain, relaxing when she realized it was only her daughter. "What's the matter, Maya?"

"Uncle Ryan called… he wants to tell you something about Daddy." She helped her mother with her towel, watching as her unborn brother moved inside of her tummy.

Claire picked up the phone in the bedroom, taking a seat at John's desk as she and Ryan spoke about the donated half of a liver. "You're sure he's a match?"

"If they were any closer, they would be like John's absorbed twin." Ryan smiled, already seeing if he could move his schedule around to get John and his donor in as soon as he could. "Have him give me a call when he gets off."

* * *

John turned the radio up in the squad car, smirking as an old AC/DC song came on. "I haven't heard this in years." He closed his eyes as the music played, the tune starting to hum in his throat. "Well it's a dog eat dog Eat cat too The French eat frog And I eat you Businessman, when you make a deal Do you know who you can trust? Do you sign your life away? Do you write your name in dust? Hey, hey, hey Every dog has his day It's a dog eat dog, Dog eat dog "Dog eat dog" Read the news Someone win Someone lose Up's above and down's below And limbo's in between Up you win, down you lose It's anybodys' game Hey, hey, hey Every dog has his day It's a dog eat dog Dog eat dog and it's a eye for eye Tooth for tooth It's a lie That's the truth see a blind man on the street Looking for something free Hear the kind man ask his friends "Hey, what's in it for me?" Hey, hey, hey Every dog has his day It's a dog eat dog, Dog eat dog…" His voice resonated through the car, rougher than it had been, but still strong.

Bobby smiled as he listened to his friend, a feeling of nostalgia coming over him as he remembered listening to John's albums as a teen. He didn't dare speak of John's voice, knowing that if he did, his friend would stop. "I think we've got a 212 up ahead." He sighed, noticing John's distain as he caught a whiff of marijuana through the open window.

"Shit." He stepped out of the car as Bobby pulled to a stop, curling his lip as he stepped over to the teens in the alley. "Hey." He spoke softly, knowing better than to startle them too badly.

"Fuck off, Barney." One snapped, his attitude labeling him as the leader. "We're not hurting anyone."

John took the joint from the kid, grinding it out on the sole of his boot with expert fingers. "Not anyone else, but it's still hurting someone." He pulled his cuffs out of his belt and clipped them on the kid's wrists. "Believe me. Rehab isn't fun." He jumped slightly as a burning slice was delivered to his leg, causing him to fall to his knees as blood gushed from the wound. "Bobby! 417K!" John pressed a hand to the wound, attempting to stop the blood as he reached for his radio at his hip.

One of the teens shoved him into the alley's wall, causing him to hit his head on the bricks with a loud crack before his world went black.

* * *

Bobby rushed to his partner's side, frantically calling for backup as he tied a tourniquet around his thigh and pressed a gauze pad to the bloodied hair matting the back of his head. "Officer Bender-Standish is down wounded! Back up is required!" He called, his heart pounding when John didn't respond to any of his attempts to get him conscious again.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter Fifty-Two**

Ryan swallowed as he flushed the wound in John's leg out, watching as the bloodied flush, mixed with bits of dirt and gravel that had gotten inside of it. John hadn't moved an inch since they'd given him a small dose of Amytal to keep him from feeling pain and to drop his heartrate. He threaded a needle and pushed it through the flesh of John's leg, closing the wound off before he moved to unwrap the gauze tied around John's head. "How hard did he hit it?" He asked, looking across the room to where Bobby was standing.

"I'm not sure, I was still calling shit in on the radios." He watched as Ryan cut the hair away from the gash on his scalp, biting his lips at the sight of the bloodied mats that fell to the floor.

* * *

Claire brushed her fingers through what was left of John's hair, her breath hitching as she felt their unborn child move inside of her. "Please wake up." She whispered, lifting his hand to her stomach in hopes that their child would wake him. "We need you."

John coughed, his eyelids fluttering open to reveal his unfocused whiskey colored eyes. "Cl-aire…" He croaked, lips pulling into a lopsided smirk. "Sweets…"

Claire smiled as his fingers fanned over her stomach, pressing a kiss to his head as he began to sing to their child. "You're so doped up; you can't carry a tune." She chuckled, allowing Ryan close so that he could check on the stitching in John's leg.

* * *

Bobby helped John into the house, gently sitting him on the sofa and giving him a remote for the tv. "How's your head?" He asked, his eyes scanning over the chopped patch of hair and the thin stitches in his scalp.

John nodded and took a drink of the water on the coffee table. "I'm fine." He winched as Maya and Sid started screaming at each other and caused his headache to rocket to new heights. "Fuck!" He groaned, tucking his head between his knees. "Shut up!" He shouted, his heart clenching in fear as he realized what he'd just said.

* * *

"Sid! Give it back!" John laughed, running after his best friend through his home. "Come on! It's mine!" They'd been six, both little balls of fire just itching to burn off energy.

"Shut up!" Jacob ordered, chucking a beer bottle at his son's head.

John hit the deck, his hands over his head as the bottle shattered against the wall. He screamed as harsh hands gripped his hair, a sob escaping his throat as he was practically thrown into the wall. "No!" He cried, the sound of a belt clearing beltloops reaching his ears.

"I told you to shut up!" Jacob raised the belt, laying a series of lashes on John's small body in a matter of minutes.

* * *

Bobby stepped back as John's old pit bull, Chance, climbed onto the sofa to protect her master. The dog was more than ten-years-old now, and Bobby and Claire both knew that it was close to her time to go… but neither could bring themselves to point it out to John. That dog, was his lifeline; she had a way of stopping his PTSD attacks -though they were few and far between now- and was like an extention of John himself.

"Daddy?" Samantha stepped around the corner swallowing when she saw that her father was curled in a ball with Chance trying to calm him. She met Bobby's eyes as they watched her father's attack, before slowly leaving the room to get her mother.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter Fifty-Three**

Claire brushed her fingers through what was left of John's hair, a small smile on her lips as he mumbled a song to their unborn child. She'd caught the last seconds of his PTSD attack earlier, and she knew that the medications he was on mixed with it had him exhausted.

He closed his eyes as he relaxed against his wife's stomach, listening to their child move inside of her and the tiny heartbeat. He gave a tired smile as Claire's touch grounded him, the feeling of her nails against his scalp sending tingles of pleasure down his spine. "Feels good…" He sighed, cracking his eyes open as Samantha and the twins climbed into the bed with them. "I'm sorry I yelled…" He whispered; his voice still hoarse from the tears during his attack.

Maya took a seat beside her father's legs, letting her brother and sister get comfortable behind him or in front of him. "It's okay. You're sick." She smiled, tracing one of the scars on his hips with a gentle finger. She could see where he'd gotten a new tattoo outlined, happy to see that her father was actually putting her drawing on his body for real. She could see that it wasn't exactly like her drawing, the lines were cleaner, but the image of a wolf was still in her style.

John chuckled as she touched his scars and tattoos, fully aware that it was a grounding technique she used when she was tired or over thinking. "What's wrong, Bug?" He asked, wincing as Sid accidentally bumped his leg.

"I'm scared that you'll get hurt again…" She sniffed, fighting back tears so that she didn't look weak.

He pulled her closer, combing her hair back from her face to press a kiss to her brow. "I won't get hurt like this again." He smiled, rough fingers brushing her tears away.

"That's what you said last time." Sid pointed out, swallowing when his eyes landed on the stitches in his father's scalp.

Claire bit her lip as Samantha retreated into her own world, looking up as Phoebe appeared in the doorway. She looked into the teen's eyes, able to see John's stubbornness and light in them. "How're you, Mouse?" She smiled, watching as she pulled her hair into a messy bun and stepped into the room.

Phoebe had changed a lot since the Standishes had adopted her, but most of all, the way she acted and looked like John. At nearly seventeen-years-old, she'd become the spitting image of her brother. "Mom and Dad wanted to know if you wanna come to the barbeque this weekend." She stated, taking a seat on the end of the bed. She rested a hand on her brother's able to see how he'd aged over the years. "It's to celebrate finding a donor…"

John gave a little nod, lacing his fingers with hers as she sat with them. "We'll be there." He smiled, closing his eyes in contentment as his family surrounded him. "I want the donor's family to be there too." He sighed, just before sleep claimed him.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty-Four**

Clarissa smiled as John and Claire limped into the back yard, picking Samantha up and setting her on her hip. "How's the Bender Bunch?" She smiled, trying to ignore the yellowish tint to John's skin.

John chuckled, landing a light punch on Asher's shoulder as he limped to the table. "Sore." He jumped as the scent of sawdust and leather reached his nose. "What the…" He turned slightly, disbelief flooding his mind as he laid eyes on Zane. "What are you doing here?"

Zane touched his side, smiling as he looked at John. "I'm your donor…"

Dominic rushed forward as John's body went lax, gently supporting him as Sara tried to revive him. "I think he means 'thank you.'" He laughed, placing John's head against his shoulder.

* * *

John limped through the precinct, nodding as he stepped into the office that the guys had dubbed as the 'Wolf Den' taking a seat next to Bobby as Levi set a huge platter of breakfast burritos on the table. "After I heal up, I'm getting my new liver." He sighed, both joy and fear pulsing in his veins.

Leo grinned as he noticed John's hair was growing back, tossing a paper down on the table. "Beckett wants us working on cold cases for a while, at least until you're better, Alpha Wolf." He smirked, tossing John a set of keys. "They're for Zane's cell. Figured you might like to talk to him once in a while."

John nodded, still exhausted from Claire keeping him up all night and the kids getting into shit they weren't supposed to. "I'd like to stay out of the prison as much as possible." He stated, rolling his shoulders before they really started their meeting. "So, who should be Alpha while I'm out of commission?"

* * *

Zane screamed as he was forced against the wall, fighting against the thugs holding his arms, as a blade was pressed over his right side. "Get off!" He ordered, thrashing around until the leader's hand roughly grasped his jaw.

"You're the one who's going to save that little bastard Bender. Aren't you?" Jacob asked, shoving the shank into Zane's body with a nauseating squelch. "He doesn't deserve your liver." He grinned at the screams of agony from his victim "Neither of you deserve lift!"

"Jacob!" John's voice echoed through the corridor; his footsteps uneven as he marched toward his father. "Let him go." He snarled, happy that his leg was nearly healed so that his tell wasn't as bad.

"Faggot." Jacob spat, ripping the blade from Zane's body and letting his limp body fall to the ground. "You think you're so high and mighty with that fucking badge. Well, guess what. You're still me." He slapped John's face, gripping his jaw in clammy fingers. "You came from my dick, and you will always be me."

John shoved Jacob back into the bars, letting the rest of the Wolf Pack take care of the other goons and get Zane patched up. "I may have been your son. But I am nothing like you." He stated, his head spinning as his body told him to take it easy. "I make my own choices now."

Jacob took a swing at John's head, wincing as he caught his wrist. "You'll always be me! Nothing can change that!" He grabbed the branded skin of John's side, crying out when John twisted his arm. "You belong to me!"

John marched him into a solitary cell, and shoved him inside. "I don't belong to anyone, except for my family." He slammed the door, leaning his back against the soundproof wall, and hanging his head in his hands. "Fuck you…" He sobbed, sliding to the floor where he drew his knees to his chest. "Fuck you…"

Bobby skidded to a stop as he saw John on the floor, swallowing his panic. "John. You need to come quick." He panted, knowing that John needed to be there for this. "It's Zane… he's dying…"


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty-Five**

Zane coughed as a few of the cops injected him with something to stop the pain, red droplets flying from his mouth to cover his white prison clothes. "My… kids…" He gasped, wincing as someone grabbed his hand. "Take… care of… them…"

John gripped his hand tighter, tearing part of his uniform and stuffing it into the wound. "Call the hospital." He ordered, cupping Zane's head in his hand as the man breathed his last few breaths. "Get a medic!" He shook Zane's limp body, trying his hardest to revive him. He laid Zane's head down, attempting to force air into his lungs. "Zane! Wake up!" He pressed down on his chest, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. "Don't you die on me, you son of a bitch!"

Bobby pulled John away from the body, his heart breaking as John fought to get to him. "John. It's over." He stated, walking his friend away as the others collected the body and took it to the morgue. "He's gone."

"No!" John shouted, struggling to get away from his friend.

Bobby pushed John into an office, forcing him to the ground and covering him with a shock blanket. "Stop it. You're too worked up. Calm down." He cuffed John's wrists, watching as his face turned sickly green. "Don't throw up!" He scrambled for a bucket, slipping the trashcan under John's head just as vomit spilled from his mouth. "We need to get you home…"

* * *

Claire pulled John close to her body, happy that she hadn't gotten too big with her pregnancy yet. "Breathe… breathe John." She whispered, biting her lip as he began to suck at her neck. "You're okay…"

Bobby left the couple in the bedroom, taking the kids into the yard as John attempted to calm himself down. "Come on, let's go play." He cringed as he heard John and Claire fall onto their bed, knowing that they were going to have at it.

* * *

Claire drove John to the hospital for the transplant, squeezing his hand as she looked at his broken expression. "Zane will always be with us." She whispered, glancing into the back seat where the kids were sleeping.

John ground his teeth, pulling his hand away from her as he looked out the window. "Jacob killed him." He growled, his fingers twitching like they often did when he had cravings. "Because of me…"

Claire swallowed, parking the car before she woke the kids up. "No." She whispered, walking with John into the pre-op waiting room. "Not because of you."

Sid climbed into his father's lap, yawning as he snuggled into his chest. He tangled his hands in John's shirt, feeling his heartbeat and breathing his father's scent. "Are they going to cut you?"

John nodded, standing as the nurse appeared in the doorway. "Just a little bit." He smiled, setting John back on the chair and placing a kiss on each of his family member's heads. "See you soon." He breathed, turning back to the door where he would be prepped.

* * *

He laid down on the table and allowed the nurses to wipe his abdomen down with iodine and place an IV in his arm. He tried to slow his heart rate as they stuck leads to his body and listened to the monitor as it was powered up. He smiled as Ryan walked in, watching as he filled a syringe with meds and hooked it to his IV.

"Ready?" Ryan asked, pushing the plunger as John nodded. He pushed John's hair away from his face, smiling as his eyes closed and his body went limp. "Let's replace the broken part." He sighed as John was pushed into the OR.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty-Six**

Samantha crawled onto the recovery cot as her father slowly came out of the drugged sleep, smiling when he opened his eyes to look at her. "Daddy!" She cheered, not quite realizing that he wasn't all there yet.

Claire laughed as Samantha and the twins attempted to have conversations with him that always ended in him laughing like a baby. "Good morning, Fruit-loop." She smiled, kissing his head as the child in her stomach moved and a mild contraction hit her. "This one is definitely yours." She growled, placing her hand over her stomach as a wave of nausea hit her. "Ugh!"

John giggled as she rushed to the bathroom, looking up as the nurse added something to his IV lead. "Wha's that?" He slurred; his smile even more crooked than normal.

"Medicine." She chuckled, shooing Sid back as she lifted John's sheets and robe to check his stitches. "You're looking great!" She grinned, gently propping John up a little more to help him come out of the drugs better. "I'm going to do a vital check. Okay?" She touched John's body when he nodded, pressing on the spots that needed checked.

Samantha watched as the nurse checked on her father's vitals, biting her lip when she got close to her dad's private parts. "What're you doing?" She asked, for some reason hating the woman for getting so close.

"I'm checking to make sure his insides are all where they go." She smiled, giving Claire a look as if to ask if she could take the kids out of the room so she could check his catheter and make sure his nether regions were operating.

Claire nodded and stepped outside with the kids, kneeling down to adjust Sid's mussed hair and fix Maya's scrappy t-shirt. "I swear you two got your fashion sense from your father." She winced as John cursed, catching Samantha's arm as she tried to rush to his aid. "He's ok. Nurse Cassy just has to put something in him to make sure he can potty." She explained, looking up as Dominic and Jade stepped toward them. "He's still doped up." She smiled.

Dominic chuckled and peeked into the room, shaking his head when he saw that the nurse was inserting the catheter. "I've seen a lot of John, but I didn't want to see than much."

Claire nodded toward the cafeteria, walking with them all to get some lunch. "I'm starving!"

Jade rolled her eyes, looking at how Claire rubbed her hands over the unborn child. "You're pregnant. You're always hungry." She smirked, ruffling Samantha's hair as trying to ignore the judging stares from the staff. "By the way, are you eating for one, or three this time?" She asked, still trying to keep up the story that the family had decided to tell the kids that Samantha and the twins were actually triplets.

"One." Claire laughed. "Thank God!"

Dominic patted her shoulder, kissing the top of her fiery hair. "So, you're only a third as hormonal?" He smirked, jumping back as Claire too a swing at him.

Jade laughed, and rolled her eyes. "Careful Dom, she's a redhead and very pregnant."

"Shut up!" Claire ordered, pausing for a second as a contraction hit her. "Ow…" She looped her hand under her belly, eyes going wide as she felt her water break. "Oh no…"

Jade took Claire's hand motioning for Dominic to get a nurse. "Are you going into Labor?" She asked, cursing under her breath as the redhead nodded. "Okay… I'll be your coach." She helped her into a wheel chair, waving to Clarissa and Thomas as they walked toward them. "Claire's in labor." She explained, biting her lip as Claire groaned with the next contraction.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty-Seven**

Claire screamed in pain as she pushed for her child to come out, focusing on the image of John and their other three kids to help her through the pain. She opened her eyes as Jade pushed her hair back from her brow, panting as she gave one last push before the child slipped from her body. "Boy?" She asked, sighing as the doctor nodded and placed him on her belly. "Asher Zane…" She smiled, listening to his cries of life as she dried him off. "You couldn't have picked a different day to come?" She chuckled, looking up at Jade as her friend smiled at her babe.

"He knew that the world needed him." Jade smiled, remembering how torn up John had been when Claire had called her the night before.

* * *

Claire stepped into John's hospital room, cradling their son close to her chest as she sat on his bed. "Zane, meet your daddy." She smiled, handing him over to his father.

John smiled at his son, brushing his thumb over his cheek as he slept. "Asher Zane…" He smiled, touching the red hair on his head. "Welcome to the world."

Claire laid down beside him, wincing as between her legs sent a small pain through her. "I'm glad you're more awake now." She breathed, kissing his jaw as he began to sing to their son.

"I wish I could have been with you." He turned his head to her, capturing her lips with his and allowing her to play with his tongue ring.

She pulled at his tongue stud before she answered. "We did just fine." She smiled, letting little Zane hold her finger in a chubby little hand.

* * *

Claire watched as Cassy injected another dose of antirejection drugs into John's IV, smiling when Ryan Dominic and her father brought some dinner into the room. "Chicken?" She asked, her eyes alight with joy as John cooed to his son.

"And potatoes." Thomas smiled, and set the tray down, kissing his daughter's head as he noticed how John was avoiding the food. "John." He raised a brow at the young man, slipping back into his stern father role. "Eat."

John shook his head, and focused on his son, allowing Sid, Maya, and Samantha onto the over-crowded bed. "Not hungry."

Claire swallowed her food as she looked up at Cassy, a question shining in her eyes. "Can… can the medications make him lose his appetite?" She asked, already able to tell that John wasn't quite right.

She shook her head, watching as Dominic left the room. "They shouldn't…" She stepped aside as Ryan appeared at the bedside and began drawing blood from an extra IV lead. "John, are you feeling strange in any other ways?" She asked, checking his medication drips, and adjusting the morphine drip to a lighter dose.

"Just tired." He stated, letting Samantha hold her baby brother.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty-Eight**

John tossed and turned in his sleep, his insides burning as the image of Zane's mangled body played in the back of his mind. "No…" He groaned, gasping for air as Zane grabbed his wrist and dragged him to an early grave. "No…"

Claire reached out to her husband in their bed, her fingers brushing over his sweat-slicked skin. "John. John, wake up." She pulled back as he woke, taking in the pure gold of his eyes and the harsh rasp of his breath. "They're getting worse." She stated, tracing her fingers over the new scar from his transplant.

Nearly two months had passed since the surgery had taken place, and he'd been plagued by strange nightmares and seemingly random pains. He'd woken up several times with absolutely no energy; as if his life had been drained from his body the night before. He'd woken up exhausted and been dead on his feet for weeks. They were constantly having to up his medications, and his checkups had been getting more and more frequent.

"I think somethings wrong. But not with medical stuff." Claire knew that John was sensitive when it came to energies, not only with his own, but others as well. It was a part of his Native heritage. "Maybe we should ask Gawonii about it." She climbed out of the bed as Baby Asher began to cry. "John?" She asked, turning to see that he'd fallen asleep again; dark lashes fanned over his cheeks and lips parted slightly as his chest rose and fell with his breath. "Sleep well."

* * *

Gawonii frowned as he laid eyes on John, already able to feel the demon crowding around him. "Not good." He mumbled, taking John into the teepee where he placed a wolf's pelt on the floor beside the fire and added a pot of water to the fire. "Will you allow me to cleanse the spirit?" He asked, smiling when John nodded and removed his shirt.

John tossed his clothing to the side, pulling on a loin cloth and allowing Gawonii's wife to smear beaver fat over his skin. He wrinkled his nose at the scent, the smell of sage mixing with it to make it almost unbearable. "What's with the fat?" He asked, watching as Bobby took the kids to play with his nephews and nieces in the yard while Claire stayed with him.

"It's to help you sweat and clean your skin." Ayita smiled, motioning to the wolf pelt as her husband threw water onto a bowl of hot rocks and steam rose from the stones.

John closed his eyes as the teepee became too warm, already able to feel his body trying to sweat through the fat. He groaned as Ayita began to shake a rattle over his body, the gnawing in his ribs returning with a vengeance. He could hear Gawonii chanting over him, his body igniting in flame as the chant grew faster and louder. Something felt like it was crawling up his throat, causing him to cough as his back arched in an attempt to stop the burning, clawing, agony inside of him. He screamed as Gawonii pounded on a drum, twisting and writhing as the pain intensified. "MOTHERFUCKER!" He screamed, coughing more as the crawling sensation in his throat intensified. "GET IT OUT!"

Claire shrank back as she watched her husband writhe on the pelts, noticing the dark circle un his neck and the way the smoke from the fire changed to a thin line. "John…" She whispered, her breath catching as his body went deathly still. "John?" She moved forward slightly, yelping as he rolled onto his side and started hacking, coughing, and gagging onto the floor. She watched as a dark shape dropped from his mouth, grimacing when she saw that it was a pitch-black goop that was shaped like a scorpion.

John panted for breath, gagging a few more times before he collapsed into the soft fur beneath him and slept for what felt like the first time in ages.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter Fifty-Nine**

Claire sat beside John as he slept, rubbing her hands over his bare back as his body heat melted the beaver fat and allowed his sweat to escape. She gently sang to him as he slept, brushing her fingers over the newest tattoo on his forearm that displayed Asher-Zane's birthday and weight. She smiled at the hyphenated name of their son, happy that they'd chosen two people who'd saved John's life.

John stirred in his sleep, moaning as his body came awake. "Sweets…" He slowly opened his eyes, smiling when he realized that he wasn't in pain. "Doesn't… hurt…"

Claire combed his hair back from his face, kissing his lips as he slowly pushed himself up. She poked his lips, tasting the salt of his sweat and the sweetness of the toast and jelly he'd had for breakfast. She curled her tongue under his, hooking the stud on the tip and giving it a gentle tug. Joy coursed through her veins as he moaned into her mouth, gasping slightly when he pushed the barbell into the roof of her mouth and hit that spot that always got her hot.

John smirked as he pulled away, grunting as Samantha slammed into his chest. "Hey…" He tipped Samantha's chin up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "What's wrong, Sammy?" He asked, holding her close as she sobbed.

"Why am I so weird?" She cried into his chest, pulling at her blonde hair. "I don't look like anyone!"

John swallowed, dark eyes turning yellow as he looked to his wife. They'd known this day would come. The day that they would have to tell Samantha that she'd been conceived out of rape.

* * *

John leaned his arms against the shower wall, letting the water run down his body and wash the sweat from his skin. He tried to remember the night that Samantha had been conceived, trying to figure out how to tell her that Claire wasn't her mother, that he'd lied to her about her birthday, about who she was. He'd been trying to protect her… or so he thought… he'd actually been trying to protect himself from the shame of being raped again.

He turned the shower off and stepped onto the bath mat, drying himself off before he got dressed. He didn't bother to put on a shirt, knowing that he'd be too hot after a while. He checked the new scar on his abdomen, running his hand over the purple line.

Claire stepped into the bedroom, a patch of curly, blonde hair in her hand. "Sammy cut her hair off…" She whispered, knowing that John loved Samantha's hair.

He nodded, and hung his head in his hands, swallowing his guilt and taking the strands from her. "How bad is it?" He asked, lifting his eyes to his wife.

"I'll have to shave it." She touched the earring in John's ear, gently kissing his neck before he pulled away.

He paced around the room, trying to burn off some fear before he told his daughter the truth. "How do I tell her?" He asked, pausing at the framed drawings on the desk and looking at the ones Samantha had done. "Her whole life has been a lie. How do you tell a kid that?"

Claire bit her lip, watching as John's muscles tensed like he was about to run. "We'll figure it out together." She whispered, stepping back slightly as he shook his head.

"It was my idea to lie. I'm the one who has to tell her." He sighed and turned to the door, stepping toward Samantha's room for the dreaded conversation.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter Sixty**

John paused at Samantha's door, combing his fingers through his hair before he knocked. "Sammy?" He pushed the door open, biting his lip when he saw her choppily cut hair and the tear stains on her cheeks. "Can we talk?" He took a seat on her bed as she nodded, swallowing before he started to speak. "You know about how babies are born and made… and I've told you to not let anyone touch you unless they ask. But… there's a reason I told you that…" He bit his lip, heaving a sigh. "When you were made… I wasn't really able to know what was happening to me. Your… mother… isn't Claire."

Samantha's green eyes met his, her lips parting in shock. "What?"

John scratched at his wrist, the scar from his surgery becoming lighter with the act. "Your mother, is a girl we went to high school with. Jessica Jenkins. She waited until I was drugged up after I broke my wrist and she used me to make you." He met her gaze, his heart cracking as she looked at him. "I'm so sorry Sam… I, I didn't know how to tell you-"

"I hate you!" Samantha screamed, shoving her father from her bed, and kicking as his legs. "You lied to me!" She threw a pillow at him, causing him to duck away from her. "YOU'RE A DICK!" She sobbed, slamming her door as he left.

John's chest ignited in pain, his heart shattering with his daughter's words. He jerked away from Claire as she touched his shoulder, grabbing his keys from the table as he marched into the garage.

Claire listened as his truck started, biting her lip when he raced out of the driveway. "Be safe…" She whispered, not noticing that his gun was missing from its holster in his utility belt

* * *

John parked his truck and turned the key off, leaning his head on the steering wheel and looking at the gun on his passenger seat. He ground his teeth together, picking up the pistol with shaking hands. He thought of the fifteen rounds inside of the clip, remembering the burning of the bullet in his side all those years ago. He clicked the safety off, placing the barrel against his head between his brows. "I can't do this…"

* * *

Claire picked up the phone and dialed Bobby's cell, waiting for him to answer.

"Hello?" Bobby asked, obviously having just woken up from a nap.

"Can you check on John for me?" She asked, swallowing before she continued. "He isn't answering his cell."

Bobby threw his covers off, yawning before he spoke. "Yeah. I'll see if I can find him."

"Thank you." She smiled, hanging the phone up before she went back to shaving the rest of Samantha's hair.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty-One**

Bobby parked his car a few yards from John's, leaving the door open when he saw John's too still form in the driver's seat. He walked over to the passenger side and opened the door, lunging for the gun as John's finger started to tighten around the trigger. "NO!" He shouted, jerking the gun away and unloading the empty clip in the blink of an eye. "What the hell are you thinking?" He snapped, able to see the break in his eyes. He popped the action on the gun, sighing in relief when he saw that the gun was completely empty.

John swallowed the lump in his throat, choking before he could get the words out. He shook his head, a soul-shattering sob ripping from his throat as he fell into Bobby's chest. "I'm a horrible dad…" He hiccupped, his body trembling with emotions.

Bobby held his friend close to his chest, waiting for him to either calm himself down, or cry himself out. He winced as John started to babble, catching the words 'high' and 'booze' between several other incoherent words. He bit his lips as he listened, his heart stopping when John started choking on his breath. "Hey, hey, breathe John. Breathe." He pressed his hands to John's chest, timing his breaths with John's to help calm him. "There you go." He smiled, tipping a water bottle to John's lips and allowing him to drink. "Better?"

John nodded, bowing his head and holding it in his hands. "I fucked up… I fucked up so bad…" He looked at the gun in Bobby's hand, thinking of the seventeen rounds he'd fired into the hill behind them. "I should have told her sooner."

Bobby gave a sad smile, noticing that there was only one bullet left in the truck and it was currently resting on the seat beside John's leg. "How long did you think about it?" He asked, afraid of the answer.

John sighed, licking his lips before he answered. "About five minutes before I emptied the clip into that hill." He shook his head, jaw set in a hard line. "I just needed to feel the weight in my hands…"

"Let's get you home." Bobby took John's keys out of the ignition, popping the tape out of the cassette player before he locked the truck behind them. "Claire's worried sick."

* * *

Claire wrung her hands in her hoodie, swallowing her fear for her husband as the grandfather clock inside chimed midnight. "Please be okay…" She knew that John had compulsive tendencies, and his depression could drastically affect him.

She looked up as John and Bobby pulled up, a small sob escaping her lips as she saw her husband. "John!" She rushed forward, wrapping her arms around him as she cried into his chest. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."

John kissed her, dragging his tongue over her lips before she allowed him inside. He moaned as she pressed on the spot toward the back of his throat, gasping for breath as they parted. "Never." He smiled, listening as Bobby left the house as a light snow began to fall in the last days of autumn.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter Sixty-Two**

Samantha pushed her parent's bedroom door open, biting her lip when she saw that her father was already up and working at his desk. She could see that he had his computer running, and he was going through cold-case files. "Daddy…" She called, making him jump in shock and close the documents. "Can… can I ask you about my birth mom?"

John nodded, pulling on an old LAPD t-shirt. "Let's go for a walk."

* * *

Samantha watched as her father's boots made lopsided tracks in the snow, twisting her hands in her jacket as he spoke.

"I'm sorry Sammy… I should have just told you." He paused at the property line, petting the neighbor's horse on his nose. "But, you're not the only one in this family who was born that way." He lifted his daughter onto his hip, letting her touch the scars on his jaw and neck. "Your aunt Phoebe, uncle Justin, Amber… even your dad. We were all made that way." He thought of what Jacob had done to his mother, anger bubbling in his chest as her screams echoed in his ears. "My old man… he wasn't a nice man. He hurt me… a lot… but I'm trying to be better. I don't want you guys to feel what I did."

"I was a mistake…" She whispered, choking back her tears as she thought of what her father had lived through.

"No!" John stated, tipping her chin up to look into her eyes. "You are a treasure. And I wouldn't change what happened for the world." He smiled at her, pulling her hat lower on her head. "You are my daughter, my life, my star." He kissed her head, turning back toward the house as she began to shiver in the cold.

* * *

John smiled at Roxanne as he walked by her cubicle, giving a short nod like he did every day. "Morning." He greeted, stepping into the Wolf Den and settling into his usual seat. "So, we've got the California Police Picnic this weekend." He cocked a brow at Bobby as he watched him intently, making it clear that he was giving away too much. "Beckett wants us to compete in the obstacle run."

The guys nodded, noticing that despite John's poker face and 'fuck it' attitude, something was off.

Joey leaned forward, looking at the slight yellow tint to John's eyes. "What happened last weekend?" He asked, looking between John and Bobby to see that they were hiding something.

Bobby swallowed and averted his gaze from John. "John told Sammy about Jessica."

John's lip curled. "Shut up!"

"Alpha, why are you so upset about this?" Levi asked.

John huffed and leaned back in his chair. "I thought about suicide for a second after she told me she hated me."

The guys blinked in shock, unable to register the truth of what John was saying. "What?"


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter Sixty-Three**

John picked at a hangnail on his ring finger, listening to the teachers and parents as they milled about the class room. He kept a close eye on Claire as she spoke to the principal, playing with the ring in his tongue as he waited for the night to be over. He hated PTA meetings, hated listening to the school gossip, and dealing with hoity-toity parents whose perfect little Jeffrey was a straight A student and could recite Shakespeare; when all he wanted to do was go home and get some sleep before he had early morning duty the next day. He huffed as his eyes landed on Bridget Moors, knowing that she hated his family. "Fucking hell…" He hissed, watching as she walked over to the principal and struck up a conversation with her.

"Mr. Standish!" Greeted the first-grade teacher, shaking his hand as she introduced herself. "It's so wonderful to meet you! I'm Mrs. Deeds." She took a seat beside him, adjusting her glasses as she looked him over. "You're Dominic Bender's paternal cousin, right?"

John nodded, his signature smirk falling onto his lips. "Yes Ma'am."

"Well, his quads were such a pleasure to have in my class last year, and I can't wait to teach your three little ones." She looked over to where the children were playing on the swings. "Are they triplets?" She asked, knowing that multiples ran in their family from what Dominic and Jade had told her.

"No. Sammy has a different mom." He rubbed the back of his neck, hating the words as they left his mouth. "Her mom just got released from prison a few months ago… she was in because… she raped me."

Mrs. Deeds nodded, jumping when a commotion started up around the principal. "Goodness Gosh!" She chirped, rushing over to see what was happening.

"I don't think it right for a drug addict's children to attend the same school as our little angels!" Bridget squawked, motioning wildly to John as he stood. "Besides! He's a musician! They're all drug addicts and alcoholics!" She waved to John's t-shirt. "I mean look at his attire! Nirvana! That lead singer is the worst addict of them all!"

John took a slow breath, too tired from a day of patrol to put up a fight. "I used to be a musician." He stated, pulling a wooden chip from his pocket and turning it over in his fingers. "Yes. I used to be an addict. I still am. But I'm seven years into my recovery." He pointed to his shirt. "As for my clothes, I have to wear a uniform all day for work. So, I'll be fucking damned, if I'm gonna be in a monkey suit for my one evening off this week. Just because I wear a Nirvana shirt, doesn't make me an addict like Kurt. Alright? I've been down his road, and I'm not about to try it a second time." He pulled his wallet out of his jeans, flipping it open to show the badge inside. "And I'm turning my act around." He took in the shocked look on the parent's faces. "I don't give a shit what you think about me, but don't take it out on my kids."

* * *

Claire watched as her husband stepped out of the shower, crossing her legs on the bed and tugging at her lace nighty to show the pale slopes of her breasts. "Sugar." She called, smiling at him as he turned to see her.

His hair was still dripping from his shower, letting little droplets run over his toned shoulders and down his now healthy body. He smirked as he looked at her, wrapping the towel around his hips and striding over to her. "Yes Sweets?" He purred, his voice low and husky as he stalked toward her.

She giggled as he crawled onto the bed toward her, gasping as his teeth tugged at her neckline. She moaned as his tongue darted out and touched the top of her breast. A quiet yelp escaping her as he moved himself against her and his skilled fingers undid the front of her nighty.

John stopped and pulled away, his brow furrowing in concern as his hand cupped her chest. "Claire…" He took her hand in his, feeling over the strange lump. "When was your last check up?" He asked, forgetting about sex as fear for his wife hit him.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter Sixty-Four**

Claire squeezed John's hand as her doctor examined her, swallowing as she felt over the lump. "I'm scared…" She whispered, thinking about how she hadn't been able to feed Asher-Zane from that boob.

John nodded, kissing her head as the doctor left the room and returned a few moments later with the test results. "I know." He pulled her head to his chest, kissing her hair as he waited.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bender-Standish…" Doctor Martin swallowed, noticing the fear in the couple. "I'm afraid it's breast cancer…."

John's heart dropped to the floor, the breath leaving his lungs in a split second as his world began to crumble around him. "What can we do?" He asked, knowing that they were already in dept from his liver and Asher-Zane's birth.

"Chemotherapy would be your best bet." Doctor Martin stated, able to see a fire roaring in John's eyes. "It's quite expensive, but-"

"Do it." John ordered, a new kind of hatred burning in his chest for this new enemy. "Do whatever you have to. Just don't let my Sweets go." He kissed Claire's lips, knowing that each kiss they shared from that moment on, could be their last.

* * *

John brushed Claire's hair back from her face as she slept, kissing her head before he turned his bedside lamp off and snuck out the door. He breathed the chilly night air, pulling his hat lower over his ears as he started his truck and got ready to start his shift. He'd picked up doubles since the diagnosis, and with Claire starting her Chemo, he would need to start looking for another job to help out.

He sighed as he looked at the clock, leaning his head against the steering wheel before he pulled out of the driveway. With less than three hours of sleep, he would be on duty for the next twenty hours. "This is gonna be a long ass day…"

* * *

Bobby watched as John poured his sixth cup of coffee, taking in the dark circles under his eyes as he sat down at his desk. "John." He spoke softly, knowing that when John was this tired, he would react like he had a hangover. "You need to slow down, man. You're running your ass into the dirt here."

John shook his head, pulling up some fresh files and skimming though them with his photographic memory doing most of the work. "I've gotta get these bills paid." He yawned, popping his neck to work the kinks out. "I've gone weeks without sleep before, I can do it again."

Bobby leaned forward, lowering his voice so that the other's in the office wouldn't hear. "You were on Oxy, and Coke when you did that shit. You're sober now. You can't do the same stuff you did." He growled as John waved him off, huffing in defeat as his friend blocked him out with a pair of headphones and his dumbass music. "I'm not gonna end up pulling your weight when you collapse."

* * *

Claire rolled over as she felt John's heat next to her in the bed, a little hum rising from her chest as she cuddled into his body. "You were gone longer…" She mumbled, breathing John's scent as he held her.

"Big case." He lied, closing his eyes as sleep claimed him.


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty-Five**

Claire laughed as she and a few other wives, spoke at the picnic, bouncing Asher-Zane on her hip as she watched John playing football with the guys. "John is fantastic." She bragged, biting her tongue as he jumped to catch the ball. "I couldn't ask for a better husband."

Gwen chuckled as her son seemed to take a fancy to Maya, raising a brow when Sid's behavior changed. "He certainly seems to take good care of you all." She kissed her husband on the cheek as he tipped a beer to his lips. "Claire, this is my husband, Jasper."

Claire nodded, remembering him from the few times she'd been in the precinct. "We've met. You're John's Captain, right?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He grinned, tossing a beer to Levi and offering one to John. "Standish! You want a beer?"

Claire's breath caught in her throat as John eyed the drink, able to see the blue ring appear in his eyes that showed his want for something. She watched as he started to reach for it, gasping when Samantha leapt into his arms and distracted him. "Thank God…" She breathed, swallowing her fear from that look in his eyes. She hadn't seen that want in years. Even on the occasions that she and John did go out to bars with Andy and Allison, he hadn't had that want since their wedding.

* * *

Claire cheered as she watched the Wolf Pack race through the course, wincing when John took a hard fall into the mud.

"Come on John, get up." Bobby gripped John by the collar and hauled him to his feet.

They bolted through the rest of the course, crossing the finish in a new record time. "One, two, three, Wolf Pack!" They guys cheered, emitting a loud howl to alert the others that they were a pack through and through.

John grinned as they cheered, but the smile quickly disappeared when he saw a certain blonde speaking to his children. "Jessica!" He barked, pushing out of the crowd to confront her. "What the hell are you doing?" He stepped between her and his children, pushing them behind him as he snarled at her.

"I came to see my daughter." She snapped, raising a brow at Samantha's buzzed haircut. "Did she look too much like me?" She asked, resting her hand on hip.

"I told you to stay away from us." He snarled, whirling when an unknown man appeared in the corner of his vision.

"We are going to sue for custody of Samantha. And I promise you, that as an illegitimate sperm donor, you will not win." The man sneered, tucking a business card into John's pocket before he whisked Jessica away.

"You fucking snake!" John spat, hatred bubbling up in his chest like lava from a volcano. "You will never get my daughter!"


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter Sixty-Six**

Thomas watched silently as John stalked around the living room, nodding to Dominic to get a pillow when John's arms flexed. He winced as John's fist flew into the pillow, raising a brow to check on Dominic when he stumbled backwards. "John. Sit down."

John shook his head, twisting his tongue ring and continuing to stalk. "Why the hell is she doing this anyway?" He shouted, jerking away from Clarissa as she touched his shoulder. "All she wanted was to have sex with me! She never wanted Sammy! All she cared about was getting laid!" He glared at Thomas as he stood, eyes going pitch black in mere seconds. "I'm not letting this bullshit happen!"

Thomas nodded forcing his unease down as he saw that same seventeen-year-old he'd let into his home all those years ago. "Sit down." He ordered, stepping back when John shoved Cody out of his way as he came in the door.

Cody wiped some dirt from his face, confusion clear in his eyes as he looked between John's figure storm into the yard and the others in the house. "What happened?" He asked, suddenly wishing he was back out on the oil rig.

* * *

John skulked along the river, looking into the water to see his reflection. His lip curled when he saw his resemblance to Jacob, his jawline and nose far too much like his father. "FUCK YOU!" He screamed, throwing a huge rock into the water and taking his knife out of his pocket. He drove the blade into the nearest tree, successfully snapping the edge from the hilt and leaving his hand bloodied from the force. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

He leaned against the tree, fighting the tears as they welled in his eyes. He thought of the brand in his side, the name he'd been forced to bear not only on paper but in his very skin. He pulled his shirt off, chucking it into the mud before he started to scratch at the burns. His nails left bloody tracks in his flesh, ripping the skin and allowing him an outlet for his emotions that somehow seemed better than tears.

"John…" Phoebe asked as she moved closer to him, biting her lip when she saw that he was bleeding. "Can I see?"

"Go away." He ground out, fighting the tears as they tried to escape.

Phoebe continued toward him, draping her coat over his bare shoulders to protect him from the cold. "No." She stated, sitting beside him without touching him. "Why are you exploding now?" She asked, wrapping her arms around her knees as she spoke to him. "You've been docile for years. So, why are you acting out now?"

He worked his jaw and looked away from her, knowing that if he told her about the extra shifts and the second job he'd applied for, that she would tell Claire. "It's nothing." He stated, adjusting his positioning against the tree.

"Is it the cancer?" She asked, noticing that he hadn't slept well for days. "Sammy? Medusa?"

He shook his head for each, black eyes staring across the river. "Cravings."


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty-Seven**

John groaned as his alarm went off, rolling over and slammed his hand down on the damned clock. He reached to the empty half of his bed, his heart aching when he remembered that Claire was staying at the hospital for her chemo treatments. He threw the covers off of himself, rubbing his eyes before he got dressed. "Well… another day, another inch out of dept…" He pulled on a t-shirt and jeans, grabbing his keys from the dresser.

He paused in the kitchen, brow furrowing when he saw that Samantha was up. "Sammy… what're you doing up?" He glanced at the clock, wondering if he'd somehow overslept. "It's four in the morning."

Samantha lifted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to him. "I made you breakfast…" She ducked her head as he looked at her. She could see the circles under his eyes, and at night she could hear his quiet cries for her mother. "I wanna help."

John smiled and kissed her head. "Thank you, Sam." He handed her the salamander stuffy she loved, and nudged her toward her room. "Go get more sleep."

She nodded and glanced at her Grandpa Thomas in the guest room, turning as her father's truck started and he rolled out of the driveway. "I'm sorry Daddy…"

* * *

John listened to the conversations of the cooks in the restaurant as he washed dishes, rolling his eyes as they spoke in Spanish to try and avoid him knowing that they were talking about him. He growled in anger as he saw another mostly full plate on the steel table, scraping the food into the trash before he started to wash it. "Fucking wasteful sons of—"

"John?" Susana peeked around the corner to the dish-pit, noticing the scowl on his face. "Are you alright in here?"

He nodded, wiping his forehead with his arm before he pushed a tray of dishes into the washer. "I'm just pissed off." He sighed, taking a swig of water before he went back to work.

"Why?" Susana asked, placing a Churro on the counter for John to find. "Is Claire's chemo not going well?"

John scraped another plate clean, showing her how much food was in the trash. "I used to dig my meals out of the trash. And these people just act like it's nothing to have a full stomach." He remembered when he was a teen, how he and the burners had spent days scrounging for food; never knowing where their next meal would come from, or even if they would survive long enough to get it. "I just don't like to waste shit."

Susana nodded, noticing that he'd dropped weight since he'd started working at the restaurant. "I understand. When I was a little girl in Mexico… my Mother couldn't afford to feed us much. So, I learned to find my meals elsewhere."

John rolled his shoulders, leaning on the table as he checked the time. "I just don't understand why they order so much, but only eat a little."

She pulled on the apron strings at his back, letting the cloth hang loose against him. "Go home." She smiled, the crows-feet crinkling around her warm, kind eyes. "Get some rest." She handed him a box of food, patting the twenty-five-year-old father's hands as he took it from her. "Take care of your family."


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter Sixty-Eight**

Clarissa and Thomas shot out of bed, the sound of a blood-curdling scream reaching their ears before the sobs of children. "John?" Thomas asked, knowing that John had just barely keeping it all together.

Clarissa nodded and climbed out of bed, twisting her hair into a knot atop her head as she let herself wake a little more. "I'll take care of him. You take the kids." She yawned as she climbed the stairs to John and Claire's bedroom.

She paused when she saw John staring wide eyed at the ceiling, taking in the way his breath came in hitches and gasps. "Pumpkin?" She asked as she sat on the edge of his bed. A smile found its way to her lips as he looked at her. "You're okay…" She grunted when he flew into her embrace, noticing for the first time how strong and healthy he was now. She held him as he clung to her, reminded of the seventeen-year-old child she'd taken in almost seven years ago. She brushed her fingers through his hair, humming a quiet tune to him as he started to relax and go back to sleep. "There you go…" She whispered as she laid John back against the pillows, a sigh escaped her lips when she saw that John had one of Claire's shirts on the pillow next to him. She slowly picked it up and dropped it into the hamper before she left to go back to bed. "Sleep well."

* * *

Claire looked up as someone knocked on her door, a smile gracing her lips when she saw her husband. "Sugar." She greeted, giving him a kiss as he offered one. She pushed her hand into his hair, gently combing out the dark locks. "Have you slept at all this week?" She asked, touching her thumb to the dark circles under his eyes.

He shook her off, sitting on the edge of her bed as he allowed himself to be content with her. "I'm fine." He yawned, noticing that Claire's hair was starting to thin out. "How're you?"

She shrugged and sipped on the smoothie he'd brought her. "Tired." She watched as he examined her, able to see that he was slipping into his over protective husband roll. "It'll grow back John."

He nodded, swallowing as he saw that his fire was slowly fading. "I know…"

"Are you scared?" She asked, already knowing the answer. "Because we will beat this."

John kissed her again, slipping his tongue into her mouth and pressing the barbell to her spot. "I know we will."

* * *

Bobby fought back a wave of nausea as he laid eyes on the body's in the morgue, his lip curling when he saw that most of the victims were children or young teens. He shook his head when Luke pulled back one of the sheets on a thirteen-year-old girl.

"She was molested and raped before she was killed." Luke stated, circling the bruises around her breasts and hips with a gloved hand. "We sent the DNA we found to the lab."

Bobby nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line when he saw that many of the children —both boys and girls— had the same markings and showed the same process of the act. "I'll see if John has any ideas."

* * *

John's eyes narrowed to slits as he looked at the bodies, pausing at a teenage boy who had a similar appearance to himself —though not close enough to be related. "Ben…" He growled, touching gloved fingers to the bite in his lips. "He's still out there."

"Who?" Luke asked, looking between John, Bobby, and the Fed who'd been assigned to help with this case.

"A guy from a long time ago." John stated, shuddering with the haunting memory of Ben touching him and examining him like a toy.


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter Sixty-Eight**

John's lip curled as he listened to the Fed, Markus, voice his ideas. "We're not sending a kid into the field as bait." He snapped, his stomach turning with the thought. "I'm not letting that burden hang over my head."

Bobby lowered his head, knowing that John had been on edge since Claire's diagnosis and that a case like this could push him over the edge. "John—"

"No." John growled, slamming his hand down on the table. "I won't stand for it." He curled his lip as Markus opened his mouth to speak. "Listen, Fed. Ben is dangerous. I've met him before. He isn't someone to fuck around with."

"Standish, this guy's obviously attracted to kids, the best way to catch him is with a kid for bait." Markus cocked a brow at John, noticing a woman walk into the precinct with three young children and a babe. "Those kids look like they would be his type."

John turned to see the kids with Clarissa, a volcano erupting in his eyes when he looked back to Markus. "Those are _my_ kids, Fed." He snarled, standing to open the door for his family.

Sid bolted for the plate of sweets on the table, completely ignoring the new guy in the Wolf Den. "Gamma!" He grinned with a mouthful of cookies, reminding Clarissa of John when he'd first gotten his hands on a batch of sweets she'd made. "T'ey tas'e jus' like yo'rs!"

Clarissa shook her head, taking in the way John was glaring at the Federal Agent at the table. "Your son, looks just like you." She smiled, choosing to not push John with how close to an explosion he was.

John took Asher-Zane from her, a smile gracing his lips as his youngest gripped at his badge. "What're you guys doing today?" He asked, chuckling as Samantha climbed onto Bobby and Maya selected Joey as her perch.

"We might have a lead on Ben." She whispered, remembering how John had described him when he was a teen. "Jimmy called me last night. There's a guy like Ben hanging around the junk yard."

John nodded, jumping for Sid as he nearly tipped the cookie tray off of the table. "We'll check it out." He pulled Sid back to his side, handing Asher-Zane to Clarissa as his son started to throw a tantrum. "God damnit, Sidney!" He cursed, pulling his son to his feet at landing a quick pat to his behind. "Stop it."

Markus raised a brow at John, having looked into John's own file before he took the job. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree…" He remarked, flinching when John turned his glare to him.

"Markus. There is a huge difference between a flat hand to the ass, and a fist to the face." John stated, lifting his son onto his lap and letting him curl into his jacket. "I know the difference between abuse, and discipline. And I do not abuse my kids." He nodded to how Sid was quiet and close to him. "Abuse victims, don't cuddle with their abuser. And if he was hurt, he would be crying his eyes out. Not sniffling like this."

Markus rolled his eyes as watched John with his kids, still convinced that the kids would be the perfect for bait. "Tears are tears." He shrugged.


	70. Chapter 70

** Chapter Sixty-Nine**

John scraped another plate into the garbage can. He perked up as a familiar song started to play on the jukebox, hardly able to believe that this song was on that machine. "Prison gates won't open up for me On these hands and knees I'm crawlin' Oh, I reach for you, well I'm terrified of these four walls These iron bars can't hold my soul in All I need is you, come please, I'm callin' And, oh, I scream for you Hurry, I'm fallin', I'm fallin' Show me what it's like To be the last one standing And teach me wrong from right And I'll show you what I can be Say it for me, say it to me And I'll leave this life behind me Say it if it's worth saving me Heaven's gates won't open up for me With these broken wings I'm fallin' and all I see is you These city walls ain't got no love for me I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story And, oh, I scream for you come please, I'm callin' and all I need from you, hurry, I'm fallin', I'm fallin' Show me…" He wasn't singing very loud, in fact, he didn't think anyone could hear him in the dish pit, until one of the waiter's tapped his shoulder. "Fuck!" He shouted, turning to see that it was only Danny.

"Sorry…" He winced, watching as John went back to work. "Did… did you used to be in this band?" He asked, remembering listening to Wrong Side of the Tracks when he was younger.

John nodded, pushing another tray of dishes into the washer before he started on the next stack. "I was the singer and lead guitar." He shrugged, wiping his brow on his arm. "It was a long time ago."

Danny's brow furrowed, remembering when he'd seen John preforming on TV when he was just a kid. "Why'd you stop?"

John gave a tired smile, drying his hands off as he washed the last of the kitchen dishes and waited for the last few plates. "Got married, settled down, had kids… life happened. I didn't want to miss it."

"I can't believe I didn't recognize you." Danny chuckled, taking some dishes to put them away for John when he noticed that the ex-singer was showing signs of pain in his feet. "You were like my favorite band when I was a kid!"

John chuckled and finished his job before he took his apron off and started gathering his stuff. "I'm not as good as I was." He pulled his keys from his pocket, stretching his arms before he started clocking out. "Been a long time."

* * *

John yawned as he stepped into Markus's FBI vehicle, his lip curling as Marcus climbed in with them. "Keep your head down, Fed." He growled, remembering the entire conversation from the day before and how Markus had tried to get John to let his own children be used as bait.

Markus scoffed and drove them to the junkyard, noticing that John pulled a banana over his face before he got out of the car. "Afraid of a criminal record here?" He asked, smirking when John stopped in his tracks. "After all, once a thug always a-"

"Shut up!" Joey snapped, noticing that his K9 and John both turned in the same direction at the same time. "They're on the trail."

Bobby stepped forward as John walked into a dark shed, worried that his friend wouldn't walk back out. "John?" He called, falling to the ground as a gunshot rang through the air and the shed collapsed at the same time. "John!" He scrambled for his friend, digging through the rubble only to find no trace of John except for his red bandanna and a lock of gray hair. "Fuck…" He turned back to the Wolf Pack, holding the bandanna out for Roxie the K9 to smell. "Spread out! They can't be far."


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter Seventy-One**

John groaned as he started to come too, rolling onto his side to try and stop the pounding in his skull. He opened his eyes as something pulled tightly at his wrists. "What… the?" He tried to get free of the cuffs, running his fingers around his wrists only to realize that he was being held with his own handcuffs.

"Well, looks like someone finally decided to wake up." Ben's voice purred. "How was your nap?" He smiled, pulling John to a sitting position before he started to loosen the collar of his uniform.

"Fuck off!" John snapped, curling his lips as Ben removed the shirt and started taking the bulletproof vest off.

"My, my, my… got some tattoos now?" He tightened the cuffs again, tracing his fingers over the valleys between John's ribs and down to the curves of his hips. "You've filled out too." He met John's eyes as his breath and heart sped up, a chill going down his spine when they turned pitch-black. "How about a kiss?" He breathed, leaning closer to John until the younger man snapped at him.

"Let me go." John growled, a broken scream ripping from his throat as a black muzzle was pulled over his face.

Ben held the muzzle in his hand, slipping his fingers into a steel loop under John's chin. "Oh, don't give me that." He smiled. "You must be hungry if you're snapping at me like that." He left the room for a moment.

John looked around the room, looking for any possible way of escape. He tugged at the cuffs, huffing when all he succeeded in doing was make his headache worse. _Fuck…_ He thought, looking over to his discarded uniform on the concrete floor.

* * *

Ben grinned as he stepped into the room to see that John was fighting against the cuffs and shaking his head to try and get the muzzle off. "Are you going to bite me again?" He asked, setting a plate of steaming food on the table in front of him.

John shook his head, aching for the muzzle to be taken off. He took a breath as the leather was removed, nearly gagging as Ben's scent invaded his nose. "Give me back my clothes." He ordered, turning away from Ben as he moved closer.

Ben chuckled and stepped over to the uniform, unpinning the badge from John's shirt before he tossed it into a laundry hamper. "Would you like to wear your badge again?" He asked, letting the light glint off of the sharp points of the pins.

John swallowed as Ben neared him, forcing himself to slow his breath and hide his fear. "Fuck off." He barked, freezing as the needle-sharp points were rested against his chest. "Don't-" The word was cut in half as the pine pierced his chest, a yelp of pain escaping his throat. He looked at his chest, swallowing when Ben removed his hand to let the crimson blood run from behind the metal.

"Very pretty." Ben commented, taking a seat across from John and enjoying his meal as if nothing had happened. "You know, I don't normally enjoy adults. Not tight enough, you see, but with you, if I close my eyes, I can still see you as a child." He raked his eyes over John's body, subconsciously touching a finger to the scars on his lips. "You still have the body of one at least."


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter Seventy-Two**

John kicked and scratched as Ben tried to pin him to the mattress, muffled curses leaving his lips from behind the muzzle. He froze for a split second as cold, greasy hands caressed his nether regions. As soon as he regained his senses, he began lashing out again, fighting back a scream as his testicals were squeezed.

"If you'd stop fighting, this wouldn't be so painful." Ben chided, leaning over John's sweat covered body and tenderly caressing his face. "Just accept it Johnny… it isn't so bad."

John's eyes turned black, sending a chill down Ben's spine. He twisted his wrists in the cuffs, giving him a double middle finger before he was blinded with a long strip of rough fabric. He gasped as he felt Ben's hands move over his body, biting down on his tongue as Ben paused at the tattoos that displayed his children's names and birthdates on his arm. He tried again to lash out, whimpering in pain as Ben shocked him with what felt like a cattle prod in the ribs.

Ben grinned and leaned toward his prey, biting at the tattoo of a wolf on John's waist before he kissed a long line down John's hip and to his inner thigh. "Ah, ah, ah…" He scolded, letting John hear the clicking of electricity from the prod when he moved to hurt him. "You don't want to get shocked again, do you?"

John stilled, knowing better than to fight in this condition. He could feel the cuffs biting into his wrists, feel Ben kneeling beside him. He knew that Ben was planning to take him. The only question was when. He stiffened as he heard a bottle pop open, able to smell the scent of lubricant before it was even out of the tube.

Ben smirked at John's still form on the bed, squeezing some lube onto two of his fingers before he slid them between John's legs. "Don't be afraid. It'll only hurt for a moment." He shivered as John moaned in pain as he prepared him. "Now, it'll be worse if you clench up like that." He jumped as the house door was smashed open, quickly covering himself with a pair of jeans before he fled. "I'll leave my mark on you next time, Bender." He growled before he ducked out of the home.

* * *

Bobby held his hand out to the guys as he opened the door to the master bedroom, his stomach twisting when he saw the predicament John was in. "Stay here." He ordered, stepping inside and watching John for signs of life. "John?" He leapt forward as John fought against his bindings, using a spare key to unlock the cuffs before he took the muzzle and blindfold off.

John gasped in panic as he was freed, bolting to the other side of the room, where he curled into a tight ball and glared at anyone to dared come near.

Bobby could see where John had been touched and abused by his captor, see the stains on the sheets where the lube hadn't quite made it onto John. He tried to ignore the oily sections of John's body, knowing that he'd already been touched but not fully raped.

"He's scared shitless." Joey whispered, letting Roxie run to John and lick his face to pull him out of it. "There's no sign of Ben." He pulled on a pair of gloves and took an anti-shock blanket from Levi to drape over John's shaking body while they gathered the evidence they could. "Bobby… did you see this?" He pointed to where John's badge was pierced to his body, knowing that it had to be painful.

Bobby stepped closer, pausing when John bared his teeth at the movement. "I couldn't get it off of him before he bolted." He stated, amazed that Levi had been able to get so close.

Markus scoffed at how John was quivering in the corner, stepping forward with a packet of swabs and test kits to collect evidence off of John himself. "Some cop you make." He sneered, yelping when John lashed out at him and landed a hard hit to his leg. "Holy fuck!" He shouted, which only made John more defensive.

Beckett grabbed Markus by the collar, taking the test kits from him and allowing a paramedic to fill a syringe with a sedative to make John less of a threat. "Let him be and shut up." He placed a hand on the paramedic's arm, able to see that John was starting to relax on his own. "Don't sedate him yet." He ordered, watching as John tipped onto his side and passed out from pure exhaustion.


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter Seventy-Three**

Bobby wadded up his jacket and tucked it under John's head, adjusting the anti-shock blanket over him to help him relax. He watched as the paramedics began gathering tests from John's body, swallowing when Katlynn pulled John's badge from his skin and fresh blood mixed with the old. "He'll need a tetanus shot." He sighed, swallowing when John whimpered as Mike started swabbing his behind and manhood to collect the tests.

Katlynn nodded and filled a syringe with the vaccine, wiping a spot on John's arm with an alcohol wipe before she injected it into him. "We'll need a saliva sample." She whispered, able to see that Bobby was trying to protect John as much as he could.

Bobby nodded and opened John's mouth to let her swab the inside of his cheeks. He winced when John gagged, quickly moving to support him if he threw up. "It's alright Alpha." He soothed, noticeably relaxing when Mike finished getting John cleaned up and placed the last of the tests into their respective bags. He jumped when John's eyes flew open and turned to pure gold. "John. John, relax. You're safe."

John's limbs tangled in the blanket, causing his panic to grow as he realized that he couldn't escape. "NO!" He screamed, finally managing to get his arm free and reaching for the first thing he could find to defend himself. "GET OFF!" He pointed the taser at anyone who came close to him, a blood-curdling scream ripping from his throat as Mike tied a blindfold around his head to help keep the panic down. "NO!"

Bobby motioned for Levi to get an extra set of clothing from the cars as he helped to restrain John enough to inject the sedative without breaking the needle off. "There you go, Alpha…" He cooed, taking a cold cloth from Beckett as he knelt beside them. "Just breathe." He rubbed the cloth over John's chest and shoulders. "Just like that."

Markus scoffed as he saw that Bobby had a cut on his hand, watching as he and the captain tried to calm the terrified cop. "He's mental." He stated, watching as the other members of the Wolf Pack started slipping some too-big clothes onto John's thin body.

Beckett turned to the Fed; a glare set on his face. "You need to do more research on people in hostage situations." He gently placed an oxygen mask over John's face, helping him get what he needed. "He's protecting himself against what he sees as a threat right now."

Joey nodded, finishing with collecting the evidence they needed before he spoke. "John's always been a fighter. He doesn't run from a threat. He gets himself to a safe spot and fights from there."

Markus rolled his eyes and watched as John's muscles went lax and Bobby lifted him to the car. "He's a coward." He scoffed.

* * *

Beckett smiled as John started to come too. "Good morning." He greeted, helping John prop himself up on some pillows. "How do you feel?" He asked, offering him a drink of water and pain meds.

"Sore." John croaked, looking down at the bandage on his chest where the badge had been shoved into the skin. "Still feel pretty doped up."

Beckett nodded, pressing a cold cloth to John's head as he remembered the concussion he had. "Do you remember anything?" He asked, wiping the sweat from John's face when he noticed that he had a fever.

John shook his head, trying to curl onto his side when he began to shiver. "Did you give me something?" He asked, coughing as he realized that his muscles were aching.

"A tetanus shot." He stated, standing to retrieve some food for the younger man. "Don't want my best Sargent getting lock jaw." He smirked.


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter Seventy-Four**

Bobby unlocked the door to John's home using his spare key, a smile touching his lips when he smelled Clarissa's homemade apple pie baking in the oven. "Where're the monsters?" He joked, stepping into the kitchen to see that Clarissa was also whipping up a batch of ice cream.

"They're playing with Chance." She sighed, swallowing with the thought that Chance was almost thirteen years old now. "Poor pup. She's been limping all day."

Bobby nodded, stepping into the laundry room to collect some of John's clothes. "We got John back from Ben today." He stated, picking Asher-Zane up as he fussed in the play pen in the dining room. "Ben got away, so we want to move you all to the precinct for a while."

Clarissa pulled her pie from the oven, putting it on a plate and preparing everything they would need for the stay. "Okay. We'll be there in a little bit." She didn't seem too surprised at the news.

"Beckett called you already, didn't he?" He chuckled as she nodded, whistling for Chance when he thought of how distraught John would be if they left the dog alone. "I'll take Chancie with me." He grunted as Sid bolted to him as well. "And Sid can come too."

"Do I get to ride in the squad car?" He asked, beaming when Bobby nodded. "YAY!"

* * *

John brushed his fingers through Samantha's slowly growing hair, humming a quiet lullaby to his children as they slept in the pullout couch in Becketts office. "Lulla-lulla-lullaby Hush, little baby, don't say a word. Papa's going to buy you a mocking bird. And if that mocking bird don't sing, Papa's going to buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring is brass, Papa's going to buy you a looking glass. And if that looking glass gets broke, Papa's going to buy you a billy goat. And if that billy goat don't pull, Papa's going to you a cart and bull. And if that cart and bull turn over, Papa's going to buy a dog called Rover. And if that dog called Rover don't bark, Papa's going to buy you a horse and cart. And if that horse and cart turn round, You'll still be the sweetest little babe in town."

Asher-Zane stirred beside his father, dark eyes opening to peer at him in the dim light of the moon. He could see water in his father's eyes, but he didn't know why it was there. Was he hungry? Why was his dad so sad?

John gave a small smile and pulled his youngest close to him, touching the fine baby hair on his head. "You're gonna grow up to be so strong." He whispered, pressing a kiss to his son's head. "Just like your momma is."

Joey paused at the slightly open door, smiling when he heard John talking to his children. "You're a good dad." He whispered, before he moved on to check on Dominic and the rest of John's family.


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter Seventy-Five**

Beckett slowly opened the door to his office, tiptoeing to his desk when he saw that John and his kids were still passed out cold. He smiled when he saw how John was sleeping with one kid using his knee as a pillow, one with her feet in his face, another who was curled on his chest, and the fourth resting under his arm. He shook his head at John's bed head and the line of drool on the corner of his lips. "You're one crazy kid, Johnny."

John moaned in his sleep as Beckett booted his computer up, the fan on the hard drive waking him. "Hmm?" He blinked the sleep from his eyes and wiped a hand over his mouth. "The hell…" He moved Maya's feet from his face, letting her flop over like a dead fish before he started untangling himself from the other three. "Damn… you guys must've really doped me up yesterday." He stretched as he crawled over the four little bodies in his bed, patting Chance on the head before he pulled his old Wrong Side of the Tracks t-shirt on. "I haven't slept like that since I was a baby."

Beckett chuckled his eyes scanning over John's scarred and mangled back. "You were out cold." He smirked, watching as John scratched his head and yawned. "Coffee's in the Wolf Den."

John nodded, before he stumbled down the halls. "Holy shit…" He shook his head as he poured a cup of coffee, smiling as he read the mug that he'd gotten for Father's Day. "Markus. You need to take about three steps back." He growled, dumping a few packets of sugar into his drink before he grabbed one of the donuts on the table.

Markus looked around for a moment, trying to find a mirror or something John could have used to see him. "How did you know I was here?"

"You smell like peppermint." John stated. Taking a seat at the table and looking through some restaurant flyers he'd grabbed from the bulletin board. "Peppermint isn't my favorite smell."

Markus stepped back as John reached for the phone, watching as he dialed up Ihop and ordered a few plates to be delivered to them for the kids' breakfast. "You are mental."

John put the phone down after giving them his bank card number. "I'm not mental. I'm just not your average cop." He stretched and gave Chance a pet as she came to sit beside him. "How's my fur baby today?" He asked, his heart filling with sadness as she turned her half-blind eyes to him.

Bobby grinned as he carried a fussy Asher-Zane to his father. "Someone wants dad." He chuckled, handing the babe off to John.

"A.Z." He sighed, pulling a baby bottle from the fridge and popping it in the microwave before he gave it to his kid. "Your mom is so much better at this."

Bobby laughed as watched Markus out of the corner of his eye. "Well, your wife does have boobs—" He closed his mouth tight as he realized what he'd said, knowing that John was still trying to pay for Claire's Chemo. "Sorry…"

John shook his head, rocking his son in his arms as he fed him. "It's fine. She'll beat it. I know she will."


	76. Chapter 76

**Chapter Seventy-Six**

Asher laughed as he watched Amber and the quads play together, turning to see John working through the paperwork that hand built up after his badge had become a piece of evidence. "Why don't you take a break?" He asked, leaning against John's desk as he watched him write a few words on the paper then type them into the computer. "You're exhausting yourself."

"I'm fine." John stated, taking a bite of a meager helping of plain oatmeal.

Asher sighed and reached over John's head to push the power button on his computer's hard drive. "Go rest." He ordered, challenging John's glare with his own. "I'm not letting you wear yourself out." He knew that John would work himself to the bone. Especially when he was trying to distract himself from cravings or drama going on in his life.

"Asher. I'm twenty-five-years -old. I'm fine." He turned back to his computer, hitting the power button and waiting for the windows program to boot up again. "Fucksake!" He turned to Asher as he shut it down again. "I need to get this shit done!"

Asher looked at the circles under John's eyes and his dropped weight. "You need to rest."

"Fuck off." John growled, moving his paperwork with him as he migrated to a new spot. "I can rest later."

Asher followed his nephew, sidestepping as he swiped at his ankles with his leg. "Johnathan. Stop it."

John huffed and closed the file. "I'm fine." He stated, petting Chance to try and ease his anger. "Just a little frazzled is all."

Asher nodded and slid the file away from him, glancing at Sara as she walked toward them. "Take a break. I'm sure someone else can pick up a little slack."

Sara rubbed John's shoulders, smiling when he relaxed into her touches.

"How's Claire?" He sighed, closing his eyes as Sara soothed his aching muscles.

"She misses you." Sara lifted her eyes as Markus stalked around the office.

"Is she recovering?" He asked, breathing the scent of fresh coffee brewing in the pot.

Sara shook her head, glaring at Markus as he moved too close to them. "Same as last time you asked." She stated, a small smile on her lips as Beverly stepped into the Wolf Den.

* * *

Beverly smiled as she watched her grandchildren play, chuckling as Sid let Maya pin him to the ground. "So much like you were at that age." She turned to John, taking in the deep set of his eyes, the hard line of his jaw, the sharpness of his cheekbones. "I'm sorry Johnny… I should have just put you up for adoption…"

John shook his head, pushing himself up to get another glass of water. "It is what it is." He growled, hardly able to keep the distain from his voice. "You can't change the past."

She bit her lip, noticing how John had covered some of the worst scars on his body with tattoos. She'd never liked the idea of tattoos and piercings, but she did like the contrast of the black ink on Johns skin. "Is this one for Claire?" She asked, brushing her fingers over the freshest tattoo on John's chest.

He swiped her hand away, displaying the ribbon with pride. "It's for anyone who has cancer. Breast or otherwise." He touched the small scars it hid. "I just chose my chest because I wanted it there."

"Who did it for you?" She asked.

"Dominic. He owns a tattoo shop a few blocks from here. He doesn't charge me anything." He returned to his desk and booted his computer up again, lifting Samantha onto his lap as she decided it was time for dad snuggles.


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter Seventy-Seven**

Claire smiled as she listened to John play his guitar at her bedside, closing her eyes as his voice filled the room.

"All I ever heard were promises and tired excuses I'm making up my mind right now, right now No more looking back, now I'm looking toward the future Waited for my time, it's right now, right now Never fear, never fall Never giving up til' you give me what I came for Now I think I'm losing patience Battle stations All eyes on me, castles falling Glory, glory I'll rise like a one man army I don't wanna die without living I can't fight without winning All eyes on me I'll rise like a one man army Even when we're lost it doesn't have to mean we're losing I will overcome if I fight now, right now Never fear, never fall Never giving up til' you give me what I came for I'm through with all the time I've wasted Battle stations All eyes on me, castles falling glory, glory I'll rise like a one man army I don't wanna die without living And I can't fight without winning All eyes on me I'll rise like a one man army You miss all the chances you don't take (ooh) You can't be afraid to make mistakes All eyes on me, castles falling Glory, glory (oh) All eyes on me, castles falling Glory, glory I'll rise like a one man army I don't wanna die without living And I can't fight without winning All eyes on me I'll rise like a one man army Oh oh, oh oh I'll rise like a one man army Oh oh, oh oh I'll rise like a one man army…" John's bitter coffee eyes watched her as he sang, taking in her beauty and counting every breath she took. "We'll beat this, Sweets." He whispered, smiling as she placed a hand on his cheek.

She gently kissed him, touching the ribbon tattoo under his t-shirt. "Damn right we will." She laughed, pulling him closer. "Actually… we already have."

John pulled away from her, hesitant hope shining in his eyes as he looked into her own. "What?"

"It's going into remission." She grinned, a muffled scream of shock escaping her lips when John slammed his mouth into hers. "I can go home tomorrow."

John kissed her entire face, moving to her neck and collarbones before he broke down in a heart-breaking sob that showed his relief. "I knew you could win." He cried, holding her close to his body as she laughed. "I knew it."

* * *

John watched Claire sleep beside him, a hand gently caressing her hip as she moved closer to him. He brushed his fingers in little circles over her skin, hardly able to believe that in only four months she'd kicked cancer's ass.

"Go to sleep, you creeper." Claire grumbled, smacking his face with a tired movement. "You've gotta get up early."

He smirked and held her closer, burying his nose in the crook of her neck and breathing her scent. "Fine. I'll go to sleep." He cuddled into the blankets, and closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift into the sweet caress of sleep in Claire's arms.

"Go to sleep, you creeper." Claire grumbled, smacking his face with a tired movement. "You've gotta get up early."

He smirked and held her closer, burying his nose in the crook of her neck and breathing her scent. "Fine. I'll go to sleep." He cuddled into the blankets, and closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift into the sweet caress of sleep in Claire's arms once again.


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter Seventy-Eight**

"Until this is settled, I rule that Miss Jenkins and her fiancé Mr. Carlington, shall have three days a week with the child." The judge slammed his gavel down on the stand as John moved to stand. "Court dismissed."

"Your Honor!" John called, trying to get to the judge before he left the room. "Please! You can't take my daughter from me!"

Jessica gave a sweet smile as she knelt before Samantha, brushing a short lock of blonde hair behind her ear. "Why don't we go buy you a new dress." She cooed, shooting a look at John before she and her fiancé started to leave with the child. "We'll see you later Johnny."

"Jessica!" John lunged for his child, his heart ripping in half as Bobby and Beckett held him back. "Don't do this!" A sob ripped from his throat as his body went limp in his friend's arms and he watched his daughter "Don't take her…"

Bobby lead John to the car as he cried. "Let's get you home."

* * *

Markus stepped by Beckett's office, straining to hear as someone quietly sobbed inside. He pushed the door open slightly, peering inside to see that John's body was hitching and jerking with tears. "Sissy." He grunted, stepping back when John started to gag on his tears.

Markus yelped as a rough hand grabbed his arm, turning to see the man he'd learned was named Justin. "Leave him be. He just lost his kid." He jumped as something splattered against the floor, knowing exactly what had made his little brother sick. "Fuck…"

Markus watched as Justin climbed onto the bed over his brother, his lip curling when the scent of vomit reached his nose. "Faggots…"

* * *

Clarissa stepped into the office John was using as his bedroom, frowning when she saw that John was cried out of tears but still fighting to stay awake. She took a mop from the closet and started cleaning the mess on the floor, smiling at Justin as he and Dominic nestled John between them and tried to calm him. "How is he?"

Dominic shook his head, reaching for the bucket as John started to heave again. "I think it's worse than just anxiety." He pressed the back of his hand to his cousin's head, brow furrowing when he felt the heat radiating from his body. "He's gotta be sick."

Justin steadied the bucket as John's body rejected the water they'd forced into him, rubbing his back as his tears mixed with the sweat on his brow. "Probably the flu."

Clarissa nodded, and finished cleaning up before she tucked some more blankets around John. "Keep him warm. See if the fever will break." She pressed her hand to John's chest, able to feel the way his breath rattled in his lungs. "If it isn't gone by morning, I'll have Claire's immunity booster shots upped before she comes home."

Dominic pulled John back onto the pillows, letting him rest more comfortably as they tried to get fluids into him. "We'll call you if it breaks."


	79. Chapter 79

**Chapter Seventy-Nine**

John coughed as the day dragged on, closing his eyes as the light through Beckett's office window made his headache even worse. He could hear Beckett working at his desk, the quiet shuffling of paper and clicking of computer keys somehow soothing him as his body tried to sweat the fever out. "Is Claire back yet?" He croaked, rolling over slightly to look at his boss.

"Clarissa went to get her a little bit ago." He stood from his chair and stepped over to John, pressing his hand to his head before he offered him a glass of water. "That damn fever…" He sighed, wetting a cloth under the faucet and pressing it to John's brow.

John groaned as Sid climbed into the bed, gently taking his son in his arms and letting him try to make him feel better. "Hey Spiderman." He smirked, letting Sid examine him like a little doctor. "How're you?"

Sid shrugged and pressed his ear to John's chest, listening to the raspy breaths and the strong heart. "Markus told me that you're gonna die…" He looked into his father's eyes, able to seen when they turned black. "You're not gonna die, are you?"

John shook his head and pulled his son tight against his chest. "No!" He tilted Sid's head to look at him. "Remember what I told you when Mommy got sick?"

Sid nodded. "Bender's are hard to kill." He wiped his hand under his nose, trying to not show his tears. "But we're Bender-Standishes."

"That makes us even tougher." He smirked, rolling over and pinning Sid to the mattress and blowing a raspberry on his stomach. "Go put a damn shirt on." He chuckled, giving his son a little smack on the behind as he left to find his clothes. "And not the one you wore yesterday!" He shouted, knowing that Sid would find the grossest clothing he could.

Beckett laughed as John crawled out of the bed. "Where are you going?"

"To scare the shit out of a Fed." John gave a signature Burner smirk and pulled his LAPD shirt on.

* * *

"Markus!" John barked as he caught sight of the FBI agent speaking to Beverly. "Did you tell my kids that I'm going to die?"

Markus's brow furrowed, as if he didn't know what John was talking about. "Why would a tell children that?" He smiled at John with false sympathy. "You must be hallucinating from the fever." He reached out to feel John's head, jumping slightly when John slapped his hand away.

"Don't talk to my kids again." John snapped, his head suddenly spinning as his anger started to rise. "I need to sit down." He grabbed onto a chair beside the desk, his body going limp before he could sit.

"John!" Beverly caught him as he fell, her eyes going wide when she felt how warm his body was. "Ryan!" She called, knowing that Ryan was the most likely to have a way to help him.

* * *

Claire took a seat next to John's bed, brushing his sweat soaked hair out of his face as he slept. She wanted so badly to kiss him, but the mask that protected her from catching whatever John had prevented that. "I love you, Sugar." She whispered, watching as Ryan felt over John's body and limbs. "What do you think he has?" She asked.

Ryan stopped and squeezed something under John's arm. "I think it's an infection." He twisted John's arm over, and poked at the lump. "Correction. He managed to get a tick." He pulled a pair of tweezers from his bag and pulled the tick out from under John's skin. "Just gotta give him a shot to prevent Lime Disease and he'll be good to go."

Claire sighed in relief and held John's hand to her heart. "Thank God." She smiled, watching as John's features relaxed in his sleep.


	80. Chapter 80

**Chapter Eighty**

John lifted Asher-Zane from his crib, chucking when his son tried to pull at the little bandage that was covering where the tick had been buried in his skin. "That's not a sticker goofy." He smirked, combing back his son's fiery hair from his face. "Someone needs a haircut." He chuckled, his smile falling when he thought of Samantha with Jessica on the other side of town.

* * *

Samantha scowled at the frilly puffy dress that Jessica had forced her into. She listened as she sat at the table with the adults, hating every second of it since she wasn't allowed to speak like she was at her parents out. She looked at the sippy cup of apple juice on the table, glaring at her least favorite drink in the world. "Miss Jenkins?" She asked, refusing to call this woman her mother. "Can I please have some grape juice instead?"

Jessica shushed her, and dismissed her with a wave of a well-manicured hand. "No. Grape juice stains and I don't want your pretty dress to look like your other clothes." She tucked her hair behind her ear as she returned to the conversation at hand. "Robert hired the best attorney for me to get custody of my daughter." She bragged, confident that she and her fiancé would win the case. "See, Johnathan is a horrible man, he raped me when I got pregnant with my beautiful Samantha. And then he told that slime-ball of a father-in-law that I was the one to assault him!"

"MY DADDY IS THE BEST MAN!" Samantha shouted, glaring at Jessica as the entire room seemed to hold its breath.

Jessica glared at the child, gripping her arm and dragging her from the dinner party. "Don't you ever speak to me like that!" She snapped, pushing Samantha into the bedroom she'd given her and throwing her over her knee. She grabbed a belt from the foot of the bed and folded it before she slapped it over Samantha's bare behind until it was rosy and bleeding. "And my name is 'mommy' _not_ 'miss Jenkins.'" She stated, leaving the blubbering child in the room and locking the door behind her.

* * *

Samantha curled onto her side, reaching under her pillow for the small photo she had of her family. "I miss you Daddy…" She sniffled, her behind still stinging from the belt. "You and Mommy never hit me like this." She thought of the very few times that John and Claire had hit her, the way they were only harsh enough to sting for a second and only ever used their hands.

She jumped as her door opened and Jessica stepped inside. "Did you learn your lesson?" Jessica asked, taking a seat on the bed after she laid out another frilly night gown.

Samantha swallowed, trying to hide her grimace at the sight of the night gown. "Yes Ma'am…" She whispered, yelping when Jessica smacked her. "I mean Mommy!"

Jessica gave a sweet smile and placed a sippy cup of milk beside the bed. "Good girl." She praised, kissing Samantha's head before she left the room.

* * *

John slipped out of the bed as Claire slept with him, stepping over to the window to look at the full moon and Samantha's star just to the east of it. "Please let her be safe." He whispered, opening the window and leaning out over the sill to breath the cold night air.

Claire moaned in the bed, reaching over to John's side of the bed. "Babe…" She yawned, sitting up slightly as she saw his silhouette in the moonlight. "You're overthinking again…" She whispered, able to see his unease even in the night.

"I don't like my pack being separated." He growled, brushing a hand through his hair as he tried to calm his nerves.

Claire nodded and pulled her blanket's closer. "Even Alpha's need their sleep." She motioned him closer as he turned to see her. "Come to bed." She smiled as he climbed into the bed again, ever so gently gathering him close to her and kissing his neck.


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter Eighty-One**

"God damnit…" Beckett cursed as he tried to start up his wife's car. "What the hell is wrong with this?"

John stepped out into the parking lot for some fresh air, smirking when he saw that Becket was struggling with the car. "Want me to take a look?" He asked, leaning back on his heels and switching the toothpick in his teeth from one side to the other.

"Yeah, go for it." Beckett shook his head when he saw that John was more chilled out than normal, knowing that Claire had slipped an anti-anxiety into his breakfast. "I don't have the slightest idea what it is."

John leaned over the engine, dark eyes scanning over it for the problem. "Gwen can take Claire's car if she wants." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. "Toyota." He grunted, crawling under the car and muttering a string of curses as he quickly realized he wasn't a skinny flexible seventeen-year-old anymore.

Beckett chuckled as he watched John's body disappear under the Ford, leaving only his legs visible under the bumper. "Don't break anything."

* * *

Samantha beamed when she saw her father working on an old ford in the parking lot, moving to run to him until Jessica gripped her arm.

Jessica smiled when she saw that John had his earphones in and was listening to his iPod. She leaned toward him slightly, noticing that his jeans were loose on his hips. She reached forward and slipped her hand into his jeans, giving his ass a hard squeeze, which sent him flying. "WHAT THE FUCK?" He shouted, rubbing the back of his head where he'd crashed into the hood of the car. He ripped the earphones out of his ears, glaring at Jessica as she gave a cat-like grin. "Don't do that!" He rested a hand on Samantha's head as she cuddled into his hip. "You know I'm married."

She shrugged, kneeling down and pulling Samantha tight to her chest. "Mommy loves you, Samantha."

Samantha pushed her away, backing over to John again as she tried to avoid eye contact. "Can I go inside?" She asked, looking up to John as Jessica turned to leave.

John's brow furrowed as he looked at her, able to see that Samantha had changed in the three days. "What's wrong?" He asked, kneeling down to look her in the eyes. "Did she do something to you?" He let her play with his wedding ring, knowing that she only twisted it around his finger when she was scared. "Sam." He lifted her head to look into her eyes. "If Jessica hurt you, I need to know."

She swallowed and pushed away from him, fighting back tears as she thought about her sore behind. "I wanna change my clothes." She mumbled, pulling at the dress that was now spotted with oil from her father's hands. "I feel like Jessica's gross little poodle."

John chuckled and let her go, handing her his pass key for the side door. "Mom's up there too." He smiled, able to tell that Samantha had been hurt in some way, though he wasn't sure how.

Samantha opened the door and rushed inside, furiously wiping at her tears as she thought of what Jessica had done to her. She was ashamed to think it, but when her dad had made her look at him, she'd almost thought he would hurt her too.


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter Eighty-Two**

Samantha pulled her dress off, tossing it to the other side of the room before she started digging in her father's suitcase. She pulled out a ratty old Harley Davidson shirt, sticking her fingers into the rips before she pulled it on. She tucked her nose into the over-sized collar, climbing onto the sofa bed and taking her favorite book from the table beside her. She cuddled into her father's pillow and flipped the book open, reading over the images of her parents and family that her aunt Allison had published so many years ago.

* * *

John pushed his soaking wet hair out of his face, ignoring the other guys in the showers as he let the water run down his body. He sighed as the heat relaxed his muscles and cleaned his skin of sweat and dirt. He could hear the guys joking in the locker room, a smirk sliding onto his lips as he shook his head. He picked up his soap bar from its ledge and rubbed it into a lather under his arms and over his chest and back.

He jumped as Markus whistled at him, turning to see that the Fed had pulled the curtain back slightly. "Get out." He growled, letting the suds run down his hips and legs.

Markus shrugged. "I thought faggots like you love that sort of shit." He tossed something into the shower, before he left.

"I'm not gay!" John snapped, looking down at the object at his feet to see that it was a pack of condoms and a butt plug.

* * *

Claire looked up from her magazine as John threw something into the garbage, taking in the look of pure hatred in his onyx eyes. "What was that?" She asked, watching him skulk around the room before he grabbed a pair of sweatpants from his suitcase and his hand wraps before he pulled on some tennis-shoes.

"Nothing." He snapped, closing the door behind him as he left.

Claire stood and stepped over to the garbage, pulling out the condoms and butt plug he'd thrown in there. "Oh my God…"

* * *

Bobby grabbed Markus by the collar and shoved him into the gym. "You're lucky that isn't you." He stated, nodding to John as he beat his fists and legs into the heavy bag in front of him. "He's been at this for almost two hours."

Markus's eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of blood on John's wrapped hands and shins. "I didn't do anything." He defended, turning to Bobby as John spat sweat and spit into the water fountain.

"Like hell you did." He growled. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing!"

John timed his hits to the music in his iPod, ignoring the pain that shot up his arms and into his shoulders with every punch. His entire body ached, but he had to get this anger out. He let out a guttural scream as he landed his hardest kick on the bag, finally letting the exhaustion take over and collapsing onto the mat.


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter Eighty-Three**

Samantha pouted as John walked with her to the ice cream shop where they were meeting Jessica and Robert. "I don't wanna go with them." She grumbled, taking a seat at their usual spot as her father ordered their usual hot fudge sundae to split.

"I know Sammy." He set the ice cream before her. "Believe me, if I could, I wouldn't let you out of my sight." He took a spoonful of the dessert. "But judge Taylor wants you to spend time with them."

Samantha thought back to the last time she'd been with them, thinking of her sore behind and the belt as it had slapped her. "Miss Jenkins wants me to call her mommy…"

"Do you want to?" He asked, handing her a napkin and taking a sip of his water.

She shook her head, looking up into her father's soft earth-brown eyes. "Is it bad… if I don't?"

John chuckled and adjusted the barrette in her hair. "Do I can Miss Beverly 'mommy?'" He smiled as she thought of it for a moment.

"No." She traced a hand over the pattern on the table. "But you don't like her… you barely talk to her."

John huffed a breath, knowing that his own relationship with Beverly had damaged his children's and sibling's relationships with her as well. "Samantha… I haven't told your brothers or sister this yet… but Beverly was very mean to me when I was little. She wasn't the same woman you know." He swallowed as she looked at him, knowing that she was listening to every word he said. "Beverly… and Jacob —my old man— hurt me a lot. That's how I got the tiger stripes. And that's why I don't like to punish you."

Samantha nodded, looking at the shiny ropes of scar tissue on his throat and arms. "I don't like Jessica…" She sniffed, jumping when Jessica touched her hair.

"Now don't say that, Doll." She cooed, smiling sweetly as John scowled at her. "You didn't really intend to give her all of that, did you?" She motioned to the half-eaten sundae. "Do you know that sugar is just as good as drugs?"

John's lip curled as she lectured him, popping his knuckles when Robert came to stand beside her. "I think I know what's best for _my daughter_." He growled, digging his fingernails into his palms when Robert gave him a dirty look. "You won't win this case Jess."

Jessica waved him off like an annoying fly and turned to leave. "My goodness, look how that man dresses you!" She fussed, pulling at the shoulder of her shirt with a distasteful look on her face. "Let's get you some real clothes."

Samantha cast a glance at her father, already knowing that Jessica would start dressing her like a toy. "Daddy…" She breathed, as the door closed between them.


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter Eighty-Four**

Samantha screamed as Jessica brought the belt down on her bare bottom again, her pleas for her father's help going unheard as Jessica hit her. "Daddy!" She hiccupped, sobbing in pain as Jessica left her on the bed and locked the door behind her. "Daddy…" She curled under the blankets as she called for her father, wishing that she'd told him about this the last time.

* * *

John lit into the punching bag in the gym with fresh anger. He could feel sweat pouring down his body, taste the salt in his mouth, smell the musk of the bag every time his fists landed on the leather surface. His body burned with exertion as he vented, his throat ached from harsh breaths, but his blood boiled with fury that fueled him.

Markus rolled his eyes as he and the other guys did some light cardio work, able to see that John was idiotically wearing himself ragged. "I can't believe you listen to that idiot." He scoffed, nearly falling off of his treadmill when John roared and the heavy bag burst at the seams. "Holy…"

Bobby chuckled at Markus's reaction to John's true strength. "He's skinny but he's all muscle." He hopped off of his stationary bike, tossing John a water bottle and an ice pack. "TAKE THE EARPHONES OUT!" He shouted, able to hear John's music blasting from a whole four feet away. "God! How are you not deaf?" He wiped a towel over his face as he spoke.

"Retired Musician." John stated, not in the mood for conversation. "Speakers are a lot louder."

Markus scoffed as he listened to the two talk, slipping into the locker room to carry out his plan.

* * *

John pulled his pants off and stepped into the shower, sighing as the hot water washed away the remnants of his workout and the anger attached to it. He tuned the guys out as they joked in the other side of the room, leaning his arms on the shower wall as the water ran down his body. He could feel each drop as it made its path over his skin, finding the valleys between his bones and muscles.

Bobby tossed a towel at John as he stepped out of the shower. "Cover up man! No one wants to be intimidated by that snake."

John chuckled and wrapped the towel around his hips. "Blame that Greek heritage." He smirked, opening his locker only for a rubber snake, a dog's muzzle, a leather whip, and a wooden cross to fall out. He stumbled backwards, his chest tightening as he laid eyes on the objects that had been used on him. "No…" He gasped, the cross scar on his lower back burning as the memory began to play.

Joey launched toward Markus and shoved him out of the room, knowing that if he saw one of the flashbacks, he'd never let John live it down. "You bastard!" He barked.

Bobby grabbed an extra towel as John thrashed on the ground and tried to get out of the imagined hold. "John. John. Listen to me. You're safe. You're in the locker room at the precinct." He covered John's hips as his old towel fell away from him, nodding to Levi to be ready to hold John's head if anything did happen to make him hit it.

John choked on his breath for a moment, before his body went ridged and started to seize.


	85. Chapter 85

**Chapter Eighty-Five**

Claire brushed her fingers through John's hair as he tried to recover from the seizure, smiling as his eyes opened to look at her. "It's been a while since you've had one." She whispered, giggling when he reached up and touched her sparse hair.

He pulled her down to meet his lips, his movements slow and thoughtful. "I forgot how much they wear me out." He sighed, rolling onto his side and burying his face into her stomach. "The light hurts…"

Claire adjusted the blanket over them, and pressed a cool cloth to his head to help ease the headache. "Have you talked to Markus?" She asked as Beckett stepped into the office and quietly closed the door as to not startle John and trigger another attack.

"He won't own up to it. And since there aren't any cameras in the locker room, we can't prove anything." He picked up Maya when she tried to jump onto the pullout sofa. "Dad isn't feeling good. You can't jump on him."

Maya nodded and slowly climbed onto the bed, snuggling into her father's back. "Are you sick?" She asked, touching the earring in his ear and the cuff he wore right above it.

"I'm just tired, Maya." He mumbled, letting Claire adjust the rag over his eyes to block out more of the light. "God… I haven't felt like this since the last time I had a hangover."

Maya tilted her head slightly, confused at the new word. "What's a hangover?" She asked.

"It's when you get sick from having too much of a bad thing." Claire sufficed, noticing how John's muscles tensed.

* * *

Samantha listened as the adults talked, biting her tongue to keep from chewing Jessica out whenever she spoke of her father. She pulled at the collar of her overly puffed dress, hating how it restricted her movements. She huffed as one of the older kids threw a melon-ball at her, shooting him a glare when it bounced off of her dress. "Fuck off." She hissed, yelping when another kid pulled on her braid. "I mean it. Stop."

"Your old man is stupid." The older boy teased, shoving her backwards and into the table that held a huge wedding cake. "He should just die."

"Stop it!" She raised her voice slightly, trying to avoid Jessica's attention. "Leave me alone."

The girl pushed her as she tried to walk away like John had taught her, causing her to stumble into the chocolate fountain and successfully drawing the attention of every person in the room. "She just fell!"

Jessica stormed over to Samantha and pulled her from the puddle of chocolate, hauling her to the car and taking her home. "How could you embarrass me like that!?" She screamed. "I take you to a nice party and you destroy the venue!"

"They pushed me!" Samantha tried to defend herself, screaming when Jessica slapped her so hard, she saw stars.

"Don't you dare talk back to me." She growled, parking the car and practically throwing Samantha into her room inside of the house.

* * *

John tried to conceal his limp as he stepped into the Wolf Den, glaring at Markus as he took his seat. "Beckett has me on medical leave until he can be sure the seizure was just a one-time thing."

Bobby, Levi, and Joey nodded. "What about flashbacks?" Levi asked, able to see that John was still exhausted.

"I'm gonna be meeting with a shrink for a while." He stated, taking a sip of coffee as Bobby handed him a mug. "Just until I'm off of medical leave."


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter Eighty-Six**

Bobby watched as John took a couple of Advil, able to see that his friend was exhausted. "Headache?" He asked, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the way he hadn't shaved that morning. "Or nightmares?"

John shrugged, turning back to the paperwork on his desk. "Just a rough night." He scribbled a few letters onto the copy he'd made for the case he was working on, his thoughts moving so fast that his usually neat hand-writing became sloppy. "Couldn't stop thinking about Sammy."

Bobby nodded, knowing that the entire custody battle was killing him. "Why don't you go rest? We can handle the paperwork."

John shook his head, flipping the page over to the next in the file. "No. I've got it."

"John. You can't keep going like this." Bobby insisted, moving to close the file before John slapped his hand away. "This is why the seizure hit." He growled, not even flinching at the scorching glare John sent toward him. "You're pushing yourself too hard."

"If I can work two jobs while Claire is recovering from treatments, I can do some paperwork." He snapped.

"Two jobs?" Claire's voice floated through the office, making John stiffen. "You were working two jobs?"

John turned slightly, a lopsided smile on his lips that he always hoped would get him out of the dog house. "I'm just working them until we're out of debt."

Claire stepped toward him, hands on her hips and eyes on fire. "You're still working two jobs?" She closed the file he was working on, and pushed Bobby out of the way. "Is that why you disappear for hours on end?"

John nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek as Claire lit into him. "It's only until we pay off the medical bills."

"I don't care! You're wearing yourself out! You aren't superhuman!" She rested a hand under his chin, tipping his head to look at her. "You need to rest. We need you." She brushed her hand into his hair, cupping the back of his neck in her fingers and pulling his head toward hers. "Your family needs you, John."

* * *

Samantha dialed the number for her father's cell phone, holding the receiver to her ear as she waited for him to answer.

"Hello?" John answered, his voice low and clouded with sleep.

"Daddy…" Samantha started, glancing up as Jessica started trying to open the barricaded door. "Come get me."

"Sam?" John asked, his brain still trying to process even the light in the room he was in.

"Daddy… Jessica hurts—" She was cut off with a scream as the phone hit the ground with a clack.

"Sam?" John called, suddenly fully awake and ready to fight. "Samantha?" He hung up his cell, grabbing his LAPD coat before he bolted from the room. "Fuck…"


	87. Chapter 87

**Chapter Eighty-Seven**

Jessica stomped on the gas as she tossed Samantha into the back seat of the car. "How dare you call him!" She shouted, turning onto the freeway and heading straight for the U.S. and Mexico border. "You're my daughter! How can you treat him the way you do when you know that he lied to you about your own mother?"

Samantha glared at her in the backseat, trying to break the ropes around her wrists and legs. "He was right about you." She sniffed, yelping when Jessica stepped on the brakes and sent her flying toward the front seat. "You're evil!" Her scream was cut short as Jessica knocked her out, her little body going limp as darkness over took her.

* * *

John clicked through Highway Cameras, searching for Jessica's car and her license plate. "God… why didn't I look at that damn car?" He clicked again, eyes desperately scanning the screen for any sign of his child. "There!" He scribbled down the plate number on Jessica's Buick.

He rushed out of the room, a sharp howl lifting from his throat to signal the other members of the Wolf Pack to meet him in the Den. "I think they're heading for Mexico." He stated, placing the paper on the table before he started suiting himself up as if he were going into battle. "That's the number on the plate. Last seen two hours ago in San Diego."

Markus watched as John buckled his bullet proof vest over his chest. "You're really going to go looking for a kid who you didn't even want, after you just had a seizure that completely wiped you for four days?"

John turned on Markus, his eyes like black holes. "I've always wanted that child." He snapped. "I may not have wanted her to be conceived the way she was, but I have always wanted her." He turned to the other guys in the Pack, nodding to Beckett as he tossed him the keys to one of the SUVs. "If we aren't back in two weeks, just take the loss."

Beckett stepped aside from John's path, knowing that nothing would stop him now. "Keep him safe." He whispered to Bobby as he walked by. "Drug him if you have to. But don't let him lose it."

Bobby tipped his chin. "Yes Sir." He smiled, rushing after the rest of the pack.

* * *

Samantha moaned as she tried to roll over, her head pounding as she tried to get her surroundings. "Daddy…" She called, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Where am I?" She opened her eyes, her heart nearly stopping when all that was around her was darkness. "Daddy? Mommy?" She crawled around the area, fingers fumbling around the walls only to find that there were almost no openings. No doors, no widows. Nothing to allow her an escape. "Don't leave me here…" She fought back tears as she curled up in the corner, trying to ignore the fear and be brave like her father was.


	88. Chapter 88

**Chapter Eighty-Eight**

John swallowed as they crossed over the border between Mexico and The States, able to remember the last time he'd crossed this line. "God be with us…" He breathed, rubbing the key he wore at his throat.

"Afraid of some Beaners?" Markus scoffed, yelping when Levi pulled him back into his seat.

"Shut up." Levi snarled, remembering when John had told him and Joey about his last time in Mexico. "You don't get the right to joke about anything after that last stunt you pulled."

Joey nodded, wishing that they could have gotten proof on the locker incident. "The only reason you're here is because Beckett wants you with us. You might be running with the Pack, but you're just a coyote among the wolves."

Bobby watched as John put his earphones in and turned his iPod on. "Guys, shut up."

* * *

Samantha pressed a hand over her growling stomach, curling tighter around herself as the damp cold of the cellar started to get to her. "Because he's stronger than you know… A heart of steel starts to grow When you've been fighting for it all your life You've been struggling to make things right That's how a superhero learns to fly Every day, every hour, turn the pain into power When you've fighting for it all your life You've been working every day and night That's how a superhero learns to fly every day, every hour, turn the pain into power Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…" She quietly sang one of her father's songs, the lyrics bringing comfort to her.

* * *

Bobby stopped the car just outside of the city, nudging John awake as the other guys started unloading the gear. "Hey."

John pulled his earphones out, looking around groggily. "Hmm?" He stretched his limbs out, groaning in pleasure as the kinks were worked out and he began to come fully awake. "Where are we?"

"Just outside of Puerto Peñasco." Bobby hopped out of the car, knowing damn well that they couldn't take a United States police cruiser into the cities. "The Mexico guys are gonna bring us a new car in the morning."

John nodded, taking the food cooler out of the back and setting by the make shift fire pit. "Any news on how far they are?"

Joey shook his head. "Last I heard they hopped a plane. But we're still waiting on information." He finished pitching the tent he and Levi would be sharing, chuckling when Bobby finished he and John's, and Markus was left with nothing. "Looks like you're in the cold!"

"Fuck you." Markus sneered. "Why couldn't we just get a hotel?"

John finished lighting the fire for their dinner. "Because it's better to get fresh air to your brain when you're on a case like this." He popped open a can of Coke, and took a big swig before he started roasting a couple hotdogs up. "If you're so scared of being out in the open, feel free to bunk with Bobby."

Bobby grimaced with the thought of staying with Markus in such a small place making his skin crawl. "You can have the whole tent if you want."

John smirked and let Bobby take one of the hotdogs off of the stick. "Besides, someone needs to get his beauty rest."


	89. Chapter 89

**Chapter Eighty-Nine**

John rolled onto his stomach in his sleep, long fingers digging into Roxie's fur as the pale light of dawn started to illuminate the land. He stretched in his sleeping bag, joints popping as he started to come awake.

Bobby flipped over in his sleeping bag and pulled his pillow over his head. "Aim your morning breath somewhere else." He grumbled, tiredly slapping John's face when he started blowing at him. "It's too early for this shit."

John chuckled and started up another fire, pouring some water into a pot and adding some coffee grounds to it before she started setting up a makeshift grill. "I can tell you aren't married." He yawned, dunking his toothbrush in a cup of water and adding some toothpaste to it. "I get up at dawn every…" He paused to spit, "day."

Bobby flipped him off and pulled a comb through his hair. "Well, you're the one who forgot the damn condom."

"Claire told you that?" He asked, rinsing his mouth out with the left-over water in his cup.

"Claire shares all." Bobby chuckled, jumping when a scream ripped through the camp. "Is that-?"

Before he could speak another word, a half-naked Markus ran out of the tent. "GET IT OFF!" He screamed, waking the others in the camp.

John rolled his eyes and crawled into the tent to find a large black beetle. "Are you shitting me?" He plucked the bug from it's perch and walked out to show what had scared Markus so bad. "A bug?"

Markus panted for breath as he watched the guys laugh at him, glaring at John as he held the insect. "It's a big bug." He stated.

John smirked and lifted the bug to his lips, severing its head from its body in one loud crunch. "It's a before breakfast snack." He stated, laughing when Markus gagged.

"How can you eat that?" Markus choked, looking away when John finished the insect off and dusted his hands off as if it were a good candy.

"It's amazing what you learn to stomach when you grow up hungry." John poured a cup of coffee and passed it over to the guys before he raised a brow at Markus. "You gonna stand there half naked, or are you gonna get dressed and have some breakfast?"

Markus glared at John as he left to get dressed. "Faggot." He growled, pulling on a shirt before he joined the others for the day.

"Alright! I've got ten bucks on John." Levi chuckled, motioning to John as they settled in before they had to get going.

"I'll take that!" Joey laughed, pulling on his chin hairs. "Ten dollars that I can grow the best beard before we head back."

"Hello?" Bobby petted his little bit of overnight scruff. "Doesn't the redskin get any love?"

They all toppled over laughing. "Bobby, you couldn't grow a beard to save your damn life!" Joey roared, pointing to John's already thick growth. "Not against Herucles here."

"Oh! Ha! Says the idiot white boy who stole my ancestors land!" Bobby smirked as Joey turned red. "I'm fucking with you man. Come on, let's get ready before the Mexican guys bring us a car."


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter Ninety**

John watched as they rolled through the city, his skin already crawling with the memories from this country. "So, we're going to Mexico City…" He sighed, stepping out of the car when Joey parked it on a side road. "Markus better keep his maldito head down." He growled, nodding to how white Markus was. "Hell, he makes Joey look like mud."

Bobby nodded, strolling with John down the market place to where they would be able to find information. "Ooo! Cheetos!" Bobby pointed to a large bin of orange colored snacks, stepping back when he noticed that they actually had legs. "What the…?"

John chuckled and stepped up to the young teen running the stand. "¿Cuánto cuesta?" He asked, motioning to a small paper bag to her left.

"Veinte pesos." The girl replied, smiling when John pulled the money out of his wallet and gave it to her. "American?" She asked, looking in awe at the ten-dollar bill he'd given her. "No… too much." She tried to give it back but John refused.

"Tómalo." He ordered in perfect and clear Spanish. His lips quirked into a smile as she filled a large bag with the snack. "Gracias." He chuckled, offering one of the bugs to Bobby as he popped one into his own mouth. "Grasshoppers." He stated, turning to see that Markus was trying not to gag. "Oh, don't be rude Markus. It's a delicacy!"

"I thought you wanted to get your kid back." Markus snapped, stepping away from a booth that was roasting Jalapeno peppers over an open flame.

"I do." John crunched down on another chili-covered grasshopper. "But, if I we don't at least try to blend in a little bit, we won't have any idea where they are."

"They're in Mexico City, you dipshit." Markus ground out, touching his badge inside of his pocket as a group of thugs started to eye him up. "You're not gonna find anything here."

"Shut up." Joey ordered, accepting a snack from John as Levi started making eyes at one of the pretty girls who were dancing with a mariachi band. "John knows what he's doing."

* * *

Samantha rubbed at her eyes as they began to itch and burn. She hadn't seen daylight in what seemed like weeks, and the cellar was too damp and cold to be safe. She'd found a small spring that seemed to run far below her for water, but she hadn't eaten a thing since before they'd arrived here.

How long ago had that been? Where was her father? Was he looking for her? Would she ever see her family again?

These and a million other questions raced through her mind in the dark prison she was confined to. "Please come soon…" She cried, curling her toes into the soft mud of the floor and resting her head on her knees. "I miss Mommy… and Sid, and Maya, and Asher…"


	91. Chapter 91

**Chapter Ninety-One**

John paused at another food stand, pointing to a dish and asking the man behind the table how much it cost. He pulled some money from his wallet and handed it to the man, taking the food from him before he continued on his mission. "Want some?" He asked, offering some to Markus who turned up his nose at the scent.

"How are you eating so much?" He scoffed, watching as John stuffed a forkful of food into his mouth. "You're so skinny I'm surprised you eat at all."

Bobby laughed and let John take the lead again. "Food is an international language." He dumped the last of the roasted grasshoppers into his mouth, crunching them up with a satisfied smile. "And we need to keep our strength up. John especially." He nodded to John's thin build. "He's been healthy for a while, but because of his old man neglecting him, he loses weight fast and it's harder for him to get it back."

Levi nodded, admiring some fine silks at one of the stalls. "Just be happy he's eating."

Joey whistled for Roxie to heel to him, trying to keep a close eye on her incase someone wanted her for a dog fight. "Remember when Claire was diagnosed?" He asked. "He lost so much I thought he was gonna die."

Bobby watched as John alerted to something, stepping after him until he realized what John was doing. "Oh… fuck…"

* * *

Samantha rubbed furiously at her eyes; the itch having turned into a hot burning. "Daddy…" She cried, jumping when a door was opened above her and someone touched her shoulder. She lifted her face to them, but the figure was a blurry cloud in her vision. "Daddy?"

The man shook his head. "No. My name is Eduardo." He pressed a piece of bread into her hand, smiling when she ate it. "I'm going to try to find your father." He wrapped his shirt around her, praying that he would be able to help this poor child soon. "What's his name?"

"Johnathan Kurtis Bender-Standish." She sniffed, curling into the shirt for warmth.

"Chico Demonio?" He asked, remembering a young man who'd fought in the rings who'd started out by that name. "The Demon Boy?"

* * *

Bobby hung back slightly as John started to walk down an alley toward a small gang, watching as John's behavior changed. "Once a hood, always a hood."

John stepped over to the men, offering them a light for their joints and striking up a conversation with them.

Markus tried to listen in on the conversation, glaring when he only caught the occasional word here and there. "He's going to get us all killed."

Bobby bit his lip as John accepted a joint from the leader, sighing when he put it in his pocket and must've told them that he would save it for later. "I think they just told him something we need."


	92. Chapter 92

**Chapter Ninety-Two**

John rolled over in his sleeping bag, trying to ignore Markus's grumbling as he complained about the sound of the river below their camp. "Markus." He snapped, glaring at the man with tired eyes. "Either shut up, or I'll throw you into that damn river with a steak tied to your throat."

"I just don't understand why we're still sleeping outside." Markus took a seat on a stump. "We have enough money to stay at a real hotel!"

"Because the fresh air is better for thinking." Bobby crawled into his bag, stretching out before he got himself settled in. "If you'd like to stay at a hotel, there's one about 30 miles from us." He yawned and pushed John's head into his pillow as he stared at him. "Stop it. You creep me out when you do that."

John chuckled and made himself comfortable. "Well, that's my pay back for you kicking me in the back last night."

Markus growled and climbed back into his tent. "Those two have got to be gay for each other." He mumbled to himself, listening as John and Bobby laughed and discussed the stars.

* * *

Samantha coughed as she shivered in the cellar. She gasped as Eduardo stepped into the basement. "Have you found him?" She asked, taking her small ration of bread from him as he tried to warm her as well as he could.

"Not yet Sammy." He sighed, praying that his connections, would get back to him soon. "But it's only been three days."

She shivered in his arms and tried to pretend he was her dad. "I wanna go home…" She sniffled, swallowing as he wiped her eyes. "I want my dog…"

* * *

Markus kicked John's side and stepped back as the cop woke up. "Get up." He snarled, watching as John coughed.

"What the fuck, man?" He croaked, wrapping a hand around his ribs before he crawled out of his sleeping bag.

"Your dog took a shit in my shoes!"

John rolled his eyes. "Go wash them out in the river." He yawned, pointing to a stain on his t-shirt. "I've had four kids poop, puke, pee, and everything in between on me. It's not a big deal." He huffed a laugh. "Hell, I've delivered a baby and had her amniotic fluid and blood all over me."

"You're also a drug addict." Markus sneered, swatting a mosquito on his neck. "And a drunk."

John chuckled and shook his head, trying to keep Markus's words from burrowing into that dark place in his mind. "I've been clean for seven years." He stated, starting the fire for breakfast. "And I only get cravings when I'm around assholes like you."


	93. Chapter 93

**Chapter Ninety-Three**

After a long day of traveling, John decided to rinse himself off in the river. "Hey! Bobby! Come watch for gators." He tossed a towel over his shoulder and grabbed a bar of soap. "I ain't getting my ass eaten down here."

Bobby laughed and jogged after his friend. "Well, if one comes after you, I'm gonna shout and run for the hills."

Markus watched as all four members of the Wolf Pack bolted for the river, rolling his eyes as their t-shirts, pants, and even a few pairs of boxers went flying into the air. "Just a bunch of gangbanging fags." He growled, yelping in shock when he saw that a tarantula was crawling by his feet. "Hey! Wait up!"

* * *

John laughed as he and Bobby splashed each other, flipping some soaked hair out of his eyes before he dove under and started to mess with Joey's legs under the muddied water.

"Standish!" Joey screamed, kicking at John as he ran for the bank. "Stop it!"

John popped his head above the water, his grin the only thing visible from under his dripping hair. "Got ya!" He chuckled.

Levi shook his head and used a vine to pull John's hair back. "I swear, your hair grows faster than I've ever seen." He gave the dark locks a hard tug, making John yelp in pain.

"I'm half Greek remember?" He grumbled, lathering the soap on his hands and combing it into his beard. "We're known for being hairy."

"You're also known for being disloyal faggots." Markus snapped from his perch on the bank. "I'll bet you would fuck a goat if you could."

John rolled his eyes and worked the soap over his body. "Sure as hell wouldn't fuck anything as ugly as you." He smirked, tossing the soap onto the bank. "I think a goat would be a step up."

"I knew you were gay!" Markus shouted, looking away as John stepped out of the river and started to dry himself with a towel. "No one with a body like that is straight."

John shook his head and rubbed the towel along his inner thighs. "I'm married to a woman, asshole." He stiffened as thunder rolled in the distance. "Guess we're all bunking up in the tents tonight."

* * *

Markus groaned as he woke the next morning, rolling his eyes when he saw that John and Bobby were practically fused together on the other side of the tent.

Bobby yawned as he woke next and gently nudged John awake. "Waya. Time to get up." He smiled as John opened his wolf-like eyes, noticing just how childlike John could look in the mornings.

"Who's the bitch?" Markus sneered.

John and Bobby looked between each other. "We switch." They smirked in unison, both bursting out in laughter when Markus noticeably paled.


	94. Chapter 94

**Chapter Ninety-Four**

"Oh God…" Markus looked away from John as he pulled a fresh pair of boxers on. "Do you have any sense of decency?"

John stretched his arms above his head, causing the muscles over his ribs to ripple and flex under his skin. "I do. But I'm comfortable." He turned to find his t-shirt, letting Markus get a good look at the scars that laced his back.

"You just think that you can seduce me into your bed." Markus's eyes fixed on one particular scar on John's body, one that was so shocking that he almost thought he was dreaming. "I thought your last name was Standish."

John took a seat on a camp chair. "It is… now." He pulled his boots on. "It used to be Bender, but my wife and I decided to hyphen them." He grunted as Bobby walked over and looped a bandanna around his head. "What the hell man?"

"I'm surprised you can even see." Bobby chuckled, tying the bandanna off at the back of John's head and quickly weaving a sloppy braid into the hair at the nape of his neck. "You're starting to look like a real Waya."

John laughed and leaned into Bobby's hands as they fixed his hair. "You're a dick." He smirked.

* * *

Eduardo tipped a beer to his lips as he listened to Jessica and the other's talk about what they would do with Samantha after she'd served her purpose.

"There's a big market for little snots like her in trafficking." Luis shrugged, tugging at the chain around his throat as he thought.

Eduardo swallowed as Jessica thought about it. _How can someone be so cruel?_ He thought, looking at the ceiling as thunder rolled overhead. "We should bring her above ground." He stated, knowing that he could get her out if he got her above ground. "The cellar's prone to flooding."

Jessica looked at him, noticing that he wasn't doing his job. "You aren't working to help John find her, are you?" She asked, noticing how he tried to avoid her gaze.

"No." He stated, yelping when he was grabbed from behind and the guys started to beat him.

* * *

John paused as movement caught his eye on the outskirts of the city, bolting forward when he saw that the man was bloody and bruised. "What happened man?" He asked, his hand landing on the outline of a badge in his coat pocket. "Are you the one who got word to us?"

Eduardo nodded, pointing to a small path through the jungle. "She's in a cellar. It'll flood soon."

John sprinted down the path, bursting into the house to see that there were several thugs in the room and Jessica like their queen. "Give me _my daughter._" He ordered.

One of the thugs kicked at John's legs, but was quickly knocked back by Bobby as the Wolf Pack came to aid their alpha.


	95. Chapter 95

**Chapter Ninety-Five**

John snarled as he dodged a hit to the face, landing a good blow to the thug's gut. "Where is my kid?" He snapped at Jessica.

"She's just as much mine!" Jessica stated, flinching away as Bobby got one of her men on the ground. "You're the one who stole her from me!"

"Chico Demonio!" One of the men shouted as John used a move that had been one of his signatures in the ring. "Let him alone!"

Bobby glanced back to John, giving a short nod to tell him to get his daughter. "Go!"

John rushed to the cellar, pausing for only a second as Jessica stepped between him and his goal. "Move." He ordered, eyes going black with hate.

"I'll give her back if you replace her." She stated, moving closer to him.

"You abused her!" He shouted, pushing past her to get to his baby girl. "How can you even think I would give you another one?" He grunted as Jessica's weight slammed onto his back, causing him to stumble slightly.

A snarl rumbled in his throat; his teeth bared as if he were really a wolf. He gripped her wrists and swung her around his body, pinning her to the ground and expertly popping her elbows to make them hurt but not dislocate. "Rule number one of a pack. _Never_ get between an alpha and his pup." He pushed away from her as she screamed.

He sprinted for the little door to the cellar, panic gripping his chest when he saw that the darkness was quickly filling with water. "Sammy?" He called, sliding down the muddy mess that had been the stairs. "Samantha!" He gasped when he saw his daughter coughing in the cold water.

"Daddy…" She cried weakly, her fingers digging into the sharp gravel of the wall she was clinging to. "Help…" She coughed, slipping down on the wall as the current became stronger.

John fought his way through the water, gritting his teeth as his ankle rolled and his foot caught on something under the surface. "Sammy. Sam, look at me." He knew he couldn't fight the flood waters and his own memories at the same time. "Let go."

"But—"

"Trust me! Let go of the wall. The water will carry you right to me." He winced as something sharp scraped against his shin. "Let go."

Samantha slowly let go of her safe-hold, weakly swimming with the water toward her father. She sobbed in relief as his strong hands pulled her from the water, clinging to his neck as she blubbered into his shoulder. "I want to go home!"

John nodded and held his child close, plugging her nose and mouth as the ceiling of the old room fell in. He closed his eyes as water crashed down on them. He fought his way to the exit. "Bobby!" He shouted, knowing that he couldn't get both himself and Samantha up the slick mud by himself. "Help!" He held Samantha closer as she shivered in his arms, knowing that they were both freezing. "Someone!" He grimaced as the water forced him to put weight on his hurt foot.

"Take my hand!" Eduardo leaned down toward them, taking John's arm in his own hand to that they were clasping each other's forearms. He grunted as he pulled John up the mud, happy that the American was thin and fairly strong for his size. "My partners are on their way." He stated, covering Samantha with an old shirt to help warm her up. "We've got them all cuffed and ready to go."

John nodded, pushing Samantha's hair back from her face and trying to comfort her as she sobbed into his chest. "Thank you…" He sighed, stumbling as he put his full weight on his bad ankle and it buckled under him.


	96. Chapter 96

**Chapter Ninety-Six**

John held Samantha tight to his chest as Bobby and Levi helped him limp to a safe spot to rest. "I must've caught it on something." He winced as Bobby pulled his boot off and revealed the swollen joint.

"Holy hell…" Joey grimaced at the sight of the cuts along his legs where something had gotten through his pant leg. "Wolf, these are bad." He opened a first-aid kit and gently wiped an alcohol wipe over the wounds. "I'm surprised you can even walk."

Samantha let out a shuddering breath into her father's chest before she finally quieted down.

John gave a small smile and pulled her back from his body slightly. "Cried herself out." He brushed a hand over her cheeks, a quiet tune rumbling in his chest as he started to sing.

Bobby quickly wrapped John's foot in a compression bandage, hoping that it would stop the swelling. "We've gotta camp out tonight." He stated, noticing that John was exhausted from the adrenaline rush he'd had. "There isn't enough room in the cars."

John nodded and adjusted Samantha in his arms. "I figured as much."

* * *

Markus's lip curled when he saw John sleeping by the fire with Samantha tucked under his arm. "Damn kid needs some space…" He scoffed, jumping when Bobby appeared behind him with a few logs for the fire.

"Leave him alone." He ordered, setting the wood next to the firepit before he moved over to where John and Samantha were sleeping. He brushed his fingers through Samantha's hair, smiling when he saw that her hands were tangled in her father's beard. "His kid was just stolen from him."

Markus thought back to the name that John had been called during the fight. "They called him 'Demon Boy.'" He stated, watching as the fire reflected like waves over the exposed upper half of John's back. "How'd he get that name?"

Bobby moved the blanket from John's ankle and carefully slipped a spare pillow under it. "When he was seventeen, his old man kidnapped him and his little sister Phoebe. He forced John to fight in illegal rings, one was a Kill or be Killed." He swallowed as he remembered the tapes that John had shown him. "He won so many fights that they nicknamed him The Demon Boy."

John stirred in his sleep, his muscles tightening as the words spoken wormed their way into his head.

* * *

Bobby watched as John limped down to the river to wash himself and Samantha off, walking with him to make sure he was okay. "Don't push it Johnny."

John nodded, pulling on of his oversized t-shirts over Samantha's small body to let her undress in peace so that she could wash her clothes as well. "I won't." He yawned, listening as Bobby waded into the water with the other guys.


	97. Chapter 97

**Chapter Ninety-Seven**

John combed some soap through Samantha's hair as they sat on the river bank. "How about we get you some new clothes in town?" He looked at her ruined shirt and ripped jeans. "I'll let you wear my shirt into town."

She nodded, closing her eyes as her father rinsed her hair out. "I want Mommy…" She whispered, looking up at her father as he stopped washing her hair. "Daddy?"

"Go." He ordered, his hand flying to the pistol at his side as he whistled to the guys to get out of the water. "Get behind that tree and cover your ears." He pushed her away from him. "This'll be over in a second."

"But Daddy—"

"No buts! Move!" He had to push her off of him, watching as the alligator raised its ugly head and started straight for Bobby. "God damnit! Move Samantha!" He grabbed her arm and forced her toward the tree. "I can't split my attention between three things at once!" He lifted his pistol and aimed for the alligator as hit let its ugly head show above the water. He could see it was moving fast, and heading straight for Bobby. "Bobby! Move!" He pulled the trigger, and fired a shot right into the quarter-sized kill spot on the reptile's head.

Bobby pressed a hand to his chest as his heart thudded against his ribs. "Holy fuck…" He gasped, looking over to John who was staring wide-eyed at the animal. "Thanks man…"

John nodded and limped into the water, grabbing the alligator by the tail and pulling it onto the bank. "Guess we shouldn't waist it." He shrugged, looking over to the tree to see Samantha still cowering between its roots. "Levi, can you get my kid for me?"

Levi nodded and quickly picked Samantha up. "It's alright Bug." He smiled, pressing his lips to her head before he set her beside her father. "Your dad took care of it."

Markus gagged as John and Bobby set to work cleaning the animal, shuttering when John started pulling the teeth from the jaws. "You aren't really going to eat that, are you?"

Bobby pulled the heart from the animal's chest, making direct eye-contact with Markus as he bit into the still warm muscle. "It's a sign of respect for the life we just took." He handed the heart over to John and let him take a bite. "It's a tradition of our ancestors, and we intend to keep it."

Samantha reached out for a small piece that John offered her. "Thank you for feeding us." She whispered before she popped the piece into her mouth and swallowed it.

"Are you kidding me?" Markus had to force down his vomit. "That thing tried to eat you!"

John rolled his eyes and started to skin the animal, exposing its meat and bones. "Think of it as returning the favor." He stated, letting his daughter hold the teeth of the animal as he finished butchering.


	98. Chapter 98

**Chapter Ninety-Eight**

John laughed as Bobby recounted the legends of their ancestors, taking a bite of the alligator they'd fried up for breakfast. He let Samantha take bits of his toast from his plate and a few eggs and alligator. "Bobby, you should write a damn book!" He handed Samantha a bottle of water, kissing her head when as she drank it. "You like this breakfast?" He asked, taking another bite of his eggs.

"Is this what you ate when you started the Breakfast Club?" She leaned into her father's touch and handed Roxie the German Shepard a piece of her breakfast.

John shook his head, thinking back to that day in detention that had changed his life forever. "No… we didn't eat this good." He thought for a moment. "Andy probably ate better than anyone else."

"What is the Breakfast Club?" Markus asked, picking around the alligator in his eggs. "Sounds like a kids thing."

John chuckled. "Back when I was living in Illinois, I went to a school in Shermer. Well, as you all know, I wasn't exactly squeaky clean or a straight A student. I was a hood. I used to get detention every Saturday and one time, I went to detention expecting to be the only one —as usual— but there were four other kids in there. We were all from different groups. My wife, was a princess, Brian, my friend who's working on his PhD, was a brain, Andy, an Athlete, Allison, she was a basketcase… then… well, then there was me. The criminal." He smirked at the memory. "If I wasn't in school or in detention, I was either in jail or hanging out with a gang on my side of town."

Markus curled his lip. "So, you're a dirty cop?" He snapped. "Figured as much."

"I'm not the kind to hide my past Markus. I'm not proud of it, but I won't hide it." John tossed his empty paper plate into the fire. "If you want to think that I'm dirty, I can't stop you, but I call shit as I see it and I stick by my Pack."

* * *

John fit the makeshift crutch Bobby had made him under his arm and limped toward the vehicles that the Mexico police had brought to pick them up. "You alright Sammy?" He asked, noticing how quiet she'd gotten. "You need to pee before we head out?"

She shook her head, thinking about what Markus had said at breakfast. "You aren't a bad guy, are you?" She looked up at him with shimmering green eyes.

John knelt before her, wincing as his leg was jarred against the ground. "I'm not perfect, but I'm not a bad guy." He combed her hair out of her eyes. "At least I try to not be."


	99. Chapter 99

**Chapter Ninety-Nine**

John pulled his notebook out of his bag, smiling as he watched his daughter sleep beside him in the hotel bed. "My little Bug…" He whispered, wincing when he moved and his ankle was jarred.

Samantha opened her eyes and looked at the expression of pain on his face. She pressed a hand to his foot, feeling the heat radiating from his skin. "You need ice." She crawled out of the bed and pulled one of his shirts on. "Stay here." She ordered, slipping out the door to the room before he could stop her.

* * *

"Excuse me?" Samantha whispered, waving her hand over the top of the front desk to get the clerk's attention. "Do you have an ice pack?" She asked, looking up at the young woman who couldn't have been much older than her father. "My Daddy, hurt his foot."

The woman laughed and disappeared into the back to get some ice. "It's slippery, so I'll carry it for you." She smiled, walking with the child back to the room that she was staying in. "Do you have your key?" She asked, watching as the child's face fell in defeat. "Don't worry." She pulled a card from her pocket and swiped it. "I have a master."

Samantha grinned and bounded inside to see that John was attempting to pull on a pair of pajama pants while standing on only one foot. "Daddy!" She tried to push him back onto the bed, slowing when she noticed how quiet the adults were as they looked at each other.

"Reya?" John gasped, catching her hand when she placed the bag of ice on his swollen foot. "Reya Martinez?"

She tucked her hair behind one ear and smiled at him. "It's me." She placed a towel over John's ankle, and pulled the blankets around his legs. "It's me John."

* * *

"Why… why didn't you ever return the letters?" John asked. "I must've sent a million of them."

Reya shrugged and combed her hands through Samantha's hair. "I never got them…" She took in the points on the tops of Samantha's ears. "She got these from you." She whispered, lifting her dark eyes to John. "You saved me that night."

John shook his head, yawning as the clock showed midnight. "You were the one to save me." He stated, tucking Samantha's favorite blanket around her as she began to mumble in her sleep. "Without you, I never would have made it out of there."

Reya gave a sad smile. "How many kids do you have?"

John chuckled. "Four. Claire's first pregnancy was twins. Sammy, she, ah, she was conceived after a girl raped me when I was doped up so I got custody. And our youngest is going to be a year-old next month." He blinked back the sleep in his mind.

Reya stood from her chair and gave John a sweet hug. "I'm glad you're safe." She whispered, before she turned the lights out. "Get some sleep. You're flying back to the States tomorrow."


	100. Chapter 100

**Chapter One-Hundred**

Markus watched as John and Samantha limped into breakfast, his lip curling when they sat down. "Saw you had a Chica in your room last night." He lifted a spoonful of oatmeal to his lips. "Guess blondes and redheads aren't your only type."

John fixed a plate for Samantha and gave her a small cup of coffee before he started on his own plate. "Reya's just an old friend." He stated, rushing to catch Samantha's arm as she almost slipped. "Don't spill!"

Bobby's brow furrowed for a moment. "Reya… isn't she the prostitute that saved you?"

John nodded, looking up as Reya walked into the room. "We saved each other." He smiled and greeted her with a hug. "What're you doing here so early?"

"I came to say goodbye." She whispered, letting her fingers trace over the raised scars on his shoulders.

Markus grinned and moved away from Samantha as she climbed into a chair beside him. "You fucked a whore?" Finally! Something that John hadn't told anyone.

Reya glared at him. "He didn't fuck me you idiot!" She took John's plate from him and placed a hand on his arm. "He was the only man I've ever met who didn't even try."

"Oh… so you were impendent." Markus faked his sympathy, raising his brow in a challenge. "So, you must've used a sperm donor for all of your kids… so sad… to think that none of them know the truth."

Reya pushed her hands against John's chest, looking to his comrades as they walked into the room. "Help?"

Bobby rushed forward and pulled John against his chest, locking him in place with his arms behind his back. "John. Stop it. Calm down." He pulled his face away from John's head as he tried to fight against him. "John!"

Markus grinned as John yelped in pain when his ankle was jarred. "Hard to make a kid with a garden hose."

Levi slammed his hand down on the table, nodding to Joey to grab Samantha and get her out of the room before John lost it completely. "Those kids are one-hundred percent his."

* * *

Bobby let Samantha climb onto his lap, holding her close as John slept in the seat beside him. "You excited to see mommy?" He asked, letting her play with the bison tooth necklace around his neck.

She nodded and curled closer into his chest. "Do I have to go back to Jessica and Robert's house?" She watched her father's chest rise and fall with his breath.

Bobby shook his head and combed her hair back. "No. Your dad won't let that happen." He kissed her brow and let her get comfortable. "He'll always be there to protect you."


	101. Chapter 101

**Chapter One-Hundred and One**

John groaned as his sleeping pill wore off. "Did we land?" He asked. His limbs felt like they were filled with lead, and that his head was stuffed with feathers.

Bobby laughed and looked at his friend as he tried to find his brain. "Yep." He ruffled Samantha's hair as she bounced around while she waited for the guys to get their stuff. "Just in time too. Sammy's about to drive us all crazy."

John blinked as the lights in the cabin came on and nearly blinded him. "I think I took too much sleeping shit..." He groaned as he stretched and popped his back. "I think my brain is still in Mexico."

Samantha bounced onto John's lap, making him flinch as he found a knee in his genital area. "I wanna see Mommy!"

John picked her up and started for the door. "Yes. We're going to see mommy soon." He wobbled as he stood on his bad foot, gritting his teeth until Joey helped him support his weight. "Thanks…"

* * *

Claire rushed toward her husband and child, wrapping her arms so tight around them that John thought she would crack a rib. "Oh thank God, you're home!" She took Samantha from John's arms and kissed her face. "Are you hurt?" She lifted Samantha's arms and looked her over for wounds.

"She's been looked over." John sighed, kneeling down to see his other three children and give them all hugs. "Nothing worse than a few scrapes."

Maya laughed as she combed her hands through her father's long hair and beard. "You look like the wolfman!" She pulled on a lock of his hair, and quickly clipped it back from his eyes.

John grinned and growled at her, snapping playfully at her nose and putting Sid in a headlock under his arm. "The wolfman demands love!" He let Maya push him onto his side and bite at his arm.

Sid laughed and dove onto his father's chest. "Bender-Standish Pups attack!" He cheered, jumping away when John yelped in true pain. "Dad?"

John rolled onto his front and pushed himself up. "I'm okay…" He sighed, carefully pulling himself onto his feet with the help of a chair. "Just sore."

Claire leaned down and pulled his pant leg up, showing the wrapping on his ankle. "Johnathan." She looked into his dark eyes, able to see that he'd taken a sleep aid to help him through the flight. "We'll talk about this later."


	102. Chapter 102

**Chapter One-Hundred and Two**

John leaned against the counter in their bathroom, lathering his jaw with shaving soap before he dawned his razor. "I ran into Reya down there." He stated cutting the hair away from his jaw with expert movements. "She's working at a hotel now."

Claire watched as he favored his sprained ankle, able to see that he was trying to play it off as nothing. "Why didn't she ever return the letters?" She pulled a roll of ace bandaging out of the drawer and placed a small container of icy-hot on the bedside table.

John washed his face off and limped over to the bed. "She never got them." He sighed as he laid down, closing his dark eyes as Claire lifted his leg into her lap and opened a jar. "Is that Icy-Hot?" He pulled a way from her, remembering when they'd ben younger and Ben had gotten ahold of him. "You know I don't like that shit!"

Claire pressed her fingers into a pressure point on his knee, making his leg go numb. "Stop it. You're acting like a baby." She rubbed the cream onto his skin and covered it with the ace bandage. "You need to work through that eventually."

John huffed in frustration as she doctored him up. "I know." He coughed as his breath rattled in his chest. "I just don't like it."

Claire raised a brow at him, looking to the door as Samantha ran into their room with tears staining her cheeks. "What's wrong baby?" She cooed, trying to hold her close until she screamed to get away.

"I WANT DADDY!" She pushed away from her mother, and crawled to John in panicking movements.

John held her close as she sobbed into his chest, looking up at Claire with broken eyes. "Terror dreams…" He whispered, knowing damn well what those were like.

Claire brushed her hand over the back of John's shoulders, holding him and their daughter close as he tried to pull her back to reality.

"I never meant to be the one who kept you from the dark But now I know my wounds are sewn Because of who you are I will take this burden on and become the holy one But remember I am human And I'm bound to sing this song So hear my voice remind you not to scream I am here a savior Will be there When you are feeling alone, oh A savior for all that you do So you live freely without their harm So here I write my lullaby to all the lonely ones Remember as you learn to try to be the one you love So I can take this pen and teach you how to live What is left unsaid, the greatest gift I give So hear my voice remind you not to bleed I am here A savior Will be there When you are feeling alone, oh A savior For all that you do So you live freely without their harm A savior Will be there When you are feeling alone, oh A savior For all that you do So you live freely without their harm When I hear your cries Praying for light I will be there When I hear your cries Praying for light I will be there…" John voice was sweet and soft, the notes vibrating in his chest and into Samantha's body as she relaxed into him.


	103. Chapter 103: TEAR WARNING!

**Chapter One-Hundred and Three**

John curled around Samantha as they slept, a smile on his lips as Claire held them close to her. He groaned as his alarm went off, rolling over to shut it up and climb out of bed. He rubbed his hands over his face as he woke, pushing himself off of the edge of the bed only to trip over a sleeping Chance. "God damnit…" He hissed, his brow furrowing when he saw that Chance hadn't moved an inch from her usual spot. "Chancie?" He rested a hand on her collar, dread building in his chest when the old pit bull didn't respond. "Chance…" He pressed a hand to her chest able to feel a weakening heartbeat. "No…" He pulled her into his lap, tears welling in his eyes as she opened her eyes one last time to look at him.

"John?" Claire yawned, peering over the side of the bed to see her husband silently crying over his dog. "Is she…" She didn't have to ask the question to know the answer, the way he was clinging to the dog told her that she had passed. She knelt beside him and pet Chance's head, knowing better than to touch John himself in this moment. "It'll be okay…"

* * *

Sid, Maya, Samantha, and Asher-Zane watched through the window of the kitchen as John dug a hole in the backyard, able to see the rain that was pelting his back and dripping from his hair. They all knew he'd been crying, even though he hadn't let them see it.

Chance had been his first dog, and a lifeline for him. She'd been his child. And now that she was gone. It was like a part of him was too.

"Dada… sad?" Asher-Zane asked, watching as his father pounded the shovel into the earth with merciless strength.

Claire twisted Chance's collar in her hands leaning on her mother's shoulder. "Dad's really sad AZ…" She picked him up as John threw the shovel aside and turned to the old blanket that held Chance's body. "And he will be for a long time."

John pressed a hand to Chance's heart, praying that it would beat again. "Second chances… are always possible…" He lifted Chance into his arms and laid her in the grave, letting tears run down his cheeks and mix with the rain. "You were a good girl Chancie…"

Kaylie leaned against Brian at the table, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie. "I miss her…" She sniffled, curling closer to her fiancé.

Brian kissed her head and rubbed her shoulder. "I do too."

Andy and Allison set out a plate of cookies, though they knew no one would eat them. "Do you want us to take the kids to school for a few days?" Allison asked, looking at the collar in Claire's hands and listening to a pained silence in the house.

Really it didn't even seem like a home anymore… but a tomb instead. It was as if the air had gone stale, like the very heart of the home had stopped.

Claire shook her head, knowing that they had to get back to their routine to help them heal. "I can take them…"


	104. Chapter 104

**Chapter One-Hundred and Four**

Bobby looked up from his paperwork as John walked into the Wolf Den. "Hey." He greeted, able to see that John hadn't slept a wink the night before. "How're you doing?"

John shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee. "I'm alright." He took a seat at his desk, and turned on his computer. "It's Sammy I'm worried about…" He combed a hand through his hair, making the gray streak catch the light. "She threw a huge fit today when Claire took her to school."

"Well, if you'd been a good parent in the first place you wouldn't be dealing with this now." Markus scoffed, stepping over to his small work station.

Joey glared at Markus, biting his tongue when John raised a brow at him.

"I'm not a perfect parent. But I try my best." John stated, pushing the bagel that Levi had set beside him away. "I'm learning."

Bobby's eyes flitted between John and his food. _He's not eating again…_ He noticed. "John. You should eat."

"Shut it." John growled, placing a pair of headphones on his ears and starting his work.

* * *

Maya and Sid kept a close eye on Samantha as she walked through the halls of their school. They directed twin glares at one of the older boys as he tried to bug her. "Hey!" Maya barked, pushing her braids behind her shoulders as she marched up to Jeffrey. "Leave her alone!"

Jeffrey scoffed and pushed Maya backwards into the wall. "Who's gonna stop me?"

Sid growled and tackled Jeffrey, pinning him under his slight build and wailing on him. "Shut the fuck up!" He shouted, kicking and fighting as Mrs. Deeds pulled him off of Jeffrey.

"Sidney Thomas!" Mrs. Deeds scolded, pulling Jeffrey to his feet and taking them both to Principal Madison's office. "We are going to call your parents."

* * *

Sid glowered at Jeffrey as they sat in the principal's office to wait for their parents. "A real man doesn't hit girls." He crossed his arms and settled into his chair.

"What would you know about being a real man?" Jeffrey spat. "Your dad beats your mom."

Sid wheeled on him, lip curling in a snarl. "He does not!"

"Sidney." Warned Miss Madison. "Enough."

Sid huffed and leaned back into his chair.

"Sidney." John spoke in a low voice, but Sid knew his dad was pissed. "What did you do?"

Sid dropped his gaze to his lap and picked at a rip in his jeans. "I hit Jeffrey…" He mumbled, trying to avoid his father's fiery gaze. "But-"

"No buts." John ordered, remembering the first fight he'd gotten into. "You can explain later." He stepped into Principal Maddison's mail office when Bridget stepped in. "When your sisters can tell me too."


	105. Chapter 105

**Chapter One-Hundred and Five**

"Have you seen Jeffrey?" Bridget cried, motioning wildly to her son in the other room. "He's a mess!" She turned to John as he sat quietly and listened. "Because he teaches his son to punch first!"

Principal Madison gave John a look of pity, knowing that he dealt with the assumptions of other parents on a daily. "Mr. Standish… I'm afraid Sidney will need to stay after school."

John nodded, his expression stern yet understanding. "Well, I got detention a lot as a kid. And as they say the apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree." He pushed himself out of the chair and stepped toward his son. "We'll talk when you ride the bus home." He raised a brow at Sid, letting him know that he wasn't kidding.

"Yes Sir…" Sid mumbled, knowing that his dad wasn't happy with him right now but would give him the chance to explain later.

* * *

Claire watched as the yellow school bus rolled up to their driveway and let Sid off. "John! Your son's home!"

John didn't hear her as he had his music blasting as he worked on Maya's bike. "God fucking damnit…" He muttered, jerking back when he cut himself on the gears. "Shit…" He watched as the crimson ran from his flesh.

"Dad…" Sid shuffled his feet in the doorway of the garage, able to see that his dad was still pissed. "I'm sorry for hitting Jeffrey…"

John huffed in frustration, and started to wash his hands in the utility sink. "I just want to know why you did it." He grit his teeth as he poured some rubbing alcohol onto the cut.

Sid dragged his foot in a circle around him. "He was bugging Sammy…" He lifted his gaze to see his dad was looking for another tool.

"Did he hit first?" He asked, selecting a screw driver and a chain cutter.

Sid watched as he knelt beside the bike. "He shoved Maya… and he said that you beat Mom up…"

John sighed, shaking his head. "Sid. Maya can take care of herself. And what people say about me is for me to handle." He turned to look at his son, dark eyes the color of honey. "I appreciate that you wanted to look out for your family, but it's not okay to beat someone up when they didn't touch you."

Sid sniffed back tears. "I'm sorry Dad…"

John held his hand out to Sid and pulled him into a tight hug. "Next time, let him hit you first." He smirked, ruffling a hand through Sid's hair. "Then you can classify it as self-defense." He winked as Sid pulled away from him. "And if that doesn't work. You tell them that your old man's a cop and can put them in a cell."

Sid laughed and turned to the busted bicycle. "Can I help?"

John nodded and handed him a wrench. "Sure thing." He tapped a hand to Sid's shoulder and stuck his tongue out.

"Dad!" Sid groaned, looking at the tongue stud he had in. "That's gross!"

John laughed and pulled his tongue back into his mouth. "Don't tell mom." He smiled. "Now, let's get your sister's bike going again."


	106. Chapter 106

**Chapter One-Hundred and Six**

Claire smiled when John stepped into the bedroom, noticing that he was covered in grease. "You look so sexy right now." She smiled, watching him undress in the bathroom before he took a shower. She listened to him hum a reply. "I love you." She stepped toward the bathroom and picked up his clothes.

"Love you more." He smirked, lathering soap over his body and allowing the water to run down his skin. He chuckled as Claire pulled the curtain back and stepped inside with him. "What are you doing?"

She took the bar of soap from him and turned him around so that his back was to her. "Helping." She whispered, smoothing her soapy palms over his scarred back. She felt every thin rope of scar tissue on his skin, she breathed his scent, the sweet musk that became stronger in the shower. She leaned toward his body, moving her arms around his torso and kissing his shoulders.

John turned in her grasp and kissed her on the lips. He pressed against her, the muscles in his sides rippling under the skin. He moaned as she let her hand travel to the front of his hips, pulling back when she moved as if to allow him inside of her. "Claire…"

She shushed him, and gently kissed his neck. "It's okay." She smiled, pushing her hands into his hair. "I'm better now."

* * *

John pushed Claire's wet body onto the bed his kiss becoming sloppy as his teeth bit at her lips. He pushed back from her and aligned himself with her. He met her eyes for a moment waiting for her to give the ok for him to enter even though every fiber of his being was screaming for him to push into her.

Claire nodded, gasping when his girth stretched her yet again. She moaned as he moved inside of her, digging her nails into his back as he moved with her.

* * *

Nearly three weeks had passed since that night. Claire sat on the bathtub wall, watching as the pregnancy test showed two small pink lines. A perfect positive.

She gasped as she thought of how hard John was working to keep them all afloat as it was. Still working two jobs to pay of debts. Working long hours and burying himself in case for days on end. She couldn't count how many times she'd found him passed out in his office with a pen in hand and computer running.

_I need to get a job… _She thought, pressing a hand to her belly where their sixth child was growing inside of her.


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seven**

"Hey, Wolf?" Levi stopped at John's desk, biting his lip as he saw that John was working on some paperwork. "Jessica won't talk to anyone but you." He dropped his gaze as John looked at him, trying to not challenge the alpha when he was this on edge. "She insisted on it."

John growled and pushed himself away from the desk. "If she says one Goddamn word about Samantha…"

Levi sidestepped out of John's path, noticing how tense he was as he walked. "Don't murder her."

"No promises."

* * *

John stepped into the interrogation room, poker face set in stone. "Okay. I'm here. Start talking."

"Samantha is my daughter too." Jessica stated, pulling at the handcuffs that chained her to the steel table. "I'll drop this custody case if you give me another child. Right here. Right now."

John rolled his eyes and stepped toward her. "I wouldn't touch you again with a ten-foot pole."

"She belongs to me!" Jessica shouted, her voice changing to Jacob's mid-sentence.

* * *

John's arms burned as the ropes bit into his skin. His entire body shook, screaming for relief from the torture. He'd been hanging from the rafters in the garage for almost an hour now, and he knew that his body would give out soon.

"Have you learned your lesson?" Jacob smiled as he stepped toward John, a blow torch in his hands.

"Fuck off." John gasped, his body covered in sweat and blood as his boney chest heaved for breath.

Jacob shook his head, gently running his fingers over one of the whip lashes along John's chest. "One more chance. Who owns you?"

John moved to kick Jacob, yelping when Jacob grabbed his foot and held him tight. "I don't belong to anyone!"

Jacob sighed and turned to grab something from the counter. "What is your name?" He asked, lighting the charcoal in an old barbeque that hadn't been used for years.

"Johnathan Kurtis Bakas." John huffed, hating his father's last name.

"Wrong!" Jacob shouted, moving over to John and tenderly caressing his torso. He pulled something from the hot coals, and pressed it to John's side. "What is your name?"

John screamed, his flesh sizzling under the iron. "Johnathan Kurtis Bakas!" His throat was ripped raw from the shriek of pure agony as another hot brand was pressed into his skin.

"What is your name?" Jacob asked again, gently wiping a tear from John's eyes.

"My name…" John gasped for air, his mind fading in and out as he tried to form the words. "Is Johnathan Kurtis…. Bakas…"

Jacob pulled another branding iron from the flames, pressing it deep into John's flesh and watching it blister and burn under the metal. "You belong to me!" He pressed another letter into John's side. "Your name is Johnathan Bender!" He grabbed John's face and spat into his eyes. "You hear me? You belong to me!" He pressed the last letter into John's body, leaving it there to burn him until the iron went cold.

* * *

John slammed his hand down on the table. "She doesn't belong to anyone!" He shouted, body shaking with anger. "Samantha is her own person!" His chest swelled with his breath, anger and panic mixing in a deadly combination. "She will never belong to you!"

* * *

**Hey Guys! So, updates might be a little slower and more irregular than normal for the next few months. My laptop's touch screen is busted and it doesn't like me to move it. So, I'm going to be saving for a new computer. Also! I am going to visit my brother and his family for my nieces first birthday. I'll be flying and traveling all day on the 21st of august 2019 and won't be writing until the 28th because I will be with my family. Sorry all! Please read and review! **


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eight**

Beckett rushed after John as the young cop stalked around the precinct like a caged animal. "John." He touched the kid's shoulder and gently steered him into his office. He watched as John's breath changed; he was able to see the anger in his body, the way it coursed through his blood. "Sit." He pushed John onto the sofa, stepping back as his eyes zoned out.

* * *

"You belong to me!" Jacob screamed, slamming Beverly into the wall as John cowered in his bedroom. "You can never leave me!" He smacked her so hard that her vision went black and she fell to the floor.

John shook in fear as he looked at his mother, who was laying still at his father's feet. "You killed her!" He shouted, flying toward Jacob with fist's flying. He yelped as Jacob's hands wrapped around his wrists, fear flooding his body as a thick rope was tied around his arms and he was dragged outside. "NO!" He fought against the ropes, ignoring the way they burned his skin.

"Maybe this will show you who's in charge here." He looped the rope over one of the rafters, hoisting John's slight weight off of the ground with a single pull. He made sure that John's feet were painfully close to the concrete floor, knowing that the fact that relief was so close would likely break that stubborn spirit in him. "You are not a Bakas, boy." He stated, gripping John's jaw in a strong hand and forcing him to look at his eyes. "Your name is Bender. Always has been, always will be." He grinned as thunder rolled in the distance, noticing the terror that ignited in John's eyes.

* * *

Beckett waited for John to pass out, knowing that he wouldn't last much longer with how exhausted he'd been and the two flashbacks in such a short time. He caught John as he started to fall forward, and gently adjusted him on the couch so that he was laying down. He placed a small glass of water next to him and covered him with a blanket. "I'm sorry John…" He whispered, leaving him to rest up and recover. "We shouldn't have sent you into that."


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter One-Hundred and Nine**

John groaned as he rolled over on the sofa, blinking as Markus's obnoxious voice carried on outside of the dark office. He pushed himself to sit up, taking the glass of water from the table beside him and downing it in mere seconds. "What the hell…" He stopped as the other's all looked at him when he stepped out of the office. "Are you carrying on about?"

Markus pointed to John's mussed hair. "He is mental! You've all seen it! The way he zones out!" He moved toward John. "He's a danger to this group!" He yelped as John's hand wrapped around his arm.

"It's called PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." John growled, letting Markus pull his hand back. "Those 'zone outs' are memories that I relive every day. They're my mind and body feeling and reacting as if what happened in the past is happening in the moment." He looked up as Roxanne hovered in the main part of the room. "Excuse me."

* * *

Roxanne smiled as John stepped toward her, taking in the glossy sheen of his dark brown hair and the healthy caramel hue of his skin. Even through his dark blue uniform, she could see his muscle and bone structure. She eyed the dark tattoo ink on his forearms, happy that it was late spring and he was wearing short sleeves again. "Your mother-in-law is on the phone." She stated, trying to keep a sigh of lust from leaving her lips.

John nodded and picked up a phone. "Hey Mom." He smiled, stuffing a hand into his hip pocket to play with his seven-year sobriety chip from NA.

Clarissa flipped through the pages of her family cookbook. "You're getting your eight-year chip tonight, aren't you?" She landed on one of John's favorite dishes.

"Well, let's see… been sober since I turned eighteen, and I just had my twenty-sixth birthday about three months ago… so, yes." He smirked, chuckling at her false groan that failed to hide her amusement. "Six o'clock."

Clarissa nodded, looking through the fridge for the ingredients. "Same meeting as always?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Don't you call me that. Makes me sound old." She rolled her eyes.

John laughed, combing a hand through his hair. "Alright Momma, I've gotta get back to work."


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter One-Hundred and Ten**

John stood and stepped to the front of the meeting, taking his new eight-year sobriety chip from Asher. "Thanks man." He smiled, giving his uncle a pat on the back as they hugged. "I couldn't have done it without you."

Asher chuckled and placed an arm over John's shoulder. "Happy eight-years." He nodded as Claire stepped forward and kissed her husband.

* * *

John leaned his arms on the podium at the front of the meeting. "Eight years ago, I was a wreck. I was living in a toxic home, with an abusive father, and addict mother." He let his eyes wander to Beverly. "I was eight-years-old when I took my first drink. And I smoked my first joint about six months later." He took a breath as Clarissa wiped a tear from her eyes. "I tried to live each day like it was my last. Just figured I'd die before I turned eighteen. But when I reached seventeen years of age… I was rescued by my now wife. Oddly enough… in detention in a high school library… two kids, from two completely different walks of life." He smiled at Claire. "A princess… and a criminal."

* * *

Bobby laughed as Sid and Flynn rough housed. "Don't kill each other!" He rushed forward as Sid screamed in pain. "Shit!" He lifted the smaller of the two boys up, gently combing his fingers through his thick hair to try and find where he'd his hit head.

"It h-hurts!" Sid sobbed, reaching for his father as he settled beside them.

John pulled Sid into his lap, gently rubbing circles on his back and wiping his tears away. "I know…" He pressed a cold cloth to the cut in Sid's scalp, carrying him over to the fire pit where the others were roasting marshmallows.

Claire smiled as she watched her husband calm their son, remembering how he'd never really wanted kids to start with. But now, he was a father of four children and one on the way. She remembered the young man who she'd been in detention with, the explosive teen she'd brought home as a foster child for her parents, the musician she'd toured with, and the man she'd married almost seven years ago.

Allison pulled her aside. "You're pregnant again. Aren't you?" She grinned as Claire nodded.

"Yeah… but John doesn't know yet."

Allison bit her lip and leaned closer to her. "I'm pregnant too." She whispered, taking in the shock on Claire's face. "Andy doesn't know yet either."

Claire squeezed Allison's hand. "Joined labor room?"

Allison nodded, bumping Claire's hip with her own. "Hell yes."


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eleven**

John rolled over in their bed, gently placing a hand on Claire's hip and pulling her close. "Sweets?" He smiled as she moaned a reply. "I love you." He kissed her neck, letting his hips rub against her.

Claire rolled her eyes and shifted in the bed. "John… the kids will hear us."

John kissed a perfect line down her neck and to her chest. "No, they won't." He tenderly nipped at her skin, his sharp teeth stimulating the nerves under her flesh. "I promise."

* * *

John sighed as he looked at the woman who answered the door. "We've been getting calls about dogs barking."

The woman blew a puff of cigarette smoke into his face. "I ain't got barking dogs." She stated, looking at the badge on John's chest. "You got two last names? What're you a gay?"

John placed a hand on his taser. "That's not any of your business." He stated, glancing inside of the house to see that a toddler was playing in a pile of dog shit. "May I please do a quick look around the property." He held a hand up to stop her from speaking. "It's just a routine measure we have to do on these calls."

She scoffed and let him inside. "Make it quick."

John gave a small nod, pleased that he'd managed to get inside without a warrant. "Thank you, ma'am." He stepped around the kitchen, kneeling down to lift the child onto his hip. "Ma'am, are you aware that this is child neglect and I could have you arrested by Child Protective Services and your son could be put in protective custody?"

"And I'm supposed to believe someone like you?" She snapped, taking her child from him. "Do your walk around and leave me alone."

John nodded and continued about his search, he opened a door to the garage, pausing when he saw a cowering dog who was far too skinny for her size. "Don't worry honey… I'll get you out of here." He moved to open the crate, yelping when the dog snapped at him.

"Waya. You good?" Bobby's voice came through the radio at John's shoulder.

"Yeah. Call CPS and Animal Control." He pushed himself off of the floor, returning to the task of letting the dog out of the crate. "We've got an abuse and neglect case here."

John reached out toward the dog, wincing as the pet sunk its teeth into his arm. He quickly cut the rope from her neck, letting it fall away as the dog started trying to shaking his arm in her jaws. "Hey. Stop it." He slipped a makeshift muzzle over her nose and led her outside as the CPS and Animal Control showed up.

Bobby grabbed John's arm as he caught sight of the blood that was dripping from his fingertips. "What the hell?" He moved John's arm looking for more wounds. "Did she bite you?"

John shrugged him off. "Just a little."


	112. Chapter 112

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twelve**

Claire looked at the bandaging on John's arms, able to see that a couple small spots of blood had soaked through. "What happened?" She grabbed his wrist, turning his arm over to look at the wounds.

"I got bit by a dog. It's not a big thing." He shrugged her off and continued to undress for the night. He laid back on the pillows and pulled her on top of him, locking his lips with hers. He brushed his tongue over her lips.

Claire pushed him back slightly, she tenderly brushed her hands over his bare chest. She could feel the thin ropes of scar tissue in his skin. He'd tried to cover them with tattoos, but they would always be there. She knew that he hated his past… but she loved him no matter what had happened to him. She traced the tattoo of their children's handprints and foot prints. "John… I need to tell you something-" She was cut off by the phone ringing.

"Hello?" He pressed the receiver to his ear, biting his lip to stifle a groan of distaste. "Yeah… I'll be there in twenty." He turned back to Claire, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before he grabbed his coat. "I'm sorry Sweets."

* * *

John knelt down beside the body of a young teen, his heart aching as his eyes landed on the blood that soaked his clothing. He swallowed when he caught sight of the two holes pierced into his lips. "It's Ben." He stated.

Bobby stepped forward, placing a body bag beside the teen before he and Levi loaded him inside. "He hasn't pulled any of this since…"

John's lips pressed into a thin line, his muscles tensing with anger. "Me…" He stood and started taking pictures of the crime scene, his body language clear that he wasn't in the mood to talk or socialize with anyone.

Joey gave Markus a look, knowing that the Fed was bound to say something stupid. "Don't push him." He warned, nodding to John as he began trying to find evidence. "Or you'll be in a body bag next."


	113. Chapter 113

**Chapter One-Hundred and thirteen**

Bobby watched as the Medical Examiner began inspecting the body. He could sense John to his left, able to feel the hatred and fear radiating off of him. He didn't dare speak, knowing that John wouldn't respond anyway.

John stepped forward as Don picked up something to scrape the blood from the inside of the kid's mouth. "Test that for DNA." He ordered, gently smoothing some of the hair away from the kid's face. "Ben… might have…"

Don nodded, and placed the tool into a test tube to send to the lab. "Did you know this kid?" He asked, able to see that for John, this wasn't just a case. This was personal.

"I knew his folks." He stated, swallowing as Don and his assistant turned the boy over to collect any other evidence they would from his body. "We went to church together."

* * *

Claire groaned as she heard the garage door open and John's squad car shut off inside. She climbed out of the bed and pulled on an old hoodie of John's. "Babe?" She yawned, stepping downstairs to see that John hadn't even walked through the laundry room door yet. She pushed the door to the garage open and stepped inside to see that her husband was still sitting in his car with his head bent to the steering wheel.

John fought back his tears as he tried to raise the courage to tell Claire what had happened. He hated this. Hated that this had happened to another kid.

Claire opened his door and reached out to touch him, but stopped when he pulled away from her. "John…"

"Don't touch me." He choked, holding a hand toward her to stop her. "Just… don't fucking touch me."

Claire stepped back as her husband broke for the first time in years. She could see that he was close to a flashback, and she didn't want to be there when it hit. She took a seat at his work bench, staying close to let him know that she would always be there when he was ready.

She listened as he started to quietly cry, her heart aching with each choked breath he took. All she could do was pray that he would cry himself out and fall asleep soon.

* * *

Dominic stepped into the house and stepped into the living room where John was still passed out cold. He tip-toed over to the tv and shut it off, looking down at the files on the coffee table and the four empty Red Bull cans beside them. He knew that caffeine was like John's new drug, but he also knew that John only drank energy drinks when he was desperate for some form of escape. Usually one drink was all he would have… so seeing four of them all empty was concerning. He cleaned the files up and put them into their folder, before he draped a light blanket over John's sleeping form. "Sleep well…"


	114. Chapter 114

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fourteen**

John groaned as he started to wake up, a hand pressed to his head as he pushed himself to sit up. "Holy fuck…" He looked at his watch, noticing that it was almost four in the afternoon. He yawned and stretched, grunting as his youngest practically flew onto his lap. "Good afternoon A.Z." He smiled, pulling him close as he grabbed the remote and managed to turn the TV on in the blink of an eye. "Looney Tunes, huh?" He leaned back in the sofa, holding his son close as they watched Wile E. Coyote.

Claire stepped into the living room, able to see that John was as good as hungover from all the caffeine he'd had. "Sleep well?" She asked, taking a seat beside him as Samantha, Sid, and Maya dumped their backpacks at the door and rushed to their rooms to do homework so they could hurry and have fun.

John shrugged glancing at the files on the table. "On the way home last night… I was tempted to stop at the bar…" He sighed and looked to his wife. "Luke was murdered last night… by Ben…"

Claire reached out to touch his arm, pausing halfway until he gave her a short nod. "It wasn't your fault." She tenderly kissed his neck, laughing when she felt a little shiver run through his body. "You know that."

He nodded, and let her kiss him more, sighing in pleasure as her soft lips traced over his jawline and behind his ear. He tilted his head to grant her more access to his throat and neck, smiling slightly when she began to bite at his flesh.

* * *

John scraped another plate into the trash and added it to the tray of dishes to be washed in the washing machine. He groaned as his back began to ache from hours on his feet. He was glad he wasn't on call today… he didn't want to talk to anyone… but he also hated working at the restaurant. The idea that so many people wasted so much food ticked him off. It reminded him of being a half-starved kid and digging meals out of the trash or trying to get food any way he could.

Danny popped his head into the dish-pit as John pushed the tray into the machine. "Hey… John?"

John turned and dried his hands off on his apron. "Yeah?"

"There's a couple in the dining area asking about you…"

John chuckled and stepped out of his spot. "That's Carl and Bianca Reed." He looked at Danny as he spoke, noticing something about him was exactly like Carl and Bianca mixed together. "Why don't I introduce you?"


	115. Chapter 115

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifteen**

Carl grinned as John stepped toward their table. "Good to see you kid." He patted John's shoulder, smiling at Bianca as she pushed herself awkwardly out of the chair.

John chuckled and gently touched Bianca's swollen belly, leaning down to speak to the child. "Good evening." He chuckled as Bianca gently smacked his ear. "You two said you had another kid… right?"

Bianca nodded, swallowing with the memory of giving the child up almost eighteen years ago. "A little boy…"

John looked behind him to the kitchen and nodded for Danny to come forward. "Do you remember the last name of the couple who adopted him?"

"I think it was Waltzer…" Bianca stated, biting her lip as she caught sight of the boy.

John grinned. "Danny, you were adopted at birth, right?"

Danny nodded, swallowing as he looked at the couple before him. "Yeah…"

"And your last name is Waltzer?"

Again, Danny nodded. "What are you getting at?"

John looked back to Bianca and Carl. "Danny, these are your biological parents." He smiled as Bianca stepped forward and reached out a shaky hand.

She gently touched Danny's face, running her fingers over his jawline that was so much like Carl's. "After all these years…"

* * *

Claire smiled as John stepped into the house and started pealing off his soaked clothes. "Hey Baby." She smiled, stepping toward him and raking her fingers through his hair. She kissed his lips and pushed her body against him, a shiver running though her body as his muscular frame moved with her. "I made us dinner."

John smirked and kissed her hand, allowing her to lead him to the dinning room where two plates were laid out next to small candles and two glasses of the non-alcohol wine they always kept on hand for special occasions. "Is it our anniversary?" He joked, taking a seat across from her and looking at the food on his plate.

"Notice anything?" She asked, biting her lips as his brows furrowed.

He tilted his head slightly, his teeth pulling at the thin skin of his lips. "It's all tiny food…" He looked to the side of the plate. "Baby forks… baby knifes… baby spoo—" His head shot up, eyes going wide and mouth agape. "You're pregnant?"


	116. Chapter 116

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixteen**

Claire smiled as John's body began to spoon her. She placed her hand over his on her stomach, feeling over his long fingers. She could feel the thin bones inside of his hands, the scars on his knuckles, the callouses on his palms and fingertips. Most people saw John and saw someone who was a fighter, or a killer. They never saw the gentle, loving, sweet man that she did.

She giggled as his lips brushed against the back of her neck. "Are you awake?" She asked, turning to see that he was still sound asleep. "I love you John." She whispered, snuggling deeper into his chest.

* * *

John chuckled as he watched the kids play in the waiting room to his doctor's office. He pressed a hand to his head as the room spun a bit.

Claire pressed a hand to his arm, worry rising in her chest when his skin turned pale. "Are you okay?"

John nodded and pushed her off of him, standing slowly as Dr. Stiller called him back. "Yeah. Fine." He stepped with her and the kids into the office.

"How're you feeling John?" Dr. Stiller asked, motioning for John to sit on the exam table and take his shirt off.

"I'm doing pretty good. Just get light headed once in a while." He pulled his shirt over his head, revealing the scars and tattoos that laced his body like words on a page.

"Have you been taking your medications?" Dr. Stiller pulled a blood draw kit from the drawer and inserted it into John's vein. "Sticking to the diet we gave you?"

John nodded and watched as his blood filled several vials. "Yep. Just been working a lot."

Dr. Stiller motioned for John to lay down on the table, after he'd given the blood samples to his assistant, and gently pressed around John's torso. He traced his fingers over the scar from the transplant, biting his lip when he saw how well it had healed. "You're healing really well." He took a paper from his assistant as she returned with the results of the tests. "But you're still wanting to reject the liver… so, I'm gonna put you on an IV and see if that helps." He placed a pillow on the table and inserted an IV lead into John's arm.

John adjusted himself so that he was more comfortable, letting Samantha climb onto the exam table with him and wrapping her in his strong arms. He kissed her cheek as she opened her school book and started to read to him. "Thanks Doc." He smiled, he let Asher-Zane play with the leather bracelet around his wrist.


	117. Chapter 117

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventeen**

John sighed as Samantha curled up on the sofa with him. He flipped through the TV channels and held his child close, a soft tune rumbling in his throat.

He tensed as one of the floorboards creaked in the hallway, his stomach clenching as the strong scent of oil, liver, and onions reached his nose. _Fuck…_ He slowly moved Sam off of his lap and covered her with a blanket.

He carefully stepped through the house, being sure to keep his back to the living room door to protect his child. "Who's there?" He hissed, a hand moving to his hip in search of the pistol that was in his safe upstairs. He flinched as something moved to his left, sighing when he realized it was only a mouse.

"Been a long time…" Ben's voice sent a chill through John's spine, his smile like that of a rabid animal who had cornered his prey. "Ain't it Johnny boy?"

* * *

John woke with a scream of terror on his lips, his body drenched in a cold sweat. His chest heaved with each breath as his eyes searched for the threat. He blanched as his stomach flipped, which caused him to vomit without time to get to the toilet.

"John, breathe…" Claire rubbed his back as he gagged. She bit her lip as air rattled in his lungs, able to feel the panic in his body that was just looking for a way out. "It's okay… you're safe…"

John gasped for breath, coughing as he tried to inhale and the scent of his vomit invaded his nose. "Shower…" He choked out, turning his face into the pillow to hide his shame.

Claire nodded and climbed out of the soiled sheets to start the shower for him. "I'll clean it up." She pulled him out of the bed, gently rubbing his shoulders as she led him to the bathroom to clean up. "Just try to settle down."

John nodded and shucked off his boxers. "I'm sorry Claire…" He stepped into the shower, closing his eyes as the water washed over his body.

"It's okay." She quickly stripped the bed and took the sheets to the laundry room downstairs.

She grabbed a clean pair of sheets from the closet and began to remake the bed. A small smile graced her lips as she heard John's voice singing in the shower. She loved his voice… and missed hearing him preform. She missed seeing that joy and thrill on his face as the crowd had cheered for him to sing more.

Singing had been John's passion… and he'd given it up for the sake of their family. He didn't know it, but she'd seen the pain behind his eyes grow with each day of their marriage. She knew that he needed to perform again. But how to get him on a stage was the hard part.


	118. Chapter 118

**Chapter One-Hundred and Eighteen**

Sid jumped onto his parent's bed, laughing as his father bolted out of a dead sleep. "Come on! Let's go!" He was buzzing with excitement, the thought of this being the day of the first-grade talent show. "Get up!"

John groaned as his son bounced on his stomach. "Sid. Stop it." He rolled onto his side under his son's weight, attempting to settle his already upset stomach. He turned a glare on his child as he continued to torment him. "Sidney Thomas." He growled, knowing that Sid would know he'd reached the limit of John's patience. "I told you to stop."

Sid bowed his head and climbed off of his father. "Sorry…" He sat on the mattress with his legs crisscrossed and hands tucked between his thighs. "Are you sick again?"

John's brow furrowed, and he gently tipped Sid's chin up to look at him. "How do you know when I'm sick?"

Sid shrugged and fought back his tears. "I… hear you scream… and you're always sick when you scream at night…" He licked his lips, knowing that his father didn't like questions about his past. "Who're Jacob and Ben?"

John swallowed. "Jacob… is my father… he was… he was very mean to me when I was little, and he's still in jail for it." He heaved a breath. "Ben, is one of his friends, who did some bad things to me too…"

Sid nodded, as if understanding what his dad was saying. "Is that why Jeffrey makes fun of us and tells us that you're mean?"

John sighed and pulled his son close. "Yes…" He took his son's hand and let the small fingers touch his scars and his tattoos. "But I'm trying to be better than Jacob was."

* * *

Claire gently kissed John's lips as he climbed into the squad car, happy that he was going to be safe today. "Don't get into trouble." She smirked, knowing that John was always getting into something he shouldn't.

"Never." He chuckled, letting his fingers trace over her stomach and their unborn child. "I'll see you tonight."


	119. Chapter 119

**Chapter One-Hundred and Nineteen**

John pushed a hand into his hair as he looked up at the bank. "I don't want to see that balance on our account." He looked down at his two paychecks from the LAPD and the restaurant, knowing that they wouldn't be enough to pay off his depts.

Thomas nodded as they stood in the line. "Johnny… if you'd just let us help—"

"No." John snapped, looking to his father-in-law with anger in his eyes. "You've helped me enough. It's my turn to take care of my family." He popped his knuckles and stepped up to the teller.

Thomas sighed, his heart aching with John's stubbornness. "You need the help…" He breathed, gasping when a shout echoed through the bank.

"GET DOWN AND HAND OVER THE CASH!"

John turned and pushed Thomas to the ground. "HIT THE DECK!" He shouted, hand flying to the gun at his hip. He thanked God that he'd just gotten off duty and wasn't in uniform. He watched as people fell to the floor and covered their heads. He pushed himself to his hands and knees, waiting for the robber to look away before he made his move. "Cover his ears." He nodded to a woman and her son. "And hold him tight."

He leapt to his feet and rushed the robber, ducking behind a desk as a bullet whizzed by his head. "Shit…" He hissed, pulling his .9mm from its holster before he moved again. "LAPD! Put your hands up and surrender before I call my backup!"

"You ain't no cop!" The man laughed, stepping toward John's voice. "You're to skinny."

John nodded to one of the tellers to call his backup. "I assure you. I am a cop." He moved around the desk, and tackled the crook from behind. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law." He put a knee in the guys back, and quickly cuffed him with the spares he kept in his belt at all times. "If you do not have an attorney, one will be assigned to you." He yelped as something scraped against his upper arm, falling back in shock as the pain of the bullet really resonated in his mind.

The crook kicked John's ribs, and slipped out of the cuffs. He grabbed a little girl as he backed away from the room of people. "I hope it's a painful death!" He fired one last shot grinning as the bullet buried itself deep in John's shoulder.

Thomas rushed to his son-in-law's side, tearing the sleeve and part of the collar from John's shirt away before he pressed hard on the worst of the wounds. "John! John! Stay with me!" He pushed John's body into the tile with a leg over his hips to stop him from moving. "John!" He watched as John's eyes started to go glassy. "Damnit! Don't lose it!" He shook John's limp body, eyes going wide when he saw the puddle of blood under him. "John!"


	120. Chapter 120

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty

Claire bounced Asher-Zane on her knee, biting her lip as the lights in the auditorium dimmed. "Come on John… you're gonna miss it..." She looked over to her mother, worry showing in her dark eyes. "Where is he?"

"Was he on call tonight?" Clarissa asked, taking her youngest grandchild from her daughter as he started fussing.

Claire shook her head, checking her watch one last time before the show started. "He said he was going to run home after he went to the bank and he and Dad would meet us here... "

* * *

Thomas watched as John was wheeled into emergency surgery at the hospital, his heart dropping when he caught one last glance of John through the swinging doors as the nurses and doctors ripped his clothing away from his blood-covered body. "Please wake up from this..."

* * *

John gasped for air as chaos swarmed around him, he was vaguely aware of his clothes being torn away, and a thick, sticky fluid on his skin. His dark eyes landed on someone with a needle, and for a moment he wasn't bleeding out on an operating table. "No. Don't knock me out." He grabbed the doctor's wrist, his eyes shining with flecks of green. "I won't wake up if you do."

The doctor looked at John with hesitant eyes. "You'll feel it all..."

"I've lost too much blood. I won't wake up. Don't put me under."

* * *

Bridget smiled at Claire, stepping forward with her son and his second prize ribbon. "It's a shame John couldn't make it." She curled her lip at Sid, Maya, and Samantha. "You don't think he could have relapsed, do you?"

Claire glared at the bleached blonde, turning to her mother as she stepped back into the auditorium. "Are they okay?"

Clarissa shook her head, fighting back tears as she looked at her daughter. "John… John was shot..."

Claire's eyes widened, and within seconds she'd pushed the children into her mother's arms and was sprinting for her car.


	121. Chapter 121

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-One**

John grit his teeth as the doctors inserted a pair of forceps into the wound in his shoulder. He turned his head away as a sound he could only describe as a boot in a mud-hole filled his ears. He swallowed to keep the vomit down, a low groan of agony rumbling in his throat as he felt the tools and doctors pulling at the nerves in his body. "Just rip it out!" He snapped, gagging as something ripped inside of his body. "Get it out! Or sew me the hell up!"

The doctor's finally grabbed onto the bullet shrapnel inside of John's tight muscle structure, and ever so gently pulled it out bit by bit. "We can give you something to block the pain-"

"I just want off this Goddamn table!" John choked, coughing as bile and vomit climbed up his throat. "Bucket!" He retched before anyone could bring him something to empty his stomach into, and much to his embarrassment it splattered onto the tile. "Sew me up..." He panted, his vision darkening around the edges as the heart monitor's beeping began to slow.

* * *

Claire rushed through the hospital, pausing at the desk to see if her husband was still alive. "Bender-Standish..." She gasped, trying to catch her breath before she clarified. "Officer Johnathan Bender-Standish… he was shot earlier today… I'm his wife."

The receptionist nodded, and pointed to the elevators. "ICU, room 418."

Claire gave a small smile of thanks before she entered the elevator and ran to John's room. "John..." She looked into the room, and had to fight back her tears when she saw that John had a bag of blood attached to his IV and wasn't responding to much that was around him. "John, it's me-"

"Sweets..." He breathed, his voice hoarse from screams of pain and hours of vomit burning his throat. "My Sweets..." He reached a shaky hand out to her, and his robe shifted enough that she could see the bandages covering his left shoulder. "I knew you would come..."

Claire made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob as she took his hand in her own and pressed his palm to her stomach. "We couldn't let you be alone."


	122. Chapter 122

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Two**

Claire watched as John's nurse changed his bandage one more time before they went home. She swallowed as the black lines of stitches and scabs were revealed from behind the cotton padding. "It's looking better." She smiled, taking in the way John looked at the wounds.

"Yeah." He'd been quiet ever since he'd been shot, no doubt thinking about the child the man had kidnapped. "Bobby found the kid's body the other day..." He met Claire's eyes. "He was out by the river behind the house."

Claire bit her lip, her eyes dropping to his hand that was wrapped around a stress ball his physical therapist had given him to help strengthen the muscles that had been damaged. "Do you think he has any connections to Ben… or Jacob?"

John shrugged and tentatively pulled on one of his flannels that he could button on. "I don't know… but if Ben is still after me, that's something he would do." He readjusted his arm into the sling, and pushed himself off of the hospital bed. "He'd want to send a message."

* * *

John smiled as the kids ran to him across the school parking lot. "Hey guys!" He grimaced as they slammed into him and jarred his shoulder.

"Dad! Look!" Maya held up her test in her reading class. "I got an A+!"

John smirked and looked the paper over. "That's awesome!" He kissed her head, and tilted her chin up as her excitement fell when she saw the sling him arm was in. "I'm sorry I missed the talent show." He looked at each of the three children. "I wouldn't have missed it if I'd gotten a choice." He kissed their heads, helping Claire load them into the car before they took off for home.

"Hello John!" Bridget smiled sweetly. "So glad to see you're okay!" She looked at the dark circles under John's eyes, and the way his body seemed to be exhausted and achy. "Are you driving?" She asked, ignoring the obvious pain he was displayed when she touched his shoulder. "Because after how many drugs they must've given you, and having been put under for them to stitch you up..."

"I wasn't put under." John stated. "And I had to fight them until they gave up when they wanted to put me on morphine." He opened the passenger side door. "And I wouldn't endanger my children by driving with a messed up arm."


	123. Chapter 123

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Three**

Bridget raised a brow at John's words. "That isn't possible." She looked him up and down, unaware of the many scars that laced his body under his clothing. "No one could get shot and not have anything for the pain."

John shifted his weight slightly, letting his shirt move and show the police badge tattoo that Dominic was working on for him. "I've felt worse." He motioned for Claire to turn the radio on. "Let's take a walk." He stepped away from the car, with Bridget in toe. "I never stayed in a hospital before I started dating Claire. My old man used to whip me with a belt and eventually an old bike chain." He looked down to his legs. "I was jumped when I was fourteen and the gang burned my feet and legs with a bottle of tequila and a blowtorch, the only reason I survived that, was because my cousin and a couple of our friends gave me a fifth of whiskey before they scrubbed the skin off." He motioned to the half finished tattoo on the inside of Bridget's wrist. "You've had that for three years now, why isn't it finished?"

"It hurt." Bridget stated, looking into the gap in John's shirt to where his badge tattoo was.

"I don't even feel it when I get a new tattoo." He touched a few spots along his sides. "I've been branded like a side of beef, nothing feels like that. And unless you've had an unmedicated vaginal birth, you would never know what pain I've felt."

Bridget glared at him. "I won't believe you no matter what you say."

"I have an appointment to get a new tattoo shaded tomorrow. You're welcome to come and let me prove that I'm telling the truth." He stopped at the car again, handing her a business card. "Bender Inks. Ten o'clock."

* * *

Clarissa smiled as her children and grandchildren stepped into the house. "How're you feeling?" She asked, cupping John's cheek in her hand as he tried to unbutton his shirt.

"I'm fine Mom." He gave a tired smile, letting her unbutton his shirt the rest of the way and help him get his arm out of the sling and through his shirt sleeve. "Just sore."

Claire smiled as John's uncle stepped into the kitchen with Sara and several other members of the family. "John, do you want to tell them?"

"We're pregnant." He smirked, placing his good hand on Claire's stomach.

"Two months!" Claire bit her lip in excitement as everyone crowded around her, happy that they weren't pushing John for answers of how he was feeling at the moment.


	124. Chapter 124

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Four**

Claire rolled her eyes as she and John laid together on the sofa, a quiet laugh bouncing in her chest as she felt their unborn child move inside of her. "She already knows her dad." She combed her fingers through his hair, and gently kissed his lips as he shifted to look at her.

"How do you know it's a girl?" He smirked, sitting up as his shoulder ached.

Claire dropped her gaze to his bandages. "I'll change those." She opened the little first-aid kit they kept on the bookshelf. "I don't know if it's a girl, but I don't want to call her 'it'."

John sucked a breath through his teeth as she rubbed some ointment onto the stitches. "What do you want to name her then?"

Claire slowly wrapped John's shoulder again. "I was thinking… Reya..." She felt John's muscles tense slightly, and she could see his tattoos and scars move with them. "She saved you and Sammy." She pressed a hand over John's badge tattoo, and gently traced the outline.

John leaned toward her, a devilish smile on his lips. "I like it." He kissed her neck, and slowly moved to bite at her earlobe. He let a wave of pride wash over him as she moaned and dug her nails into his skin.

* * *

John tossed and turned in the bed, causing Claire to wake from her dreams. "No..." He mumbled. "Take… me…" His words were strangled by a blood-chilling scream, which nearly sent Claire shooting to the ceiling.

"John!" Claire shook his body, grabbing his wrists in a firm hold as he tried to attack the false threat. "It's okay, Babe." She soothed, forcing his arms to his chest and pressing herself onto his body to give him the weight that helped to calm him. "You're safe."

John's chest heaved with each breath, causing his shoulder to ignite in pain with every movement. "Meds..." He gasped, knowing that the doctors had prescribed some Oxycodone incase he needed it. "Oxy..."

Claire bit her lip, afraid to give it to him. "Okay..." She pushed herself off of him, and stepped into the bathroom to retrieve the medications.

John pushed himself out of bed, quickly grabbing a thin hoodie before he bolted from the bedroom and the house. He sprinted through the yard and into the field, falling to his knees beside the river at the back of the property. "I'm sorry..." He cried, knowing that there was no one to hear him.


	125. Chapter 125

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Five**

Dominic stepped through the frost-covered grasses of John's back property, stopping when he saw the too-still form of his little cousin in the dawn lighting. "Johnny..." He sighed, kneeling beside his cousin and pressing a hand to his cold body. "Let's get you home." He gently scooped John into his arms, ignoring the quiet groan of protest as he wiped the tear tracks away from his cheeks.

* * *

Claire rushed to Dominic as he stepped into the house with her husband. "He's freezing!" She touched his face and neck, shocked to find that he still had a pulse. "Where was he?"

Dominic swallowed and carried John to the sofa beside the fireplace. "Around where they found the kid." He covered John with a thick blanket, pausing in his movements when he grabbed hold of his wrists. "You waking up?" He carefully removed himself from John's grip, using one of his hands to comb John's dew-soaked hair out of his face.

"I'm… sorry..." John coughed, crying out as his shoulder was jarred.

Claire pulled Asher-Zane away from his father. "Leave Daddy alone." She whispered, taking their youngest to the kitchen where she started boiling some water for hot tea. "He doesn't feel good." She hated it when she had to keep the kids away from their father, but she knew that John's PTSD could still make him unpredictable at times… and after the nightmare he'd had last night… he wasn't in his right mind.

She let a soft song start in her throat, and ever so quietly sang to her son. "There will come a soldier, who carries a mighty sword, he will tear your city down, oh, lei, oh, lie, oh Lord." She smiled as Asher-Zane started trying to dance in her arms, and set him down on the tile flooring so that he could move freely. "There will come a poet, who's weapon is his word, he will slay you with his pen, oh lei, oh lie, oh Lord. He will slay you with his pen, oh lei, oh lie, oh Lord." She laughed as Asher-Zane began spinning and bouncing around. "Just like your father..." She sighed with the memories of John performing on stage.


	126. Chapter 126

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Six**

Claire filled a mug with hot water and added a teabag. "Here." She handed it off to Dominic as Asher-Zane squirmed in her hold. "John, wake up." She gently touched his shoulder, sighing when he only responded a little bit.

"I heard you singing in the kitchen… he seemed like he was trying to wake up." Dominic adjusted the blankets around his cousin's shoulders.

Claire took a seat close to her husband, carefully setting Asher-Zane in his play crib to keep him safe if John were to have another flashback. She brushed her fingers through his hair, and let a quiet song leave her lips. "I just woke up from a dream today Time gone by but you still look the same Felt so real to have you back with me It's just too bad it's just another dream Give me just one wish If I could give it all away I'd do it just for one more day I thought I had the time to wait Now it's too late to tell you I miss you So, so, I do God knows I do I miss you so, so, I do I miss you so much I miss you so, so, I do I miss you so, so, I do After dark, laughin' in the rain Silver heart locket on a chain Well pictures fade and silver turns to grey But the best of thieves couldn't take my love away Give me just one wish If I could give it all away I'd do it just for one more day Trade it in for one more moment Tell you what I never told ya All the things I left unsaid... I meant to say before you left I thought I had the time to wait Now it's too late to tell you I miss you so, so, I do I miss you I miss you so much I miss you so, so, I do God knows I do I miss you so, so, I do I miss you so much I miss you so, so, I do I miss you so, so, I do If there was some way, you know I would I'd do it today, I wish I could I call out your name, it does no good I wish I knew what would I miss you so much God knows I do, I wish my wish was enough Give me just one wish If I could give it all away I'd do it just for one more day Trade it in for one more moment Tell you what I never told ya All the things I left unsaid…. I meant to say before you left I thought I had the time to wait Now it's too late to tell you I miss you so, so, I do I miss you I miss you so much I miss you so, so, I do God knows I do... I miss you so, so, I do I miss you so much I miss you so, so, I do I miss you so..." She smiled as John began to wake, and gently cupped his cheek in her hand. "Good morning."

John gave a tired smirk, turning his head so that he could kiss Claire's palm. "Sweets..." He breathed, looking over to where Asher-Zane was fussing in his playpen. "Come here A.Z." He chuckled, reaching for his son, though he knew Claire or Dominic would have to get him out of the pen.

Claire hesitated for a moment before she plucked her child from the playpen.

"You're afraid of me..." John mumbled, swallowing when Claire stopped in her tracks.

Claire dropped her gaze in shame, knowing that she had no reason to withhold John from time with his own children. "I'm not afraid of you..."

"You're afraid of the monster than I become." He pushed himself out of the chair, bumping Dominic's arm and causing the tea to spill over the carpet and chair. "I'll go get a shower then we can to to the shop." John ignored the tea, and instead started shrugging out of his clothing and taking his bandage off.

"John-"

"No. I don't want to talk about it right now." He turned to look at his wife, his eyes darker than usual as he glared at her. "Later."


	127. Chapter 127

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Seven**

Dominic parked his car in the back lot of his shop, looking over to John who hadn't stopped scowling at the windshield since they'd began this trip into town. "You don't have to get this tattoo done right now. You can go home and talk to Claire if you want."

John shook his head, stepping into the building and quickly changing his pants into shorts. "I need this done." He stated, looking up as a bleached blonde stepped into the waiting room. "I need to prove something." He waved Bridget back, adjusting himself on Dominic's tattoo bench before he flipped onto his stomach. "Excuse my shitty appearance." He growled. "I don't have to be in uniform today." He adjusted his bad shoulder, letting Dominic place a hot pad under it to help with the discomfort.

Bridget looked at the tattoo on John's leg, noticing that there were burn scars that covered them all the way to his knees. "So, what's it supposed to be?" She asked, watching as Dominic fixed a tip onto his tattoo gun that had a whole bunch of needles in it.

"You'll see." Dominic wiped John's calf down with an alcohol wipe and quickly set to work.

Bridget raised a brow as John didn't flinch. "You are actually putting the ink into his skin, right?"

Dominic nodded, pulling a few of the scars on John's legs tight so that they wouldn't be as obvious when it was finished. "I only have a couple of clients who don't react when I'm tattooing them… they all have scars like his."

Bridget looked over the exposed parts of John's skin, looking at the angel tattoo on his right forearm. She could see where the skin was bumpy, probably another burn. She dropped her gaze to his legs, where they were covered in what had been deep cuts and harsh burns.

* * *

Bridget stretched as Dominic started to clean his stuff up, pausing when she heard a quiet snore. "Is he..." She looked up to John's face, shocked to see that he was passed out cold. "Asleep?"

Dominic nodded, wrapping his cousin's newly finished tattoo up in some plastic. "He falls asleep most of the time when he comes in." He motioned to the tattoo inside of Bridget's wrist. "I can finish that up for you if you'd like."

Bridget looked at John's tattoo, and down at her own. "Sure." She watched as he prepared another bunch of equipment, and started describing what it was supposed to be while he worked.

Dominic moved closer to her, gently taking her hand in his and softly pressing the needle to her skin. "If it gets too bad, let me know."

Bridget nodded, amazed that Dominic wasn't hurting her other than a small sting. "Are you sure the ink will stay?"

Dominic nodded, wiping some excess ink away before he started again. "I've been in this business for a long time. You don't need a lot of force to get it to take."


	128. Chapter 128

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Eight**

Claire smiled as John and his cousin stepped through the garage door of their home. "You must've slept a long time." She kissed her husband's jaw, stuffing her hands into his back pockets.

Dominic made a fake gagging noise, ruffling up Sid's hair as he bounded up to him. "Mom and Dad are gettin' mushy." He chuckled, taking the children into the back yard to play.

John smirked and leaned toward Claire's ear, allowing his teeth to brush against her earlobe. A shiver of delight shot down his spine, as a quiet gasp escaped his wife's lips. "You like that?" He asked, tensing when her own teeth sank into his shoulder. "So viscous." He chuckled, taking Claire's hand as they stepped into the living upstairs bathroom so that she could change his bandages.

* * *

John glowered at his computer screen, picking up his physical therapy squeeze ball to try and get something done while he tried to piece this cold case together. "It doesn't make sense..." He winced as he squeezed the ball too tight, his frustration only growing when he realized he hadn't squeezed it much at all.

Bobby groaned as he poured himself a cup of coffee, and leaned against John's desk to relax for a minute. "Markus… is the worst partner ever." He snagged a potato chip from the open ziplock bag John had beside him. "These damn salt and vinegar chips would be better to work with."

John let a short laugh escape his throat. "We were wrong when we said it couldn't get worse than Mexico, huh?" He unbuttoned his shirt and started peeling the bandage off of his shoulder to let it breathe for a second. "Can you hand me that box on the table?" He motioned to the little plastic container on the table of the Wolf Den. "And I have some cream shit in the fridge."

Bobby handed him the items, and watched as John gently cared for his wounds. "Is that the worst one you've had?" He asked, knowing that John rarely spoke of his past.

"Worst gunshot? Or worst injury?"

"Injury."

John took a breath, and allowed the cream to soak into the stitches and scabs. "No." He met Bobby's eyes, swallowing before he continued. "This one, doesn't hold a shame to it. Once it's healed, the hurting stops."

Bobby thought of the cross scars on John's lower back, knowing that even though they were long healed, they still burned like they were fresh. They were a constant reminder of what had been done to him, that he'd been violated as a child by a gang that his father had started.


	129. Chapter 129

**Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Nine**

John itched at his shoulder as he worked, growling slightly when it wouldn't go away. "Damnit..." He hissed, unbuttoning his shirt and ripping the bandage off. He scratched the burning stitches and scabs, desperately trying to relieve the crawling sensation. "Ugh!" He stopped when Levi grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away.

"You're bleeding." He stated, motioning to the bright red liquid covering John's fingers. "What's wrong?"

John let Levi help him clean the blood up. "It's just itchy." He opened his bandaging kit, and handed Levi a bunch of supplies.

Levi wiped a wet paper towel over John's shoulder, the blood draining from his face when he saw that blood wasn't the only thing seeping from the injuries. "Let's get you to the docs..." He pressed around the scabs and allowed more yellow-green pus to ooze from the wound. "It's infected… big time..."

* * *

Claire stepped through the doctor's office and into an exam room that held her husband. "I swear. If that thing is septic like the last one, I will panic." She looked at the liquids that were running down John's arm and the left side of his body.

"It's nowhere near septic." Ryan gently loved John's arm and filled another syringe with an antibacterial flush. "We caught it early." He forced the flush into John's skin between the stitches and the muscles, which pushed the infection and pus out of his body.

John gagged as the smell of infection invaded his overly-sensitive nose. "God… that's bad..."

Claire rolled her eyes and smoothed a gently hand over her stomach, even though she wasn't showing yet. "Daddy's an idiot."

* * *

Claire raised a brow at her husband as he glared at her from the bed. "Flip over." She ordered, holding up the syringe of antibiotics in her hand as she slowly moved toward him.

"Make me." John countered, his eyes darkening slightly with his challenge.

Claire knew this was a game to him, but she wasn't having it tonight. "Johnathan Kutis Bender-Standish." She let a little rush of victory run through her as John stopped with the tone of her 'mom voice.' "Show me your butt."

John flipped onto his stomach and let Claire pull his baggy gray sweatpants down to his knees. He chuckled slightly as she ran her long nails over his rear-end and some of his lower back. "Are you gonna stick me, or you just gonna enjoy the view?" He smirked, jumping slightly when something pinched his buttcheek. "Ow!"

Claire grinned and pushed the needle into his skin, quickly pushing the plunger on the syringe and injecting the medications into his body. "Who said I can't do both?" She laughed as John's hand found hers and he pulled her onto the bed beside him.

He pressed himself against her, dark eyes the color of apple cider as he leaned his face closer to her. "Well, now it's my turn to enjoy a view." He breathed against her lips, his voice low and husky as he wiggled the rest of the way out of his pants and slipped a hand under her pajama shirt.

"Yes… Alpha..." She sighed, closing her eyes as she allowed him to take control of her.


	130. Chapter 130

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty**

Claire bit down on the side of John's neck, trying to muffle the moans and cries of pleasure. She dug her nails into his back as he moved with her, noticing that he slowed his movements slightly. She pushed him to the side, and straddled his hips. A smile graced her lips as she saw that he was taken aback.

He parted his lips in a sigh as she eased his member into herself, pleasure coursing through him as she leaned down to kiss him. "Alpha..." He gasped, fitting her fingers between his and allowing her to hold his hands to the mattress.

* * *

Claire smiled as warm sunlight filtered into the bedroom window and shown onto John's soft face. She reached out and brushed a hand through his hair, smoothing her fingers under his eyes and down his jaw. She thought back to when they'd first been married, how thin and beautiful she'd been, and how young and stupid John was. She rubbed a hand over her stomach able to feel the stretch-marks and the sagging skin from her pregnancies. She'd always known that John thought she was beautiful, but after her pregnancy with Asher-Zane, she hadn't felt as beautiful.

John on the other hand, had always been a looker. His dark skin and hair had always been his shining features, they'd always just been hidden by the shocking lack of weight and his poor health.

She looped an arm around her husband's body, and snuggled close to him. She breathed his scent, shivering slightly with the subtle smell of sweat that always clung to his body early in the mornings. She traced the spaces between his ribs where each and every bone used to show but were now covered in strong muscles and healthy fat.

John gave a small moan of joy as Claire traced her fingers over the little dips and hills on the back of his hips. "My Sweets..." He sighed, soft lips brushing against her head as he held her closer. "My beautiful Sweets." He cracked his eyes open slightly, his lashes like long feathers that surrounded some dark pools of pure love and magic.

* * *

Bobby walked with John to the morgue, keeping an eye on him as the coroner opened one of the drawers to show the young child that had been kidnapped at the bank.

"His name was Oliver Ross. Age, nine." The medical examiner handed John a chart. "He… we… he was raped… and he died from internal bleeding because of the trauma his body took."

John nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line. "Damnit..." He looked at the kid's lower lip, noticing Ben's calling card tattooed into the child's skin. "I know who this was."


	131. Chapter 131

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-One**

John winced as Claire pushed the needle of his antibiotic injections into his buttcheek. "Easy!" He pressed his hips into the bed as Claire moved behind him, worried that she would hurt him. He tensed as her fingers touched his lower back. "Claire… if we do it again you might miscarry."

She rolled her eyes and gently massaged his muscles, able to feel how tight they were and the stress he carried in them. "Why won't you let Daddy help with the bills?" She asked, jumping back as he flipped onto his back to glare at her.

"He told you?" John snapped, eyes darkening in anger. "He told you I can't pay them off?"

Claire stared him in the eyes, able to see the tiny ring of yellow around his pupils. "He told me that you need some help." She watched as he pulled his pants and underwear up before he got out of bed. "Where are you going?"

"Work." He snapped, pulling on his old LAPD shirt and grabbing his keys from the dresser. "Don't wait up."

* * *

John glared at his computer screen, letting his eyes wander to the photos he kept on his desk of his family. He looked at Claire in her wedding dress, Thomas standing beside the car as John worked on in from underneath. He smiled at the image of his kids playing in the snow, all of Claire's maternity photos. Only one image stood out like a sore thumb in the group… the one they'd taken when he'd been released from the hospital after he'd been placed in the foster system. He'd been so skinny… the hospital bracelet had hung off of his wrist like a loose collar on a dog. What Claire had seen in him, he had no idea.

He sighed and let a small tune start in his throat. "I lost my breath when I Saw you take your first My whole world stopped like that And I ain't the crying type I just saw your eyes Words just can't describe what I see You look just like me, yeah You're gonna think I hung the moon You're gonna think I made the sky That the sun rises And sets inside of my eyes And it won't be long 'Til I hear "Daddy's home" and Footsteps running to The man that hung the moon And I already know You'll probably be a Mama's boy It worked out fine for your Dad I hope I'm still your hero 'Cause I already love you more than Even I understand You're gonna think I hung the moon And that I made the sky That the sun rises And sets inside of my eyes And it won't be long 'Til I hear "Daddy's home" and Footsteps running to The man that hung the moon Oh yeah And one day you'll realize I've lost my cape, I can't fly And I'm only human and you'll need more than me But you'll know to hit your knees If I've done my job right You'll know where to find The Man who really hung the moon Who really made the sky Yeah the sun rises And sets inside of His eyes And it won't be long Until He calls us home And we'll all be running to The Man that hung the moon oh yeah No matter what No matter where I am Just know I love you With all I am Me and your Mama both" He picked up some small pieces of his children's baby blankets, running his fingers over the stained spots, and the places where they'd been ripped. "I love you all..." He sighed, looking back to the photos. "And I'm doing my best."


	132. Chapter 132

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Two**

Beckett stepped into the precinct, pausing when he saw that John was hunched over on his desk. He chuckled and stepped toward John, quietly moving the coffee mug beside him over. "Johnny. Time to wake up kid." He touched John's shoulder, stepping back as John's fist swung in a wide arch toward his hips. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe."

John blinked the sleep from his eyes, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "Hmm?"

Beckett smirked and handed John a check. "Go home." He ruffled John's hair, laughing as the young man swatted at him. "You're working too much."

John shook his head, his lip curling as Markus walked in. "Claire's pissy." He stated, standing to retrieve his bandaging package. "Hormones are kicking in." He pulled the old bandage off of his wounds, hissing as some of the cotton padding pulled at his stitches.

Markus stepped up to John's desk, scoffing as he listened to the other men talk. "What'd you do to piss her off?"

John gently rebandaged his shoulder before he answered. "We had a disagreement. So, I came to work on some cold cases." He met Markus's eyes. "I live by the advice to not go to bed angry."

"Afraid you'll turn into your daddy?" Markus sneered, nodding to John's tattoos that covered several of his scars. "That you'll beat the shit out of her and your little rats?"

John ground his teeth, his lip curling in anger as his eyes went black. "Don't you dare speak of my family."

"Face it! You're an addict! It's only a matter of time until you finally snap and lose it!" Markus stepped forward, ignoring the way John's breath sped up. "No one beats meth and cocaine."

"Markus." Beckett warned, knowing that John was close to snapping. "Shut it."

"What? John's your favorite pup, so you jump at anyone who tries to hurt him? To tell him the Goddamn truth!" Markus motioned wildly to John. "He might be called Alpha, but you're the one running the show!"

John turned on his heel, marching to the locker rooms to shower. "You're lucky you're FBI and not LAPD!"


	133. Chapter 133

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Three**

Bobby gently shoved John as they walked into the diner with the rest of the Wolf Pack and Markus. "Once we get this gauntlet course up, I'll bet you can beat the guys in Seth's group."

John rolled his eyes, taking a seat in their usual booth and waving to their waitress. "Please, I could beat Seth's bunch with this fucked up shoulder and one arm tied behind my back." John smirked and pulled his arm out of the sling to stretch it out. "Just give me a few cups of coffee and an Advil."

"More like a morphine drip..." Markus scoffed, his words not quite hidden under his breath. "Druggy..."

Levi growled at Markus's idiocy. "Shut up."

John ignored Markus's comment, and started doing a few of his physical therapy exercises. "It's getting stronger." He tried lifting the sugar container, setting it down only a few seconds after he lifted it.

"Don't push it too far." Bobby advised, knowing that John was sick and tired of his arm not working properly. "You'll end up setting yourself back."

"Mark!" A young man called from the doorway of the diner, stepping over to the group to speak to Markus. "Where were you this morning?" He asked, slipping his thumbs into his belt-loops as he shifted his weight onto one foot. "You weren't around when-"

Markus stood and pushed the man back. "What the hell are you doing?" He hissed, pulling him outside to speak. "You knew I had work today."

"We agreed to have a morning fuck last night." The man stated, crossing his arms over his chest. "You didn't keep your end of the deal."

"Nate. Shut the hell up." Markus nodded toward the restaurant. "I'm working. And those guys… they're homophobes so you need to cut it out."

Nate held his hands up and took a half-step back. "Fine, geeze..." He looked at Markus's neck, cocking a brow at the hickey he'd given him the night before. "Better cover that then." He smirked, twisting his lip ring with the tip of his tongue.

Markus curled his lip, waving Nate off. "Go to work."


	134. Chapter 134

Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Four

John awkwardly lifted his hamburger with one hand, cursing as most of it fell back onto the plate. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He dropped the rest of the burger, his face showing his frustration.

Joey reached for John's plate, ignoring his protests and saying he could do it himself. "John, you're hurting and you spent the night sleeping on your damn desk let me do this for you." He cut John's food up for him, and even poured some Ketchup onto the plate for him.

Bobby looked up as Markus stepped into the dinner again. "We got you the usual." He smiled, turning back to his chili burger.

Markus gave them a confused look, shocked that they weren't even going to make a comment on Nate's sudden appearance. "Thanks."

John lifted his forkful of food to his lips, and let his dark eyes wander around the restaurant. He studied every person in the building, spending extra time sizing up the larger and more threatening looking men. He hated this old habit, it was one thing from his life with Jacob that he couldn't shake; the feeling that no matter what, something was always waiting to attack him.

Levi kept an eye on the younger man, knowing that he was more jumpy now that he was wounded. "Hey, we've got you." He patted the gun at his hip, trying to bring John some comfort. "You're safe."

* * *

Claire placed her book on the nightstand beside her bed, pushing herself off of the mattress. "Reya…" She sighed, stepping into the bathroom to relieve herself. "I swear, you are making me pee more than your siblings ever did."

John leaned against the bathroom door-frame, a smirk on his lips as his eyes landed on his wife. "I still think the twins made you pee more." He chuckled, stepping into the bathroom and picking up his shaving brush. "Reya's a close second." He lathered soap over his jaw and began to shave with his straight razor. He pulled the skin of his cheeks taught over his bone structure and carefully ran the blade over his face with expert hands.

"Who taught you to shave?" Claire asked, fully aware that shaving was a skill that most people needed to be taught.

"I taught myself." He showed her a light scar on his cheekbone, that was so faded it almost didn't count anymore. "Took a while, but I figured it out." He cupped his hands under the faucet, and splashed the water onto his face.


	135. Chapter 135

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Five**

John smirked as he watched Phoebe walk onto the stage of her high school graduation to accept her diploma, his heart swelling with pride as she stepped to the podium to give her speech.

"Thank you all for supporting me through the last four years of my schooling. I honestly don't think I would have made it this far without you all. Especially my brother… John… you are the strongest, bravest man I know… and with every case you accept, every call you take, and every second you spend with us as a family, I only look up to you more and more."

* * *

Clarissa placed a huge cake on the dining room table, and surrounded it with gifts. "She's going to love this." She grinned, fighting back tears of joy as she thought of her youngest child graduating only a few hours earlier.

Claire placed a hand on her mother's back, a gentle smile on her lips as she looked into her eyes. "I know she will."

* * *

John climbed into his truck, stopping in his tracks when he smelled the unmistakable scent of cigarettes. "What the fuck are you doing?" John snapped, looking at the lighter and menthol pack in Phoebe's hands.

"I'm having a smoke. It's not a big thing." She took another puff from the cigarette in her hand, rolling the truck window down and looking outside to avoid her brother's glare.

"Phoebe. Why would you do that?" He reached for the pack, opening it to see that it was only missing two of them. "You know what these things did to me. To Dominic."

"Yeah, well I'm not an addict like you two are." She snapped, turning to look at her brother when he took her lighter from her. "What are you- John!" She shouted as he popped a cigarette into his mouth and lit it. "Stop! Your sobriety!"

John blew a small puff of smoke out the window, raising a brow as he looked at her. "You're not an island, Phoebe. What you do affects everyone around you." He took another drag of smoke. "And these are just what I've been missing for the past eight years."

Phoebe lunged for the cigarette, growling in frustration as he simply pushed her away. "John! You can't throw away eight years of sobriety!"

"If you can smoke after seeing me struggle with this shit all my life, then I don't see the point of it." He shrugged, smirking as she put her cigarette out and tossed the pack out the window.

"There! Happy?" She watched as he simply knocked the ash off of the end of his smoke, and shrugged. "John! Stop it!"

"Once you start smoking, it's hard to stop." He took another puff. "Just like any other addiction."

"Put it out!" She screamed, sighing in relief when he tossed it out the window. "Why would you do that?"

"Because a lesson needed to be learned." He stated, taking a pack of gum from his glove-box and popping a stick into his mouth.


	136. Chapter 136

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Six**

Claire smiled as John and Phoebe stepped into the house, her brow furrowing when the scent of cigarettes reached her nose. "What did you do?" She grabbed John's shirt, sniffing the fabric and coughing when the smell burned her nose. "You smoked?"

John shot Phoebe a look. "I only had one." He stated. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to change." He pushed passed Claire and her mother, his actions a little too fast for just going to change his clothes.

Clarissa placed a hand on Claire's shoulder, raising a brow at Phoebe that was a clear warning. "I'll go check on him." She gave Phoebe another pointed look. "And we will speak about this later."

* * *

Clarissa paused at John and Claire's bathroom door, biting her lips when John retched into the toilet. She remembered when John was seventeen and detoxing from meth. The endless nights she'd spent leaning against the bathroom door waiting for John to pass out or have a seizure. The hours she'd ordered and begged and cried for him to fight for his life as he tried to slip away from her. The months after he'd been raped when he'd isolated himself from her; too ashamed to let her help him. She remembered when he'd nearly overdosed on cocaine, the time he'd spent in a rehab facility.

"John?" She knocked on the door, pushing it open to see he was wiping his chin with some toilet paper. "You okay baby?"

John nodded and cleared his throat. "My tolerance isn't as high anymore." He filled a glass with mouthwash and swished it around for a moment. "Just got sick for a second."

Clarissa smiled at the photos John had on the bathroom mirror. "I like this one." She placed her fingers on the photo of John and Claire during her first pregnancy with the twins, able to see that John had a true smile on his face. "And this one is my favorite." She rubbed a hand over his shoulders, looking at the small smirk on his lips.

"They were so tiny." He remembered his children's heads in his palms, their slight weight on his arms, their little faces as he'd sang to them in that photoshoot.

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "So were you." She pulled a faded, wrinkled, water-stained picture from her purse. "Beverly gave this to me a few years ago."

John took the image from her, tilting his head at the tiny, premature, sickly babe. "This is me?"

She nodded, looking at the ribs that showed on his too thin body, the way his diapers had barely fit him, the head of dark hair. "She did love you." She kissed his knuckles, feeling the scars on his hands. "Go talk with her. She hasn't seen you for a while."


	137. Chapter 137

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Seven**

John combed his fingers through his hair his stress obvious to Claire as she watched him at his desk.

She stepped forward, a strip of red leather in her hands. She leaned down over his shoulder, her breath hot on his ear. "You've been bad today." She let the collar touch the back of his neck, smirking at the shiver that went through his body. "Come to bed." She secured the collar around his neck, leading him to the bed with the chain leash that was clipped to his collar.

John watched as Claire sat on the bed and crossed her legs, waiting for her command to undress or undress her. He felt his jeans growing tight as he became aroused, the sight of Claire in her lacy bra and underwear with her small pregnancy bump resting over her thighs. He swallowed as she leaned back on her arms, curious about what she had planned tonight.

"I want you… to dominate me." She seemed to read his mind, her eyes shining with a hint of mischief as she removed his collar and placed it around her own throat. "I want you, to allow yourself to take control."

John smirked and took his shirt off, crawling over top of Claire and letting her unbutton his jeans. He kissed her, his movements forceful and powerful as his tongue pressed into the roof of her mouth. He slipped a hand under the small of her back, flipping her onto her stomach with one swift move. "You listen to me..." He growled, his voice low and husky as he pressed a hand onto the back of her neck and into the pillows. "You will please me, the way I want to be pleased. You will listen to every word I say, and follow every command." He pressed himself against her backside, rubbing the bulge in his boxers against her.

"Peppermint!" Claire gasped, knowing that John wasn't ready for this. "Peppermint." She pushed herself up as John leapt away from her, turning to see that he was shaking in fear and he had tears in his eyes.

"I… I..." He looked at the collar around her neck, the red marks where his nails had scraped over her back, the bite he'd left on her shoulder. "I almost let… let _him_ out..."

Claire shook her head, removing the collar before she wiped away his tears. "Shh… look at me..." She smiled at him, holding his face in her hands. "Take a deep breath..."

John took a shaky breath, swallowing as he tried to center himself again. "I'm sorry."

Claire nodded, moving the collar away from them and opening her drawer in her bedside table. "Do you want to continue, or do you want to try another day?" She pulled a tube of lotion out of the drawer, holding it up to show that it was the coconut and vanilla scent that John loved.

John looked at the lotion, his face showing that he was debating with himself. "I want to submit to my queen." He breathed, standing and taking his handcuffs out of his utility belt for work. "And serve her how she sees fit."

Claire took the cuffs from him, tightening them around his wrists and chaining him to the headboard. She took a length of rope and tied it around his knees, securing him so that he couldn't move if he wanted to. "Remember, that you earned this." She held up his t-shirt from earlier, placing it over his face so that he could smell the cigarette smoke and was surrounded by it. She wanted to make that smell sickening to him, change the way he thought of it. "You are the one who made that choice." She lifted a riding crop above his legs, gently running it over the inside of his thighs before she lifted it and brought it down with a hard clap that drew a whimper from her husband's lips. "That's my boy." She purred.


	138. Chapter 138

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Eight**

Claire smiled as John's chest rose and fell with labored breaths, she let her eyes wander over his body, the sight of him laid out on display for her and soaked in sweat turning her on even more than his begging for more. She slowly moved over him, dragging her manicured nails over his ribs and trailing her lips over his collar-bones. "Is that cigarette smoke starting to get to you?" She asked, taking his ear lobe into her mouth and suckling on it until she heard him moan in pleasure. She lifted a bottle of water over his face, letting it drip onto the shirt and wet the fabric over his mouth and nose. "Don't smoke." She ordered, opening a condom and covering John's member with it. She scratched at the inside of his thighs, letting her breath fan over his arousal and tease him.

John tried to move, earning himself a hard pinch to the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. "Forgive me… my Queen." He gasped. He jerked forward as a scream ripped from his throat, the smoke-filled shirt falling onto his chest and allowing him to see that Claire had a wicked toy in her hands and was ever so lightly touching the sharp points to the dips of his adonis belt lines. "Claire..."

"Ah… what do you call me?"

John swallowed, squirming as she moved the toy farther toward his arousel. "My Queen… please… I beg your forgiveness." He groaned as she pressed harder into his bones. "Please..."

Claire ran her fingers over his member, smiling as he tried to move against her to gain stimulation. "Oh! Are you close already?" She chuckled and withdrew her hand, able to see how he shivered with disappointment.

"Please..."

Claire shook her head, picking up a cage and ring from their little box of play things and holding it in front of his face. "Every time you see or smell cigarettes, I want you to think of this." She unlocked the chastity, slipping the condom off and replacing it with the cage. "I don't think you earned release tonight." She waited for his member to soften, and softly slipped it into the chastity and locked him down tight.

* * *

John arched his back as Claire rubbed lotion over his skin, noticing that she spent extra time rubbing the spots she'd used her tools on and the spots he'd been restrained by. He sighed as she pulled at his ears, happy that she'd taken control from him and allowed him to lose his mind and his hold on life. "I love you."

Claire smiled and kissed his neck. "I love you." She laid down beside him, allowing him to take the lotion and rub it on her. "Thank you… for submitting."

John nodded, his calloused hands smoothing over her baby-bump with a gentle caress that only a true father could have. "Thank you, for allowing me to submit." He kissed her belly, trailing his lips up to meet hers and laying down beside her. "My Queen."


	139. Chapter 139

**Chapter One-Hundred and Thirty-Nine**

Bobby grinned as he climbed into John's truck, able to see a red bite mark on his neck and a small rubbed spot under his chin. "Had a little fun last night, huh?" He placed his coffee thermos in the cup-holder.

John shrugged, moving his legs to try and find a comfortable spot where the chastity wasn't digging into him. "She caged me." He growled, glaring out the windshield at the road. "Because I caught Phoebe smoking."

"So she caged you, for Phoebe smoking?"

John shook his head, tossing a t-shirt at him. "I smoked too."

Bobby caught the shirt, able to smell the smoke in the fabric. "John! You had eight years sober!" He tossed the shirt into the backseat, wrinkling his nose as he caught a whiff of sex in the garment.

"I know." John popped his neck, tightening his knuckles around the steering wheel. "That digs into me worse than the damn cage." He turned onto the main highway, turning the radio to his favorite station. "You've got to be fucking with me..." He growled as his own voice played through the speakers.

"Don't you like hearing your songs?"

John curled his lips. "It's a part of my life that I left behind. I don't want it to pull me back in… not yet anyway..."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't be running off on the road every weekend. I have five kids, a wife, a job, not to mention I have debts out the wazoo." He slowed the truck as they neared the precinct. "I can't be taking off and letting all of that sit until I get home to God only knows what."

Bobby nodded, knowing that singing and performing was John's passion, and without it he wasn't himself. John was many things… a husband, a father, a police officer, a singer, an artist, handyman, mechanic, near genius… but he couldn't be himself if one of those was kept locked away in a box. "What if I helped with the debts?"

"No." John barked, taking his keys out of the ignition and opening his door. "I can handle it. I'm going to be picking up a few shifts at Cook's Auto Shop this week."

"That makes three jobs John. You can't be pushing yourself that hard."

"I can and I will until these fucking debts are done with." He locked the truck and pocketed the keys before he swiped his security card and opened the backdoor to the precinct.


	140. Chapter 140

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty**

John grinned as Chad welcomed him back to the auto shop, breathing the familiar scent of oil and steel. "Chad!" He laughed, letting the older man pat him on the back.

"It's good to see you again Johnny." Chad wasn't sure why John was picking up shifts at the shop when he was already a great cop, but he knew something wasn't right with the kid. "You alright?"

John nodded, moving to get his coveralls that had long been forgotten in the supply closet. "Yeah… fine." He slipped into the coveralls, a sad smirk on his lips when they fit almost perfectly. "I guess I dropped some weight again."

"Is something wrong with Claire?" Chad asked, knowing that Claire was pregnant again. "The baby?"

John shook his head, trying to get Chad to drop it. He knew he wasn't firing on all cylinders right now, and that he hadn't been for more than a year, but he didn't have the choice to slow down. It seemed like with every day that passed he was getting farther into debt and it would take a literal miracle to get him in the green again. "No. We had an ultrasound yesterday."

"And?"

John chuckled, knowing that Chad was itching to know if John and Claire were having a boy or a girl. "Her names going to be Reya."

Chad beamed happy that they'd decided to know if Reya would be a boy or girl. "Congrats Johnny." He ruffled John's hair, swallowing when his fingers ran over the bald patch where his hair hadn't grown back after it'd been pulled out when he was almost hanged. "You're a good kid."

John shrugged him off, his nerves already on edge from the chastity digging into him all day and the news that Victor Hinkle -one of the government pigs that were in charge of John's department- was coming to town next week and he would be following the Wolf Pack around for his entire time at the precinct. "Just let me work." He pushed Chad away, not caring that he'd hurt the man's feelings with his attitude.


	141. Chapter 141

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-One**

John grinned as he looked at the screen of his daughter's seven month sonogram, his breath catching in his throat as he listened to her heartbeat through the speakers. "That's our baby girl..." He breathed, brushing his fingers through AZ's hair as the two-year-old moved closer to see his mother. "That's your baby sister." He bit his lip to try and stop the tears of joy that started to slide down his cheeks. "That's baby Rey."

AZ reached toward his father's face, wiping the tears away with worried hands. "Sad?" He'd only seen his father cry once in his short life, and that was after he'd yelled as Sid and smacked his butt when he'd disobeyed. He could remember toddling into his father's bathroom and hearing his sobs in the shower.

Claire shook her head, trying to mask her worry when she saw that Reya was breech at the moment. "No. He's happy." She looked to their doctor. "She'll flip by the time she's born, right?"

"She should."

* * *

Clarissa stopped by the precinct at lunch time, stepping through the offices until she reached John's which was right next to the Wolf Den. "Johnathan Kurtis!"

John jumped, knocking his coffee and some paperwork onto the floor and breaking the cord to his headphones. "Holy fuck! Mom!"

"Why haven't you gone to see Beverly yet?" She marched into his office, ignoring the files scattering his desk. "She's been asking to talk to you for months."

"I'm busy." He growled, closing some of the folders of classified information. "She's out by the airport anyway. I have three jobs and a family, I can't go to see her right now."

"Well you better damn well make time mister." Clarissa snapped, placing her hands on her hips. "She needs to talk to you."

"I'll get to it when I get to it." He waved her off, yelping when she grabbed him by the ear and pulled him out of his chair. "Ow! Fuck! Mom!"

Clarissa glared at him. "She needs you to go see her. Today."


	142. Chapter 142

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Two**

John huffed and knocked on the door to Beverly's apartment. "Mom said you wanted to talk to me?" He looked Beverly in the eyes, trying to not see those same eyes watch as he was beaten senseless by Jacob.

"I… didn't think you would come." Beverly cast a short glance over her shoulder and reached for a coat. "What changed your mind?"

John shrugged, the embroidered badge on his LAPD coat shimmering in the light. "Let's take a walk."

* * *

John pulled a stick of gum out of the pack, quickly popping it into his mouth before he stopped to wait for Beverly to catch up to him. "So what's really wrong?" He took a seat at a park bench, combing his fingers through his hair as she sat beside him. "Are you sick?"

Beverly sipped on the tea he'd bought her, trying to find a way to tell him. "I've been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome…" She reached toward John's hand, shocked when he took it. "It's treatable… but I shouldn't live alone anymore..."

"You want to move in with me?" He asked, lifting his eyes to her face. "Beverly… I have four kids and one on the way..." He dropped his gaze to his feet, noticing the mud on his boots. "I can't take on anymore right now..."

Beverly touched his cheek, turning his face to hers. "I've found someone. Someone who makes me happy." She pulled a small photo from her purse. "I met him a few months ago at church. His name's Micheal, and he's a pilot for the forest service."

John looked at the image, trying to judge if Micheal was anything like Jacob. "He seems nice."

"I want to marry him, John." She blurted it out before she could think. "I want him to be my husband… but… I need Jacob to sign the divorce papers first..."

John moved back a little, the unspoken question echoing like gunshots in his head. "You want me to get him to sign them?" It was more of a statement than a question. "You want me, to go into the prison, and convince Jacob to sign a paper stating that you are no longer his wife."

"Please-"

"Are you insane?" He stood, backing away from her as the brand on his side started to burn. "Don't you remember what happened last time you tried to tell him we didn't belong to him?" He touched his side. "He branded me with his name! He tied me to the ceiling of the garage and burned that name into me!"

"John-"

"No!" He stepped away from her. "His name on a paper won't matter! He's serving a life sentence. If you want to get married, then do it. But Jacob's signature doesn't mean shit!" He motioned for her to follow him. "Let's get you home. I'm not talking about this anymore."


	143. Chapter 143

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Three**

John slammed his keys on the dining room table, his lips curled in anger. "She's got to be fucking pshycotic if she thinks that I'll talk to Jacob." He huffed a breath and took his coat off. "Think's I'll risk another branding." He froze as he felt Claire's soft touch over the heart tattoo on the front of his hip.

"I love this tattoo." She breathed, her breath hot against his ear. "And this one..." She nipped at the tattoo on the back of his shoulder. "And this one." She dug her nails into the tattoo over the top of the brand.

He moaned in a mixture of pain and pleasure, annoyance joining the combo when the chastity cage began to hurt him. "Claire… please..."

She smirked and pulled his collar from behind her back. "Let's go to the panic room tonight." She slipped the collar around his throat, and ever so sweetly kissed him as she clipped it.

* * *

Claire gave a wicked grin as John's hips rose and fell with her movements that stimulated him. "Do you want to be let out?" She asked, playing with the key around her throat that unlocked his chastity.

"Please..." John gasped, his chest heaving with his breath. His skin shimmered with sweat and his muscles shook with adrenaline and anticipation. "Please… my Queen..."

"Does it hurt?" She purred, raking her nails along the inside of his thighs.

"Yes..." He grit his teeth, attempting to avoid screaming in pleasure as she moved her hands over his body.

* * *

John gasped to regain his breath after his orgasm, allowing Claire to rub his body with lotion as the only part of their love-making that was a routine. He kissed her as she leaned over him, placing his hands on either side of her baby belly and feeling Reya move inside of her. "Thank you..." He relaxed as Claire laid beside him, gently smoothing his hand over his unborn daughter. "Two more months." He smiled.

"Wouldn't it be weird if she was born on your birthday?" She giggled, combing her hands through his sweat-soaked hair and breathing his scent.


	144. Chapter 144

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Four**

John stepped into the prison, his entire body shaking as he strode toward Jacob's cell. "God protect them..." He prayed, trying to calm his nerves with the memories of his family and the way Reya had kicked and wiggled in Claire's womb the night before.

Jacob lifted his dark eyes as John stepped into the dining hall. "Didn't even ask for me to be cuffed." He gave a wicked grin, showing that he was missing a tooth. "You think you're some big hot-shot cop now?"

"Can it." John growled, taking a seat across from his father and placing the unfinished divorce papers. "Why haven't you signed these?"

"Because Beverly belongs to me." Jacob looked John up and down, noticing the tattoos on John's forearms that showed the names of his children and the date of his marriage. "Just like you."

"Jacob. It's been nine years. Sign the fucking papers." John stared him in the eye, making sure he understood that John was in charge now. "Beverly found someone who she's happy with. Accept it. You aren't her husband anymore."

Jacob slammed his hands on the table and stood, cackling when John flinched away. "Who are you to say that? You're just as bad as I am. You are a hypocrite, a boy who got married too young like your whore of a mother, born on a bathroom floor, addicted to drugs and alcohol by the age of twelve, an abusive boyfriend to your girlfriends when you were a teen, a faggot who let himself be raped by a gang that your own grandfather started. You don't get to tell me who I am married too."

"Sign the papers." John ordered, his eyes darkening until the yellow rays of fear were choked out by the black of anger. "Or face solitary for twenty-three hours a day."

Jacob glared at John, his lips curling as he looked at his son. "You'll always be the result of my dick in your mother. Nothing more than a rape baby who was kept to save the marriage." He signed the papers. "You should have died on that bathroom floor. Covered in your mother's blood and your own amniotic fluid. That cord was around your neck for a reason. And you never should have fought it."

"I'm glad I did fight it." John growled, standing from the table and tossing something to Jacob. "Savor it. it's the last one you'll get from me."

Jacob grinned as he held up the cigarette, lighting it with shaking hands of withdrawals. "That's what you said the last time..."


	145. Chapter 145

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Five**

John tried to focus on the case in front of him, but Jacob's words echoed like gunshots in his head.

"You should have died on that bathroom floor."

The words seemed to hurt worse than all of the beatings he'd taken over the years as Jacob's son. Worse than the years of hunger, the brand being burned into his body, the broken bones… all of it seemed like a scratch compared to those words.

"Waya!" Bobby called, using John's Cherokee name that was given to him after his spirit animal showed itself and gave the Wolf Pack their name. "They've got the gauntlet finished! And Victor wants us to run it."

John closed the files and grabbed his coat. "I'll be there is a second." He wrinkled his nose as the scent of cigarettes from the smoke in the prison invaded his over-sensitive senses. "I'm going to call Beverly real quick see if she wants to go to lunch later."

Bobby nodded. "Grandpa and grandma wanted to know if you guys wanted to come to harvest feast tonight."

"I'll talk to Claire and the kiddos about it." John smirked, trying to hide his pain from Jacob's words.

* * *

John stretched as he waited for Beckett to give him the okay to start the course. He shot Victor a look as the Government Official seemed to be studying him or trying to get in his head.

"Standish! I said go!" Beckett shouted, catching John's attention.

John bolted, sliding onto his stomach as he began to crawl under the netting section. He pushed himself up from the dirt and rushed to the next part of the course, leaping onto the swinging ropes above a pool of water.

He slid down the rock wall after climbing it, dodged the automated swinging obstacles, plunged into the water course, swam under the pane of glass that covered a small portion of the pool, and slammed his hand on the timer on the other side of the course.

He panted for air, spitting some water out of his mouth and wiping his face with a towel. "How'd I do?"

"How the hell?" Victor looked at John's soaking wet form. "Six minutes and nine seconds? How is that possible?"

John coughed. "Don't underestimate the need for necessity." He wrapped himself in a towel, already starting to shiver in the cold of early fall. "I grew up in the hood… I had to be quick to survive."


	146. Chapter 146

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Six**

John quickly stripped his soaking clothes off in the locker room, tossing them into his travel hamper to take home that evening and wash. He grabbed his soap, shampoo, and a towel before he turned on the shower and got in. He smiled as he rubbed the soap over his childrens' names that were written on his skin, thinking of how soon, Reya was going to be added to the collection. He washed over the tattoo of his police badge on his left pec, a smirk on his lips as he moved to the tattoo on his hip of Claire's name in a healing heart.

His fingers brushed against the chastity cage that Claire had put him in a few nights ago, and he growled in frustration as he looked at the lock. Both he and Claire knew that he could pick it in no time if he wanted. It was the world's easiest lock, but he knew that the contraption made Claire happy and made her feel more secure in their relationship.

Of course she knew that John would never willingly cheat on her; but she still liked him to have it on. And he had to admit that it lowered his chances of being raped again if he was drugged on a case or if Ben decided to make another appearance.

He paused for a moment, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up as he got the feeling of someone watching him. "Victor. Stop staring." He turned slightly, keeping his back to the government agent so that he could still save some of his dignity.

"How did you know it was me?" He asked, cocking a brow as he caught sight of the upside down cross carved into John's lower back.

"You smell like basil, garlic, and olive oil." John stated, working some shampoo into his thick hair and letting it wash the oil from the locks. "Your mom's Italian, right?"

"Mom and Dad." Victor looked to the wall as John turned and he saw that John had a chastity cage on. "Why?"

"Just a hunch." John shrugged, wrapping a towel around his hips and stepping to his locker. "If you're curious just ask." He pulled a shirt out of his locker, turning to look at Victor as he buttoned it over his chest. "I know when people are looking at the scars. I can feel it. So, if you want to know, ask."

"Are you a part of that rapist gang?" It was more of an accusation than a question.

"No. I'm a victim." John pulled a pair of boxers on and grabbed a blow dryer from the locker before he started to dry his hair. "My old man helped get it going when he was a teenager. He tried to get me to be part of it, but after witnessing him rape my mother when I was six and being a product of rape myself, I refused. Even when the abuse was bad." He took a breath and leaned on the counter. "I was seventeen, when I was raped by the same gang, and I've carried the scars ever since then."

Victor was silent for a moment. "And the chastity?"

"That's my own business."

"He lets his wife dominate him in bed." Markus snapped, knowing damn well what John did with his wife from the conversations he'd heard and the pinkish marks he'd seen on John's body. "He's too much of a wuss to take control and fuck his own wife."

"I submit because it scares both me and her when I'm dominant." John glared at Markus. "If you think it's easy living with someone from my past, you're sorely mistaken. I have to lose my mind some days so that we can all stay sane."


	147. Chapter 147

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Seven**

John chuckled as Gawonii told a story to the crowd of children surrounding him. He leaned back on a tree stump, taking a swig of apple cider from the mug that Bobby gave him. "Gawonii knows how to get their attention." He smirked as the old man threw a handful of powder into the fire and created a smoke tower. "Can't go wrong with explosions."

Claire nodded toward Sid. "Especially that one." She nestled her shoulder into his side. "He's just like his father."

"I didn't like explosions at that age." He smiled at her, tipping his head down to kiss her as he placed a hand on her belly to feel his unborn daughter. "But I liked you." He let her slip her tongue into his mouth, fighting her for dominance as she played with his tongue ring.

Dominic made a show of gagging, and tossed a handful of leaves at John's shoulder. "Save it for when you two are alone."

Beverly gave a sad smile, squeezing Micheal's hand as he came to sit beside her. "I wish I'd been a better mother to him." She watched as John began arguing with his cousin, chuckling as their wives stopped them with a simple look.

"How old is he again?" Micheal asked, noticing how John hadn't seemed to age since the photo that Beverly had shown him when John was seventeen.

"He'll be twenty-seven this December" She thought back to giving birth to him. He'd been so small… a meer four pounds and as blue as a smurf. He hadn't cried for the first several minutes after he'd been born, and she thought for sure that he wasn't going too. She could remember the pain of birthing him, and when it was over, she'd looked down to see him lying in a puddle of blood and amniotic fluids. "He and Claire have been married for nine years."

"Their twins are nine, aren't they?"

She nodded. "He and Claire went to Italy for their honeymoon and they got pregnant while they were there."

John picked his two-year-old up from the group of kids, holding his against his chest as the child began to nod off. "Beverly." He motioned toward he and Claire's SUV they'd bought to transport all of the children. "I've got something for you." He gave a sweet little kiss to Asher-Zane's head. "Plus it's passed the little one's bedtime."

Beverly stood, stuffing her hands into her pockets as she followed him. She waited for John to get his son settled in the car seat, biting her lip as he pulled a paper file folder out of his backpack. "What's that?" She asked, taking it from him as he turned to look through the window and double check that the iPod was still playing the lullaby and not any of his other music through the speaker.

"Open it."

She swallowed and pulled some papers from the folder, her eyes welling with tears as she saw Jacob Bender's signature on them. "JOHN!" She moved to hug him, but stopped as she remembered that John wasn't fond of hugs or physical contact from her.

John pulled her close, fighting back his own tears as she sobbed into his chest. "We're free." He smiled, thinking of the time he'd tried to go by Beverly's maiden name… and now current last name. "We're free."


	148. Chapter 148

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Eight**

John sighed in comfort as he crawled under the covers of he and Claire's bed. "I haven't eaten that much since Thanksgiving last year." He smirked as he looked at Claire's pregnant belly, noticing that Reya was moving. "She's active today."

Claire nodded, grimacing as Reya stretched her arms and legs out like a starfish. "Stop starfishing!" She shouted at her belly, gripping at John's arm as he touched her.

"Hey… Reya… curl up baby. You're hurting your momma." He smiled as she curled up again, kissing Claire as he noticed that she was already getting braxton-hicks contractions. "Better?"

"I want her out." Claire growled. "This is the most painful pregnancy that I've had." She glared at her baby-bump. "Get out of my body!"

John shook his head, trying to hide the pang of guilt he felt for impregnating her. "She'll be out in about six weeks. That's all you have left, then she'll be here."

"I want her out, Johnathan." She pushed herself up on her elbows and pulled out a pregnancy book. "This says that sex is the best way to induce labor, and spicy food, bumpy road trips-"

"Claire." He took the book from her and pressed a hand to her stomach. "I know that this sucks ass, but we're not going to try inducing you yet. Just wait a little longer."

"I hate you right now." She stated, kissing him as he leaned toward her.

"I know you do." He smirked and laid down beside her, shutting his light out and letting her cuddle into his body. He looped his arm around her, spreading his fingers over their unborn child and kissing the back of Claire's neck. "I love you."

"I love you too." She sighed, placing her hand over his and pressing herself farther into his body.

* * *

Claire smiled as John helped the kids with their Halloween costumes, chuckling as he finished up the sword for Sid's pirate costume. "I asked Melanie if Paige wanted to come with us." She pinned Maya's hair back.

"Oh yeah?" He helped Sid into his boots. "Is she still obsessed with that old album she listened to last time she babysat for us?"

"God I hope not." She rolled her eyes and moved on to Samantha's makeup for her fairy costume. "We don't need another Medusa hanging around."

"No shit." He chuckled, finishing off the last bits of Sid's costume.


	149. Chapter 149

**Chapter One-Hundred and Forty-Nine**

John smirked as he watched the kids running from house to house. "Don't go too far!" He called, trying to ignore Paige as the fourteen-year-old fussed with her skimpy excuse of a maid costume. "Here, you're going to get cold." He handed her his jacket, and gently adjusted Asher-Zane on his shoulder.

She smiled and took his coat, noticing how Claire was starting to slow down. "Thanks." She jumped as Claire grabbed John's arm and pulled him to her, taking Asher-Zane as John pushed him into her arms. "Is the baby coming?"

John shook his head, walking Claire to a bench and helping her sit on it as he began to sing to his child. "In a garden, in a kitchen On an earth beyond adventure On an island in the sea As a message from the future As a man who held the answers As another man comes crashing as me Inside your eyes I see the blackness of dead space A man could float forever and never find this place Lie down my perfect child, this is but a dream From a time when sorrow was set free From a land of doubt and misery From a suburb listed locally When the sun was blotted out 'the sky When the wind will refuse to die There was only you and I..."

Claire sighed in relief as Reya curled back up in her womb. "I want her out." She growled, resting her head on John's shoulder and letting him hold her. "I can't be pregnant like this anymore."

John shook his head, looking up to Paige as he spoke to his wife. "One month until December that's when she's due." He nodded to the kids. "Paige, can you round up the kiddos?" He watched as paige rushed off to get his children, before he turned back to his wife. "Just try to hold out that long."

* * *

Paige sat behind Claire in the SUV on the way to John and Claire's home, her eyes fixed on John as he drove and rested his free hand on Claire's knee. She isn't even that pretty. She thought, not bothering to hide her jealousy.

John pulled into his garage and parked the car. "Paige, can you wake up Sid and the girls?" He unbuckled Asher-Zane from his carseat, and lifted him into his arms.

Paige nudged Sid and his sisters as she watched Claire get out of the car and start collecting the candy bags. "We're home."

Samantha yawned and climbed out of the car behind her siblings, going straight to her bedroom and crawling under the covers to sleep.

Paige took a seat at John's kitchen island, looking up as Claire appeared in the doorway. "How do you feel?" She asked, noticing that Claire had her hands braced on her back and that Reya was moving a lot.

"I'm wishing that me and John hadn't gotten pregnant right now." She winced as Reya stretched and pressed her limbs to her cervix and caused them to hurt. "Reya is like her father, too active for her own good." She pulled some pajamas out of the dryer. "You're welcome to spend the night tonight."

Paige took the clothes from her, smiling at her before she looked up as she heard John turn the shower on. "Are you guys going to bed?"

Claire nodded, stepping toward the stairs to go to her bedroom. "Help yourself to anything. And if you need anything John might sneak to his desk in the middle of the night. He's working on a case and I can't get him to stop obsessing over it." She chuckled as she heard John drop the shampoo bottle and curse. "Why did I marry that idiot?" She smiled.


	150. Chapter 150

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty**

Paige woke as John flew past the guest room, noticing that he didn't have a shirt on and was only in a pair of boxers. "What on earth?" She jumped out of the bed and followed John to his office, watching as he booted up his computer and started writing on a pad of paper. "John?"

John waved her off, and opened a file. "Come on… please be in here..." He flipped through the papers and the computer records, finally stopping on a small piece of text and a photo. He zoomed in on the image, moving it around until he saw a small object in the corner. "YES!" He scribbled some words down on the paper, and printing the image off. "That's what I've been missing."

Paige rolled her eyes and stepped into his office. "What's that?" She asked, causing John to jump and hit the button that shut his computer down.

"Paige!" He slammed the file closed and stuffed it into his drawer. "This is classified information."

"That thing in the picture… it looked like a bottle of some kind."

John sighed, and looked up at the teen. "I'm working on a murder case. The victim was killed by drinking cyanide." He pulled an old photo of a woman from the file. "I'm not supposed to be on this one… because, back when I was in high school, I used to go out with the suspect."

"What?" Paige looked at the photo, noticing that the girl had mousy brown hair and wasn't much older than herself. "She's pretty."

"She was." He smiled as he reminisced. "She deserved better than me though." He sighed and shut his office door before locking it. "I wasn't exactly a good guy back then."

Paige looked his body over, noticing the scars and tattoos. "What did you do?"

"I made some bad choices and a lot of people got hurt because of it… including Beth." He shook his head and started for the stairs. "I'll tell you the whole story when you're older."

* * *

Claire moaned as John got back into bed, a smile gracing her lips as she noticed that he wasn't going to be sleeping for a while. "Do you want out of your cage?" She asked, kissing his neck and trailing her lips down to his nipples. She took the hard little nub in her teeth and bit down, pleased when John moaned in pain and pleasure.

"Please my queen..." He felt Claire move her hand lower on his body and dig her fingers into the tattoo on his hip. He let a sigh of relief leave his throat as Claire unlocked his chastity, and pulled it away from his hardening member and let him be free. "Thank you..."


	151. Chapter 151

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-One**

John heaved a breath as Claire unlocked his restraints, his chest glistening with sweat as it rose and fell. "Thank you..."

Claire nodded and motioned for him to roll onto his stomach so that she could start rubbing him down with lotion. She kissed a tattoo on his shoulder, the image of a wolf with his mate and pups howling at a rising moon. She trailed her hands lower on his body, gently stimulating his nerves and letting him relax. "You're welcome."

* * *

Paige woke as she heard John and Claire's shower turn on, and slowly rolled out of bed to get dressed. She stepped past their bedroom door, noticing that both John and Claire were in the bathroom and she could hear them in the shower together. She stepped into the bedroom, and peaked into their little trash-can, beaming when she saw that there was a condom on top of the other discarded objects. She grabbed it and quickly placed it into a small bag after closing off the top of it. Maybe he'll actually leave her now.

* * *

Claire yelped as John pulled her hips into his body, the sheer size of his member causing her pain and pleasure as he rubbed against her G-spot and his hands found her breasts. After days of keeping him in his chastity cage, he was like an animal, his libito had risen with each passing day and it was obvious that he'd been waiting for this time. She screamed as her hands slipped on the shower walls and John drilled into her with so much force that he felt like a battering ram. "Slow!" She cried, reaching one hand behind her to touch his hips and stop him, while at the same time reaching one hand between her legs to stimulate herself a bit.

John backed off, pulling himself out of her as his chest heaved with his breath. "Did I hurt you?" He asked, reaching a hand around her hips and rubbing just below her pregnant belly.

She shook her head, turning the shower off and stepping out with him in toe. "I slipped." She pulled him to the bedroom, smiling as she laid down on their bed and he crawled between her legs. "This is better." She guided him into her, moaning as he began to rock back and forth. She arched her back as he moved faster, moaning as she reached her climax and John followed behind. She opened her eyes and saw that his face held the look of pure pleasure.

She kissed him as he slipped out of her, allowing him to stick his tongue into her mouth and kiss her. "My alpha..." She sighed, curling up beside him as he laid down.

"My queen." He smiled, gently rubbing his softening erection against her until he fell asleep.


	152. Chapter 152

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Two**

Paige smiled and hugged her mother as John dropped her off. "Hi Mom." She turned to John, taking in how he looked in his uniform. "Thank you John." She slipped a hand into her bag, gripping the used condom as she let her eyes wander over his body and the way his uniform fit over the muscles and bones.

John nodded and checked his phone as it rang. "Margret, I'm so sorry… I have to take this." He stepped away from the pair, holding the cell to his ear and listening as Levi rattled off on something they'd found. "You're shitting me?" John opened the door to his truck and climbed in. "There's no fucking way that's possible."

"It's what forensics found." Levi stated, and John could tell he was reading from the files. "It wasn't supposed to be in his food."

"Beth wouldn't do that shit." John popped the clutch as he turned onto the highway. "I've known her since we were kids. She wouldn't try to kill herself."

* * *

Beckett stopped outside of John's office, raising a brow as he noticed that the young cop was hunched over a piece of paperwork and was intently focusing on whatever it was about. "Bender." He smirked as John shot up, the sight of pencil graphite on his nose causing him to laugh. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

John bit his lip and took a sip of his coffee. "A little."

Beckett smirked at the look on John's face. "She let you out of that cage didn't she?"

John nearly choked on his coffee. "You know about that?"

"John, you're not exactly the smallest man alive. That cage just makes it more obvious." He took a seat at John's desk. "Victor's coming up next week. He's going to be tailing you guys for a while."

John nodded and picked up a pencil to go back to work. "Does he still have a stick up his ass?"

"You know Vic. He's always been a little stiff." Beckett chuckled and stood, letting John go back to work and closing the door.


	153. Chapter 153

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Three**

John sighed and tossed a grease rag into the trash, he'd been working on a 1953 Nash Ambassador for the last four hours and was sore and exhausted. It was a complete restoration, a project someone had brought in because he'd heard that John was a great mechanic. He braced his hands against his lower back, attempting to ease the ache in his muscles.

"You alright Bender?" Chad asked, stepping toward the young man. "You look exhausted."

John shrugged and picked up a set of wrenches. "I just got off of a twenty hour shift on the field… I'm just a little tired is all."

"Patrols?" Chad followed John with a small magnetic dish for the parts. "Of investigative?"

"Scene clean ups, and investigations." John crawled under the car. "Why the hell do you think i smell like Vicks?"

Chad thought for a moment. "Oh… right… you use that to block out the other smells, don't you?"

John nodded. "The smell of death usually."

Chad went silent, he'd heard about the murder last night on the news. He just didn't know that it had been John who was responding to it.

John was a tough kid, always ready to face whatever he came up against that day… but even John had his limits. Chad had walked in on John puking his guts out after a case, the scent of burned flesh and smoke still clinging to him like a bad spirit. He couldn't count how many times he'd gotten a call from Claire in the middle of the night because John had bolted from a nightmare and she needed help finding him. How many times he'd found John staring into space because he was seeing the bodies of victims, or hearing the cries of children, the screams of a widowed wife, or the silent sobs of a mother as she held her deceased child. John was one hell of a cop… but there was so much that people didn't see of him… Chad only wished people could see what he saw.


	154. 154

Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Four

John lifted his gaze as Beckett stepped into the Wolf Den, his lips curling slightly as he saw that Victor was right behind him. "Nice to see you Vic." John lifted his coffee mug to his lips. "Been a while."

"I don't want any of your shit, Standish." Victor snapped, looking John over to see that he wasn't wearing his tie. "And you're violating dress code, again."

Beckett rolled his eyes and followed John back to his desk where he knew a stash of candy in the drawer. "How's Claire doing?"

John shrugged, combing a hand through his hair as he set his coffee mug beside the photos of his kids and his family. "She should be ready to pop any day now." He looked at his calendar, noticing that his birthday was only four days away. "Heaven help us all if Reya's born on Christmas…"

Having been born only a few days from Christmas himself, John knew the struggle of competing against Christmas every year. Though, in his father's house, there hadn't been much to compete with.

"You guys still having your annual Christmas party this year?" Bobby asked, knowing that John was hesitant to have any party that large with Claire so close to giving birth.

"If Claire doesn't go into labor. We're going to have it on the twentieth, figured we'd celebrate both Christmas and my birthday this year." He looked up as Victor started speaking to Markus. "It'll be less stress on Claire."

Joey nodded and went back to his own project of going through paperwork on a case. "I'll bet Claire's excited."

"She's excited to not be pregnant anymore." John chuckled, gently adjusting himself in the chair. "She's been driving me nuts all month."

"At least you're getting some." Levi chuckled. "I haven't had sex in so long I think I might be a virgin again."

"Levi!" The group scolded, rolling their eyes as Levi held his hands up.

"We don't need to know about everything you do." Bobby laughed, knowing that the Wolf Pack really had no secrets


	155. Chapter 155

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Five**

John lifted Johanna onto his hip as the young girl rushed toward him. "Hey! It's Cupcake!" He chuckled as she grinned at him.

"Is the baby here?" Johanna asked, looking around for her godmother. "Where's aunty Claire?"

Frank smirked and shook his head. "She's probably inside." He patted John on the back. "Go see if you can find your cousins. Uncle Johnny and I need to talk for a minute."

John turned with Frank toward the firepit. "What's up?"

"Julia's been having mothers intuition shit." He stated, watching as Dominic and his quadruplets started a small fire and began setting up the christmas tree that John had planted when they'd first moved in. "She thinks Reya will be born tonight."

"I've been getting that feeling too." John pressed his lips together and filled a mug with hot coco. "Visions and shit. But… Claire's been doing just fine..." He looked up as Sid and Fynn started chasing each other around with snowballs. "She said she would tell me if she felt anything."

* * *

Claire set a huge plate of ham on the table, trying to conceal her discomfort as she felt a cramp. "Dig in!" She smiled, taking her seat next to John as everyone started talking and dishing up their plates. She listened to most of the conversations around them, attempting to focus on her breath to stop the cramping in her stomach.

John pressed a hand to hers as he leaned over to kiss her. "You alright?" He asked, his eyes widening when water began dripping onto the floor from Claire's chair. "Did your water just break?"

Claire looked down, her face going pale as she realized that she was indeed in labor. "John..."

John lifted her from her seat and carried her to the bedroom. "Dad! Call an ambulance! Claire's in labor!" He laid her down on their bed, and gently slipped her soaked underwear off of her legs to see how far along she was. "Fuck..." He breathed as he inserted two fingers into her and felt that Reya was already well on her way. "Claire, Claire, look at me." He reached for her hand, knowing that a home birth wasn't what they had wanted. "We don't have time."

Claire nodded, looking up as Clarissa stepped into the bedroom. "Is she still breech?" She asked, terrified of the answer.

John nodded, reaching for a towel that Clarissa handed him. "Yep..." He winced as Claire began to cry with pain and fear. "Mom, can you go get Dominic, Bobby, and Dad. I might need some help."

Clarissa rushed from the room, biting her lips as Claire screamed from the contractions getting worse. "Thomas!"


	156. Chapter 156

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Six**

Claire screamed in pain as she attempted to push Reya from her body. "Fuck!" She sobbed, trying to rest for just a moment before she had to push again. "I can't do this..." She looked down to where John was patiently waiting for their daughter to arrive. "Do something!" She kicked at his shoulder, causing herself more pain as Reya shifted inside of her. "Get her out!"

John caught her foot, and gently pushed her back into the proper positioning. "Do you want to try being on your hands and knees? It'll help." John mentally flipped through the pages of his textbooks from college and from the academy on emergence child birth.

"NO! JUST GET HER OUT!" She screamed as Reya moved, able to feel that something was terribly wrong. "JOHN!"

John nodded, able to see exactly what was the matter. "You're tearing, Sweets." He tried to apply pressure to stop the rip in her flesh, but there was really no way he could stop it from happening. "You're okay." He tried to keep his voice soft as he tried to guide Reya out, but with every second that crawled by his panic seemed to rise.

Bobby held Claire's hand in his own, waiting for her to push. "She's almost here Claire, you've got this." He let Jade rub a damp cloth over her head, and prayed that she would push again soon. "You need to push her out."

John cursed under his breath as the tear in Claire's skin became larger. "Mom! Get me something to stop the bleeding!" He ever so carefully slipped one of his fingers into Claire's opening, attempting to speed Reya's birth up.

Clarissa appeared a moment later with fresh towels and some warm water. "How's it coming?" She asked, knowing that nothing was going according to plan.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Claire screamed, bearing down in an attempt to move Reya farther along. "GET OUT!" She gasped as she felt her opening tear, tears springing to her eyes as the pain of it really came to her mind. "FUCK!"

John grit his teeth together, and took the opportunity to try and clean some blood off of Reya's behind along with the excrement the baby had discharged from the stress of the position she was in. "She's a franks breech." He stated, gently hooking one finger around her ankle and pulling her out slightly. "It'll be even harder this way."

Clarissa nodded, knowing that Claire's words had cut John to the core. "How can I help?" She asked, listening to Claire's sobs as her contractions stopped and forced her to wait.

"You can't right now." He braced himself as Claire pushed again, and caught Reya as she came out with a rush of fluids. He quickly worked to get the cord from around her neck, and wrapped her in a warm towel to dry. "Claire-" He stopped when he saw Claire's pain filled eyes, noticing that there was nothing but hatred in them as she looked at him. "You… you did it..."

"Get out..." She hissed, looking down at the babe who was screaming about her life in his arms. "And take that little demon with you..."

Dominic grabbed John by the arms and pulled him from the room, knowing that John was falling into a flashback from his past. "Give her to me." He took Reya just as John punched his fist through the wall and collapsed into a heap on the floor.


	157. Chapter 157

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Seven**

John lifted a bottle of formula to Reya's lips, allowing her to suckle on it. He gently sang to her as he waited for a doctor to check Claire over. He bounced Reya in his arms, his eyes shot through with yellow as he watched the television reports of the news.

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder..." His voice was soft as he sang, making it the only audible noise in the room. He could feel Samantha, Sid, Maya and Asher-Zane all looking to him for guidance as to what to do… but he had no idea how to help them.

Claire hadn't spoken for over six hours, ever since Reya had been born. The kids knew something was off about their parent's, but no one would tell them what.

"Dad..." Samantha touched her father's arm, her fingers tracing over the tattoos of she and her siblings names and birthdays. "Why is Momma sad?"

John shook his head and gently bounced Reya in his arms. "She's just shocked." He kissed Samantha's head, gently combing a lock of blonde hair away from her eyes. "She'll be better soon."

* * *

Claire winced as she stepped into the bedroom, turning a death glare on John as he moved to help her. "Fuck off." She ignored the pain in his eyes, and shoved him away from her. "I don't want your fucking help."

John nodded, and backed off. "I'm sorry… my Queen." He dropped his gaze, making sure to appear submissive to her. He fought the urge to cover his privates knowing that Claire hated it when he did. "Would you like some dinner?"

"I don't care."

* * *

John laid Reya in a small rocker in Dominic's tattoo shop, and held out his arm. "Reya Noel, December 20th, 1993."

Dominic nodded and prepared his pen. "How's Claire?"

It'd been over two weeks since Reya had been born, and John was still in an off mood. His entire life had been turned upside down yet again, and the newest case he'd taken on wasn't exactly helping the situation.

"She had Postpartum Depression." John sighed, looking over at Reya as she slept. "And I've been sleeping on the couch."

"That bad, huh?"

John pressed his lips into a thin line. "Worse than I ever thought possible... she won't even hold little Starfish."

Dominic wiped some ink away from John's skin. It broke his heart to see his cousin in so much pain. "She'll come around…"


	158. Chapter 158

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Eight**

John poured himself a cup of coffee, a loud curse escaping his lips as the cup overflowed and hot coffee burned his hand. "Fuck!" He set his mug down and began to clean up his mess.

"Waya." Bobby stepped up behind John, sidestepping as John reacted out of instinct and lunged for him. "Go take a nap." He could tell that John was exhausted; the dark circles under his eyes and the way his skin tone had lightened were sure signs of that. "You're pushing yourself too hard."

John shrugged Bobby off, his attitude having gone sour over the last few weeks. "I'm fine." He started another cup of coffee before he stepped back into his office to finish up on something.

"Bethany's case… we need a little under the table help on this." Bobby leaned against John's door fame. "I know you stepped out of the case since you and she were a thing back in high school, but we need a hand."

"Bobby… Beth and I were a thing for survival. That's all." He typed something into his computer. "What do you need?"

"I know you don't like talking about this… but… was Beth ever into had drugs like you were?"

"She did Coke with me once, and she did Pot a few times. That's all though."

"So, she hasn't done anything since then that you know of?"

John shook his head, and continued to type. "No that I know of. Last time me and her did anything was before I turned sixteen." He thought for a moment, remembering the old friends he'd had back in Shermer around that time.

* * *

John smirked, and lifted a bottle of vodka to his lips. His head was in the clouds, and it was the best high he'd ever had. He hadn't been sober for over three days.

"Bender!" Rafe called, his shoulders squared as he looked at the youngest of the gang. "It's your girl."

John stumbled to his feet and took the phone from Rafe's hands. "Beth! What's happening sweet stuff?" His words were a mess of slurred sounds.

"You've been gone for four days! Where are you?" The girl on the other end asked, obviously in distress.

"I'm at the shack… I'll be home in a little bit."

"John!" The line went dead, and John's head instantly cleared.

"BETH?" He shouted into the phone. "BETH?"


	159. Chapter 159

**Chapter One-Hundred and Fifty-Nine**

John dropped the phone and took off for the door. His steps were clumsy and faltered in the snow, partly because of his high and partly because of the fact that he hadn't bothered to pull his boots on.

"Bender!" Rafe's voice was nearly carried away by the wind of the late January snow storm. "Bender!"

John ignored his friend, determined to get to Bethany's home to see what was wrong. "Beth…" He shivered against the cold, his teeth chattering as he rubbed his hands against his bare arms in a desperate attempt to warm his skin.

* * *

Bobby listened as John told the story, imagining John's skinny form as he'd stumbled in the snow to find his girlfriend. "What happened when you got there?"

John glared at his computer screen. "Bethany wasn't home." He sat back in his chair. "Her uncle was."

* * *

Willard grinned as John shivered on the sofa, and gently wrapped the teen in a blanket. "It must've been your imagination… Bethany's been at her grandmother's house." He placed a mug of hot coco in John's hands and sat down next to him.

"She called me… I know she did…" John shook his head, causing the room to spin. "She called from here…"

Willard rubbed his hand over John's back. "You're still out of it, get some sleep."

* * *

"Willard was a creep." John growled. "I always hated that bastard."

Bobby took the hint to drop the subject. He took a few papers off of John's desk and flipped through them. "How's Claire doing?"

"She's fine." John snapped, obviously done talking. "Just tired."

Bobby nodded and left John to his work. _I hope she gets better soon…_

Claire had been suffering from post-partum depression ever since Reya had been born, and the added stress John was under had caused the entire Wolf Pack Unit to start falling behind on cases. To add to it, Markus was now pushing even harder to become the leader of the Pack, which only caused everyone anxiety and stress. It seemed as of late, everything was going downhill.


	160. Chapter 160

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty**

John dropped his stuff in the doorway to the house, sighing as he unlocked the gun-safe he kept in his office and placed his pistol inside. He rolled his shoulders and stepped over a few of Reya's toys on his way to the living room. "Hey…"

Clarissa smiled and stood from her seat. "How was work?"

"It was work." He shrugged, gently moving Maya's head so that he could sit. "Nothing special." He combed his long fingers through Maya's dark red locks. "How's Claire?"

Clarissa shook her head. "She hasn't gotten out of bed all day."

John's lips pressed into a thin line. "I wish I could help her." He brushed Clarissa off as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I want her to get better." He stood, and placed another log in the fireplace.

He looked into the flames, his frustration only growing as the fresh log began to catch. He thought back to that night back in Shermer.

* * *

John fought against sleep as Willard handed him another mug of coco. "It's warm…" He pushed the blankets off of him. "Too warm…"

Willard nodded and pulled John to lay down with his head on his lap. "Go to sleep." He soothed, cursing under his breath when someone knocked on the door. "Who in Hell's name…"

He opened the door and fell backwards as a burly eighteen-year-old pushed his way inside. "Where is he?" The young-adult barked. "Where's John?"

"Rafe?" John's voice was quiet and weak, but just enough to catch Rafe's attention.

Rafe pushed Willard away from him, and motioned to two big bruisers he'd brought with him. "Go look for his girl." He ordered, stepping toward the sofa where John was curled up on his side with beads of sweat rolling over his bare skin. "Bender?" He gathered John into his arms, his stomach hitting the floor when he felt how warm John's body was. "What the fuck…?"

Willard stepped back as Rafe's eyes landed on him.

"What did you give him?" Rafe knew the signs of drugs in a human being, but whatever Willard had given John, wasn't agreeing or acting right. "What did you drug him with?"

"I'm not telling." Willard stated, before he sprinted for the door and out into the night.

* * *

"John?" Clarissa's voice echoed in John's ears as the memory faded. "John?"

"I'm fine." He shrugged her off. "Just a memory." He lifted Sid as he stirred in his sleep. "Shhh…" He soothed, gently bouncing his son in his arms as he began to wake from a nightmare. "You're alright."


	161. Chapter 161

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-One**

John leaned against the shower wall, allowing the water to wash over his shoulders and back. He fought back tears as his emotions washed over him with the water. He could hear Claire's breathing in the next room over, which usually calmed his racing nerves… but tonight… it was different.

He shut the shower off and grabbed his towel, barely taking time to dry off before he grabbed some underwear and some basketball shorts.

* * *

John let his fist fly into the punching bag in the garage, a guttural scream tearing from his throat as he made contact. "FUCK YOU ALL!" Sweat dripped from his body as he attacked the bag.

"Daddy?"

John whirled as his daughter's voice reached his ears. "What's wrong Sammy?" He asked, his chest heaving with his breath. "Bad dream?"

Samantha nodded and cuddled into her father's chest. "You got hurt… bad…"

He shushed her and lifted her onto his hip. "It's alright. I'm not gonna get hurt anytime soon."

* * *

Becket tossed a folder down on the table of the Wolf Den. "The Bethany Harbor Case is on hold for now. We've got something else here." He motioned to the man standing beside him. "Governor Wilson's daughter Penny has been kidnapped."

John leaned forward in his chair, ignoring his aching muscles as the Governor began to speak.

"I'm not sure where Penny could be… she went to school… but she wasn't there when my wife and I went to pick her up…" Governor Wilson shook his head, fighting back tears.

"Was there any strange activity around her school at all?" John asked, a feeling of dread filling his chest when he caught a faint hint of the scent of liver, onion, and overused oil filled his nose when Becket placed a small toy on the table.

_Ben…_ Was the only thing that went through his mind.


	162. Chapter 162

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Two**

Levi clicked through the school camera system, pausing when he saw something odd in the school's playground. "Is that Penny?" He asked, pointing to a little girl on the edge of the playground.

"That's her!" Governor Wilson announced, happy to see the face of his daughter.

John placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't get excited just yet." He stated. "Ben could be anywhere around there." He suppressed a shiver as he thought back to what Ben had done to him as a teenager.

* * *

"So, it looks like they're heading north." Joey tapped a pencil on his chin, wincing as the eraser hit against a small cut he had from training with John a few days before. "You think they could be heading toward The Redwoods?"

John shrugged and looked over toward the highway maps on the wall. "I've got an idea of where they might be going… lets go home tonight and pack some shit. I want us on the road by tomorrow morning."

Markus scoffed. "You don't even know where they are for sure."

"Can it." Bobby snapped. "And only pack necessities this time. No air beds or shit like that."

* * *

John tossed a few t-shirts and pairs of jeans into his duffle-bag, wincing as he dropped his cell phone on the hardwood floor. "Fuck…"

"You're leaving?" Claire asked, her dark eyes landing on the duffle-bag and his clothing inside.

He shook his head, placing his toothbrush and a few other small items into the bag. "Just for a while. I've got a case out of town."

"Just tell me the truth." Claire growled, her eyes landing on the stained t-shirt he was wearing. "You're leaving because I'm not good enough."

He pressed his hand onto the dresser. "Claire, I'm leaving to go on a case. I'll be back as soon as possible."

Claire rolled back over so that her back was facing John. "Whatever…"

* * *

Bobby tossed his bags into the back of John's pickup and climbed into the cab. "Henry said we can use his horses on the way in, he's meeting us at Joey's with the trailer."

"Good." John glared out the windshield, Claire's words still echoing in his head with every inch of highway that passed under the tires. "We can use them."


	163. Chapter 163

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Three**

"Holy shit!" Bobby raised a brow at Markus's pile of baggage. "Do you think you'll survive without the kitchen sink?" He smirked, trying to lighten John's mood as his brother-in-blue glared at the pile and his eye began to twitch.

"How… much… shit… do you need?" John growled, clenching his fists at his sides. "I have four daughters… this looks like a goddamn trip to fucking school…" He ground his teeth together. "And it takes all god fucking damn four of them to get this much shit in my truck."

"Well, with a mouth like that, you shouldn't even have kids." Markus snapped. "Not to mention your past…"

"Oh that's it!" John raised his fist. "We're both out of uniform here man, there's nothing stopping me from throwing your ass into that wall."

Bobby and Levi grabbed John's arms, forcing him back against the truck.

"Markus, only take what you need." Levi motioned to Joey to help Markus take some of his stuff back into his apartment. "John, cool it."

John pushed Levi away from him. "I'm not going to become Jacob!" John barked. "I won't become that pissant! I won't put my kids through that shit."

Bobby patted John's shoulder. "You won't, man."

* * *

Claire watched out the window of her bedroom, waiting for John's truck to appear in the driveway. "Please come home…" She whispered, tucking her nose into one of his t-shirts.

Reya fussed in her crib, causing Claire to flinch. _Why do I react like this? She's my daughter…_

* * *

John and Bobby pitched the first tent for the night. They'd been riding on horseback for five hours now, and it was nearly dark. "I can't believe Markus said that shit…" John hissed, tying the tent off to a tent stake. "Saying I'll be like that asshole…" He continued to mutter under his breath as he finished the tent.

"Let it go." Bobby spread his sleeping bag out inside of the tent. "You're nothing like him. And you know that."

"Jacob's an asshole. And if I ever become like him… just… blow my brains out."

Bobby bit his lip, knowing that John would only become abusive if he were using or drinking again. "Sure thing, man." He hated to agree to John's request, but he knew that there might come a day… where John couldn't stop himself… or the demons inside of him.


	164. Chapter 164

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Four**

Beckett looked up from his computer as Senator Jack Wilson knocked on his office door. "Senator Jack!" He greeted, offering him a chair. "What can I help you with?"

"I was just hoping there would be some news on Penny…" He sighed, having noticed that John's truck was still missing from the parking lot. "But I guess they haven't found her yet."

Beckett shook his head, placing a few papers in front of the Senator. "We have noticed that there's been small doses of insulin —matching Penny's prescription— being filled out of a pharmacy here… I'm trying to get a tracker on them… but it's tough…"

* * *

John stretched as early morning light rested over his eyes, a yawn escaping his lips as the warmth of the beam gently woke him. "Good morning…" He filled a cup with coffee from the percolator on the fire.

"Hey." Joey gave a half-assed wave to his brother in blue. "Bobby and Levi are out looking for clues." He sipped his coffee and took a bite of his biscuit. "Markus swears he heard something out there…"

"I did hear something, you dolt!" Markus stormed up from the riverbank, water dripping down his torso as he shivered. "And it was human!"

John rolled his eyes and fixed himself a plate of breakfast. "Probably a sasquatch." He smirked as Markus threw a clump of leaves at him. "Don't be going and getting your thong in a twist. It's all if fun."

Joey chuckled as Markus stomped back to his tent. "Your mood certainly has improved."

"I'm not taking care of five kids and working two jobs on my own anymore." John shrugged, leaping to his feet when he heard gunshots. "Shit!" He dropped his plate and coffee mug and bolted to help his friends.

* * *

"Got them!" Levi grinned, holding up a pair of rabbits. "Dinner!"

Bobby rolled his eyes, allowing Levi to praise himself for his shot. "Yeah… two rabbits, and you only used nine bullets."

John skidded to a stop. "What the fuck?"

"Levi got some dinner."

"Looks like he got a fucking bite for a mouse." John took the rabbit carcasses in his hands, looking over the poor creature. "Dude… one shot to the skull. That's how it works…"

"I thought it was going to run away." Levi's heart filled with guilt. He knew how John and Bobby were when it came to hunting. They used everything. And killing an animal without leaving anything to use was a sin. "I'm sorry guys…"

* * *

Beckett lifted his phone to his ear. "Please have signal Johnny…" He grinned as John's voice came in over the speaker.

"Hello?"

"John! I got the trackers on the meds."

"Sweet! Send me the codes and I'll plug it into the GPS!"

Beckett nodded, already working on the message to send through text over his personal phone. "Also, the banker Jonas Van Krauser… he wants you to transport some money for him…"

"When?" Beckett could hear John's GPS beeping as he plugged the code in.

"Tomorrow."

"No way. I'm not leaving this Penny case." John took the cell phone off of speaker. "If I leave this now… Who knows how long she'll be out here… and with Ben out here with her…"

"I know. That's what I told Jonas."

"And you still asked?"

"He insisted."

"My answer is no."

* * *

John cinched the saddle on his horse tight before he swung into the seat. "Woah…" He soothed as the mare tried to start moving out. "Wait for fuckface." He turned toward Markus as he struggled to get on his horse. "Need a hand?" He rode over to the opposite side of Markus, offering a hand to help pull him into the saddle.

"Fuck off Bender."

John shrugged and tapped his horse with his heels. "Suit yourself."


	165. Chapter 165

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Five**

John looked down at his GPS system, pointing to the east. "Joey, Levi, team up and head east for three miles." He nodded to Bobby. "Bobby and I will do the same going west." He turned back to look at Markus. "Markus. You stay put."

"What's going on?" Bobby asked, looking at the small screen.

John motioned to the trail. "There's a little cabin up there. If we circle the place, we might be able to get an idea of weaknesses and see if Ben and his buddy are up there with Penny."

* * *

John dismounted his mare, and crept through the brush to the cabin. "Keep low." He whispered, knowing that Bobby was going to be staying close to the horses.

John slipped up to a window, grinning when he caught sight of Penny inside. He held a finger to his lips when she saw him, remembering that she knew sign language and signing the words for 'be quiet' to her.

She gave a small nod, and returned her attention to what she was doing before.

John crept back to Bobby. "She's there." He took his horses reigns. "We'll set the traps in the morning."

"What's gonna be the bait?" Bobby asked, knowing that John wouldn't put Penny in that danger.

"I will be…"

"John!"

"Shut it. I'm not going to argue with you on this. Ben… has always wanted me. That's why he went after Penny…" John sighed. "He sent the ransom to my house… he wanted me."

* * *

Bobby and Levi set a few nets and spring traps around the cabin, being careful to not set them off before it was time.

They worked under the cover of night. With silent prayers that Ben and Lyle wouldn't find them out on their lips.

"It's freezing…" Markus griped. "Light a Goddamn fire…"

"Not tonight." John whispered, lifting binoculars to his eyes to try and get a glimpse of what was happening. "We're too close."

"Why didn't you just grab her earlier?"

"Because. Ben had her working on something. And he was in the room."

"So?"

"If I'd gone in and gotten her… she would've been shot." John placed the empty tuna can he'd been eating out of in the trash bag they'd brought. "I'm not going to risk that."

* * *

"Ben!" John raised his hands as he called out to the pedophile. "I'm here!"

Ben cracked the door to the cabin open, and looked the area over. "Are you alone?"

"The only person with me is my partner, Bobby." John motioned to where Bobby was waiting. "He's just here to take Penny home."

Ben stepped farther onto the porch. "Weapons on you?"

"Nothing." John took his coat off, showing that he had nothing to defend himself with. "I'm clean of anything."

Ben grabbed Penny's arm, and pushed her toward Bobby as he stepped toward his real target. "Finally-" His words were cut short when a spring trap went of and he was pinned to the ground. "Bender!"

John grinned as he caught sight of Lyle sprinting from the back of the cabin. "You're under arrest of the Los Angeles Police Department. Accused of Pedophilia, kidnapping, and also trespassing." He cuffed Ben's hands behind his back, his smirk only growing when Joey returned with Lyle in cuffs as well. "Anything you say or do can and will be held against you, so you have the right to remain silent. You also have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you."

Penny bolted to John when he'd finished with Ben. "Thank you!" She cried into his chest.

John smiled and held her close. "It's okay. You're safe."


	166. Chapter 166

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Six**

John ducked as Ben took a swing at his head, happy that the handcuffs were making him clumsy. "Knock it off." He ordered, looping the lead-rope of Ben's horse around the saddle-horn of his own. "And remember, you are tied to that saddle." He nodded to the ropes that held Ben's legs in the stirrups. "If Thunder does buck, just pull that length at your knees. It'll release."

Bobby helped Penny onto John's mare, making sure that she was comfortable before he let her go. "Ride with Johnny." He smiled, watching as John let her wrap her hands around his ribs. "And Tinkerbell. She's a good mare."

Markus rolled his eyes, ignoring Joey as he motioned to a rope by his foot. "Please. John's just a fucking lady's man." He scoffed, climbing into the saddle on his gelding.

"Watch it Markus." John scolded, nudging Tinkerbell forward. "I don't think Senator Jack would like you teaching Penny that kind of language."

"You say it around your brats all the time!"

"Yes. But I'm their father. They learned it from me, and they learned when they are allowed to use it from me." John passed a jacket back to Penny. "Keep warm kiddo. It's gonna rain later."

* * *

Penny cuddled closer to John's back as they rode, trying to stay underneath the rain poncho he was wearing to cover them from the rain. "John… when will we be home?"

"Just a couple days." He smiled, patting her thigh like he often did with his own children. "It's another day's ride from where we're gonna camp tonight."

She nodded, yawning as she huddled into his warmth. "Okay…"

* * *

John laid out a sleeping bag for Penny between he and Bobby's own sleeping bags. "Here ya go kiddo." He smiled, gently tucking her into bed before he kissed her head. "Sleep tight. I'll be right outside if you need anything."

"Can I have some water?" She asked, sitting up as John handed her a bottle. "And go potty?"

John chuckled and nodded, walking with her a little ways away from camp. "Number one or number two?"

"One." She bounced into the bushes, being careful to stay where John could sort of keep an eye on her.

John chuckled, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end when he heard the huffing of a bear only a few yards behind him. "Penny… don't move…" His heart began to speed up when he caught sight of the small grizzly cub hiding in the brush only a short distance from Penny. "Finish up… and _slowly _head back to camp." He inched his hand toward his .44 that he usually kept on him incase a bigger bullet was needed, silently cursing when he found the holster wasn't at his hip.

Penny did as told, but as soon as she heard the bellow of an angry mother bear, she bolted. The last thing to reach her being the scream of pain and shock as the beast collided with John's slight body. "BOBBY!"


	167. Chapter 167

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Seven**

"Bobby!"

Bobby shot to his feet as Penny screamed for him. "What's wrong?" His heart dropped when he saw the absolute terror on the child's face. "Where's John?"

"Bear!" She gasped, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Joey! Get the radios! Get Beckett on the line ASAP!" Bobby grabbed a rifle, jacking a round into the chamber and taking off. "John!"

* * *

John screamed in pain as the bear's teeth sank into his side. "NO!" He kicked and punched at her face and eyes, scrambling to get away from the pain. "OFF!" His brain went fuzzy when something in his lower body made a crunching sound and he instantly felt his body go cold. He flinched as a gunshot rang out, his lungs refusing to draw air as his world suddenly went black. "Hurt…"

"John!" A voice echoed in his ears as the weight of what was on top of him was rolled away from his body. "John!" Warm hands were placed on either side of his face, and a strong pressure was held to his wounds. "Holy fuck…"

Something slipped into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone, and soon a voice began speaking frantically asking for help of some sort.

* * *

Bobby tore John's shirt away from his body, fighting back his own fear when he saw how bad the surface wounds were. "Joey! Get John's phone. Call Claire." He pressed his hands to one of the bite marks in his side. "Markus! Get on the fucking radio! See if you can get Game and Fish and get a helicopter out here! NOW!"

The two rushed to carry out their orders, knowing that if they didn't hurry John would be dead.

Markus fumbled with a radio, his own panic rising with the image of John's bloodied body laying in the dirt. "Hello? Is anyone out there?"

Levi knelt beside Bobby and tried to keep John conscious by talking to him. "Hey, John, stay with us." He gently supported John's head. "You're gonna be okay."


	168. Chapter 168

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Eight**

Bobby lifted his gaze as a helicopter lowered into the meadow. He whispered a silent prayer of thanks as the copter door opened and John's soon to be step-father waved them forward. He carefully lifted John's limp body with the help of Joey and one of the saddle blankets. "Easy! We don't want to hurt him worse!" He shouted, wishing that they had something to cover John's ears and help him from going any farther into shock.

Michael helped them adjust John's body on the floor of the copter, his heart dropping when he saw how light John's skin had gotten and the blood that was smeared over his body. "Hang on Kid." He nodded to a couple of seats on the other side of the aircraft. "Put the prisoners over there! Penny can ride in the cockpit with me! Let's move!"

Bobby nodded to Joey and Levi as they jumped out and onto the ground. "We'll meet you at the hospital!" He shouted, his words nearly lost as they took off. "Markus! Put some pressure on his shoulder." He pushed harder on John's side, adding force until he got some form of consciousness out of him.

John's groan was barely audible as he fought for life. "Grandpa…?"

"Fuck…" Bobby met Markus's eyes. "His grandpa's been dead since he was a kid." Bobby jumped as John's breath changed, turning to a barking cough as drops of blood left his lips. "FUCK!" He rushed to calm John's body, grabbing an oxygen tank and forcing the mask over his friend's lips. "Breathe!"

Penny's eyes widened as she saw the pool of blood growing under John's body. "Will he be okay?"

"He's a fighter. He'll pull through this." Michael stated, pushing the helicopter to fly as fast as it could.

* * *

Bobby watched as the hospital staff rushed John into the ER, his breath hitching as the smallest nurse positioned herself over John's chest and began compressions. "His heart stopped…" He breathed, too afraid to speak.


	169. Chapter 169

**Chapter One-Hundred and Sixty-Nine**

Claire hugged herself as she waited for any news on John's injuries. She quietly sang to herself, trying to calm her frayed nerves.

"Bender-Standish?" A doctor called, hands holding his white coat closed over his front.

Claire swallowed, standing on shaky feet to meet the doctor. "John is my husband..."

The doctor motioned for her to follow him back into the ICU. "We were able to stabilize him… but I doubt that he'll pull through the night..." He stopped in front of a door. "I would suggest that you prepare your family for his passing..."

Claire nodded, and slowly stepped into John's room. She froze as her eyes landed on John's too-still form... "No..."

* * *

Thomas rested his hand on his son-in-law's forehead, too afraid to touch any other part of John's body. He let his eyes wander over John's form, swallowing as a nurse pulled the bandages away from his skin. He bit his lip when the wounds were revealed, the black stitches caked down with scabs and only interrupted by tubes that had been placed inside of them to let them drain. "How long until he wakes up?" He lifted his gaze as the nurse moved to remove the bandage that was practically taped to John's groin.

"I'm not sure..." The nurse frowned as she checked the stitches along John's hip. "And if he does… I don't think he'll walk again." She thought back to when the young cop had been admitted into the ER for surgery. "With the shape his hip was in… even if it's replaced… I don't think it's possible."

"That's never stopped him before." Thomas combed John's hair back from his face. "He's a fighter." He traced his fingertips over the names of his grandchildren that had been inked into John's skin. "Besides. He'll fight for his kids too."


	170. Chapter 170

**Chapter One-Hundred and Seventy**

Claire sat at John's bedside, sketching in her fashion notepad as she listened to the constant beeping of John's heart monitor. She hummed a quiet song under her breath, occasionally glancing up to see the rise and fall of his chest. "Please wake up, Love." She leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his head, her brow furrowing in worry as she felt the heat from his brow. "I'm sorry for what I said… I just want you well."

John stirred slightly, his face contorting in pain as he attempted to move his leg in it's shattered hip. "No..." He moaned, and Claire knew it was some form of a flashback.

She moved to sit next to him on the bed, and gently ran her fingers through his hair. "Shhh… you're safe." She pressed a hand over his heart, fighting back tears as she felt the strong 'bump-bump' deep in his chest.

* * *

Samantha, Maya, and Sid thundered into John's hospital room, all tumbling over each other in their excitement to see their father. "Daddy!" Samantha launched herself toward him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck in a bear hug. "You're awake!" She pressed a kiss to his cheek, choosing to hide her heartache at the fact that he'd been asleep for nearly three months and had missed her birthday.

John grunted as Sid and Maya accidentally jostled his body. "How long was I out?" He asked, taking in how much his children had grown.

"Three months and twenty-two days." Bobby stepped into the room, his high cheekbones tinted purple from a fight with a running suspect. "Missed you partner." He ruffled John's hair, a grin sliding onto his face as the younger officer shooed him off.

"Where's Claire?"

"She got a job with some big fashion company." Bobby adjusted Reya on his hip. "She'll be here soon." He smiled and took a seat in the chair beside John's bed. "And Doc Reynolds is going to come in and talk to you about doing some physical therapy and seeing how that replacement hip works for you."

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I got engaged recently and am now planning my wedding! So updates will be a little slower coming. **


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